pre-teens and teens having sex
 

So I went on a date last nite with a guy who is a health teacher for 7th & 8th grade middle school students in an affluent school district in Long Island, NY. He was telling me that the majority of them are having sex. And wild and crazy sex too. He said the most popular "boy" in the school's claim to fame now is he had sex with 2 girls at one time this past weekend. I knew this stuff went on but to hear all of these stories really kind of freaked me out. I think the world is changing a lot and not for the better. What do you all think about this kind of stuff? It is really scary to me especially because these are not your typical "inner city" or "poor" kids who Americans tend to stereotype as doing these behaviors. The guy told me that he has spoken to the kids about "holding off" until they find someone they truly care about and they can't conceive doing this; that in order to be "accepted" they basically have to have sex. I am so glad I work with adults. I give all of you who are parents so much credit.

it is HARD to tell 12 year old sexually active kids to wait a while for sex. they have grown numb to the messages that say that it is better to wait. it is 'cool' to have sex at 12. i am grossed out by it. it is sick to think that devolping bodies are exposed to the realities of sex. you would think that it would harm your body if you have sex too early cause your body is not ready for it. i wish kids would learn. cause it is not cool to have sex at 12. it will just make you an easier target for sex later in life by someone that you dont want it from.

Sure doesn't reflect me when I was 12! :O
 

Not the worst I've heard on GreekChat.

:o :eek:

Do a search on the word 'bracelet', it's in the lettered Greek forums (HBGLO). :shudders:

If I'm not mistaken, many medical researchers believe that there is a link between cervical cancer (or even precancerous lesions) and early sexual activity (defined as "before 15").

At age 12, I seriously was not thinking about sex. I was thinking about making out with boys, and I did a lot of that, but sex was the farthest thing from my mind at that point.

At age 12, I seriously was not thinking about sex. I was thinking about making out with boys, and I did a lot of that, but sex was the farthest thing from my mind at that point. [/B][/QUOTE]

hey Munchkin. I hear ya. I am so very disturbed by this and maybe I am just naive too especially because I am not really exposed to kids, but this really really bothers me. the health teacher told me that 13 year olds have attempted suicide even because they are not returned feelings from boys in their class. it is very scary stuff out there. i keep thinking about one of my co-workers who has an 11-year-old daughter in a Long Island school district who likes boys already. I am worried for him and her.

Re: pre-teens and teens having sex
 

I think this comment right here is part of the problem. Too many people are holding on this stereotype that only poor, undeucated teens are the ones who are having sex and they are the ones that are getting pregnant and they are the ones that are geting STIs and that the affluent kids can do no wrong and they won't get into this kind of trouble. We need to move away from these stereotypes and see that kids of all backgrounds are having sex.
Kids get into all sorts of trouble and they really don't udnerstand the consequences of their actions. If the schools aren't going to teach them about safer sex then it's really up to the parents and maybe it's time somebody started educating the arents and tell them how important it is to talk about sex with their teens.

I had a very different experience though. I was taught about safer sex starting in grade 4. In Candada we don't have the abstinence only sex education (actually that's probably taught in the Catholic schools). even during Frosh week we still had sex education. All the freshmen were required to attend a workshop about safer sex.

Re: Re: pre-teens and teens having sex
 

[If the schools aren't going to teach them about safer sex then it's really up to the parents and maybe it's time somebody started educating the arents and tell them how important it is to talk about sex with their teens.



Hi, agreed. It is interesting that you mention this because my date said every year the curriculum gets cut more and more about what he can and cannot talk about with the kids because the school is run by a very conservative group of parents who are in denial that their kids do these things. i also agree with what was said about "stereotypes" of inner city and poor children. i know many families that don't have a pot to piss in but their children turn out extremely well and don't have "these kinds of issues". I don't know about other states but in NY state children can also get an abortion without the consent of their parents. I have a friend who worked at Kings County Hospital in Brooklyn, NY and she said 10 year old girls used to come to the the hospital with their 10-year-old friend to get an abortion. Scary the world today and I don't think it is going to get any better.

Re: Re: Re: pre-teens and teens having sex
 

That's really scary. Maybe these young kids she be forced to go trhough some kind of counseling and sex education before and after they have an abortion so that it doesn't happen again. Maybe if the kids are under 16 they have to go through this and if theyr efuse the state will inform their parents. Now that's a scary punishment.

