Changing your name
 

Today at work we talked about women changing their last name after marriage. It got interesting, to say the least.

My question(s):

GUYS: If you are married, did your wife change her name? If so, was it a mutual decision. If not, how do you feel about it?

GIRLS: If you are married, did you change your name? Why or why not?

BOTH: Do you believe that women should their name? Why?

I did not change my name when I got married, and I won't change it when/if I get married again. It wasn't even an issue for me and it didn't even occur to me to think about changing it -- in my opinion, there is not one good reason to do it.

I believe that a woman should do whatever she wants -- it's completely an individual decision, and she should do what she prefers.

Cosign!!

Concur :)

I already have a hyphenated name (and no, it's not because I've prviously been married), and I'll likely keep *half* of my name and then take on my husband's name, as well.

I also agree that it's a very personal an individual decision, and something to think about before getting married.

Just my .02 :)

I'm a traditionalist... i plan on changing mine.

However, I do feel that its a personal decision. Everybodies different. What works for one person may not work for the next.

I hyphenated for a couple of years. I had done a great deal of horticultural research under my maiden name and didn't want to suddenly disappear; also, my mother-in-law worked on campus and she too was Mrs. ___ _____.

However, my hyphenated name was so long and cumbersome that I finally gave up doing it and just used my maiden name as much as possible. I found that since I was using Dr. and my mother-in-law was using Mrs., we didn't get confused much after all.

i am old fashioned. i think that a woman should change her name.

i know that what i say doesnt matter cause women can do whatever the heck that they want. but i think that it is important to take on the name of the male.

If/When I marry, I'm going to keep my maiden name as a middle name and take my husband's name as my last name.

I'm curious -- why?

I'm changing mine. Never even considered not changing it. I want everyone in my family to have the same name.... I've meet too many families where the mom, the dad, and each of the kids all have different names. It's too confusing.

Besides, his last name is so much easier, in my case :)

I have a really, uhmmm, interesting last name. It's been my identity for so long I can't really see giving it up. I think I would plan on hyphenating assuming his last name didn't look too weird with mine in which case I won't use his.
The only complication is kids. Assuming you have children and they take his name it would be strange to at least not be using the hyphenate. Honestly, I can also see myself giving up on the hyphenate if there's several years and a kid or two involved. As non feminist as that sounds I think that's how it will go down realistically.

Thank you for being the voice of sanity! My pet peeve is people who don't do this once they are married! Unless you go by your original middle name, you should drop it and use your maiden name as your middle name if you intend to take your husband's last name.

[/rant]

Anyway, as far as the way I feel on the subject, it doesn't really matter to me what a woman chooses about her last name once she gets married. If I ever decide to get married, I intend to keep my maiden name, because of my extreme feminist principles. (Notice the "IF" prefix of that statement, LOL.) Even bigger IF I decide to have children, they will have a hypenated last name.

Also, not many last names sound really good with Randi!

Whenever I get married, I'm planning on dropping my maiden name, and keeping my middle name, and using his last name.

May I ask why? Some maiden names (mine included) are too cumbersome to use as a middle name.

I took my husband's name and dropped my maiden name completely. Why? I wanted to. I felt no strong attachment to my maiden name (not strong enough to keep it anyway). It's long and difficult to spell and pronounce where my husband's is easier. I did not have an established career where people would know me specifially by my maiden name. I want all our family to have the same name when we have children. To me taking your husband's last name is not giving up your identity or compromising who you are, it's not a sign that my husband "owns" me; it's upholding the agreement you make in your marriage vows to become one.

Then again my vows also included the word "obey" and I had no problem with that, either. And believe me, I am a strong-willed, intelligent, independent woman, not a 1950's throwback to June Cleaver.

Personally I just think it's a pain in the you know what to change my name after all these years (all of that paperwork). I'm 34 and god knows what age I'll be when (or if) I finally get married. I've been known by this name so long, why change it.

But I also don't see it as being any big deal. Like they say "a rose by any other name would smell as sweet".

Since I am estranged from my father, I dropped my maiden name. I no longer wanted anything to do with it. I go by Jill MYmiddlename HisLastName

My husband would have been cool with whatever I wanted to do. He was the one who suggested I keep my last name. But after my father dissed me for the last time, I knew I was going to toss the maiden name
I am with Val, a woman should do whatever she wants

WOW! Is that actually your name?? I hate to stank myself out here, but I have to do it now.

My name is Jennis Carroll lastname!!!

I'll also be going with Jennis Carroll maidenname lastname.

Actually, though it's not on my birth certificate, I am commonly referred to (by the family) as:

Jennis Carroll mother'smaidenname lastname

So I think I might even go ahead and say:

Jennis Carroll mother'smaiden maiden lastname - and go by Jennis lastname

(First name and mother's maiden are from Mother; Middle name and "maiden name" are from Father)

I tacked my husband's last name onto my own, keeping my middle name and maiden name as my two midle names. I go by Ms. (not Mrs.) Hislastname.

