Assisting someone with Cocaine Addiction
 

There is someone I know who has asked me to support them in their cocaine addiction. This is someone you really wouldn't know is involved in this unless you got to know them really well. Most of their friends are also quite involved and use anywhere from 3 times a week to every day. Has anyone helped someone cope with this in their personal life and what are some strategies you use?

I have several drug-addicted friends & the first thing you've got to realize is that you can't help them unless they help themselves first. And please don't think that you can do this on your own. You should support them by encouraging them to enroll in a rehab center. And you can offer an open ear & shoulder during their rehab process but they need professional help.

Edited to include that they need to get away from their friends that are using. Take it from someone who has been there, your friend will NEVER stop using drugs unless they aren't in the atmosphere anymore. By being willing to help them you might possibly be taking the risk that you will be that person's only friend for God knows how long. They may need you in the middle of the night when they miss staying up w/ their buddies to snort cocaine, they may need you in the morning when they can't get to sleep because they are shaking from the lack of drugs in their system. Its a full-time job being the friend of someone who is trying to quit drugs.

I understand. I made it clear to them that I would support them in any way I could but I couldn't always be there for them. Also, they kept talking about "now that they met me and have me in their life that will keep them from going back". That is such a scary statement, and I reminded them that I cannot always be there. Also sometimes for whatever reason, we stop being friends with certain people in our lives, and I reminded them that I don't want to be a reason for their relapse in the future. Another question I have, this person is independently employed and does not have healthcare benefits at this time. I am sure this makes it difficult to obtain treatment because it is so expensive. They don't believe in NA/AA either and I am not sure that I really believe in that method of treatment either. Thanks guys for listening :)

NA is NOT a method of treatment. Its a support group for someone currently in treatment or has been through treatment. And having been to NA in my area you always run the risk of meeting more people who still do drugs. They can/will tempt anyone who is weak to continue doing drugs.

Therapy may be expensive but if your friend wants to get on track they need to enroll in some sort of rehab center. If they are paying the rehab center back for the rest of their lives at least they have a life free of drugs.

PMMAMA and Crzcyx:(sorry if I spelled them wrong):

How do you assess them for their amount of drug use? I have some experience working with substance abusers but it has been more with the dually diagnosed MICA population, and I have always been more of the part of treatment for the mental illness. It's totally different I think when it is actually someone you know and care about and not a "client". A rule of thumb I've learned from working with my clients is that if a positive comes up for drug use and they say "I used once last wknd or whatever" that usually means they have probably used several times more than that that I don't know about. I agree with the statement about NA/AA as I have seen and heard first hand of people getting involved in these groups and they continue to use because they meet more negative peers to hang out with. As for my friend making the seperation with some of their friends, they have realized this is an issue. Some of their friends are reportedly aware they have a problem too. My friend has said that they have started not to attend certain parties/gatherings where they know a lot of drugs will be present. Okay, another issue, is substituting one substance for another, like alcohol or marijuana. What has your experience been with this?

Thanks! I am not looking for advice per se, just looking to share experiences and gain some support!!!! Muchas gracias and Happy Monday!!!!!

One of our daughters had some drug problems. She figured it out and asked us to help her by paying for Detox -- which we did.

You should support your friend, but don't try to cure her/him -- you don't know how.

The best thing you can do for your friend is get him/her to seek professional help.

Good luck.

I suggested we meet with the family members. This person told me that their sibling is aware of the problem but they do not know if their parents are. I think that family support is a really wonderful thing if appropriate. I am also going to try to get to know the sibling so we can work together to provide a strong support network.

Tell us this isn't your new love interest . . .

no james, it isn't you LOL..........

Why invovle yourself in this at all? Whats in it for you?

Why would you invest a lot of emotional resources into a situation where you have little to no control over the person's life?

Isn't that just an invitation to pain?

I mean if you have the extra cash, send him to rehab.

If he is a recreational user, its on him to stop. If he is an addict, he is probbaly going to need meds to stop, because he won't like the pain. Most people fear and hate pain.

I mean what kind of support can you possibly offer when its basically up to him?

An addict must be willing to get help before any type of change can occur. An addict must be responsible for his or her own sobriety. There is nothing that you can do to stop or prevent someone who is determined to use cocaine.

I am guessing that this person is still using regularly. There is a lot of baggage that comes with an addict. Personally, I wouldn't be willing to put up with it. The only suggestion I have is refer him to a rehab center. Off the top of my head, I am thinking of the Phoenix Center, but I'm sure that there are many other places in NYC. Depending on his income level, he might qualify for medicaid or some type of government assistance. Addiction is not something that a person can cure alone. There is help out there if an addict is wants it, but he has to want it and be willing to work some type of program. He has taken the first step by admitting that he has a problem. There are eleven steps left, and they are difficult.

If this is a romantic interest, I would suggest that you put that aspect on pause, or you can get sucked in. It's not pretty. I've seen it happen. I've seen people invest years of their lives in someone who is not emotionally in a position to be in a relationship. I've also seen the partners of addicts turn into enablers, and get blamed for everything that is wrong in the addict's life. These relationships are never healthy or happy.

