Would you go to this wedding?
 

I'll try to make this story as simple as possible, but we've got a complicated history!

My ex-boyfriend/ex-quasi-fiance is getting married at the end of August. We haven't been together in almost 5 years, so our relationship is pretty much water under the bridge. We grew up together, our parents were friends, yada yada, I'm going to know everyone at this wedding.

He's getting married to a girl whom he's been dating about 6 months, but I guess it doesn't suprise me as he was always very marriage minded and is getting a lot of pressure from his family/ our home town/ etc. because he's already in his 30s. Anyway, I guess that's not relevant to the story, sorry.

What is relevant, is that I've never met this girl, or heard anything about her. She, I'm sure (and I apologize in advance for this sounding conceited) has heard a lot about me, simply because his family is convinced I was the one who got away.

So... we talked the other day and he wants to invite me to his wedding. I told him that I'd like to come, but only if his fiance is comfortable with it... I don't want to be the gigantic skeleton in the closet that shows up on what's supposed to be the happiest day of her life. He assures me that it will be fine, but I'm still up in the air about it.

Also... part two: I'm getting married 3 weeks after he is (kind of freaky, hey?). Should we invite him since he invited us? It would be great to have him there... he's always been a great friend, and like I said, our relationship is ancient history as far as Mr. Ginger and I are concerned. I am a little worried about the whole family deal though, and people wondering "Isn't that the guy.....?"

I say go to the wedding. However, if the fiance does, indeed, truly and honestly feel wierd about you being there, she will tell this boy, and he will tell you. If she admits she was to feel slightly wierd about it, I say don't go.

I think you should definitely invite them to your wedding....if it's fine w/ you and fine w/ your husband-to-be, what's the harm? He's still a good friend, isn't he?

See, that's what I'm concerned about.... he's the kind of guy that, even if she does say she's uncomfortable, he won't tell me that because he wants me to come. (one of the many reasons we are not together anymore, LOL)

Yeah, I'm not nearly as concerned about inviting him to ours as I am about going to his. I know Al (my fiancee) isn't fazed by it (heck, one of my ex-boyfriends is standing up for us!) but I don't know anything about this girl.

Ah, I see.

Let's put it this way. I had a few of my exes at our wedding (but they're still some of my closest friends), but my husband did not have any of his exes in attendance....he just hasn't remained friends w/ them like I have w/ mine.

I don't know your whole situation, so I can't give you an absolute answer. Have you ever met this girl? What makes you think she doesn't like you? If you think she has a problem w/ you being there, she most likely does. Put yourself in her shoes -- if it was Al who wanted to invite "that" ex to the wedding, how would you feel if she came?

I say if you're feeling at all uncomfortable about going to his wedding. Don't go.
If you don't believe he's telling you the truth. Ask to speak with his fiance about it.

I've never met her.... or heard anything about her, so I have no idea what she thinks of me. The whole thing seems kind of wierd, really... a lot of people I've talked to didn't even know he was getting married.

For all I know, she couldn't care less about me being there, and that would be awesome, because I'd love to go. But on the same token, she could be very against it, and like I said... I'd never know since he wouldn't say anything.

I'm leaning towards not going.... I'm going to email him back and lay out my concerns again and see what he says. It will probably be best if I can talk to him on the phone about it, because I'll get an idea from his tone of voice what the real situation is. But I'm curious what some of you would do in this circumstance.

I probably wouldn't go... granted it would be fun, but it's her special day... and if you are worried about her having the sloghtest bit of anxiety about you being there I wouldn't go... she's going to have enough to worry about without the added worry of one of her fiancee's exes that "got away"...

I've kinda been in this situation although I was not invited to the wedding due to the bride's feelings towards me.... the groom wanted me there but out of respect to the bride's wishes I was not invited... which I'm totally ok with...

I would go, but sometimes I like to be a troublemaker. :D

Is there any way you can meet her before the wedding? Maybe y'all could go out on a double date. She's probably built you into this perfect person that you are not (not that you are not a sweetie pie, but you know what I mean ;) ).

You sound like you and this guy have a good history and are close despite the break-up. If both your fiancees are cool with it, I saw go and also invite him to your wedding.

so, we're at about 50/50 so far... everyone/where else I've asked has been 50/50 too!

