Dating/marrying outside your religion
 

There was an interesting segment this morning on one of the radio stations I listen to. Someone emailed in looking for relationship advice. She and her boyfriend had been dating for about 5 years, and they were thinking about marriage... problem: she's Catholic, he's not and doesn't want to convert, and she's having trouble with the idea of intermarriage.

This led to some interesting conversation, people calling in, etc. with varying opinions... people who had no problem dating/marrying outside their faith, people who'd marry outside their religion as long as the kids were raised in their own faith, people who would date outside their religion but break it off if it became serious unless the other person wanted to convert, people who would only date within their own religion.

So where do you stand?

I would date outside my relgion. I think I have only dated one catholic girl. Maybe because there are not as many in the south? But I say why not as long as I am not asked to convert.

I was raised Catholic but am now agnostic. I married an atheist (who grew up in a Pentacostal household). So I guess I married outside my religion :)

My husband's ex wife is Catholic

I wouldn't date outside my religion. Only Christians for me (or Catholics in a pinch).

My boyfriend is Catholic and I'm Jewish. I guess that tells you where I stand. :)

Well, since I was raised without a religious tradition, dating anyone would be dating outside of my religion! :p Luckily the boy was raised the same way too.

I guess it depends on how important your religion is to you.

Catholics are Christians if you didn't know . ;)

I wouldn't date someone who is religious.

I would date someone outside of the denomination or religion I was raised in, but I wouldn't get serious with someone if they didn't share my beliefs and values. Whoever I marry will have to be of similar faith.

I always told myself I would never marry a Catholic...

At least he's non-practicing Catholic.

And it's not that I'm just being closed-minded, I went to 4 years of Catholic HS, so I know what it's all about.

I'm Catholic... It's really never been a major deal with me. It was a nice bonus though when it happened.

I have to say that I pretty much agree with you.

It really depends completely on their religion, how deeply they are into it, how much of their time it takes up, whether or not it's going to alienate me from their family . . . there are so many factors.

A few things I know:
I would be more likely to date someone who's from a more liberal branch of their religion than a more conservative/fundamentalist branch.
I could never date someone who was really, really into their religion and saw it as the only answer -- although people like this probably wouldn't be too into dating me, either, so I'm not too worried.
I feel more at home with certain religions than others -- I would be more okay with Judaism or Buddhism than, say, Mormonism.
Anybody I marry has to be okay with compromising on the kids' religion. I'm perfectly okay with him taking the kids to church/temple/whatever as long as he's okay with me exposing the kids to other religions (or lack thereof) too.
I would be very uncomfortable getting seriously involved with anybody whose family would disapprove of me because of my religious faith being different from theirs. Not saying I wouldn't do it, but I would definitely think twice about it.

Oh I know ;). I am currently dating someone that is Roman Catholic.

You know what they say:
Once you go Jewish,
You never are prudish.

-Rudey
--I made it rhyme :)

I tried it and it didn't work too well. I think it takes two very strong individuals to pull it off. Religion is a big deal, it is the fabric of ones entire being and view of life so if the person you care a great deal about sees things so differently, I don't really see how it could work, especially if the religions are very different. (I am aware of those of you who say you've done it/are doing it, but I am speaking from the experience of having known people for whom this ended up causing some real problems in their relationships)

I'm Jewish and I have yet to seriously date a Jewish guy. There aren't exactly tons of them near me. :)

If I ever get married, I'd love to marry a Jewish guy, but that's not the most important factor for me.

Hmm- I guess I'm on a level of "does it matter?" If there is enough basis for a relationship (more than just an attraction and a few things in common) then you should be able to overcome it

I've dated:
Wiccans
Methodists
Buddhists (techincally Buddhism is a philosophy and not a religion)
Lutherans
a Kabbalist, a Jew and a Catholic

as for race/ethnicity/nationality:
caucasian-americans of various ancestry
african-american
asian-american
Bosnian immigrant
Irish immigrant
a Spaniard and a New Zealander

I am marrying outside of my religion.

But considering that I hadn't decided what denomination was right for me until we'd been dating and engaged for some time, it wasn't a deal breaker at that point.

I have always been more "religious/spiritual/into the whole God thing" than my fiance has, but he does have some strong beliefs - he just doesn't like organized religion.

Our religious beliefs were something we discussed very early on in dating. We feel pretty much the same way on almost everything and are in agreement as to what we'll teach our children.... it's just that mine will have a name on them and a place I go on Sundays, and his he preferrs to keep at home.

I wouldn't date someone who had religious beliefs that seriously differed from mine - I could handle a Jew or a Protestant, but not a polytheist.

My last significant relationship, a lot of the reason related to our break up was due to religious differences. And I am not even religious. I was raised Protestant and he's Jewish. I could write a book on this matter. I am going to keep my mouth shut though. All I am going to say is if it's meant to be, someone won't TELL you that YOU should convert to be like them, the relationship will just work out and no one will have to "convert" to anything (especially he they aren't willing to change for YOU). To add fuel to the fire, there is a saying amongst many people that I know that "Jewish boys will date ya but they won't marry ya". I went to Yeshiva University for grad school so everyone automatically ASSumes I am Jewish.

i personally dont think that its a big deal if someone is a different religion than you. if you are truly happy with that person, then their religious beliefs should not be a factor in any decisions you make regarding your future.
i was raised in an extremely roman catholic italian neighborhood in new york, and never really knew any one other religion - knew OF just not knew personally - and then i moved to las vegas, and all of the friends that i have made, literally are all jewish. all of the guys anyways.
i actually started to date a protestant when i got here, and now im seeing a VERY nice jewish boy ;) and im happy, and so are my catholic parents.
we've had the chit chat that if i was ever to marry a jewish guy, how would i raise my kids, and my response is really just to take it as it comes - im not really going to worry about how im going to raise children in 8 years, because im sure that my marriage wont fail by my husband and i having differences in religious views...
i dont know, i just think that if you are honestly and truly happy that you will work around certain things!

