Age Difference
 

When does age not become an issue? What is the limit for how far apart a couple - typically - should be in age?

For instance, a 25-year-old and an 18-year-old is inappropriate to me. A 25-year-old has lived through so much more, and had so many more life-altering, formative experiences, than their younger counterpart. To try to date an 180-year-old is to rob them of that experience.

But, the same age difference - seven years - seems less significant to me in the case of a 25- and 32-year-old. They have both lived in the "real world" - one is getting their feet on the ground and one already should have done so and can help the other. And in the case of a 35- and 42-year-old, it seems fully insignificant that there is an age difference.

What do you all think? How much younger/older of a person have you dated? How did it work out? Why/why did it not work out? What are tricks to helping it along?

I have dated guys 1 & 2 years younger and 1, 2, 3, 4, & 5 years older. (The guy who was 5 years older was when I was 15...but then again he was pretty immature, and my parents really didn't mind caz he was a decent guy [at the time])

I just don't think age matters all that much unless you're talking pedophile.

Side note: My finace is 1 1/2 months younger then me, so I guess you would say we're the exact same age, but we've had totally different experiances and I think it's been good and bad for our relationship. (Most of the bad comes from cultural differences, but we work it out)

no difference

I think that maturity is more important than age. If an 18 year old is *mature* enough, which is unlikely, then dating a 25 year old shouldn't be out of the question.

That's all very unlikely anyway.

My general rule is 7 years in either direction. Aside from a brief fling with someone 8 years older a couple years ago, most of the guys I have dated have been 4 years or less difference from me, mainly older.

I think it all depends on the 2 people. I was 16 when I started dating my boyfriend, who was 21. We're still together.. I'm 21 and he's 26. It has worked out for us really well.

I really believe that it comes down to the people, not the ages. I really don't think ages are a huge deal.. (unless you have a 25 yr old and a 13 yr old or whatever.. then the age does matter.)

I agree that there can't be a set-in-stone rule over age and of course it varies from person to person, but I just think it matters to an extent because, typically, maturity should come with those life experiences you have as you age.

Anyway, thanks for all your replies! I would love to hear how things have worked for anyone else on here!

My ex-boyfriend/still best friend is 39 & I'm 22. We get along so well its crazy, but it did make it harder when we broke up. The only difference we found is that he loved fish & I hated it, & I loved mexican & he hated it!

I think that his maturity level is that of a typical 39-year old but he likes to have fun like your average 25-year old. I'm more mature than most people my age because I've always been forced to mature quickly.

I'd say that age can make a difference depending on the person, but we never mention the age difference between us & so far (I've known him for the past 3 years) its hardly been an issue!

I did date a 25 year old when I was 18. He had done 4 years in the military and was a college junior and I was a freshman. We met at a party and dated for a few months. Obviously it was a pretty bad idea since we were at completely different places in terms of maturity and priorities in life. I found the one of the biggest problems was friends reactions to it, namely his. His roomate once addressed me as Mr. X's "little friend."

Later, when I was 23 I briefly dated a man in his early 30's. The thing with him was that he had a daughter and he referred to the mother of the child, his ex, as the biggest bitch on earth. He just had way to much baggage and mysogony towards women to deal with.

On the flipside, my aunt was very happily married to a man 15 years her senior for many years til he died of cancer recently. A large age gap can work if both people are fully functioning independent adults with enough of the same values to form a solid relationship.

when i first started dating my boyfriend, i was 19 and he was 25. things were a little rough in the beginning. but 3 years later, we are still very happy.

before then, my ex ( who i am trying to forget, but i will bring him back to memory for this current topic) told me that he was 22. i found out later that he was really 28. i was 18. to me, that is very inappropriate. it was my very first relationship, so i would never gone out with him if i knew his age. it turned into a very messy relationship, cause he wanted to do 'things' that were way too old for me ( i was not ready for things to get that serious).

I think it's less about "age" and more about "age gap."
If you're 25 and dating a 35 year old, it wouldn't seem too strange....but if you're 18 and dating a 28 year old, many people would think it was weird and wrong.
IMO, once you're 21, the importance of age/age gap starts to lessen.

Age is just a number. As long as you don't make it an issue, it won't be one. Not that I'm going to go search out any 15 year old guys anytime soon. If there are issues of legality, then I'd reconsider.

