Dating an ex-drug user?
 

I'm begining to date a guy, but his past sort of bothers me. His freshman year of college he went wild and started drinking and doing Exstacy heavily. Then he started smoking up.

I've never tried any sorts of drugs or been around people using any drug except for weed.

He says he has done a 180 with his life and he has happily stopped doing everything like that.

My question is, what exactly sort of experience do you have while on ecstacy? Is it one of the drugs that causes you to want to have sex while you under it. B/c I honestly can't handle a guy who has had lots random hookups.

Any other advice on dating an ex-druggie would be helpful! :)

Re: Dating an ex-drug user?
 

If you're looking for a virgin perhaps you should join the Yahoo group: IJudgeOthersAndWillBeMiserable.

-Rudey

hey, i say go with your gut on this one. i went on a date with a guy on wed nite who told me a lot of stories involving what he was probably trying to sell to me as recreational drug use. my gut was telling me that he may not be my choice of a guy to date and i really didn't believe everything he had to say. i hung out with someone who knows him last night and he said he has always been known as a major coke head and for doing wild and crazy stuff. my friend told me to do what i wanted because there always "is a chance" that some things about people are embellished, however he did say this guy had a major reputation and he would not be good for me. people can do whatever they want with their life and i have nothing against people who get drunk or high every once in awhile but when it makes you do things that could put your life or others lives at risk (mainly mine) that is a different story.


people can change and we shouldn't judge people from what they've done in their past but if you are having doubts, and there are things you couldn't handle about someone that they have done in their past, i wouldn't get involved. the relationship is already doomed from the start if you can't handle things about the person.

good luck!!!!

I would be interested in why he started (besides just going wild) AND why he stopped the drugs.

Did he stop on his own? If so, how has he dealt with the underlying reasons that caused him to do these drugs?

Personally, I don't think its that big of a deal, because he wasn't using drugs, aside from the alcohol, that are physiologically addictive. If he was using cocaine or heroine, I'd be very concerned.

Never listen to a guy friends advice about dating another guy. Its moronic.

And stop asking them, what they hell are they going to say?

He basically told you not to date the guy.

"Well I heard he was an axe murderer but you know, its always possible that was exaggerated or he has changed. Date him at your own risk."
:p

Go out with the guy and see how it goes. Any real problems along those lines will be glaringly obvious and then you can leave.

yeah but he knows the guy. and i don't think that is something to take lightly, especially combined with some other stuff the guy told me on the date (ie. i was on e the night i met you, i hold drugs for friends sometimes, i lost $6,000 gambling last week). hmmmmm, doesn't sound like someone with the potential for a wholesome relationship.

I agree. Too much honesty lol. He should know to hold more back at first.

If everyone gave full disclosure of themselves on the first date we would mostly be either horrified or bored.

yeah too much info i agree but i think it is good to get some things out in the open. in this case this "too much info" totally saved me. what about the guys (and females too LOL) that put on a wonderful front and "when the honeymoon is over" you were like "damn i should have listened to my gut" or "i should have listened to my friends" c'mon james, i know you DENY never being in a bad relationship but hasn't there been ANYONE ever your friends have warned you about LOL:D

Re: Dating an ex-drug user?
 

I think that by calling him an "ex-druggie" you've really already made up your mind that he's not up to your standards. Personally, I'd rather date someone who has experimented with drugs if he wanted to rather than the uptight guy who has never done anything -- but then, I've experimented myself and I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

Re: Re: Dating an ex-drug user?
 

There's a difference between being an addict and experimenting.

If he says he did a "complete 180", I'd have to think that's because something bad happened to him. If he just lost $6000 the other day gambling, that might be another warning sign.

With a fella like this, I'd be just as concerned abotu his character as the folks that he hangs out with.

This may not even pertain to you, but-

Many times when people have sex on xtc, they feel weird side effects for a long time after. For some people the sexual feelings are SO good that nothing ever compares to it again. I actually have a male friend who has had to undergo psychological counseling and some kind of drug therapy because his sexual experiences on X interfered with his "real" relationships later in life. He was unable to have any kind of fulfilling sexual relationship sober.

As I said, may or may not apply to you, just something to think about.


I would SERIOUSLY find out why he stopped. Did he stop because the law and jail made him? Did he stop b/c he grew out of it? Got poor? Or watched a friend die from taking the stuff? I hope you can see how one (he stopped b/c he didn't have any money) is not equal to the other (he saw a friend die and vowed not to do it again).