:D

For some, to be happy with someone, they need to be the same religion.

you are right, ktsnake, but i just meant that I think its ok, just because i think it, doesnt mean its right for everyone! its cool whatever way that you yourself are totally and completley happy. it doesnt matter what others think, as long as you are ok with whatever you choose. :D

Agreed.

awesome awesome. glad to hear it :cool:

I personally would have to marry someone who is at least some form of Christian. He doesn't have to be dropping to his knees every 5 seconds to pray, but he has to at least believe.

The boy and I are on equal footing religion-wise, so it works out well.

Its never been important to me. The only girls that I've dating seriously were WASPish.

Dating outside of your religion dosent seem like it whould be problem at all. But the only time i think it would become an issue would be when the couple decideds to get more serious, like marrage and or children. Because then the problems come in with traditions about marrage and what religion or belifes will be passed on to the children. I personaly would want my children o be christian as i am, so they can be raised up with christian belifes so when i get married the woman would have to be christian. Or ok with the children being christian, even though it may eventualy come up that she has a diff. religion from me. But i know i could never call my self being in a serious relationship with a girl who was anti-christian becuz that would mean she had something against me as well. So yeah i think that dating is O.K., as long as it not gonna get serious.

What really matters is the intensity each of the people in a relationship feels for religion - theirs or anyone else's. Two people of different religions, but with the same amount of intensity towards it, can make it if they really want to make it work.

Personally, while I have dated wonderful men outside of my religion (especially one very interesting Jewish man), I haven't done so in years. Nor would I consider it. My religious journey was long, and I intend to stay on that path.

My boyfriend and I have different religious upbringings...I am Christian and was raised in an interfaith household (Jewish/Christian). It doesn't bother us or my parents, though his mother struggles at times with the idea that he may marry outside of her faith. We feel in raising children, etc it is important to acknowledge both faiths but since that is several years away the specifics aren't exactly set in stone :)

I don't have a problem with being involved with someone of a different religion. My fiance' and I are of differing religious backgrounds and our religious choices are actually different than how we were raised. For us, it's not a big deal. We just choose to respect our different beliefs and when any children come around we'll let them be exposed to a spectrum of religions and choose for themselves.

I don't have a problem with it.

I completely agree with this statement and would even go as far to say that there may be issues even with the SAME religion if one partner is not involved as the other in religion. If one is more intense about practicing their religion (prayer groups, needing to proselytize, strict roles in the marriage, etc), the difference may seem as wide as being with someone with a different religion if the other isn't practicing.

Since I didn't answer my own question... :) (I wanted to let this thread run for a bit)

I have an interesting perspective on dating or marrying outside your religion. Long story short, I was raised Catholic in a very Jewish neighborhood, drifted away from Catholicism as a college student, studied other religions (both Christian and non), and ended up choosing Judaism.

As a Catholic / lapsed Catholic, I never had any problem dating non-Catholics - actually, most of the guys I dated weren't Catholic. When I was dating my husband, he told me he had no problem with marrying a non-Jew as long as the kids were raised Jewish. That was fine by me. But at the same time, I was also considering choosing Judaism for my own reasons (no pressure from Mr. aephi alum or his family at all), and wound up doing so before the wedding, which took care of the intermarriage question.

Nowadays, though, if I were to become divorced or widowed and I got remarried, I would have no problem marrying a non-Jew, as long as his beliefs meshed closely enough with my own (I think I would have problems with a devil worshipper ;) ), and as long as any children he and I might have would be raised Jewish.

I am church of Christ. Although, sure, it would make a lot of things easier to date someone from my church, I never actually have. HOWEVER...someone whose religion is quite different than my own, including Catholic, Jewish, Buddhist, Wiccan, etc, I just couldn't date probably. The beliefs are far too different than my own, and it woudl cause problems. I dated a guy once who was Athiest and that was one of the main reasons it didn't work out...we just had completely different values, etc because of our beliefs.

I would certainly date someone who was Baptist, Methodist, etc etc though.

Do you all realize you're going to hell?

-Rudey

My father was a "practicing" Catholic, my mother was not Catholic and didn't want to convert. The priest who did their pre-marriage councelling say that "mixed-marriages" rarely worked. My parents celebrated 27 years ago, while a lot of the same-religion couple have broken up.

But I can understand why people wish to date the same religion as them. I mean... if you're seriously religious and your partner is not of the same breed - you probably have some rule that they're going to hell... that puts a damper on things probably.

I'm currently dating someone who is Jewish. He isn't very religious and neither am I, but his parents will possibly have issues with me (even though they're not very religious either)...My guy's parents were not too pleased with him when he was in elementary school because he held a wreath for classroom production (I didn't even realize that wreaths were connected to Christianity until he told me, since they're used during Rembrance Day ceremonies which are often interfaith/nonfaith)

Catholics ARE Christians honey

ETA: oops, should have read further before commenting.