Meeting an Online Date
 

Okay ladies, I know this has nothing to do with greek material, but I was wondering have any of you tried online dating. How long do you feel you should wait before meeting face to face?

When you are comfortable. It all depends on the situation.

I have had phone convos with people online but i have never had a real relationship with any of them. I know some people who have and sometimes is works and other times it doesn't. Just be careful if u do, there are some CRAZY people in this world.

Make sure you meet them in public. Dont go their house or let them come to yours. Talk to them on the phone for a while or see if they can email you a decent picture. They make make it easier but be very careful. THERES LOONITICS ON THE INTERNET!!!

I've never met anyone who was relationship material but I have met some nice people. I look at it like meeting a guy anywhere, you just never know. It could work, and then again it could not. A friend can introduce you to a guy that could turn out to be psycho just like a guy off-line could be psycho. Just be careful and don't buy into everything they say. I think many guys who are into online dating have others going on in their personal life too if you know what I am saying. Case in point, one of my sisters who happened to meet her boyfriend on match.com used his AOL account one day to check her email. She found he still had the online dating ring going on and a profile still up after they had been together for over a year. Plus he had all kinds of people on his buddy list with names like boobielicious that were IM'ing "him" while she was online. But again, this is just one case and could happen with any guy, not only the ones you meet online.

Please be careful!! A while ago (before Mr. LnF and I got back together), I met a young man online. I thought he was the greatest. He was a liar, who claimed to be a doctor. Instead, he stole my company credit card number and charged nearly $5000 on it. I almost lost my job over it. I met him on Yahoo Personals. Funny thing is, his story was so straight, I never would have suspected. Just please be careful!

Oh wow, that is insane! Speaking of stealing credit card info, we were having this discussion last nite at our alumnae group dinner. Someone suggested not to use the same password for every site you go to, or to change them frequently. People can get access to this info. while you are online.

Girlllllll!!! You said you ALMOST lost your job? You betta believe that was no one but God on your side!!

Anyway, I have met some people online as well. Trust me...there are some downright indignant people if you do decide to meet them, go to public places, stay in the light. If/when you get more comfortable, some of those walls can come down, but until then, chile, you best keep 'em up!!

soror LnF, something similar happened to someone i know.

she met this guy on the internet and he told her he was a doctor. even showed up on their first date in scrubs. built this whole story but turns out he was posing as a doctor--not just to her but in real life. this nut was writing prescriptions and stealing from the hospital he was working at--AS A JANITOR!!! that fool is in jail now...

dang, why i always got a story to tell?? :confused: :o :)

:eek: :eek:

That's a good story to tell, especially to friends who like talking to people on the net. Thanks 4 sharing!

Now you know I have to throw in all my cents on this one........

Huuuuuuuuuuufffffffffffffffffffff I met this clown on line and he was nice, although I felt like I was on a job interview during our first date because he kept asking these questions that only employers would ask.... Well needless to say I was hired for the second date

Then we go on our second date..............JUST THE THREE OF US......turns out that his STALKING EX showed up and started throwing rocks at my car........HUFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF! Thank god she was an ameture and just threw rocks instead of bricks.......

By the time I got outside her tired behind was gone..........because she was overdue for an arsh whippin

:mad: :rolleyes:

ditto on all advice given before... also let someone know where you'll be and when to expect you back - so in case "something" happens we'll know where to start looking. A friend of a friend was caught up in some TERRIBLE mess earlier this year that began with an online date. Here is a link to that article.

Partly because of this I am sure to let 2 of my friends know where I'll be if on a date. I'm on the paranoid side but i have someone call me during the evening (1) to check up on me and (2) to give me an excusde to roll out if the date is sucky.

Not saying that crazy people aren't everywhere, but please exercise extra caution when meeting people offline. Have fun and BE SAFE!

WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!:eek: OMGoondess girl that is so straight up MESS! :eek:

And yall the story about the former Miss TSU is truly sad, but thankfully she made it through.

CodeBlu,

I would just tell you to be careful and to use the same common sense as you would any other stranger that struck up a convo and asked you out on a date.... (don't have him pick you up at home, meet in a public place, let someone else know where/when you'll be at, pepper spray in purse, etc.)

Mofos online, offline, inline, whatever are just plain CRAZY - DERANGED nowadays. :o

Well, I have never dated anyone I meet online. However I have meet this one guy and we became friends. The first time we met offline we went to this place right off campus which I knew would be packed. I also told several friends that I was going to meet him. I double checked his job and his real name. He turned out to be a really nice guy. However we don't really talk much now.

