No Sex Before Marriage...But You've Done "It" Before..
 

Okay, I was chatting with my best guy friend the other day when we started talking about his upcoming wedding and all. Well...he informed me that he and his fiance hadn't had sex since October '03....and won't til they get married in June '05. But they were doing plenty before... ;)

I'm just curious, what are your feelings about doing something similar to this? Willing? Not willing?

I know there is no way I could do that....planning a wedding is too stressful! And sex is the best way to become stressfree! My boyfriend said he would do it for me if I wanted...but was happy when I said I wouldn't! :p

--Kayla

Re: No Sex Before Marriage...But You've Done "It" Before..
 

I think some people do it to get back the feeling of newness and excitement before the wedding. It's kind of a sweet idea. But if going without is going to turn you into a raving lunatic I would not recommend it. ;)

Well they discovered that the hymen will grow back if you come to brink of orgasm 200 times without going over . . . .

If you go over you have to start over again.

there is nothing wrong with wanting to wait again. i kinda wish i did. it will definitely bring back the fire on the wedding night.
there are plenty of other ways to become stress free than having sex. (duh) but if that is the best way that you know, then what the heck can i do? nothing- so more power to you.

i think it is great when people wait. nothing seals the marriage better than two people having sex for the first time. too bad most of the world won't be able to know that. oh well

Yeah Ive heard of several of my sorority sisters doing that, but I didnt.

We did take about 30 people to the ocean and got married there. We spent a week there with friends and family before the wedding, so I guess we didnt have sex for a week before. Not that that isnt much though lol.

Guess just depends on the couple. I know it is just as new as it was when we started and we were together for 6 years before we got married and now weve been married over a year so I say its all good lol.

This is actually a kind of old phenomenon. About two years ago, there was an article about it in the NY Times. They interviewed a lot of people, most from the South, and their reasons varied. Some were actually guilty about having had premarital sex and felt that, by holding out for a year or more, they were "erasing the stain" of premarital nooky. Others, who had been living together for years, were listening to the advice of their pastors.

Says one of the women featured:

"With three months to go before her wedding, Jane Doe, 24, is deep into her prenuptial regime. She exercises with a personal trainer so her arms will look buffed in a strapless gown. She works on her tan to get rid of the swimsuit lines across her shoulders. She exfoliates her face and guzzles 124 ounces of water daily to hydrate her skin. And since July 26, three months to the day before she will say, "I do," she has been abstaining from sex with her live- in fiance, John Smith, and plans to continue until they are married.

"No more showers together," said Doe, a pharmaceuticals sales representative in Charlotte. "No sleeping in the nude. We'll kiss, and that's it."

Doe said she hopes that a period of abstinence will ensure that sparks fly during her honeymoon in the Fiji Islands, and help to clear her conscience about having strayed from the expectations that her church and family hold about premarital sex.

"The closer you get to the wedding, and you're looking for a preacher and a church, you start to feel guilty," she said of no longer being a virgin."

But wait! There's more!

"It's about guilt," countered the bridegroom's sister, 24, who-- like the bridal couple and their families--did not want to be identified to protect their privacy. "What I think is so funny is that all these guys go along with it. It fulfills their fantasy of marrying a Southern belle."

"It was a mutual decision," said a medical student in Birmingham, Ala., who didn't want his name used because he didn't want his parents to know he and his wife had ever had premarital sex. "We decided it would be better to hold off till the wedding night so it would be new and exciting. The wedding night and honeymoon were definitely better."

I can totally understand not doing it for a week or two, if holding off is going to make it new and exciting. But the guilt?! If you have ever felt guilty about having sex, that's a good sign to stop doing it.

If people need to go without sex for a while to make it exciting, why in the hell are they getting married?

I totally agree...athough I guess that's the whole point...people start talking about marriage and the bride feels guilty wearing white, hence the no sex "X" days/weeks/months/years before marriage.

Tax Breaks?

Just Kidding...

Because they're 24 and in their nowhere little towns, they are OLD MAIDS. So, they marry the first fat nasty DORK they bed and have a tacky-ass wedding.

Oh, wait. Those people never have sex in the first place. I guess it's just delusional Southern belles.

I forgot to mention--I wouldn't do it.

I had a couple friends in college who were "born again virgins".. they had sex, but then decided not to again until they were maried (to whomever that ended up being). I thought that was sort of weird, but it was because of their new religious beliefs, so understandable.

If it's just because you feel guilty, i agree with some of the previous statements. I don't see how not doing if for 3 months is going to change anything. If I ever get married I'm wearing a fire engine red dress anyway. :)

I just wish I had someone to even think about having sex with:(

Marry me, now.

