I don't know if I want my son to pledge.
 

I just posted on the thread on branding in Texas , I stated I don't know if I want my son to pledge, he is 7 and a great kid. I asked my wife and she agreed she had problems, now keep in mind my wife was greek at Vanderbilt and I was Greek at UT-Austin, big Greek schools, and like many families in the south I can count perhaps 20 Greek family members.
My wife and I don't have any where near the same problem with our daughters if they want to go through rush thats fine.
At a minimum I'll darn sure check out the chapters rep before I help pay my sons fraternity dues.
Does anyone else have reservations about brothers or sisters or their kids pledging?

my baby brother is a bruh...

<----proud prophyte

Re: I don't know if I want my son to pledge.
 

Am I reading this correctly? Your son is 7 and you don't know if you want him to pledge? I think that he might be too young for you to start worying about this.

I'd hope that your son would be able to make those kinds of decisions for himself when he's 18 -- then live with them.

I wouldn't worry about it. Hazing and dangerous activities will be stamped out by the time your son is ready for college.;)

I just thought about the dads point of view and said if my son was 18, after reading this article, about branding and remembering the APA's at SMU and the PHI PSi's Sigma Nu's, KA's at UT and A&M and this just off the top of my head in 10 seconds. What would I tell my son? I would tell him to be careful,I'd probably call the IFC and inquire about the chapters status and down about half a bottle of tums, thats sad.
KT Snake I really don't think hazing will be gone in 10 years.

All i have to say you should be up for Father of the year for worry about something that may happen in ten years.

Yeah you should care about this stuff and have a word in your sons choice as to rush or not but I had to talk my mom into it and she hasn't regretted trusting me to join a Fraternity.

I have made great friends and had great experiences and she knows those are beneficial to me for now and the future.

Sure hazing may be around still when he rushes but then again it will always be around.


So do what you feel is best.

O.K. Some of you think that at 7, this dad is thinking prematurely about his son pledging. In his defense, I do have to say that many parents start a college fund for their child when they find out they are having a baby or after the birth of a child so why should this be any different?
I say this b/c while many may not agree, your experience with Greek Life can affect you in many positive & negative ways so I don't think it's too early to start thinking about this. I do agree with the person who said that by the time this boy is old enough to go to college, he'll be mature enough to decide for himself if Greek Life is for him.

How do you know that your son will even want to pledge?

At that age, I think that they should be able to make educated decisions.

I had no reservations about my sister pledging. She pledged my organization, has done very well, and is taking my place as president this year!

Maybe you would feel more comfortable if he rushed your fraternity? I know if I had children, I would feel more comfortable if my child rushed my organization, just because I would have more insight into the ways things work and what happens.

Totally agree! My son is almost 6 months old, and while I was feeding him yesterday, it hit me: this child will want a car someday! Then, my husband (who's in Iraq) called and was freaking about how he'd tell him about drugs. As parents, you see things much differently. And, I agree, it's NEVER too early to be thinking ahead. I also agree that by the time they're 18, you'll have little say in what they do!

aj

I dont want this to sound disrespectful, but being overly blunt illustrates my point.

That you are thinking about your sons involvment in a fraternity at age 7? Great. Nothing wrong with wondering about and planning for your childrens future. That makes you a great dad.

If you are as good of a dad as you probably really are then you will have nothing to worry about. You will raise a smart intellegent son who will have been given the tools to make HIS own decisions. If you dont think you will trust his decisions, then now is the time to start doing a better job as a parent.

It has nothing to do with greek life. Good or bad, his decisions will be his. Thats the only way he will learn and grow as an individual. I've learned far more from my failures than from my successes.

I was kidding.

I am wondering if that is a misprint and your son is 17, not 7. In any event, I think that when a "child" is in college it is time for them to make their own decisions; you can advise them and support them but they are going to do what they want in the long run. Also, as a parent, I don't think you should be helping to pay your child's dues. This is a good way for him to learn responsibility and financial management. Not all Greek letter organizations live up to the stereotypes you hear or the stories you read about in the newspaper and see on the news. I know organizations still haze but bottom line as I said before, it is up to your child what they decide to do. I have had sisters in my organization whose parents didn't want them to pledge because they (the parents) bought into all of the stereotypes, but after their child became a member of the organization they became very supportive and involved because they saw what a great thing it was and how proud their daughter was of their organization. If I were you I would look at some of the other posts such as the recent one we started (pre-teens and teens having sex) and focus on issues like that with your child, since in my honest opinion, these issues are more dangerous then pledging a Greek letter organization. Good luck!

Did your mom and dad keep you from pledging, or sway you into one org. and not another? Let the kid choose for himself, he'll be an adult when the time comes anyway. I hated it when we had great kids come through rush, but they said "my parents said they wouldn't pay my tuition if I pledged". Thats crap.

