Conduct Becoming of A Sorority Girl
 

I see the concept of acting like a sorority girl thrown around GC a lot. That there is supposed to be certain standards of behavior that sorority girls are supposed to meet or else be looked down on by their peers or expelled.

But how exactly are y'all supposed to behave? What are the rules?

You can't take your clothes off ina movie? No sex scenes? You can't get drunk where people can see you? What exactly?

We can do anything we want as long as we don't do it in our badges, letters or other para.

And if we do decide to be naughty naughty, we can do anything we want as alumnae! No IHQ is gonna yank your membership for drinking in letters after you graduate.

And Ashley Judd has been naked in a movie and KKG hasn't yanked her membership that I know of.

Most GLO's expel you if you're convicted of a felony.

Exactly how would they find that out? If a girl or guy get a DUI-which is a felony in some states and they don't tell anyone, what are IHQ going to do? Especially if the person doesn't tell anyone they got arrested.

When I was a new member (in 2001) I went to our Founder's Day banquet at another chapter...

We learned proper eating etiquette... And got a manual on etiquette in general.

It was interesting to say the least...

As pertains to GreekChat, I believe practicing "conduct becoming a sorority girl" means that you don't start isht with people. Defending yourself is okay, of course. As is giving better than you get. I can't speak for all sororities, but it's not mentioned in our Purpose or our Creed that we're supposed to be doormats :)

IRL, there will probably be regional differences. What's acceptable in the Northeast may not be acceptable in the Southeast.

But what's a good image? A standard good image, I mean. I know it varies across campus's and such.... but what is typically the good image consist of?

Does that make sense? :confused:

Well what about posing for playboy? Versus say taking your clothes off in a movie? Conduct unbecoming a sorority girl?

Well, as I've mentioned in the past, one of our pledges was depledged after she posed topless for Playboy. I guess that was conduct unbecoming a sorority girl (although she really looked cute in the picture!)

It means acting like a LADY, hopefully something we have been taught since we were children.

It means obeying the Golden Rule... treat others as you would have them treat you.

If you need it in simpler terms, don't do anything you wouldn't want your grandmother to know about... :D
and that includes posing without your clothes on.

Let me change the question a little:

If you were Ms. Standards for your entire chapter, what would you hold people's feet to the fire for?

Would you recomend expelling them for posing for playboy?

Would you recomend expelling them for taking their clothes off in a Steven Spielbergh Movie?

Drug use?

Alcohol use?

Shacking with 3 or 4 partners or more a semester?

What would you do and for what?

I thought that it was encouraged?

I'd like to ditto that!! I think all members of GLOs should keep in mind that while they may not be wearing anything greek-related, they are always wearing their set of "invisible letters"! People know who belongs to what group and usually associates their behavior, good or bad, with that organization!

About 3 or 4 years ago I went to an alumnae wknd for my org. There was a rumor that one of the new members was a stripper and all the other frats and GLO's knew about her. My alumnae sisters and I were very upset. I had heard that the girl never completed the new member process though and I was very happy with that. Supposedly this all came out or something in the beginning of the process. While I have nothing against strippers I think there are some standards that should be held and allowing a stripper that everyone is aware of into MY organization at least really bothers me. Especially because I know for a fact that some of the frats at my school sent their pledges on scavenger hunts to local strip clubs. Call me old fashioned but I think there are other ways to pay for school other then taking your clothes off and I would never support this in my organization.

I read a few years ago that Tri Delt cancelled the membership of a women who posed in a magazine (not sure if it was playboy or not) nude. She was suing Tr0delt for all her dues money etc. back. I am sure she did not win, and shouldn't.

But, why is that any diferent than Ashley Judd being naked in a movie and KKG hasn't revoked her membership.

I'll tell you the difference-one was an alumna and one was an active when it happened. When you are an alumna-short of stealing money from Nationals, you can pretty much do anything.

Was it a rumor or confirmed? I'd hate to think this girl was racked over the coals and felt like she had to quit because of a rumor. Unless I saw her stripping, I'd question it.

There's been some discussion on other threads about problems with confidentiality and former members. Someone pointed out that gratuitous promises, e.g., oaths of secrecy, tend to not be legally binding. Would there be some benefit to making a deal with a member was being disaffiliated? For example, she signed a nondisclosure agreement in exchange for receiving a refund of some of the fees she'd paid?

Ah, here's what the previous poster was talking about, I think (quoted from another site) ....

University of Oklahoma junior Kristi Bryan was rejected by her sorority, Delta Delta Delta because she posed in Playboy. The organization stripped Bryan of all membership privileges for appearing nude in the magazine's "Girls of the Big 12".

As of October Bryan was seeking legal action to keep her sorority membership. On Nov. 8, 1996, Kristi was on Inside Edition. The program made the Tri-Delt Headquarters look unorganized and uninterested and the local chapter look like prudes after shovelling the Inside Edition camera people out of the chapter house.

Maybe I'm the only one who thinks that unless a woman is doing something that directly harms someone else (like battery, for example), everyone should chill out about it -- but then, LOL, James probably knew I'd say something like that. ;)

co-sign

LOL--I'd knew you say something like that. And you probably know I agree with you.

I would basically say, anything that would get her kicked out of school would get her kicked out of the sorority. That's serious isht, not shacking.