Honestly, I see where you are coming from. I have lots of friends who either started their life out way to wild in high school or who have been in that past and out of it now. I can honestly say, I haven't dated or really known a lot of men who took X. I'm in Kentucky - so its weed, coke, or bourbon. But, I can say - that the guy came clean to you for a reason. So, take that gesture and get to know him. Find out what or why he stopped. Honestly, that must have took either the police force or all the courage he had to stop and turn his life around.

I would give him a chance.

I used to date this wonderful guy. He had such an amazing personality, passion about the smallest of things, creative, etc. Okay, so after we broke up he started weed, and now snorts coke. Okay, he's obviously not doing great in my book. But, if he were to quit this and regroup his life - I would want someone else to share what lil' bit of happiness I did with him. Because deep down he's a great guy.

Okay, thats my spill. All people can't be perfect all the time.

Not sure why he started it. I think he just started going to raves and tried it out and continued to use it. He stopped b/c he mom found out and told his grandma, and it just about broke his grandmothers heart.

Its not that he's not up to my standards. And your right I would much rather date someone who has experiment rather than someone uptight. However, what he did was a little more than experiement.

Thats interesting. I'd never heard that (but then again, i don't know crap about X). I guess I need to sit down and talk with him about all this stuff and how it may possibly affect our future.


Other than the drug use in the past, he is a great guy. Super close with his family, he sees his nieces and nephews everyday and talks about them constantly and how much he loves them. He has a steady job and is going back to college when he gets money save up.

hopefully he's super great but like in ANY new relationship BE AWARE and take things super slow :) Good luck oh yeah, those ?'s are great to ask: Why did you start? What did you start with? Why did you stop. What would happen if you used again? Happy Monday all!

This obviously bothers you so, if I were you, I would have a talk with him about it. Explain to him that you have questions and see if he'll answer them.

Re: Dating an ex-drug user?
 

I've been really busy lately but I have a few minutes to respond to this one......


As a person who's done more X than you care to know about.....I feel a little inclined to tell you about my experience. So here goes:

More often than not, people for the most part have the same experiences with X. Yes, there may be people out there who have been totally fucked by it and did not like it and it fucked with their heads....but if you ask me those people had mental problems before the X. Most people, while on X (if its good shit and not cut up with speed that much) have good feelings and thoughts going through their mind. For most people it makes you open up a little bit so you can talk about things that would normally bother you or things you would be hesitant to speak about.....such as issues between a boyfriend and a girlfriend. If you ask most couples who have done it together...the most common response is that they felt like they could talk about anything to each other. You'll also hear couples say, after they've done it together, that they feel closer in a way. Honestly, you'll sit there with each other and talk about shit for 8 fucking hours depending on how much you take and how many times thoughout the night. Usually the whole talking to each other and intimate encounter stuff happens when you're chillin at a house. Now, taking it out at a club is a different story. Some people like it and some dont. I liked taking it while out at a club hearing whatever DJ I wanted to hear. I loved rolling my ass off while in Europe at a huge fucking rave/festival with 30,000+ people in attendance. Of course, as I got older, I didnt like going to the big parties as much...but I'll still get down every once I awhile and I still enjoy going to clubs here in the states. usually at a club, rave, festival, you're busy walking around everywhere or dancing your ass off....more often than not you dont have the time or patience to sit down and just talk unless you blowing up really hard. Thats why chillin at you apt or house is so much different than going to a club when you're on X.....it's the atmopshere that creates the type of experience you're going to have on it.

As far as sex goes with X.....this is my story on it....

First time I tried it was in 1998. I thought it was the best thing in the world. Of course back then pills were 10Xs better than the shit thats on the street nowadays. You actually knew it was MDMA because you would not want to drink alcohol again. That was the drugs original design...to help alcoholics quit drinking ( it was legally prescribed to alcoholics in the 80's). For the first couple of years I never wanted to have sex while on X....sex was the furthest thing from my mind back then. When pills started to become shittier and shittier...that changed. People started cutting them up with coke, speed and god knows what else....thats when people started fucking while on it. Coke makes chicks want to fuck...I dont care what anyone on this board will tell you. I've had some of the best "good girls" you'd ever meet do some whacked out crazy sex stuff while on coke. And its not just a wham bam thank you ma'am type of thing...it was more like a 5 hour do the stuff you've only heard about type of thing. That said, when you have pills these days mixed with MDMA, coke and speed (sometimes known as dirty pills) some crazy stuff can happen that night if you and your chick/boy are chillin together at a house. Believe me, I've had those nights. I started having those nights about 3-4 yrs ago every once in awhile. I dont know if you've read any of my stories on GC...but in some posts I've said how I've had sex for up to 9 hours at a time and got off 11 times in one night/day. Well, it's true....and thats how I did it. The drug will make you more comfortable with yourself sexually as well as your partner too. You'll learn a lot about yourself....and your sexual desires.