Why? I feel very close to him and his family. I had only been working for about a year, so I didn't have a pressing professional need to keep the same name. Plus his last name is very distinctive, and I like it better than my maiden name. I thought about hyphenating, but his name is just too darn long!

What really irritates me is when people address things to "Mrs. Hisfirstname Hislastname." I took his last name, not his first! I am told that "Mrs. Herfirstname Hislastname" would indicate that she is divorced... which is part of why I use Ms. rather than Mrs.

Each couple should decide for themselves what to do about their last name - whether it's the "traditional" she-takes-his-name, she keeps her maiden name, she keeps her maiden name professionally but changes it socially, he takes her name, one or both of them hyphenate, or they both change to a new last name. Massachusetts makes this very easy: On the marriage certificate, there is a column for the groom and another for the bride. Each party states their full name, then underneath is the surname after marriage. So people can do whatever they want, and I think that's as it should be.

i'll take my husband's last name and completely drop my maiden name. i like the traditional way.

but also, i completely hate my father and want nothing to do with him and therefore don't want his name associated with me.

i don't like the idea of keeping my maiden name as a middle name. i know a few people who do, and i think a last name as a middle name sounds funny in many cases.

I'm keeping my name. I've already published work and have built up some professional credibility under THIS name; in academia, it's not a very good idea to have publications by one person under several different names. That's why you'll see women who have been divorced for decades still go under Husband #1's name. In smallish fields such as mine--you really don't want to do the name switch.

Also, my name reflects my ethnicity. If I hated my father's last name and my family so much, believe me, I would have changed it loooong before marriage was a possibility. If someone from my area knows my last name, they'll also know who my "people" are. It's a variation on a very common name, but it is limited to a small area of the state. Mr. Munch's name is the same way--it reflects his background, not mine! I'd rather keep my last name. :) It doesn't mean I love him any less; nor does it mean that women who change their names love their husbands more than I will love mine.

Maybe things would be different if I were a Jones or a Smith. :)

Also, Sister Munch kept her name. My nephew has a hyphenated name. He has both of his parents' last names. Where is the confusion in that? :confused:

Besides, there are already two Mrs.________. There really don't need to be any more. :p

If, and when I get married, I simply don't care if my wife keeps her name. Whatever she decides is fine with me.

One thing that I do not like, however, is hypenated last names for children. What happens when a child with a hyphenated last name goes on to marry someone with a hyphenated last name? Do their children's hyphenated last names get hyphenated?

Munch, I have a friend that goes by her maiden name professionally and her married name socially. Funny I met her after she got married but only really know her by her maiden name (she is one of the news reporters on the local news radio stations).

As far as my old man (aka the sperm donor), the final dissing and the straw that broke the camels back happened 3 months before my wedding. I wouldn't hyphenate because it would sound weird with our last names.

My husband's ex wife went back to her maiden name

That's wild!! If your last initial is B I'd really freak.

I'm going to move my maiden name to my middle name....but I really haven't decided if I will keep my middle name and just have 2. I would just drop my last name like tradtion, but my finace is Mexican and if/when we go to Mexico, if I use my madien as a middle name, I will already be within custom as Mexico is different then here...
Example...when the baby is born it is here in the US either:
Maria Anna Mylastname Hislastname

or

Juan Pedro Mylastname Hislastname

But when we travel/move to Mexico, it's the other way around, the father's name is first...and when a woman gets married in Mexico, if she chooses (yes, I was suprised to find that even in Mexico many women don't change their names) their husband's name replaces their mother's last name...

Ok now that I've confused you all with non-relevant info...

[/south of the border hijack]

I have a bad habit of asking questions and then not answering them
 

I will keep my name professionally, but if I ever had kids I'd probably hyphenate. I like hyphenated names in most cases. My sister babysat for a little girl whose last name was "Jerkowicz-Tankersley" That poor poor little girl :)

If a wife didn't take my name, she wouldn't be my wife.

-Rudey
--I don't date girls who get strength from not changing their names.

like i said, women can do whatever the heck that they want. i am very traditional when it comes to marriage.

it is really no big deal for the woman to change her name. but every woman thinks differently.

i am trying to use caution with my explaining my viewpoint. i just think that the husband's name should continue on in the family.

I don't think making one's maiden name her middle name after marriage is all that weird, since you're probably not going to use it on a regular basis. It's only on legal documents that it is used. At work, the name tag outside my cubicle/office will say Cynthia Husbandsname. I also don't have a problem being listed as Mrs. Husbandsfirstname Husbandslastname on social invitations. But then again, I'm kind of old fashioned.