ETA: I agree with what James posted.

i agree. take it from someone who knows. do not involve yourself with him. it will do you no good and it will do him no good. support him in his addiction? is he serious? say no. i went out with a guy who was an addict. not a good idea. if the addict is not willing to quit then he is of no benefit to you. why are you there if he doesnt want treatment? YOU deserve better than that. tell him when he wants help then he can have your support. other than that, you are wasting your time.

well the PERSON that is looking for help realizes he has a problem. i'm not sure how much at this point it is to the point that it is a full-blown addiction as they are still able to hold down a steady job, hold onto their income, etc.(although this is also my not having a lot of knowledge about addiction~~I am not saying that there is any type of "safe level" of drug use, or anything along those lines). They are aware that their use of cocaine has led them down a destructive path and they ARE willing to make a change (at least at this point APPEAR to be willing to). in any event, some of you have alluded to why i would want to involve myself in helping a person with a drug "problem" and to answer your question, I am not sure if I will actually be able to help them, as I too agree that they are the ones that need to do the work. I do see nothing wrong in being supportive and providing encouragement to them to set new goals as well as get away from the negative peers they are used to involving themselves with. This is a personal choice I have made, I understand that many people would not want to be involved in a situation like this and would choose to walk away from my friend. That is another observation I have made in working with substance abusers, that they don't really have any positive supports in their life which is another major reason for the continued drug use.

Thank you. I agree. There is more to a person than their "substance abuse".

i stuck by my guy too. i am still with him now. he has been clean since last nov. i watched his addiction for over two years. it left me so emotional drained that i wondered what was i doing. sure it was great being his friend, but there are limits. if he goes back to drugs, then i am leaving. no one should have to go through that.

i know there is. but there is so much that you can do. but this person asked you to support his addiction. you should support his desire to get clean.

I see what you are saying Smiley. There comes times where you have to set limits. It is hard when you are personally involved with someone and there is a history involved there. Don't they call that "tough love"? I see situations happen like this regularly with clients I work with where the family continues to enable the client. I have a client who is currently using and it has been recommended time and time again he go to a MICA residence, however, the family keeps taking him back every time he relapses or ends up in the hospital. I think that it is good to change the majority of a person's environment/surroundings to help them get successfully on the road to recovery.

You mistook my words. The person wants me to assist them in maintaining his being clean, NOT support him in using. I could never think of a good reason for that, that makes just no sense ?????????

A big reason why addicts don't have a support system is because they have alienated the people who loved them before the addiction took hold. It's a chicken or the egg situation. Which came first the addiction or the lack of a support system?

You're a good person for wanting to help this person, but I think that you should consider the reasons why and the possible consequences. You could wind up sacrificing a lot and experiencing a lot of pain. This person needs to be committed to sobriety in order to be successful. Good luck to you and your friend. :)

Thanks. I think I am making the situation out to sound a lot worse then it may be (at least I hope it is more positive then negative but then again, that can be contributing to my own lack of knowledge). Ummm, it is really interesting to note that this person and their friends present as people having their shit totally together and NOT having any kinds of issues~~~they are all extremely smart, talented and appear to be on the right track. SO I guess that all comes down to how do you know when it really is a major problem? I think the fact that my friend has told me they have a problem shows that is is something to be concerned about. Also they have admitted to having had suicidal thoughts in the past (not current).

One of the most important things to understand is that this type of behavior is NOT okay, and NOT normal, regardless of how many of his/her friends do it on a regular basis. That is key in understanding the importance of this. Also, if they seriously want help, they need to stop contributing to the scene. They cannot keep going out and drinking/partying with the same people and expect to stop using. I have seen it too many times. First determine if this person really wants to quit, or if they are telling you this simply so you do not look down upon them. It is very easy for these types of people to have no intention of quitting, yet tell their non-using friends that they want their help to stay on their good side... Good luck, drastic measures must be taken to truely quit something like this.

You don't assess someone for their amount of drug use. Any drug use calls for rehabilitation & assessing the amount of drug use or rehab needed is the job of a professional.

I used to agree until I realized that it was tearing my life apart by being their friend. Unless someone recognizes that they have a problem & is proactive about helping themself it is IMPOSSIBLE for you to help them. I promised that I would never ever leave their side but slowly they were wearing me down & my life was falling apart. It was then that I realized that you can't help someone until they help themself first.

Yah. I see what you are saying. I think it is easy for us if we care about someone as a defense mechanism to think "well they only use on the weekends so they aren't hurting themselves". How do we know how much is too much? We don't. Especially because of the issue of overdose and all other dangerous behavior related to drug use. When I see people my age who are using on a regular basis a red flag definately goes up because this doesn't seem like normal behavior to me. It is one thing if it is maybe once every blue moon or something but regularly that's a problem. It is almost like the people who go binge drinking and black out, you have to ask yourself "why"? It deeply points to a bigger problem.

Unless you've ever been there for an "addict" through the whole thing, you have no idea what you are getting yourself into.

It really has little to do with "not supporting the person" but more so, "how long can I support said person" and strong can you stay through the entire process. I've done it for a friend before and it was a lot harder than I think most people truly realize (and the guy is using coke again).

First, he has to want to kick his habit otherwise there is no hope. Second, detox rarely works without a good support sytem (family, friends that don't use). Third, you'll have to try to find other people he is close to that are willing to help put in the time because you won't be able to do it by yourself, trust me, no chance. You have to get him away from his current friends (the ones that use on a daily basis) because if he continues to be around those people he'll have stronger urges...

Did I mention it will be one of the hardest things you'll probably ever do? It's going to hurt watching, it's going to hurt being there and it's going to hurt watching him hurt.

I agree wholeheartedly with everything damasa said, but especially these two sections. It's so difficult to watch someone you care about -- a friend, family member or significant other --who has so much potential, intentionally hurt themselves.

My friend's biggest barrier at this point I think is the friends. So many of them use from recreationally to daily, sometimes several times per day. I am meeting with my friend again tommorrow to discuss this again and what options they have if they are truly serious about changing their life. It will be hard for them because a lot of the friends involved have been friends since toddlerhood basically. I am empathetic to the situation because it is kind of like saying to "give up your family". One of the biggest things I learned in social work school which ties into this is the fact that no matter how horrible a person's living environment is, they will always long to be with their family and those closest to them in their lives.