**Old head entering the thread ;)

I know my views will sound very pre-historic and old fashioned to some of you youngstas ;) but here goes... I made the decision to become celibate after having had sex before. First and foremost reason was because I wanted to do things God's way. I realize that the things in the Bible aren't to make us live like nuns...but they are to protect us. ANd further, If I want to marry a Godly man, I must first practice what I preach and be a Godly woman. Secondly, I think so much of the emotional and mental attraction between two people are not even explored because sex is entered into too fast. The chemistry between folks is automatically channeled into sexual energy. I think its sad that many people will never know what it is to have a "mental orgasm" ..and yes ladies..it is possible for a man to touch you in ways you've never been touched before...without laying a hand on you! That's real love!

Of course the sexual part is a struggle..but if you find someone that's willing to endure that struggle with you and fall in love with your mind..and who you are as a person..and respect you as a person...everything else will fall into place...and you won't have to ask yourself if he/she is the one.

**OK old head exiting the thread LOL

Someone from my boyfriend's work recently did this. She's probably about 24-25....not sure how old her now-husband is. They just got married three weeks ago, and they stopped having sex almost a year before their wedding.

Good for them, but I wouldn't do it.

Okay.

One hors d'oeuvre PER PERSON.

if i promise not to eat the expensive ones, can i come?

No, you're not good enough. Maybe you can come to the Yahtzee tournament we're having the day after.

I'm sorry but it just doesn't make any sense.


They had sex before, and a year does not make a difference or erase past "sins".


PS: Apologies to the born-again virgins. :cool:

i don't know... if i can't come to the wedding, i don't know if i want to go to the next day event... i'm boycotting.

Its not about erasing past sins...once you repent..God remembers your sin no more...but at the same time..he knows your heart..i.e. whether you're just repenting for lip service and not really "trying" to live according to his word.

And no need to apologize to the born again virgins...we all have to live our own lives and answer for our own decisions ;)

Are you sure? We're going to serve the leftover rumaki and mozzarella sticks!

I think it's fine if you're doing it for the right reasons -- and I don't think guilt or trying to erase sins are very good reasons. But if it's just to make the wedding night a little more special or memorable, I don't see any problem with it if you feel like it's worth it.

I might do it, but not for any longer than 3-6 months. Two years would be ridiculous.

Honey, there isn't going to be any leftover rumaki. I only ordered 12 for everyone

Thats funny, one time I told my ex boyfriend, no more sex ( in a way to get him to break up with me lol) until marriage he offered to get married in a few months and kept calling me so we can go to the jewelry store and pick the ring out......as you imagine, I took the chicken way out and became "busy" lol.......and said i wouldnt get married until i get my PhD. so he broke up with me but kept trying to get back......finally he is over me! YAY

maybe for about 2 weeks before the wedding, but months or years? not gonna happen!

well.. if there aren't going to be any leftovers, then i ain't coming. no leftovers is not the way of the cougar.

Interesting topic.

I could have dealt with abstaining for a week or two before the wedding, so you get some of the "newness" on your wedding night, but no longer than that. I respect those who choose to become celibate after having had sex, as well as those who actually do remain virgins until their wedding night. It just wasn't for me. I believe it is possible to have a healthy, loving relationship that includes sex, even if you are not married.

Back when I was planning my wedding, I lurked on alt.wedding, and this topic came up. Responses ranged from "we're abstaining for a few months" to "no sex the week before the wedding" to "abstention - hah!" The story that sticks out most in my mind was that of a couple who had gone to the Catholic church they belonged to, to sign up for Pre-Cana. They filled out the registration form and put down the same address, since they were living together. Their pastor then told them that if they wanted to get married at his church, not only did they have to stop having sex, one of them had to move out until the wedding. It wasn't enough for them to continue to live together and promise not to have sex - one of them had to physically move out. :rolleyes: So they had to scramble to find an apartment that they could rent for 6 months, and cough up rent on the second place rather than saving that money for their wedding/honeymoon/first house. :(

why does this story stick out to you..did you find it hard to believe that the pastor didn't support them shacking up?? just curious.

It stuck out to me because of the priest's insistence that one of them physically move out. The priest didn't want them having any more sex until the wedding - that's fine, it's the Catholic Church's stance that premarital sex is a no-no. But it wasn't sufficient for them just to promise not to have sex; it wasn't sufficient for them to sleep in separate bedrooms in their apartment; they had to have physically separate residences.

I guess the priest's feeling was that by LT they were sending the message that they were sleeping together (as, indeed, they had been), but it bothered me that he wouldn't accept their word that they would not have sex.

Plus, what's to stop them from getting a second apartment and then staying over with each other all the time? ;)

If that bride that aephi alum mentioned was smart, she would have just written down her parent's or best friend's address. ;)

OK i see...and you have a good point no one knows what goes on in the dark except those two people and GOD.

I know people who've done this before. The rule I always heard them use was abstain for one month for every year you've been together before you get married.

I wouldn't do this (come on, it relieves pre-wedding stress! :D) but if others want to, go for it.