But why get married at all?
 

In todays society why should we get maried? Traditions aside?

Scenario: A man and woman are in love so they live together, treat each other well, have children and stay together as long as they can meet each others needs.

IF the relationship dissolves they go their seperate ways keeping what is in their own name. If a child is involved they make arrangements for it, or the courts will compel them to make arrangements for it.

So why marry? The tax breaks aren't that great. And in the event of divorce, the economic costs to the primary wage earner, usually the male, is disasterous.

In the cases where the femae is the primary wage earner, she can take a serious hit. Although that is unusual.

IT seems that the primary effect of mariage is to lock people into the relationship if it starts going sour, because usually people don't leave a great relationship.

Re: But why get married at all?
 

The primary purpose of divorce is to allow people out of relationship that they shouldn't stay in.

Re: But why get married at all?
 

In all fairness, I do somewhat agree with this. In the case of my parents, I feel my dad got an unfair wollop. On the other hand, the tax benefits ARE worth it. When you see the difference in what's taken out of a single filer's paycheck as opposed to married, you'll see it.
Aside from the emotional benefit and the religious obligation (for some) of marriage, I'd say that, traditionally, there are fewer benefits for men than for women. I'm not saying "Women need men to survive" or anything like that ('cause we all know that's not universally true). But in general, men are expected to pay alimony/ child support, even in cases where the ex-wife makes the same salary (or more). And it's less socially acceptable for a man to move in w/ family members after divorce than for women.

Since when are there tax breaks when you get married? When I was married, we paid more taxes than we paid while single. I think the only time there's really a tax break is if one spouse makes almost all or all of the money and the other spouse makes either nothing or very little -- I've read articles on the issue, but it's been a while and I don't remember the details.

Tax breaks aren't bad (they're even better when you have a kid).

Many people, as romantic as this is, decide to get married for access to their partner's benefits. As expensive as good health insurance is these days, it's a legitimate reason.

I can think of worse reasons! :)

I can't talk...Health insurance (my husband works for the government) was one of the main reasons we got married when we did. I didn't have any insurance (had left grad school and was working a crappy job) and had developed a medical condition. We planned on getting married in a few years, but sped up the process so I could get the best possible care.

Exactly! Also, I am a big fan of the legal protection that comes with a marriage or civil union. Most of my wishes, including orders not to rescusitate, form of interment, and organ donation are well-documented, so that's not really an issue; however, since my significant other would suffer the largest blow economically and emotionally from my death, I would also want him/her to be the beneficiary of my insurance policies. Some states do not recognize the rights of living-together partners as life insurance beneficiaries--they only do spouse/parent/child.

It's just a nice way of covering one's ass. It may not sound very romantic, but it's practical.

I'm probably the most cynical person on this board regarding marriage but, there are some advantages (all financial):

Social Security: If you stay married the whole time and your partner kicks off, and they got more SSI than you, you get what they got.

Insurance: No denying that health/dental/vision is important.. it can be a good thing to be able to cover each other.

Medical Emergency: ICU often allows only immediate family in ICU and you wouldn't count as just an LTP (live together partner, what we called them when I worked in psych).

As for Life Insurance, you can name anybody you want to be your beneficiary. Some people name charities even. That doesn't really require you to be married. However, I can get life insurance for a spouse and for my kids through my work. I can't get it for an LTP.

Two incomes. It's tough to buy a house on one income. Since my last divorce, my standard of living has definitely needed to be adjusted. When I go on a medical leave, I'm living on significantly reduced pay, without the safety net of another income. If I get laid off, I'm a couple pay checks away from homeless (although I doubt my family would let that happen).

It is not my experience that men who make less pay more to the wife. Whoever is the non-custodial parent pays child support. In a joint custody situation (like mine), it is totally based on income. My ex pays me a very small amount per week, but if something changes and I make more money than him, I will have to pay him. I know women who pay child support. I don't anybody personally who gets alimony. I think it's becoming more rare. Studies have shown that divorced women experience a greater reduction in standard of living than divorced men. Of course, there are exceptions to this rule, but it's more commonly true than not.

I had a lot more money when I was married, but then again, I had no say in how it was spent! I have less now, but I get to decide what to do with it.

Overall, the financial benefits weren't worth what I had to put up with.

Dee

I do know that there are some insurance policies--that only the custodial parent or grandparent can buy for a child, and they can be the only beneficiary. Policies like these were the ones I was discussing, not your run-of-the-mill policy. Hope I wasn't too obtuse and confusing; in fact I thought I was rather clear--hence why I said SOME.

