Would you have sex?
 

Hello SoRhors and guest,

I heard this topic on a talk radio station and decided to bring it to the message board so here goes......

If both parties were equally informed would you have sex with a person that has an STD?


AS for me...

First of all I am a whole hearted advocate of abstaining from sex or celibacy until marriage. But If I did or do happen to “fall prey to fornication” with a brotha that happens to be an STD carrier, I would need to know ALL the circumstances surrounding the disease, I mean the Whos, Whats, Whys, How longs, the What happens ifs, and if I really felt comfortable with his answers and his situation I would proceed with protection of course.

Um...
 

Hypothetically Speaking...

An STD is nothing to sneeze at. Some of them can lead to cervical cancer and worse. I don't know if I could look past that and put myself and my future children at risk. I'd have to say thanks, but no thanks.

I would not, because I would constantly be thinking about the worst possible outcome. I would be too afraid to concentrate on the activity.

That's a toughie...

I think it depends on the STD. If its curable, he needs to go to the doctor. However, if its something like Herpes there are ways to have protected sex without transmitting the disease.

I probably wouldn't sleep with someone who had AIDS/HIV/Hepatitis A-E because of the seriousness of the disease.

It would only be worth it if we were madly in love with one another and married. If we're both so in love that we're considering sex, then love, common sense, and required used of prophylactics will conquer our fears. The sex would always have to be protected, and if there's a cure, he has to try to get treatment ASAP.

If it were something currently incurable like HIV/AIDS or herpes, it would be a very serious consideration. Assumptions are dangerous, but I am assuming that Magic and Cookie Johnson have been making a way for over a decade now. Of course, the virus is nearly undetectable for him thanks to the millions of dollars he's spent on treatment.

do you guys think there is a cure or close to being a cure for HIV and AIDS?

Well I can't remember what Chris Rock said verbatim but something about one cannot make money off a cure, the money is the cocktails and all the other meds people take. So I believe something is out there...

I agree with TheEpitome1920

hey sorors and sisterfriends...its been a long time since i posted in here. but my quick answer is no. i wouldnt feel comfortable no matter how informed i was because they are always coming up with new info...after the fact.

Whoa! I was about to mention something about this when I read your post. I believe we are past the days of striving to cure most anything. I'm sure there are people around who are working diligently toward curing various ailments, but it is so true that the real money is made is prolonging life and increasing its quality. I mean, if you cured the disease, that would be the end of the money pouring into research for it, wouldn't it? So, why cure when you can employ all those scientists with steady jobs for years and years?

As for the question...
 

Absolutely not! I've come back to my senses and I won't have sex again until I'm married. I have another question.

For those who are waiting for marriage, what would you do if you got married and your mate admitted to lying about having a serious STD?

I'm not at all about divorce, so I'm not sure what I'd do!

Re: As for the question...
 

There'd be some slow singing and flower bringing! :mad:

But seriously, before I'm married I would like for my fiance and I to have complete physicals. And we WILL share results. That's not some stuff you keep hidden.

Co-signing with TheEpitome1920

But for further discussion, there would be an annulment or divorce very quickly. If my husband fails to reveal that information before we take our sacred vows, then he obviously does not trust and love me enough to give me the opportunity to decide how to deal with the STD. Exclusion of that one important detail is beyond "a little white lie"; that is a major problem that can have an effect on my health, my livelihood, and my life. At that point, I would not have any faith in him, and the marriage and relationship is over from that point. Basically, in that scenario, the problem is bigger than just the STD (which is already a huge problem in itself).

I would have to graph it and see where the intersection of how deadly the disease was versus her hotness modified by my potential inebriation placed me in a cost benefit analysis.

nah, i'm really straight on that.

this is serious...
 

well, as the BIBLE points out, love really does cover a multitude of sin... substitute the word "imperfection" for sin. LOVE sees past a lot of imperfections...and an STD is just that: an imperfection. i am in no way suggesting we all go out and recruit significant others with an STD-- no matter how "non-life threatening" it may be. what i AM suggesting is what love does: love says i am willing to look past your faults and still accept you. think about the person you are currently with: if that person DID NOT KNOW they had an STD and went to the doctor and suddenly became aware of it, would you up and leave them? what if it were completely curable and they were completely honest and just did not know they had it? does your "I LOVE YOU" crumble in the face of chlamydia? but worse still, what if it WASN'T curable-- do you just discard the person you love? there are a ton of people who would argue "self preservation,' but there are tons more still who would stick it out because at the end of the day, that's what love does--that's being a real friend. it's almost like saying you love someone until you find out what their worst imperfections are. to paraphrase t.d. jakes, "isn't that what you really want from a relationship? to know that NO MATTER WHAT, you won't be abandoned--no matter what? To be yourself and hide nothing-- not even your worst imperfection--and know that your friend won't run out on you?" you never know how strong your love is until the relationship is threatened.
i say this because this is a testimony of mine and i learned a lot about what it means to love someone in spite of their flaws. and if someone cares to hear my testimony, PM me. i will most gladly share it with you.
(and no, i don't have anything, but i have been in such a situation and had to re-evaluate what love really means for me.)