First marriage: Took his name and didn't change it back after the divorce. I had pretty much just gotten everything switched over and it was such a hassle! Denise Marie 1sthubname

Second marriage: Changed it to Denise Maidenname 2ndhubname

It remains that now (even though we're divorced). If you don't change your name, just don't get haughty with the school when they call you Mrs. Hislastname because they just tend to go with the kids' names. It's so confusing for them! They sometimes refer to my ex as my husband, and usually catch themselves and apologize. I tell them not to worry.

Many of the women I work with were published already when they got married and kept their maiden names. Most who were not published took their husbands names.

It's very individual. But, as I said, if your name is different than your childrens' names, don't get rude if someone calls you Mrs. Child's last name.

Dee

I was having this same conversation a few days ago. I was really surprised at the number of people (men and women) who thought the woman keeping her maiden name was best. It wasn't an issue for me at all, but I've noticed a pattern in this thread-if a woman doesn't get along well with her father, she wants to change her name. That is definitely me.

What I want to know is, what are the reasons for not changing your name? Is everyone doing if for merely professional reasons? Or is it also a sort of independence thing?

Professionally, I want to have it hyphenated. But outside in the non-professional world I want to be known as Mrs. hislastname. Much easier than my own last name!

I figure I have to have some man's last name anyway-why not the man I choose as my husband?:)

But if he had a weird last name that I didn't like-I'd keep mine probably.

In Quebec, women aren't allowed to change their name to their husband's after marriage. Apparently, it's because of the high divorce rate there.

My last name means crap to me. My parents are divorced and I dont care for my father after all that went down, this all happened when I was 5. My mom got remarried and my stepdad became my dad to me, but I didnt let him adopt me cause I felt bad for a long time about it and my real father, now I wish I had.

Anyways, as soon as I got married I changed my last name to my hubbys. One I didnt like my old one, but I wanted my hubbys. I am sooooo proud to take him name and everyone to know we are married and I like being Mrs. I know we hope to be married forever so I dont plan to change my name again.

I know a few more recently married women who have changed their name... but I was talking to my flute teacher about it last year, and she said that most people just don't do it anymore, so she wasn't going to either. I think it's more of a widespread personal choice than any sort of law.
If the divorce rate is the reason that people there have stopped doing it though... that just seems incredibly pessimistic to me.

Actually, tradition in Hispanic countries is that people are identified by their surname and mother's maiden name, especially with surnames as common as Perez. In professional circles, it's not unusual for both last names to be used to refer to someone. For example, my late grandmother's family doctor in Venezuela was always referred to as Dr. Marcos Matos. The current wannabe-Fidel running Venezuela today is usually called Hugo Chavez Frias. Back when I was living in Venezuela, I took the Spanish version of my name, Charles Corway Sanchez.

Women in Latin American countries follow the same custom of last name/maiden name until marriage, when the husband's last name is added with the prefix 'de' (literally, 'wife of'). Here's an example:

Single: Pastora Lopez Portillo
Married: Pastora Lopez Portillo de Santa Maria.

In many cases, to shorten a cumbersome combination of names the woman will drop the maiden name and simply refer herself as (example) Pastora Lopez de Santa Maria. She generally reverts to her maiden name combination upon divorce; in the case the husband dies, she may keep the husband's name and add 'viuda de' (widow) of (husband's name).

My maiden name will go bye-byes when I marry. I have a very Polish last name that just wouldn't make for a good hypenation or middle name. I've always said that I'm going to marry a man with a nice simple last name. Who knows, maybe it'll end up being even worse than mine. :)

My sister-in-law always says that she was looking for someone whose last name was Jones. It's one of the few names that isn't spelled more than one way.

My maiden last name (which I took back after my divorce) isn't even "mine", I have found out while doing genealogy. But I respected my dad too much not to use it. It's uber-German, and while my dad's family is Swiss-English, my last name should be Block. *sigh*

I would probably go by my future husband's name, but do this in writing.

I can't quite put my finger on exactly why I won't change my name. To me, it's bigger than just professional, but I don't think that saying it's independence is really right either, because I'm independent no matter what my name is. I just don't agree with the custom of the woman changing her name and I don't see how it's relevant to my life (that's not to say that I have any opinion on whether or not anybody else should or shouldn't change her name -- I'm only talking about myself). I think it's just a tradition -- and I'm not one for traditions unless I agree with them. My name is rather ethnic and very difficult -- it's impossible to spell, pronounce, and very long. Yes, it came from a man, but as soon as I was born, it became mine. It's been my name for my entire life, and as cumbersome as it is, it's mine.

Since I don't want to have kids, what name they'd get isn't an issue to me. However, I would not give kids dad's last name without at least a discussion. Since my name is so difficult, giving them hyphenated names would be unpleasant, but I don't see a problem with making up a new name for them that incorporates both mother and father's names -- or, making up a whole new name for the family. I don't see the big deal, either, about having differnent names within a family, and could see giving a girl mom's last name or a boy dad's, or something along those lines.

Also, it would offend me if anyone ever called me Mrs., especially Mrs. Hisfirst Hislast. That's just not for me, ever.