5 years difference at the max. Anymore than that and there will be problems at some point. Whether you're 20, 25, 30, 40, 45....you dont need more than 5 yrs apart if it's someone you want to marry or be with in a long term sense. Why? Well, there are a lot of reasons. Men loose their sexual drive a lot earlier than women, men go through their mid-life crisis and having a younger woman is fine....but when women go through theirs, having a much older man won't be good. Men who usually date or marry women a lot younger than them are usally the ones who turn out to be the 50/60 yr old guys who divorce their wives and get another 25/30 yr old later on. And there's the children factor. Lets say you're 25, dating a guy who's 32. Lets say things work out, you get married in a yr or two...which means you'll be 26 or 27. Then you'll want some time together before you start popping out 24hr headaches...so lets be short and say you have another yr or two together. That means you'll be 28 or 29. Well, by then the guy will be 35/36 and having his 1st kid and odds are you'll want more than one child. By the time your 1st kid is 20 yrs old its dad will be 55/56 yrs old. If you hurry up and have another kid a yr or two after the first child...the dad will be damn near 60 yrs old when the second child is 20. In my view, that too old. He won't be able to do much with kids ( active things ). I don't know about most men, but when I have kids I want to be an active dad.

I don't think 55/56 is too old to be a parent when your kids are in their 20's. My dad will be 56 this year. I'm the oldest (nearly 24) my brother is 20.

My mother was 30 when she had me, 34 when she had my brother. My dad was 32 and 36 respectively. He never had a problem being active with his kids. In fact he is still quite active. He plays ice hockey, coaches hockey for young kids, goes on canoe trips, etc, etc. My mum works out 4-5 days a week at the gym.
Also, since my parents were a little older than the average when when they had kids, they got to do many things that young parents never get to do. They traveled all around Europe and even lived and worked in Holland for a year.

It really depends on the people. If you think you're going to be inactive at 55, well then you're probably not taking good care of yourself now. 55 is not old anymore. My dad tried to get into an "oldtimers" hockey league and they said they didn't have any room for him. The league told him they the only way to get a space was to wait for someone to die. They have 70+ year old men still playing ice hockey. A very intense sport...both physically and mentally.

I feel the same way, L PiPhi...my dad took up snow skiing when he was 49, and he goes at least a few times every year....and he is now 59 (and I'm 21). He just bought a new motorcycle for himself. He golfs just about every free weekend. He swims in our pool and is looking for a gym to join so he can lift. If anything, having a child later in life kept him younger longer.

Hello?! This is why I prefer to date younger men. I don't want some old lump who's going to be losing his sex drive when mine is at its peak, lol. Why assume that an age difference always means older man/younger woman?

Anyway, Mr. valkyrie is 6 1/2 years younger than I am and it's really never even been an issue. Sometimes it weirds me out a little when he mentions something like when he graduated high school and that happens to be after I graduated college, but we've had no problems with it and have been together for over two years. Personality-wise, I think I'm better off with a younger guy because I like someone who is fun loving, flexible and not too set in his ways (and of course there's the whole sex thing ;)).

I'm sure that there are instances where an age difference could be a problem -- as discussed above, it could be tricky when deciding whether or when to have kids, for example if one person is to the point where he/she wants kids and the other feels too young -- but that's not going to be a problem for me since I don't want them anyway. I think the age issue, like any dating issue, just comes down to knowing yourself and figuring out what you're comfortable with and what you're looking for from another person. That being said, as long as everyone is an adult, I don't think that there is any ideal limit.

I didnt say a dad wouldnt be active....I ment active with his kid when he is young. How many 45/50 yr olds do you know play basketball, football and baseball with their sons ( and I'm not meaning just playing catch)? How many 45/50 yr olds do you know that go golfing with their 10,11, 12 yr old? Sure, having younger people in your life will keep you active.....but can you do the those things with your Kid very often when you're at that age? Going to a gym is one thing...but I've never seen any man in any gym working out with his 10,11,12,13,14 or 15 yr old when he's 45/50/55/60 yrs old. When I wrote about being active the post said being active with his children often. Going skiing with your 10-15 yr old once or twice a yr isnt being active with your kids.

When I was 10. My dad was 42. He was active with me. He would play catch with me, he taight me how to ride my bike and would bike with me. If I asked, he would. Even my mother we used to play tennis together. older parents are active with their children if they choose to be and are healthy.
You make it sound like every 40 year old is living in geriatric mode and should be placed in a home.

Ok, how about this...my dad was my softball coach every year from when I was 5 to when I was 16, he was 43-54 (and I was the one who stopped playing because I got a job). AND he was a league chair. And I'm not talking he sat on the bench and made the line up...he hit balls, played catch, taught girls to slide, taught girls to pitch (spent HOURS catching for me so I could practice pitching, and then when I switched to catching, he spent hours pitching to me), coached 3rd base. I'm not a boy so no, we didn't play football, but we did shoot at the basketball hoop over the garage every once and awhile (I was never a real basketball fan). And actually, yes, when I was 12, 13, 14 (him, 50, 51, 52) we went to the gym together. We did treadmills and weight equip together. Still think my dad is old and inactive with me?