Re: Re: Re: Re: pre-teens and teens having sex
 

They need to stop watching most TV programming and a lot of music videos out now.

Parents need to use the V Chip and adhere to the ratings.

ETA: Remember when Benny hill was risque? Look how far TV takes things now.

From what I've heard, middle school aged kids aren't having intercourse in large numbers, but oral (this was from a Globe and Mail article from a while back, which I don't have the link for. I do, however, have the link to a similar article from my high school's newspaper: http://www.thespectrum.ca/issue6comment5.htm) . Part of the problem, I think, is that sex ed doesn't teach much about anything other than intercourse, so kids really aren't all that informed. One sad thing, I think, about Canadian schools and our forms of sex ed is that abstinence isn't really taught at all. I remember nothing about a "stay away from sex" option during frosh week. I confronted my frosh leaders and dons (RAs) about that, and they really weren't able to give me an answer. Maybe it's just another sad fact about liberal values.

Really? It really all depends on the educators and what their hidden agendas and biases are. I know during frosh week at workshop the line that was reiterated over and over again was "The only safe sex is no sex or solo sex" (complete with spirit fingers :D)
They made it really clear what was the best way to protect yourself was, but said since you're adults, you'll do what you will, so we're going to teach you to protect yourself if you do choose to have sex.
Ultimately it's up to the individual to decided what they think is "best". I think it's really important to educate everyone thouroughly about EVERY option, so they will be informed when they make their decision.

But they do teach it in a way that turns some people off from sex. At least it was the agenda at Queen's (well, my floor, anyway).

Well I would Say Queen's is a lot more Conservative than Guelph.

I don't think the kids are informed in general, or they are getting mixed messages. Also the oral sex thing is really big. My date last night said he is constantly having girls ask him "If I swallow will I get pregnant" or "If I swallow will I get fat". There was a really good Lifetime movie on recently that adressed this subject. It was all middle-upper class "white" teens who were having sex and a lot of ORAL sex. All of the students ended up getting syphillis from oral sex with the "most popular boy" in school. The girls thought that if they just had oral sex they were still technically virgins and saving themselves. Also the movie did a really good job on showing how kids would just have sex to be popular with whoever, and with numerous boys at one time. There weren't really "feelings" towards the boys involved. It also showed the amount of peer pressure placed on kids to have sex and showed the attitude many kids (ie. boys) had that "oh well, if you don't have sex with me someone else will anyway so you don't have to be a popular kid then".

Not when it comes to sex. I would say that it would probably be about the same.

OK, don't teen magazines have health columns anymore? Part of my sex ed came from health advice Q and As from YM, Teen (RIP) and Seventeen.

this makes me think of the episode of 'Law and Order: SVU' where these rich 13 year olds were having oral sex parties. sick....

Re: Sure doesn't reflect me when I was 12! :O
 

Can you tell us what you are talking about, or link the thread?

Well, that and of course my parents. Don't parents ever sit down with their kids anymore and talk to them about sex, puberty, and all the other stuff that made you all awkward and embarrassed when your parents discussed it with you? As much as I hated "The Talks", it kept me from having sex at 12. Wow, things have changed a lot in 10 years. Back when I was that age, I really didn't know of anyone who was having sex.

Re: Re: Sure doesn't reflect me when I was 12! :O
 

Middle schoolers play this game http://www.sex-bracelets.com/


Here is an article http://www.cnn.com/2003/EDUCATION/12...x.bracelet.ap/

Unfortunately no. Parents don't talk to their kids anymore. My parents never talked to me. Fortunately I had great sex educators and I knew what I had to know and I made my decisions as an adult and not at 12.

My mother decided at 20 that she wanted to have the talk with me. I told her fine, let's have the talk. She still chickened out.

My mom didn't really talk to me about anything. She gave me one of those "changing bodies" books when I was 10 and that was pretty much it. She made me read it myself. Any questions I had weren't answered until I started reading teen magazines. Health classes didn't really mean much, since it was mostly about periods. However, lots of my questions were answered about AIDS and other things when Magic Johnson announced that he's HIV+ There were lots of newspaper and magazine articles about AIDS and AIDS research. It was also around the 10th anniversary of the discovery of the AIDS virus, so I guess that added into it.