I used to be really really judgemental about chapters that kicked women out for things like posing for Playboy, but I've softened my views over time. Sometimes the culture of the campus demands it. I mean - if you're at a very conservative campus and don't do something about it, it could affect you in numerous ways. It could cripple your rush. It could turn off fraternities. It could cause alumnae donations to dry up. Do I agree with this sort of attitude? No, not at all. But if you want to be at that school, that's the price you've got to pay and the culture you've got to work in. You manage your chapter affairs, I'll manage mine. The only time this doesn't work is when the national offices start to believe chapters should be homogenous and want to apply Pennsylvania standards to a chapter in California or Alabama, or private schools to public. Every school is different. I'm sure that at some schools, a member posing for Playboy might make membership and campus rep shoot UP.

Words like "values" and "morals" don't set right with a lot of people because everyone's are different. The women we expelled were expelled primarily because of the way they treated the sisters and the lack of reponsibility they showed toward the sorority - not who they slept with or how much they drank. I don't care if someone is the most popular girl on campus with a 4.0 and a zillion activities - if she is awful to her sisters or just doesn't have time from them, her butt can't be out the door soon enough.

bump

we aren't allowed to drink in letters in public... but certain times are ok...
basically... we're always representing our organization.... especially in letters, so we try to act appropriately... and if a sister doesn't... then she is reprimanded...
we only "expel" someone for violating our vows as sisters that we take when we get in, i.e. telling our secrets and rituals, or stealing.. iguess being convicted of a felony...d epending on the felony i guess too... we don't have nationals, so it's rare but we determine these things on a case by case basis

Do not cuss in your letters, do not smoke in your letters, do not drink in your letters...or anything else "unladylike". That's the "in stone" rules we're given. (Not that you would actually get in trouble for those things, unless you are caught drinking underage...it's a respect thing.) Is that what everyone does? No. I'm sure that International would appreciate it if no one in our chapter smoked, no one drank underage or to excess, no one had sex, no one cursed (I won't with my letters on...which is why I don't here...but...), etc. but this is college. That is totally unrealistic, I don't care how "goody two shoes" your chapter is.

Every now and then we need a good Purpse review. Mostly though it boils down to this...
1. Respect. Respect your sisters. If you know there is one single sister (and since most of us actually have over a hundred thousand, chances are there is) who would not drink underage, wouldn't have sex, or wouldn't, say, get naked in a public place, you shouldn't ever do it with your letters on. Here we remind everyone that since it's a small campus could they please keep shady activity to themselves (letters or not, people know who is who), but at a large school there's probably less concern in that area. It's about understanding what would be considered appropriate based on founding principles and then trying to live up to those, at the very least when wearing letters.
2. Common sense. That's all, just common sense. Don't do incredibly stupid things...you hurt YOURSELF too.

I'll say this...you're more likely to have to leave if you stop showing up, consistently miss payments without a good excuse, refuse to bring up your grades and basically stop being a sister than if you get into "trouble" of some sort, unless you're like dealing crack out of the chapter room or something. Then it's a holla and goodnight. I think it's just smaller campus culture and unless you are doing something that's just really hurting your whole chapter you'll get a second chance...we're all small and it's hard to turn your back on someone without a damn good reason.

Here's an example of what I think you were looking for, James.
I was an alumna advisor, and one of our collegians was in trouble for having sex with a fraternity member on the fraternity's pool table, and another incident in a phone booth. When pulled up before standards, she said that her sex life was none of our business. Usually true, I replied. But when everyone, including your advisors, knows of your sex life because it is being conducted in public, then it is our business. Everyone at this small school knew she was a Gamma Phi, and she was hurting the entire sisterhood by her blatant disregard for the sorority's reputation. She stormed upstairs, with me following close behind to get her badge.
The problem wasn't that she was having sex. The problem was she was doing it on the Sigma Nu's pool table. And in the phone booth. And God knows where else . . .

It can all be boiled down to this:

Never do anything, in letters or out, that would give a GDI a bad impression of either your sorority or of Greek Life in general.

I disagree somewhat with the alcohol issue becuse it leads to worse problems.

If there is a sister who drinks herself into belligerence everytime she goes to anywhere that has alcohol in 100 yards, then on top of that, does things like disrobing in public, or becoming too public with her myriads of fraternity men. And everyone knows what group she's in, then yes I'd want to be able to get her out because her drinking makes her poor judgement ridiculously worse and people will associate her with her group and if I'm apart of that group and I don't do anything but stay home and study and help my mom then I still am labeled as "ho" or "skank" and people will laugh as I walk by in my letters when I've done nothing. The line has to be drawn somewhere. But it still definitely depends on the campus.

it's interesting that the question about fraternity men hasn't taken off - my brother said that with regards to wearing letters (encompassing appropriate behavior), they've been told you can't be doing any of the five 's's while wearing them:
showering
sex
sleep
stupid s**t (including public drunkenness)
and he forgot the fifth

but i feel like he makes it a point to ensure that all his public conduct, even when he's on duty as an RA, or at work, reflects well on his fraternity because they're trying hard to compete with the other groups on campus since they're the smallest, don't rely on sports teams for their membership and have no house, so every little bit counts is the impression i get from talking to him

This interests me, if only because you kicked her out. I'm not saying she was a shining example of a good sorority woman, but I'm surprised you didn't give her a chance to rectify her behavior. Yes, she went off on you, but most people will when they're embarrassed like that.

It may have been a little harsh, especially if she was a good-standing member of the chapter in other ways.

This wasn't her first rodeo, as we say. She had been in trouble many times before - this was just the straw that broke it.
ETA - I double-checked, and she actually quit - thus the run upstairs, and my following her to get her badge. I think that had she been properly ashamed of herself, and pled for mercy, promising to keep her sex life PRIVATE it would have been one thing - but she didn't.

Oh. That makes a lot more sense. Gotcha.