Say what you want. Still, it's not common. Yours is one out of how many fathers in this country? 100,000,000 give or take? Stop getting so defensive.

i think its less about age and more about maturity.
the summer before my senior year of high school (when i was 17) i went on a few dates with this guy who was 24.

then when summer band started i met and started dating a 14 year old freshman who was way more fun and mature than the other guy i had dated that summer.

i'm with valkyrie.. i've always had more of a thing for younger guys. 2 years is a good amount.
1987 was a good year.;) oh god, i sound like a pedophile.

I'm not getting defensive. I am stating my opinion.

Secondly my father is not in your country, and it's not all that uncommon.
More and more people are having children later in life, because or careers, money, or simply because because they wish to do things without having to worry about children.
Stop acting like your way is the end all and be all of life.

My parents had me at 40 and it was never a problem. But, for the most part, I think a lot of Cash's comments are pretty right on, or at least good theories.

Just a question - can you extend the limit to six years!!! Please??? It would really suit my current situation!!! :) :) :)

For some reason, it just feels different when its the girl who's older. My ex-boyfriend is 23 and I'm 21....the guy I'm currently with is 19....its the exact same age difference, just reversed...and it feels like I'm so much older (not more mature, lol, just older) while with the 23 y/o, it felt like the same age. I dont know why this is because 19 and 21 are not far apart, and no matter what my best friend likes to say to me, I'm not "robbing the cradle" haha (am i?????) maybe its because when we met I was a junior and he was a freshman?? (greek sing partner...go figure...i always end up with a crush on whoever i'm paired with!!!)

My fiance is 14 years older than me. We started dating when I was 24 and he was 38. He's made me happier than any guy I've ever been with. He knows how to treat a woman, and take care of me, and still let me be independent. We do have to think about the future a little more than other copules. Like, after we get married next year we wil start trying for kids immediately so he won't be too old when we have them. But, heck, I'll be 29 by then. And I do talk about what I'll do when I'm in my late 60's and he might be dead, so I get a little sad about that sometimes. But I'd rather have the next 40 years of our life together and spend 10-15 without him than never have been with him. Besides, by then I will have beautiful children and maybe grandchildren that he was a part of, too. And I have decided I will move to Memphis and work as the receptioninst at our National HQ!!! ;)

It truly does totally depend on the couple. People always thinkn it's weird until they see us together. We just fit.

It is really fun to figure out what wach of us was doing in any given year. I was 1 year old when he lost his virgingity! He was graduating college when I was 6 (hey, he went 2 years early, I would have been 8!)!

That's so sweet xokathy. My aunt married a man 15 years her senior and while she lost him to cancer a couple of years ago to become widowed in her mid 50's I'm sure she wouldn't have given up a second of the time they had together.

BTW- Your ring is gorgeous. Congratulations on your engagement!

Aside from the question of pedophilia/statutory rape, age is just a number. Maturity matters more.

A friend of mine, who just turned 30, is getting married this summer to a 23-year-old. She's very mature for her age, he's a bit immature for his age, so it works out well. :) Another friend of mine, who is 29, just married a 40-year-old.

I've dated guys up to 1 year younger and 3 years older - that's just the way things worked out. The guy who was 3 years older was way immature. :rolleyes: My husband is 1 year older than I am, and just the right level of immature. ;)

So true. Heck, anyone's spouse could get hit by a bus tomorrow and they'd be widowed long before they intended. I mean, sure, I might be younger than average when I lose mine, but it's a price I'm willing to pay! :)

i dont really have issues with age. i'm 18 and my boyfriend will be 23 in august. i prefer older men. i dont think i could ever date a guy younger than me. it just feels too weird.

i can say that i've been with my boyfriend since december and we have yet to really fight. we had a small arguement about a petty issue MONTHS AGO that prolly wont ever come up again. i thought he was mad at me and told him to call me when he wasnt and he called me right back. thats it. i have also never felt safer with anybody in this world, but that could be because of his job.

he is at the age where he's ready to get married and it scares me to death. but i really cant see myself without him. everything just feels "right" when i'm with him. i'm in love with him. its a first for me. he knows it even though i never really say it. go figure. but i will tough it out as long as i can to see what happens cause marriage scares me but being without him scares me even more. i've tried breaking up with him a time or two before but i only did it cause i was scared. i knew i was getting too close and i didnt want to because it doesnt hurt when its over. but i'd tell him that it just wasnt going to work out because of our jobs and me leaving for school next month but he always blows it off and says dont worry about it and changes the subject. he's a cop/firefighter and i also work for a fire department and rescue squad so at any given time we're called out for the most dangerous or dumbest reasons. like just now, he was called to a rollover and i'm working rescue tonight so i'll see him at 7AM when our shifts end and i meet him at his house to go to sleep. for some reason i find it really hard to sleep when he's not there. especially if he's working.

so i guess my view on the age difference is kind of obvious.