Hell No!!!
 

I'm sorry sista. There is NO WAY I could know some girl has a disease and have sex with her! Aint that much money in the world!

Well said, Soror bluethunder.

Bottom line: if it's really love, then your partner will tell you. If you're not in a relationship with that person or you don't respect each other, then you won't care enough to tell anyway. That's probably a great source of the climbing STD rates.

Re: Hell No!!!
 

brother Original Ape...
i never said anything about money...nor did i suggest actively goint out and recruiting someone who had an STD to have sex with...and what if it turned out to be someone you were already involved with and loved? just something to think about...

(Soror Joja Peach: you know we think out of the same brain anyway...)

Re: Re: Hell No!!!
 

We are all entitled to our own opinions. Soror blu, everyone would not run off and have sexual intercourse with somebody with an STD, no matter how much love there was in the relationship. That's real, and that's okay, too.

These diseases have very real consequences, even some of the ones that seem "harmless" can lead to heightened chances of cervical cancer and other reproductive problems. That is a very real chance for some to take, even in the name of "love". This doesn't mean anyone would stop loving anyone else. Love can be shown in a myriad of ways that don't include sex.

Everyone who wants to take those chances in the name of love has that right as an adult, but those who don't want to take those chances have that right, too.

;)

i probably would not have sex.

but what if you found out that your partner was HIV positive and you weren't. would you still take that step and continue a sexual relationship?

Re: Re: Hell No!!!
 

Dear sista,

I hope I didn't give you the impression that I thought you said something about money. The point I was trying to make is that no amount of money could persuade me to have sex with someone who I know is infected with a venereal disease. I assumed the question required the respondent to reply as if the relationship between the two people was either new or a casual one. One would assume that if it was a serious relationship, there wouldn't be any mystery. The infected person would've told the other party about the disease before thangs got deep. As for your question, I don't allow myself to catch feelings for someone unless all my questions are answered; and believe me, I got alot of 'em!

the sad part is that many of us have dated someone with an STD - I for one had crabs and talk about the experience during Project Alpha. I was 19 and clueless but learned a valuable lesson.

To answer the question, yes, I could DATE someone with an STD but I would not sleep with her. :(

Thought I'd resurrect this one..
 

Would I have sex with someone that has an STD? Only under the circumstances that we are already married and he was not aware of the non-life threatening STD before we married. If my husband has something curable, he could take care of that and then we could resume being intimate, no need for me to be upset because he was not aware of it before we married. If my husband has something like Herpes, since he was not aware of this before we married then I probably would continue relations with him with protection and medication for him to prevent him from spreading it to me. If its HIV or something life threatening, I don't know that I could continue to sleep with an infected husband, I'd have to pray that my faith fail me not.
If my husband was aware of his non- life threatening infection when we married and he neglected to tell me, then I am not sure if I would be so forgiving because there is a trust issue that has been compromised through his lying. If my husband got infected after being married to me, he has broken his vow and would have to move the heck on.

In the famous words of Whitney Houston: HELL TO THE NAW!!!!

No

Absolutely not.

Hell naw!!! People, if you're horny, just go to bed early and start masturbating!

At this point I've never been in the situation so right now I'd have to say probably not. But there are many variables one must consider that could possibly change the answer.

I have before, and I probably will again. It's all about being open-minded and educated. I've had sex with someone that is HIV+. I also agree with it depending on the STD. If you have something that is curable, I need you to handle that.

Uhhhh Huh. me too.

I am glad that you were able to make an informed decision. I got scared just reading your reply.
I guess I am not very open-minded. HIV is too serious for me. I might could handle non-life threatening diseases that occured prior to the committment (marriage) to me. I definitely could not, at this point, handle HIV even if that happened before the marriage to me.

If I fell in love with someone who was upfront from the beginning about their status and I educated myself on their STD, then yes. You never know who you will fall in love with or who God has placed in you path for various reasons.

It's definitely not something to play around with. I made sure I was well educated on the situation at hand. In the Atlanta metro area, they even have couples counselors that you can go to with your partner for free to get educated on the situation. I'm sure they probably have them everywhere else too. I found out that it's not recommended to put on two condoms to try to make sex safer. Also, the statistics in Atlanta metro area are horrible. I'm sure there are plenty of people that lie about their status. Who knows if we have had sex with someone that has an STD? How many people actually ask for paperwork? How accurate/recent is the last piece of documentation they have? When having sex, you just have to be cautious of all risks period. You're always taking a chance. I know of someone who got pregnant when a condom was used. You just never know. Honesty is the best policy, and that goes a long way with me.

Nope.

I could only see it under the circumstances of marriage.... maybe.

Never!! I dont wanna get permanent cooties...