Re: Re: Re: pre-teens and teens having sex
 

I know Illinois has these kind of laws too. I remember going to the doctor when I was 17 to get antibiotics for a routine tonsilitis (I had it alot, but just barely not enough to have my tonsils removed...) and they had to call my parents to get permission to see me and give me penicilin...I'm thinking...I'm 17 and I have a sore throat and I need parental permission for that, but I could be 12 and go get an abortion and not need parental permission for that...how screwed up is that???

Thanks laidbackfella :) (p.s. nice advice you give over in the other forum!).
LeslieAGD, I didn't have time to search earlier as I had to go and meet someone to look at a house for nexy year, but the articles laidbackfella linked were bang on what I was referring to.

ETA: and through the links of one of those links... I learnt cranberry juice is to women what pineapple juice is to men.

Munchkin, you are right about cervical cancer being more of a risk for women who were sexually active early in life. It's because the organs are developing rapidly up until 17 or 18 and any trauma on them (like sex) can cause mild dysplasia. Mild dysplasia unmonitored can develop into cancer (hence why doctors will scare the everlasting hell out of you if you ever return an abnormal Pap test). Not to mention that I'm sure these 12 and 13 year olds are not going to the gyno.
I at most wanted to make out with a boy at that age. Not that I did. Kind of shy at that age. :cool: Sex was something much older people did. My mom gave me tons of books to read when I was 6 or 7 that explained things from a biological and social perspective, and I really think real information (not playground talk) is better than keeping your kids in the dark. They're going to be curious and they're going to find out anyways, so it's not wise for parents to pretend sex doesn't exist.

fyi: i never had 'the talk' with my parents. growing up in a christian school, i slowly learned things about sex. it is weird, cause i went to summer school at a public high school when i was 15. a class i took was 'life management skills'. the section about sex was going to last about a week. my mom had a special conference with the teacher before hand to get me special permission to work on something else in another room during the sex stuff. most of my childhood, i was thinking that sex was some awful thing.
i didnt even go on my first date until i was almost 19.
i guess parents figure that if they are too scared to talk to the kids about sex, then getting the child scared of sex is easier. it wasnt the best thing for me. cause i had the these warped ideas about sex. i think that it is better to be frank about sex with your kids.


a warped idea that i had about sex at 14 years old:

it doesnt matter if there is a guy present or not, if you have an orgasm, then you are pregnant..:rolleyes:

For as long as I can remember my mother has been very open with me about sex. I remember a girl at my grade school telling me that kissing was sex so I went home and asked my mother if that was true. She sat me down and we had a shortened version of the birds and bees talk. Then when my older sister had the real birds and bees talk with my mom she came back, told me and totally screwed it all up. So my mother ended up having to give me the same speech a couple days later. Even now that I'm older my mother and I are still very open about the topic. My mother knew when I lost my virginity (at 18) within about a week. And I credit her openess with me for the more open attitude I have about sex.

This is not really a *new* thing. My godmother (who is also my aunt is in her 70's and rather infirm now) was under this mistaken impression when she was younger. ::shudder:: granted this was 48 years ago..but she told my uncle that although she loved him she didn't think she could have sex with him ever if they married and explained why. His reponse was "you need to talk to my mother!!!!" It seems my aunt's *COLLEGE!!* roommate had been told by her boyfriend that oral sex was the way you had sex, and of course the roommate told my aunt. These were college women in the 1950's!!!

Misinformation, LACK of information is the danger. If parents are unable or unwilling to share information, a young person will get information from whatever source they can. Saddly the information will be inaccurate, false or even dangerous.

That reminds me of a story...
A friend of the family (she's in her 70s now) called her mom on her wedding night and was absolutely hysterical. The mom calmed her down and then asked, "What is going on?" The girl said "Mother, he tried to stick his...his.... thing inside me." Once the mother stopped laughing she said, "Honey, you better let him and I'm pretty sure you'll like it." and hung up the phone. Apparently she thought sex was just rubbing up against each other and didn't involved any sort of penetration (like Ken and Barbie, maybe?). Ahhh to be so uninformed. :)

Hokay, there's a lot of misinformation going on in this thread.

1) Just because your parents didn't talk to you doen't mean that all parents don't talk to their kids.

2) A minor is not able to get an abortion without parental consent in the vast majority of the country. Waivers can be granted by the judiciary in the event there would be an imminent threat to the child's life by informing their parents.

