In this thread, I need blind reassurance about my boy
 

I need people to tell me that a lot of guys just dont like to talk on the phone and that having those phone conversations that last for hours arent an intergral part of a relationship. I don't even like the phone that much, but it just seems like if he really liked me, he would talk for longer (granted HE calls ME everyday, but its always for like 5 minutes and if its longer, its because he's talking to other people while he's talking to me...but he wouldnt call everyday if he didnt like me right??)

OK, so let the reassurance start!! Unless, you happen to think I'm just convincing myself....


oh yeah, we're not in the same town for the summer, so thats why im worried about the phone at all...

i hate the phone and rarely talk on it ... if i am talking to a friend from far away i will talk to them every few weeks for an hour or so just so its not overkill

some people just hate the phone no matter how far away they are from a person - but he still is calling you everyday good sign :)

GOOD LUCK

Can I also add that he's only 19? I'm 21...thats not a huge difference but am I forgetting how guys going into their sophomore year differ from those going into their senior or older?? Or do they not differ? hehe

Ok, this is totally normal. I honestly CANT STAND talking on the phone, I hate it so much! It's not just him, its just being a guy. It's like if you want to talk, then just go over to his place. Relax, he's just a guy.

write letters. its much better :)

i hate talking on the phone unless it's one of my girlfriends or one of my fabulously gay friends. the guy i'm seeing will call me like once a week or so. i like my independence and the moment the boy gets crazy and starts dialing my number 3 times a day, i quit answering and walk away

guys dont like talking on the phone.......i would bore him if i told him everything that i told my girlfriends. i wouldn't worry that much.

Most guys I've dated hate the phone. They want to get to the point and that's that. I think it is a guy thing ;)

I understand that guys hate talking on the phone.

BUT if you are away from each other and you have no other way to converse.......what else are you suppose to do??

I hate to say this but since you are away from each other for the summer, who knows if he has another person at home? I remember most of the guys I knew in college had girlfriends at home and would hook up like it was going out of style while "away" at school. He is also only 19 too. Sorry if that sounds mean, that's not my intention.

i'm a girl and i hate talking on the phone. maybe he's not doing that much so he doesn't have much to talk about?

Lob eggs at Bancroft Hall...:P

Various messaging system (AOL, yahoo! MSN etc), and email work pretty well. I am a big fan of care packages and letters. KR gave me fabulous ideas last fall.

My friends never call me as I never answer the phone. I have had the number since April and calls are never for me. My old phone number was 885-BOOB and all kinds of boys called it all the time :rolleyes: The ex/current boy sometimes calls, but will never leave a message, but he just knocks on the door since his building is next to mine.

my boyfriend and i like to talk on the phone when he's home.

but he's in california for the month on business while i'm stuck in NY. he calls me once in the morning and once at night because it's the only way we can communicate now. so i'd be worried if he only wanted to talk for 5 minutes.

i think you need to talk to this guy. it also depends on how long you've been together.

My husband was just like this.

In school, he lived in Chicagoland and I lived in Maryland in the DC burbs, and the phone calls sucked. It was like pulling teeth. And he only called maybe once every two weeks (I'd usually call him once a week). Much later on I realized that he just hated the phone. He still has me do all of the phone calls that are necessary. Nowadays he can chat with me or my parents, but that's because we've been married for six years, dating for another eight on top of that!

Letters were something else entirely. He can take all day to write an email-- he doesn't feel the pressure to keep me entertained. Letters also allowed him to talk about what had happened the past week-- much easier to do if you're having a boring summer, where the best thing you did all day was read a magazine article on the john after coming home from work! His letters were two or three pages long, handwritten, and though not romantic were very nice.

So try letters! I'd be so bored if I was talking to "me" every day, because all I'm doing during the summer is hanging out on GreekChat, watching TV, and reading lots of books that my husband couldn't care less about. Not more than 5 minutes of conversation there, tops!

No, he's not my boyfriend, that what made it so complicated. I was in a serious relationship last summer, and if HE hadnt talked to me, then I would have been pissed!!!
And I don't think he's got another girl at all, just because I've been to dinner with his family and he took me to the lake with his family and extended family this summer...usually guys dont parade their college flings in front of their families when the family knows theres a girlfriend.

I'm trying not to stress, but i have nothing else to worry about at the moment, so of course i'm acting like a typical girl.

The more someone likes you the more they want to talk to you, especially if they are denied close contact because you are far away from them. Its just a matter of how much you are on their mind.

Well now that's reassuring. :rolleyes:

Boys and phones are like oil and water, don't force him to talk on it if he doesn't want to. It could drive him away and I doubt that's what you were going for. :) Instead spend more time in person together.

They are long distance. Thats why I posted that. It would be different if they were right near each other. Then the normal rules of boys and phones apply.

I was in a long distance relationship for a year, spending more time together was the best thing for the relationship. We saw each other every other week and it worked out well. We didn't' talk on the phone a lot because he wasn't good at phone stuff, but we did e-mail and IM occasionally. But what would I know...I just lived it.

True, i guess we can forgive you for that . .. not being a boy and all

If you've ever actually been in the situation, please raise your hand.

I was in a long distance relationship for 9 months. In that time, we talked on the phone for about 20 minutes every two weeks or so. It wasn't a reflection of our feelings for one another, it was a reflection on the fact that neither of us cared much for phone talking. He was on my mind constantly, and I was on his. When we were face to face (about once every 2-3 months), we didn't shut up. Phone just wasn't our preferred method of communication. He wrote me the most amazing emails, and actual love letters. I'd like to think that our written communication allowed us to express our feelings in ways we couldn't verbalize.

But what do I know? I only married the guy.

Well a bit millitant but good for you :)

ETA: But yeah when I was a 19 year old boy I was in that situation and called more at first and then much less as my attention wandered to other things. The more interested I was the longer I talked.

But what do I know? I as just a 19 year old college boy living in a seperate town from a girl that i was only dating but not exclusive with, just like the example in her story :)

You have no idea how right you are about this.

I hate talking on the phone. In fact I like to put people on speakerphone and do other work at the same time and my girlfriends have never been big fans when i don't pay attention or take too long to respond. They just don't get how annoying a phone is and how you even hate that damn hot feeling in your ear after you've helf the phone against your ear for too long.

-Rudey
--Ugh, phones

I'm a girl and the phone gets old for me. I hate when the phone gets hot too. I just think it's a pathetic substitute for the real thing. Take the two/three hours (in my former long distance case) and go see them for a weekend. It makes it work out so much better without frying your ear.

Sometimes I feel like I'm in a long distance relationship because I work awful hours. Nothing like bringing your hottie into the office, but still it ain't central park.

-Rudey

I fail to see how I was militant in telling my story of the early stages of my relationship with my husband, but to each their own...

If you're referring to my "please raise your hand" comment, since you had not previously prefaced your "experience" in this particular sector of relationships, how was anyone to know you had actually experienced this, and not, say, read it out of a book? :)

Well I wanted to share my insight without making her neurotic with how similar it was ;)

As an addendum, it doesn't mean the guy won't get keenly interested when he is back in the same town with the girl.

Thanks for all the replies! And also thanks for helping me out even though i know how incredibly petty and adolescent this problem sounds!! But its summer, thats my excuse.

Final decision: Not gonna freak out...even though we don't talk for long or very in depth, I'm still getting that phone call everyday, even this week when he's down at a beach house in Ocean City.

(and James-thanks for being so honest! :D )

Now if anyone else ever needs blind reassurance...come to me! I'm a GREAT listener!:cool:

In this thread fire1977 gives you not so blind reassurance about yourself
 

I know that you are just obsessing about this because of the summer.

HOWEVER, really PureGoldF2K1 - and I'm not just saying this because I have to - you are such an amazing young woman. You're sweet and caring and one of the nicest people I know. It's really an honor to call you my sister so poop on him if he can't see how special you are and how much fun it is to talk to you!

And PureGoldF2k1 really is a good listener - she listens to my stupid sorority stories all the time!!

Love ya' girlie ;). I miss you all bunches - can't wait until you get back!! Are you doing arrival survival?

you dont know how much that means to me fire1977!!! :D :D



quick update because i will no longer be freaking out....

i get a phone call from the boy after he got home from his 10 days at the beach (10 days in which we didnt hang out at all) and i quote: "i had such a shitty week without you!"


i think things are JUST fine

Very happy for you :)