As far as your boy having lots of hookups.....you're fucking kidding yourself if you think he hasnt hooked up with a lot of chicks while rolling. Unless he was once gay, while rolling you dont have a shitload of guys hanging out eating pills together. Believe me, they had chicks. Worrying about something like that tells me you're young. Maybe you're too young for this guy. If he rolled a lot and was with a lot of chicks ( which he was) and you're worried that he may have hooked up ( that doesnt even mean fucked) a lot of chicks ( which he did )...then you should run from this guy. Plain and simple....unless it was in that 1993-1999 era where pills were actually clean and you knew they were mdma by the reasons I mentioned in the begining of my post....then yes, if he rolled after those years you can bet your ass he hooked up with many chicks and in many cases probably had sex with them. These days with the pills out there now....hooking up and sex is inevitable. It may not happen the first time you two do it...or even the second time....but I gurantee you it will.

In my view there are just as many good reasons to roll as there are bad reasons not to. I honestly think it's really good for a couple to try together. I think that it does wonders for couples. There may be things that are buried deep down in someones heart or wounds that someone has and they havent ever really recovered from it. I honestly think that doing that drug helps you become able to talk about all the shit you need to let go of...and who better to talk to than your significant other?

Re: Re: Dating an ex-drug user?
 

Thanks for sharing your story Cashmoney. I've never personally tried X but your post seems really honest and not sugar-coated at all. Sometimes thinking back to college though (or just in general) , I think that ALCOHOL is a dangerous drug when it comes to hooking up and "wild and crazy" behavior. So many people do things while drunk or buzzed and then blame it on the alcohol later.

LOL, I asked Mr. valkyrie about this last night because he's done X and I haven't. He said that he never had sex while on it -- and he wouldn't have been lying because he knows that I wouldn't give a rat's ass if he had.

When it comes down to it, it really just depends on the person.

Give it a shot Valkyrie....lol....with your sexual drive it'll bring you to a whole new level. ;)

If he's a former AND reformed drug user, I'd say he's a safe bet....BUT...if he has an addictive personality then you may be in for him developing an addiction to something else. This something else may be less harmful than drugs, but nonetheless could cause problems in your relationship.
I'm not saying, "Run away and don't give him a chance" but what I am saying is that you need to be vigilant and understanding if something develops on the addiction front.

LOL! I've thought about it and maybe will someday. ;)

Thanks for sharing you honest story cashmoney.
He did it from about 2001-2003? so i guess it wasn't during the era of clean pills. I'm 20 and he's 21, but its just my personality type that I just can't handle a guy who has fucked a lot of random girls. I talked to a friend of mine last night and she said her ex couldn't "keep it up" when they were having sex b/c of the XTC. So i guess it just depends on the person.

I hate to admit this, but after all I've read about the drug, if I wasn't so scared, it would be something i would like to try once or twice, not at a rave, but in a private setting with a boyfriend.

One of the most common side effects is that you can't keep it up (this is especially true when guys do coke). I had the same problem. Believe me, you'll be giving a lot of head to keep your man going...either that or if you do decide to do it make sure that he can get his hands on some Levitra or Viagra. Luckily I don't need either of those...give me a 5 minute break here and there with a little monster head and I was good to go. ;)

Oh, and I totally feel you on the being scared thing. My fiance was the same way. Did you ever watch that thing on ABC news that peter jennings did about the drug? He talked about how the goverment and the media portrayed this harmuful image of the drug but after digging around they found out that they lied about the harmful effects and basically tried to scare the youth of the country in to not doing it since it was becoming so popular. A lot of the so called "studies" were found to be complete bullshit. It was interesting to watch on the news. I read the article Jennings wrote himself and it was even more interesting.

Okay...so he went from drinking/X to smoking up? That is not that bad. That is actully a step backwards on the drug chain. Remember, he was a FRESHMAN in COLLEGE when did this, so if you like him, you should date him.

I didn't know anyone that wanted sex on mollies, e, or coke unless they parachuted with viagra but whatever.

-Ruidey