Trying to meet her before hand is a good idea... we live about 3 hours apart, but maybe we could meet halfway, or at least talk on the phone (though the phone might be awkward).... you guys have some great ideas!

I have an ex who I've stayed very close with. He actually got engaged about a week before me. His fiancee has never met be, but she has negative feelings towards me because she has never had an ex she stayed friends with. She doesn't understand it. They happen to be having a civil ceremony next Friday (to get her Green Card). I will be in town with my fiancee the weekend after and dad is having sort of a BBQ/engagement party for us. I emailed the ex to see if he would like to come and bring his new wife so maybe the air could be cleared. He said he'd love to but he'd have to run it by her and she how she felt. Once he said that, I had this strange revelation - I am also a soon to be bride. That day will be mine and his to share. I don't want a single unessecary worry. And I wouldn't want any other bride feeling that way (even if I hated her! ;) ). So, what am I saying?!?! I don't think you should go. If you want to invite him to yours, go for it. But dont rain on this girl's special day.

Good luck - and if you do go, make sure to tell us about it!

maybe you can talk to someone that knows her? like on of your ex's family members. but if you do go, you should bring your fiance and then invite the new couple to your wedding??

Well, here's the (relevant) part of what I wrote back to him.

Dear Michael,

I'm so excited to hear that life is going so well for you! Yup, 3 weeks between your wedding and mine! I'd be honoured to attend, but, I want you to know... I only want to come if BOTH you and your fiancee are comfortable with it. I know it's been a long time since we've seen each other, and the last thing I would want would be for either of you to feel the slightest bit uncomfortable on the happiest day of your lives. So bear that in mind, and discuss it. If you do still want to send an invitation, I'd be happy to accept!

My address is:
(address)

I'll need yours as well!

(blah, blah, blah, non-related stuff)

So I'm dying to know about your fiancee. What is she like? I'd love to meet her but I'm sure if your summer is anything like ours, it's pretty unlikely! So you'll have to tell me all about her in the meantime. I'm glad to hear your family is doing well, too! Is Aaron still in the Navy?

(more blah blah blah)

Well, I suppose I shouldn't talk your ear off. I hope to hear back from you soon. I'm so excited for you, and give Missy my best wishes too!

Ginger

You'll have to keep us posted on what you decide!

When is your wedding?

September 17th!

I wouldn't go. It doesn't matter how "alright" your ex tells you she is with you attending his wedding, there is bound to some animosity in the back of her mind. Why give her cause to have more anxiety on her special day than need be?

It's times like this that make me happy that, even though I am still friends with a lot of my exboyfriends, they do not put me in the awkward situation of inviting me to their weddings. I know for sure that one of their wives would have told her husband that it was fine if he invited me and then completely freaked out when she saw me there. She still really has a complex about me and I don't know why. Oh well! It's her loss ;)

It's your decision, but I wouldn't attend.

Women are competitive . .. or so i have been told.

So, if you are clearly and objectively better looking, don't go. It will make her feel bad about herself.

IF she is clearly and objectively better looking, go, cause she will see the difference right away and be relieved.

Honestly, I have had girlfriends that had a best guy friend or best-ex-boyfriend . . . and I was always relieved to meet them, it was a competition issue.

YES.

(Only because I hate that word "Co-Sign")

don't go. sounds like a trainwreck waiting to happen.

no matter how happy you are w al and he is w his fiancee, you just don't know how emotions will play out that day.

plus, if it was my wedding and one of mr amycat's exes was there? I'd be VERY unhappy with that. I don;t think most brides want a reminder of their new husband's past love life around on their wedding day.

Hey if she was hideous and you knew they were still friends . . would you feel better though?

Okay... I think I've made up my mind not to go. I'll still invite him to ours, but I just don't know enough about his fiancee, and don't want to run the risk of being a drama-starter.

Thanks for the advice, yall :)

Send her a really really really nice wedding gift :) Then see if she still wants you to go, hehe

If you get an invitation and want to go, I say go. You know you are mature enough to handle it and I doubt that you will really have that much interaction with him while you're there - the groom is usually a little preoccupied with the bride and making sure to greet everyone.

I'd go. WEddings are fun.