Re: Meeting an Online Date
 

Thats funny because one of my LS met a guy on the internet and ended up getting engaged. I mean you have to be careful and inform your friends. But i learn that there is an equal amount of crazy people at the clubs, bars and other hang outs as well as the internet. Whew trust me i know. LOL:rolleyes:

OK i have an interesting thing to add to this thread:

Over the 4th of July weekend I met this guy who is a friend of the guy I am dating. He looked really familiar but I couldn't place him. Well after we all hung out the guy I was dating was describing his friend that looked really familiar to me. It hit me then that this kid was someone who had been calling me from match.com awhile ago (i never went out with him though cuz he wasn't my type). I confessed to my new boy about my month of loserness (just kidding) where I decided to try match and how I knew his friend. Well we decided to go on match to look up his profile. We went on and found about 3 of his other friends on there, 2 of which my new boy said have girlfriends that are long-term. So the moral of the story ladies is BE CAREFUL!!!!! PEOPLE ARE NOT ALWAYS WHAT THEY SEEM ON THESE SITES!!!!!!

As a man that has been around the block more than I care to admit, I am saddened to learn of folk that result to these measures. This on-line dating stuff almost never works out. I think folk have just as much success on their on as opposed to the inter-net. Men lie - Women lie - she says she looks like dirty kim, sorry, little kim but really looks like big kim - -- he says he plays football, well maybe in high school 10 years ago but he has not worked out since graduation.

As I have often said, men and women will find the right mate when he or she is most happy with him or herself. Stop looking and work on yourself. When you are whole that special person will come and he will be sent by God not a dot com.

And for all the ladies, I'm taken by Tude, Mrs. Jones and Constance

They can lie anywhere. And are you talking about people in general or just us black folk?

Please accept my apology! I did not realize that I was writing for an academic Nonetheless, I don't support on-line dating for anyone.

Crash--> Sorry I had to do it. I have to argue that online dating can and does work out. Look at all of those people from silly commercials. And--I happened to have been in an "online" relationship, and we have been together for six years, and now married for two. Not to say a person shouldn't be careful--they definitely SHOULD. ;)

I am glad to learn that the relationship worked out for you. Will you share your experience? If so, how many individuals did you meet via the service prior to meeting Mr. Right.

People that I am familiar with have told me time and time again of how they are supposed to meet someone that is “x” feet tall and weighs “x” pounds only to find out the measurements were not correct. Additionally, I'm told that many men state that they are looking for a committed relationship but really just want an intimate relationship. Ultimately, the decision is an individual choice.
Personally, and I know this is not always the case, I think folk that use these services don't have what it takes to attract what he or she may be looking for in a mate - - - but then again, I always say that you never know where you will find love!

I think on-line dating can work and for some, has worked. I know a few people that have met and married the people they met on line, and I know some that it just didn't work for. I believe that living in this technological advanced age, on-line dating is just another manifistation of the times.

i did it once YEARS ago, there was a guy who knew a classmate of mines and saw my pic and im'd me. he was nice enough on the phone, we talked for months before we actually met, it never worked out but he was really a nice guy, just not for me.

id trust the internet more than a chat line though...google is your friend :)

I agree with this.

My brother and sister-in-law met through yahoo personals. They have a beautiful love story. I doubted online dating, until it worked for them. They are now married, and HOPEFULLY working on giving me a niece/nephew. :D

Well, I can honestly say that I've done the online thing before, through Blackplanet, and guess what, we're married. I guess it did help that we lived in the same neighborhood and had the same acquaintances except we didn't know each other. I know of three other couples that have met online and two are married and the other, well they will be next year.

Anyway, the internet is just another tool for people to interact. One could argue that people can portray themselves as something they are not only for it to come out in the end, but, you can meet people in the club, school, on the street, at a bar, wherever, and they do that. In essence, no matter how you meet someone, you still can't be naive.

^^ That's beatiful, DCZeta.

I have quite a few coworkers that have dated online and are married or are soon to be married. Modern technology.

Crashing again because Professor asked me to :)--
I agree with those that say that the internet is just another form of interaction. My husband and I communicated via the internet for months before we met, and like every one said, you need to make sure you are safe (and this goes for r/t meetings, too). True, people can lie about who they are, but you can also look at it another way--sometimes, since you don't see the person, you can truly fall in love with who they are on the INSIDE.