There's a lot of reasons both emotionally and financially. Don't have time to get in to detail....but, depending on how you were raised, it's the right thing to do. I look at it like, if we're good enough to share finances, a house, kids and life in general with each other....there had better be some form of a binding commitment to each other in some way shape or form. If not, it causes a lot of problems in the grand scheme of things. Daddy bringing home a different female each night while mommy always has her lady friend hanging out isnt going to insure your kid will have a decent upbringing/out look on life.

Well, in many religions, since premarital sex is a no-no (including my own; I am church of Christ), marriage is the way to go, unless you never want to have sex. :p

Please note, I am not judging anyone else on this, I'm just stating that this is a big reason many marry instead of living together and having kids. :)

Actually, I've seen a lot of "good church kids" marry young, and I think this has a lot to do with it. They want to have sex, but don't believe in it outside of marriage. Whether that's good or bad, I guess that's up to each individual to decide. Just an observation. :)

But, these are also the same people who probably don't believe in divorce will probably try very hard to have their marriage work (and probably hold many of the same values, making them more compatible).

Re: But why get married at all?
 

A. You are married in the eye's of GOD
B. Permenant commitment to a partner
C. Encourages a monogomous (?sp) relationship
D. Creates a sense of family

well i guess i'll speak from my own personal belief's and what i think is tradition.

i dont think people should marry for benefits. that is the wrong reason to marry. now in a situation like one mentioned above about a medical condition. i think that is okay and not considered marrying for the benefits. the agreement to marry was already made it was just sped up when the condition popped up. and that stuff happens. and i also think it was very sweet to marry after that.

i am, obviously, committment phobic or something because i am scared to death to get married. but my reasons are not so that i can leave when i want, they are because i think marriage is very serious. and it is taken too lightly these days with the divorce rate at a high of 51%. i am also scared of getting hurt physically and mentally.

however, i'm not saying this is wrong, but i would personally never live with somebody as opposed to getting married. i'm not really into church but i still believe that it should be bound in front of God and not the landlord. it should just be legal you know? and you cant introduce that person to people as "hey this is my husband, bob" its 2 kids later and youre introducing old high school buddies to him as "hey this is my boyfriend and father of my kids, bob." i dont even live with my boyfriend now because its too scary to be that close to somebody. when we work nights, we are so dead tired that i just meet him at his house when his shift ends and we sleep it off. occassionally he'll just come here and get in bed without waking me up. but there are too many distractions here between my sister and other people coming in and out all day. our hours are perfect at times cause i need my space too. and i dont see him every day because he works as a firefighter and a cop so he works 24 and sometimes 48 hours at a time.

my boyfriend and i are both taken care of by the state if we were to get hurt on duty. he fell through a roof not too long ago and broke his arm during a house fire. he was taken care of.

if i marry him, its going to be because i am truly in love with him and cannot picture myself without him. what i look for in marriage is love, security, trust, faithfulness, and respect. i have that now but i'm still nowhere near ready to take the plunge. but i'm young. so i'm not going to get worried until he says he's ready to settle down and i have to make up my mind. cause then i've got to buy some time lol.

Ok . . after reading all these points of view . . .

Would you ladies agree to get married within your appropriate religious or cultural context, but not in a state legal way?

That would satisfy your God, get you a ceremony, but wouldn't have state sanction.

If you wouldn't, why not? The major role of the state sanction part will end up only coming into effect in the event of seperation and will result in an economic penalty to the man, or primary wage earner.

Couldn't you just say primary wage earner instead of man or primary wage earner?

Re: But why get married at all?
 

Actually, in my experience it's the woman who takes a huge hit. Esp if she's taken time off to help out the family and raise kids, good paying jobs are hard to come by. For example, in the financial war between my parents, my dad is much better off right now. He bought a rolex, a house and a Z4 5 months after settling the divorce. Mom's struggling to make house payments, and her alimony goes away after 7 years. Who is better off? Dad! I've seen it time and again with all my friends parents. It's the reason I'm going to med school, getting a good job and keeping it. I don't want to be dependent on anyone for my income.

Cuz There are Benefits....for MEN!
 