I remember that. Certain parents wouldn't let their kids join our GLO. More often then not these were the kids that you ended up seeing in the bar or on campus drunk every night or causing trouble. They did this on their own and not because they were a member of a GLO. I also want to point out that any GLO in good standing MAKES SURE academics, work, and family committments come before "pledging". In my organization, never ever EVER was a new member "not allowed" to go home, or not work, and ESPECIALLY, not miss class. I do know that all 3 Nationals on my campus in fact (D*Phi*E, SDT and AEPhi) actually went and stood outside of the classrooms to make sure new members were there. Also, library hours ARE REQUIRED and you need a certain GPA to even be considered for pledging. A GLO should add to your life, not totally absorb your life. I think that what parents see as "negative" choices their kids make in college has nothing to do with the GLO itself, but with the choices their child will make regardless on his or her own. Also, in terms of academics, we had a small minority of sisters in my organization who didn't go to class and do poorly of their own free will, not because WE said "oh sister don't go to class today". Our chapter banned them from attending anything until they got their stuff together with their academics. I also know that E-board members actually spoke to parents of one sister in one scenario because they were concerned about her failing grades and other personal problems. D*Phi*E believes that you are not at school to party and waste your education and money. That only promotes a bad image for any GLO. GLO's that are in good standing are always supportive of their members through bad times and good.

I think your views may change as he gets older. Since he's only 7, you're probably in that overprotective stage. I'm guessing that when he's 18 that you'll be more assured your son will make the right choices.
This is a decision he needs to make for himself. How would you have felt if your father told you that you could not join your fraternity because he was worried you would be hazed?
I think there comes a time where parents need to have faith that their children will make good decisions on their own.
A lot can change in 11 years and I hope that you see things differently in that time.

Re: Re: I don't know if I want my son to pledge.
 

lol dont kid yourself

My son will be a senior in high school this fall and as a greek that has had a wonderful experience for the last *cough*cough* years I lean toward encouraging him to go through rush in the fall of 2005. However, as much as I trust his judgement, I still worry about him getting involved in a situation that he won't be able to get himself out of ...

I have been concerned about the hazing problem, especially for fraternities, for the past several years. I will probably take the course of encouraging him to research the groups whereever he ends up chosing to go and trying to advise him on what to look for and what to stay away from.

BTW .. if anyone is interested .. he is currently planning on attending the University of Arizona, although this is subject to change...

And I would welcome any hints, tips, or help that anyone wants to share with him.

So we might have a fall 2005 fraternity rush story to share.

I highly suggest that your son, re-colonize the Beta chapter there. We have a big chapter at UA in Tuscon, as well as a big alumni base down there. If interested, PM me...

That's the best advice possible. As another parent of a (soon-to-be) 7 year-old boy, I couldn't have said it better. The task now is to teach him how to make good decisions. That includes letting him screw-up so that he can learn from his mistakes.

It also includes teaching him to be comfortable with (and proud of) who he is. Submitting to hazing to belong is just another step in the peer pressure chain that you will soon see if you haven't already. Helping a child to have enough self-confidence and self-assurance to withstand that peer pressure is perhaps one of the greatest tasks for any parent.

Good luck (to all of us)!

There are a lot of other decisions that are going to come about before you'll ever have to worry about your son joining a fraternity. Maybe he'll want to go to a school without Greeks, maybe he won't even want to go Greek, maybe he won't want to go to a four-year (HA!) college and opt for trade school, maybe we won't be able to afford college! My advice is take one step at a time...get him through elementary school first.

No offense, but that's not a decision for you to make.

Especially not 11 years in advance!

I agree with lifesaver. The best thing you could do for your son (and the Greek system!) is teach him to make good decisions--to be a person of character and and man with the courage to support his convictions.

When he's ready for school and if he chooses to go Greek, help HIM research the chapters on campus. You know what questions to ask--encourage him to ask them.

If you did your job as a parent, it won't matter what the chapter wants him to do will, he'll make the right decisions.

Worrying about your 7 year-old being hazed in college is a lot different from setting up a college savings plan.

There's always the huge possibility that he may not want to go Greek, or will go to a school that doesn't have a Greek system.

I'm just really interested in hearing about your opinions on Sig Nu's at A&M and UT.

Seeing as how i am an alum of the A&M chapter and have had pretty close working knowledge of the UT chapter for the past couple years, i'd like to hear it.

PM me, if you have the nuts to back up your statement.

Kitso
KS 361

I don't know about his views on A&M, but he's probably referring to the incident at UT in 1990 that got them closed (he said he was a Greek at UT around that time, so I'm sure that's the time frame he's referring to).

Has SN returned to UT? I thought they were closed for.e.ver. Good for them-I hope they have been very successful b/c they had alot of history.

Sigma Nu's closed in 1990 at UT for hazing lost their house on 26th street as well. 130 man chapter gone ,one pledge was seriously injured by a hammer if I remeber correctly.Last time I was in Austin Kappa Sig's were in the old SN house.

folks take things way too much to heart on this board.

My nephew is 3 years old. Gosh, I can tell he's going to be a hazer already. You should see the way he bosses his older sister around!

Somebody has got to do it, right? j/k

First i must apologize for thinking this is hilarious but i do

As far as I know the UT chapter is active. I met a few of them a couple years back when I was an active at some regional leadership workshop.

Sorry g,

i was in a bit of a pissy mood when i responded to you, thank you for your PM. I thought you were trying to implicate my chapter in some way.

The last contact i had with Upsilon chapter was about 2 years ago. They had about 7 or 8 active brothers and had moved into a smaller house. (out of the one next door to the Beta house) Its been hard for them since recolonization.

Kitso
KS 361

Someone may have answered your question already, but yes, Sigma Nu is back at UT. My husband helped recolonize them there and helped with their big re-opening ceremony thingy( forgive me if I can't recall the exact term :D ).