I have dated 2 guys I met online--mind you, I'm a youngin', so by "online" I mean facebook and myspace. :rolleyes: Mr. FB turned out to be a RUFF RUFF DOG. :mad: We talked for a couple weeks after he "approached" me, then met because our schools were close to each other. We talked everyday for 2 months and were definitley "more than friends" when I found out about his fiancee (on Valentine's Day, by the way). Don't know if they're still together, one of my friends turned out to know one of the fiancee's friends and it all got back to her. I swore I'd never date a man off the net again, but Mr. MS caught me off guard.

Mr. MS was actually very decent. I used to work in a security office, so I ran a mini-background check on him. He was totally legit and everything he told me about himself checked out. Only then (after about a month), did I agree to meet him for a movie. We went for a walk around the plaza afterward, hit it off, and ended up dating for about 4 or 5 months (ALWAYS in public places). It didn't work out, but it was worth it; it was a good reminder that there are some good men out there; I'd almost forgotten. So just be careful and don't do anything you aren't comfortable with. The net is fishy, but you might find a good catch.;)

I met my current beau (of about a year and a half) via Yahoo Personals. At first I was kind of wary about trying online dating, but since I had met a bunch of cads at school, through friends, etc. I figured why not try something different? I still don't really understand why so many people continue to look down on online dating, as if those who go this route are inherently more likely to be dishonest about who they are/what they are about. In all dating situations I think that it is important to be safe/smart because the cute person that you meet in the bookstore or wherever is, in my opinion, just as likely to be a liar, psycho, etc. as a person that you meet via the internet.

Just my .02 cents.

I've done the online thing before and its really no different then meeting someone out and about in terms of honesty...if someone is going to lie they will regardless of the venue....the pro to meeting someone on the net is that like someone else mentioned, you can actually get to know someone well if they are forced to communicate with you through writing...someone's talk game could be tight and they could be dumb as a bag of rocks...you can't hide your dumbness when you have to write your thoughts out.......I'd had two sucessful relationships that started online...successful meaning that both men were normal, handsome, non psycho dudes....I coulda met either one out somewhere and got the same results.....no wackos....I know 2 couples that met on the net and are now happily married....I believe it is indeed just a sign of the times...

My husband and I met via email intro through a mutual acquantaince.

If you do write a "personal", hayle, ask for everything you desire in a mate and be creative. Make it challenging and see if he or she can live up to the challenge.

Folks do lie. But, there are some key questions you can ask that no matter what the answer is, you get your answer.

I did write a personal before I was married. My personal just said that "the Universe is my Sanctuary and if you are ready to be under my realm of belief, the welcome, assante and ashe..."

Speak to them IM or email at a nondescript site. Then when you feel comfortable, have them call you.

And as crazy as it sounds, make the person meet you at church. If they say they can't, then, hey--you know! Better to know now and have the scrutiny by those who already are familiar with you... ;)

Just saw this thread. I know of several friends who have developed relationships with men they met online - and none of them met on dating sites. The meetings were all random (like Xanga, MySpace, Facebook, etc.) Three of my friends are now married to the men they met online.

I'm still wary of dating sites - but, Professor, I completely disagree with your assertion that a "special person will come and he will be sent by God not a dot com." God is in everything.

Your statement reminds me of the modern parable about the man whose house was flooding. When the water was very low, some friends came by in a big truck and asked him if he needed help. He said, "No, I'm waiting for God to save me." Then, the water got higher and some friends came by in a boat. Upon asking if he required assistance, he replied again, "No, I'm waiting for God to save me." Finally, when the water was about to cover the roof of his house, a helicopter hovered overhead and he was asked one last time if he needed help. He still said, "No, I'm waiting for God to save me." After he died, he asked God why He hadn't saved him. God said, "I sent you a truck, a boat and a helicopter."

The same applies here. God is in everything, even dating sites.

LOL but I like that J! Point WELL taken. By the way, my date went quite well.

This is soooo true and writing back and forth can be so intimate. Also, I don't know why some people think that meeting people in person in random places (gas station, mall, supermarket, park, nightclub etc.) is less risky than meeting for a date with someone you met online. No matter where you meet the person, on the first date(s), you should be careful, meet and leave them in a public place, and not go home with them. I dated two guys I met online and I've been married to one of them for going on 3 years now. So I definitely say that those who refuse to date people they meet online could be missing out. There are a lot of people out there that don't like meeting people in the street. I think I might still be single if it wasn't for the internet because I don't like the club scene and I don't like being approached in random places either, so for me cyberspace was more comfortable.

P.S.

I met my husband at www.BlackSinglesConnection.com. When I was on there some of the people seemed very serious about finding mates and lots of people posted testimonials about finding their spouses...I posted mine too but I don't know if it's still there. I remember that there was also a lot of different people of African descent on there, not just African Americans.