Can Marriage Help You Live Longer?
by Krisha McCoy, MS

Research shows that marriage contributes to good health, and people who are healthier tend to live longer. Married men and women are less likely to have drinking problems, commit suicide, and develop mental problems. They also tend to eat more healthfully and exercise more frequently. What is it about marriage that leads to a longer, healthier life? Is marriage a means to achieving better health?

Men, Marriage, and Mortality
Some researchers suggest that the health benefits of marriage are stronger for men than women. A study published in the American Journal of Sociology found that 88% of married men live to the age of 65, while only 63% of never-married men, 65% of divorced men, and 69% of widowed men live to that age. The marriage benefit was not as substantial for women in this study: it found that 92% of married, 81% of never-married, 82% of divorced, and 90% of widowed women live to the age of 65.

The reason for this discrepancy isnt entirely clear, but some researchers think its partly because single men are more likely than single women to engage in risky behavior”fast driving, skydiving, and binge drinking, for example. Also, women are more likely than men to have a strong social network, whether or not they are married, and social support is associated with better health and a longer life.

The Health Benefits of Marriage
The reason that married people tend to be healthier and live longer than unmarried people is complex and not fully understood. Some researchers point to the marriage protection hypothesis,� which attributes the health benefits of marriage to the social, psychological, economic, and environmental effects of marriage. Others theorize that healthy people are simply more likely to get married. But, most researchers fall somewhere in between: they believe that, while it is true that healthy people may be more likely to get married, marriage itself is associated certain health benefits that can increase your chances of living a long, healthy life.

Just living with someone can be good for your health. People who live with a spouse”or anyone else, for that matter”have a better chance of getting care in times of illness. Also, spouses tend to promote healthful behaviors and discourage unhealthful ones, making married people more likely to eat healthfully and exercise, and less likely to smoke and excessively drink.

Another reason married men and women tend to live longer has to do with money. Married couples tend to have higher incomes, save more, and get more Social Security when they retire than unmarried individuals. Studies have shown that wealthier people have more access to health care and information, and are less likely to smoke, drink, eat poorly, and be sedentary.

Good Versus Bad Marriages
So, does just being married mean you will be healthier and live longer? Recent studies say that it depends on whether your marriage is good or bad. Research has shown that while a good marriage may offer health benefits, a bad marriage can actually be detrimental to your health.

A study in the December 11, 2000 issue of the Archives of Internal Medicine found that staying in a bad marriage was associated with increased blood pressure, while a good marriage was associated with decreased blood pressure. Another study in the September 2003 issue of Health Psychology found that, compared to women who reported satisfying marriages, women who were dissatisfied with their marriages were more likely to develop cardiovascular risk factors over time. These studies indicate that marital stress and dissatisfaction can put you at risk for adverse health outcomes.

Do You Need to Be Married to Be Healthy?
If you are married or are planning on becoming married, the best advice is to choose wisely when deciding who you want to spend your life with and work hard to make your marriage a strong one. If you arent married, you can still practice good health habits. Eat well, get plenty of exercise, keep tabs on your health, and build a strong, supportive social network.

Re: Re: But why get married at all?
 

The dads are always worse off.

Re: Re: Re: But why get married at all?
 

I have already disproved your statement.

Re: Re: Re: Re: But why get married at all?
 

And you did that how?

If your mom sold the house she got she wouldnt be in the situation she's in. And can you say without a doubt that her troubles are not a result of poor financial planning? While married, if you dad handled the finances all the time and then the two split it would be a reasonable explaination as to why your mom has financial troubles....she probably doesnt know how to manage money very well.

I got married by a Judge... So my wedding was sanctioned by the state. The secular reasoning aside from what others have described is that when one wants to call it quits for whatever reason, it is tumultuous to do so--meaning getting a divorce. Court documents have to signed, ending the partnership between two people, etc., etc., etc...

I also know many people that have kids who are "co-parenting"--they may have NEVER been married, but have a kid together. I don't care how you slice it, all the child experts and research are showing that two parents are better than one. That is the bottom line end result... Personal experience shows that, too... Unfortunately, it is against same-sex relationships, too...

We would like to believe that love conquers all. But most people don't love themselves, therefore, they cannot love one another... So, in essence, it sounds like the state is sanctioning its morality--male on female love as the bonifide and justified stature of what is called a marriage and relationship...

I don't think there is much usage for being married in terms of the state--other than taking in to account the census and population data and procreation... Resources and funds get dedicated to the number of "stable" households... And the way the US government is going, that stability will be as volitile as the stock market soon... But that is just my opinion.