3) Kids in junior high having sex have irresponsible parents. That's all there is to it. My parents were far too nosy for me to ever get away with much more than kissing.

I agree with BetaRose and geekypenguin, Education of children can't not only come from the schools. It has been from the community and most of all the parents. I had very strict parents. I hated it then but when I graduated high school and went to college, I was very grateful for it because I had a solid ground to start from. I had a lot of fun in College and I did things that maybe I should not have but I was an adult and made those decisions. However, it did always way in my mind that my parents would be disappointed and that hurt more than anything I ever did.

I also think that a lot of kids in wealthy areas are more apt to do risky behaviors because of the lack of parental involvement. Most wealthy families (not to say all) the parents are really busy with work or the kids are raised by a Nanny. This is often more of a problem than low income. Parents are definitely the first step in educated their kids against sex, drugs, STD's etc. My parents talked to me at a young age because they knew I would be exposed to it early. I wasn't sure what we were talking about at first because I was too young but they kept talking to me. I know when I was in school learning about STD's was enough to scare me away from having sex. Our school did encourage the only abstinence can save you, but they also did a lot for birth control and STD's, with visuals. SCAREY Stuff!!

Its been going on since the beginning of time. It just gets more press now.

In some countries girls are getting married at 13 and 14. In fact, not to long ago that was something that happened here in the USA. Look at the legal marriage ages in some states.

We do need to keep these sexually active girls from catching diseases and getting pregnant. As long as we can do that, they can make as many mistakes as they want with little consequence.

I think Lindsey Lohan is sooooooooooo hot. Hillary Duff is in 2nd place.

-Rudey

I agree with adpialumcsuc about agreeing with BetaRose and geekypenguin.

Agreed.

Back in high school I volunteered (well, actually forced volunteerism..my sister was the head of the program) for Drug & Abstinence Education Program and I believe that helped out a lot of teens in the county area. My sister gave the kids (7th grade-12th) some very graphic pictures of diseases and etc along with bringing in teen moms to talk about their now present situation. I was told that the teen pregnancy rate dropped 30% that year. However, due to lack of funding, they had to drop the program. Guess what...the rate has risen back up. *sighs*

I now work with 5th-12th grade girls now over the summer for a local school. When I was working with them in small groups, my my lord, the questions came!! Their parents and teachers refused to talk to them about anything, they found out their info on the "bus". I was told by parents that if they asked that I should tell them. :rolleyes: But, I'm honest and tell them the truth about pregnancy and sex. My best advice that I told the girls was to wait til after you were 18 and your body was ready for it. Most of them thought that just because you have a few hairs down there you were all ready to go up, down, and all around!

Hey Rio, it's good that you were able to discuss these things but the problem is today (I think you live in Canada ?) but in the US you are so limited in what you can even teach and talk to kids about in schools if you are a teacher. As a Social Worker, I just actually decided not to go on an interview with a particular agency because it is Catholic and I didn't agree with the mission statement. You have kids coming to you as the Social Worker who are pregnant and you are not allowed to talk about options with them. Even before they get in this situation you can't discuss birth control. It's really annoying. People constantly complain about teens today (especially parents) but when you can actually put preventative services in place to address these issues before a problem comes about, no one wants to back you on it. I think too many parents out there have the attitude that "my child would never do that." Well you know what, I am sure my parents still feel the same way about me and I've made a lot of choices that I wish I did differently. Oh well, this is always going to be one of those subjects that is debateable.

No, actually I'm in the U.S :) (check my location :p) When I work with my girls it's at a marching band camp, so I have a bit more freedom, no lesson plans and school boards. My 2 older sisters are both social workers in different counties. Now, I know with their clients they are allowed to speak with them to a limit about birth control and etc.

Why was I thinking you were in Canada? Did you post something recently about being in Canada? I'm sorry, my bad.

It's really unfortunate that scare tactics seem to be the only thing that prevents teen pregnancy. There seems to be no moral (not necessarily religious) incentive to abstain, so the only route is to scare them so badly that they don't want to do it. The fear wears off, eventually, so then what can we do?

Abstinence education is fine, but only if there's also information given about contraception. There are always some people that will do something regardless of the consequences. I know so many people that are so misinformed, as I'm sure we all do. Telling kids about sex is not going to make them do it, but not telling them about sex will make a baby.