My boy is a year younger than me... BUT he acts like he's 10 years older, which I find incredibly sexy :) I think he likes the fact I'm "older"

For some reason, I like younger guys...just year or a few months. It NEVER works out with me and older guys. *shrugs*

youngest I've dated has been 4 years younger (me 19, he 15 and now another at me 21 he 17)

oldest I've dated has been 12 years older (me 20 he 32)

General age range for me right now (me being 21) is 18 to 25- so about 4 years either way.

My fiance is exactly 1 1/2 Months younger then me...although when we first started dating, he told me his birthday was in December, which would make him a month older then me (he thought I wouldn't go out with him if I knew he was younger then him;) ) He's a great combo of youth/maturity. When it comes to work, paying bills, "real world stuff" he's really mature and responsible...but he also totally has fun going to the park and playing on the playground equipment and blowing soap bubbles.

My babydaddy Rob is 23 and I'm 21. I think that's a good range. Plus I like the older boys. ;)

My fiancee Kiki is 11 days older than me!

soooooooooo true. i'm tellin you there's nothing like a city official knocking on your door at 2:30 in the morning telling you to get ready because he's there to take you to the hospital because your boyfriend/husband has been hurt in a fire. or being at a fire he's fighting and not knowing where he's at...is he on the other side of the house changing his air tank or is he still in there...because the last two minutes since you've seen him safe seem like an hour has passed. i can deal with these things more than i could if i were called while he was supposed to be working at the police department. that really scares me. there are some bad people out there. he doesnt talk about fights or shootings much. i guess he doesnt want to scare me.

these things keep you up at night. it doesnt cross your mind during the day because you have things to distract you and everything seems safer during the day. at night it is more dangerous and things run through your head like...what would i do if he didnt come home in the morning...

it also teaches you to never take a moment for granted and if you do...you feel really bad for it.

I agree that there are no set rules. But I also think its about where the two people are in life. Someone who's 18 dating someone who's 23 can be weird because the 23 year old has experienced so much. You grow and change so much while you are in college. But at times love happens and no one can explain it or argue with it. My boyfiend is 5.5 years older than me. It has never been an issue for us, but we also started dating my senior year of college. We both agreed that it wouldn't have worked even a year earlier. He would have felt out of place at all my sorority events and my college stuff would have seem less significant to him. Not that he doesn't understand the importance of those things to me, but he had already experienced it and moved past college.

My boyfriend is 4 1/2 years older than me. When we started dating I was 18 and he was 22. Then he had his birthday back in February, so now I'm 18 and he's 23 (hence the quoting this) and in 2 weeks I'll be 19 and he'll still be 23. We started dating when I was a freshman, but he wouldn't date me at first for a few months due to the fact that I was a freshman and he just thought it weird to date a freshman. By the time we started dating though it definitly was no longer an issue.

But yeah, age can be a problem if you let it be. I personally have always been able to relate better to people older than me for some reason, and he didn't mind helping my mental maturity along in not letting me get away with immature things on the rare occasions I let them slip. We compliment one another because we've gotten to know each other so well and age really isn't an issue with us. It's only really an issue if we're in public since he can go up to a bar and get a drink and I have to sit sober for the night. We're used to that though, and this is not a problem. Personality really over rides a lot of age things in my mind... if you fit together mentally well with a person, age becomes only a number.

I'm 33 and I just met a 23 year old that I was attracted to against my will. His maturity level seems older (most of my friends thought he was mid/late 20s), I think it's because he's well-read and has traveled internationally. There was a pretty good connection, and although I tried to blow him off as a serious interest, he's made an impression on my mind. My friends who met him thought he was great and made me promise not to be an "age-ist". :rolleyes: :D

Up until my husband, I had never seriously dated anyone that wasn't at least 5 years older than myself. I liked it that way. We clicked.

The oldest was a 10 year difference. And, I almost married that one. (Until a sister broke us up -- No joke.) Guess he had a thing for ZTAs!

I am married to the perfect man for me now, but he's only 2 years older.

I think it has to do with the people involved.

My grandparents and great grand-parents all have huge age differences. My mother and father have a 7 year difference. It seems very normal to me.

my boyfriend is 2 years younger than i am. It doesn't bother me at all...although some people seem to find it odd because of the whole "men should be older" crap society feeds us. He's quite mature for his age and he looks older, so its really not something people look twice at when we're out. Although I have had some comments from people about the age difference as in "Why would you date someone soooo much younger?" Two years people! please!! :rolleyes: