Is it better to be single or attached?
 

I am sure there are going to be some fun and interesting comments to this topic, especially from the "boys" LOL.

I think it's better to be happy with yourself and your status. On one hand, it is nice to have a sig. other...you always have someone to go out with, and :ahem: stay IN with ;), but being single allows you to do things without worrying about another person. It's all about your station in life and what you want out of it.

You know I am so single now, and for the first time in what seems like years?! I think I've always had a boyfriend! It is kind of a really cool feeling to have absolutely no committments to anyone else. I like coming and going as I please and my only major responsibility now is taking care of my new puppy :) I've found that also now I am more pickier about who I want to be with. I think now that I am getting older, I have a lot higher standards and don't want to deal with stuff I would have overlooked before. My new motto is "What are you going to offer ME in the relationship?" and "If you don't have______, ______, and _________ (whatever standards those may be) don't bother me".

Looking back, it was good being single through most of high school and college. I got to figure out who I was and what I really wanted. Now that I'm out of school and attached, I really enjoy having a boyfriend. He's in the same profession and we enjoy similar things. It's wonderful to have that connection with someone (other than just your friends/family).

I have been single for the longest time, so it doesn't really bother me. It has allow me to go and take care of my business without any distractions. somewhere down the line, maybe I'll find that special one, but right now, I'm happy being single. :cool: :)

After this weekend, I'm going to have to say that I very much enjoy being single and it would take a lot to get me into a relationship at this point in time. ;)

I think that ultimately it's better to be in a relationship, as long as it's with the right person. But there's a time and place for everything, and right now I just feel like it's so refreshing to only have to deal with me and my issues and not anybody else's.

Agreed

Normally I'd say in a relationship, but I'm leaving in a week for camp and want to be purely single so I can focus on my work instead of a guy.

Hmmm...

My perspective on marriage is this: while you've got more security (even though nothing is a guarantee), you give up freedom. It's a trade off.

Which is more important to you?

edited b/c of drama

You asking whether it's better to be alone or with someone?
Or whether it's better to be in a long term relationship with one person versus not?

I would say each has its merits at different points in your life and it is important to experience both to decide which is best for you in the long run. But for me right now - single and loving it! It's the first time I've been single in awhile, and I'm just realizing how much fun it can be.

Chris Rock's Immortal Words...
 

You can be married and boring...

OR

Single and lonely...

I think most people are so dysfunctional that it might not much matter.

You can either be single and pine away for a fantasy relationship.

OR

You can be withe your methadone like significant other. Where after the first flush of romance fades the most you can see is, well I am never lonely and I have dates for all major holidays :p

Luckily most people don't know that there might be something better.

I actually got into this discussion this past weekend....:D

I think it all depends. Yes, I'd love to be in a relationship, because I think that each relationship teaches you something that you might not learn without having that connection with that person. However, being single has its benefits, too. My mindset right now is that I'd prefer being in a relationship, but it has to be with a person that I respect and who respects me as well.

*The guy I was talking about this with last weekend is of the mindset that it's always better to be single :p

You could be wishing for that special someone and sit at the Kiddie Table on major holidays...

OR

You can be wishing for that other special someone and sit at the Kiddie Table on major holidays...

Either way, single or married, you will be sitting at the kiddie table at your folks' house...

Do you guys think there is more pressure on women than men to be involved in a relationship? Why? And is that a good thing?

I think the pressure's about equal but at different times in men's and women's lives...

Younger women--say under 25ish, have some pressure, but not much...

Same with younger men.

But once that woman turns past 25, the pressure is ON!!! If it is not the Biological Clock Time Bomb, then it's "have you met a nice boy???"

For men that age, I do not see much pressure until after 32ish maybe... Definitely later mid to late 30's... Especially if homeboy is hangin' out at the club scene and is 40... Or if all his friends are married and he isn't--then his sexual preferences get questioned...

And if a woman is not married by 35ish, then whoa, do family and friends start to wonder what the HAYLE is wrong with her and HER sexual preferences get questioned...

Mind you, old folks don't question those who have been in F'ed up marriages or already have kids runnin' around... They question those who are trying to live a decent life, make the best choices and carefully decide who they WANT to spend the rest of their life with--before bringing children into the picture...

Why does it seem like it is better to FCUK up your life with some luser that steamrollers over you life and lose it (Jerry Springer style), than to never have loved??? :confused:

I think it depends with who you are talking with. Parents for the most part I think want us all to be attached and living happily ever after. However, I think this is an unrealistic goal nowadays and hopefully we come from a family that is supportive of us whatever our decision is, or whatever our life circumstances are. I think both guys and women have pressure on them to settle down, for example, I've dated guys whose moms' are like "I can't wait to have grandchildren". And I've also heard my mom and my friends' mom's say "you know with the amount of guys you date that never would have been acceptable in my day". Ultimately though, I think WE (whether male or female) put the pressure on ourselves to be involved. I think that there is an innateness in us to want to be involved. However in our society, guys are brought up culturally to become less attached and less "emotional" about relationships. I still think that guys can get hurt though even if they don't "show it" or "talk about it" like us females do. I also think that a lot of us have a time frame in our head of when we should be in a certain stage and relationship. I have this conversation with my pledge mom all the time, who happens to be a doctor. What we talk about is not that we necessarily want to be in a relationship, but we WONDER why it is so difficult to meet "quality" men since we are two single professional women. I don't think being pressured to be in a relationship is ever a good thing because it is always going to blow up in the end.

I think there is a lack of both quality men and women if I understand correctly how you are using the term.

I think though, its a lot more pronounced in a relationship if the man lacks certain relationship skills, because the man is generally considered the initiator in a relationship.

If he fails to hold up his side of the bargain its glaringly obvious.

I think if you are a pretty well adjusted male with decent relationship and verbal skills its very easy to have really good relationships with a high percentage of women.

Conversely, I think well-adjusted women with good relationship skills can find it harder to have a really good relationship with a lot of males because males really are expected to do a lot of stuff . . . that they don't do.

I think more woman settle than men because they have higher expectations.

Re: Chris Rock's Immortal Words...
 

LOL! This is so funny and so true. Sometimes I think that Chris Rock is so much more than a comedian. :)

You've said some good stuff James. I think you are right too. Most of the guys I have dated have stated from the beginning "This is who I am, take me or leave me". Us women do have that annoying habit of thinking we can always change you all for the better :) As my Director always says "How many Social Workers does it take to change a lightbulb? NONE!!!! The light bulb has to want to change".

It's always baffled me how older people (especially in my family) will always say to the younger ones "Have you met someone yet?" "Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?"and if you answer no they talk about how you might possibly be gay/lesbian. If you say yes, they seemingly do all they can to wreck the relationship. I swear once when I was 13 or so my mother gave me a lecture about how sexual experimentation isn't such a bad thing, as long as you're safe. Of course at that age I was like, "Um, right...." Fast forward to college....we were out to dinner one night and out of the blue my mom says "If I ever found out you were sleeping around I'd pull you out of college." :eek: Double bind communication much?! I think parental overinvolvement in their children's relationships is a huge mistake, especially if they are adults. It seems like no matter what I am, my mother makes me feel that the grass is greener.
How much do I owe now? Do you file w/ insurance? :p

hey swissmiss you just made me laugh cuz i understand where you are coming from. the best is when you go to weddings and you are placed at the "singles table".

Agreed.

It's more important to be happy...period, end of story. If you're happy single, be single. If you're happy who you're with, be who you're with.

I was plenty happy single, and I'm extremely happy as someone's fiancee. It works both ways.

I will agree though, from what I've seen/heard, the pressure mounts on women to have a relationship more than it does for men.

This is only based on my experience coming from a large Italian family though.

Is it better to be single or attached? This post gets my vote for worst post ever.

Like other people have stated, it is much better to be happy no matter if you are single or not.

I think it really depends on where you are in your life. I was constantly in relationships from just before my 16th birthday until i was about eighteen and a half. I'm now 20, and I haven't had a "boyfriend" since I broke up with the guy from when I was eighteen. I've dated plenty of guys, but I'm still so young that at this point in my life unless I meet someone really special, I'm not going to be in a relationship just because its the comfortable thing to do. I know I'm really young still, but in being single at this age I think I am really learning a lot about myself and who I am. I'm currently living abroad, and while the study program I am on is almost over I am goign backpacking for a month, mostly by myself. I KNOW that if I was in a relationship I wouldn't even have left the country, let alone travelled in foreign countries by myself, but honestly the experiences I have had out here have been amazing and really have helped me to "find myself", to use cheesy expressions.

Do I want to get married and have kids? Of course! My parents have been married 25 years and I pray I can have a marriage as strong as theirs is! But at this point in my life, it's better for me to be single and learning about myself - which is what your 20s are for anyway - then to be in a relationship. If I were suddenly to meet the right guy, my views might change, but regardless of what happened I am happy to have been single for two years now because of how much I have learned about myself.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by damasa
[B]Is it better to be single or attached? This post gets my vote for worst post ever.




I actually think this is an interesting topic. It gets everyone thinking. I agree that it depends on where you are in your life and who you are with. Too many people settle down though with the wrong person and for the wrong reason. And way too many people get attached way too quickly.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by winneythepooh7
[B]I'm sorry but I have to disagree. It didn't really make me think because almost everyone out there ends up "attached." Now not everyone does but most do. I also know a few people that have been single for years and liked it at first but now hate it.

Oh and there is nothing wrong with being attached and it's also sometimes ok to get "attached way too quickly" because sometimes people just know if another person is right for them or not.

Now let's talk about what we like about Arizona or something.

Touche.

And that's the basis of it-- you have to be HAPPY period. Happy with yourself will equal happy single and happy as a couple.

I was happy, albeit sometimes lonley, as a single. And I am happy in my relationship.

This is sooooo so true. You have to establish yourself and know what YOU want out of life before you can handle having someone else.

OK related to this thread what do you do if you have a friend that becomes so caught up in the first boy who gives her attention, even if he treats her like crap, she sees it, but doesn't do anything about it? It is obviously a self-esteem issue.............

In response to first post:

Single is fun because you can go out and hook up with whoever, be open to new posiblitites, be able to do things more spur of the moment, but, and I realized this last night, it gets old. Because what if you don't hook up with anyone cuz its a sausage fest and you have too much of the free tequila. It would have be nice to have to a girlfriend to hand me water and tell me it would be okay. Plus, I would make a great boyfriend.

James, I know you and I discussed this a few weeks back...

I have basically had a boyfriend since age 14. (I'm 21 now.) A couple shorter, more volatile relationships, then two serious, long-term relationships -- high school, then college -- the latter of which I am sitting in his room while he plays poker with the boys.

I've begun to question this. It's not that I'm unhappy with my current boyfriend, but I've been attached for an awfully long time. I'm also graduating next year and thinking about my long-term career goals.

Any thoughts?

If you're tired of being attached cut the cord.

I have to agree here. You're young and have plenty of time a head of you. If what you feel you need right now is some alone time to figure out the direction you want tot ake your life, then you should do that. There's no point on staying with him if you feel like he won't be part of your future.

Thanks. That definitely gives me more to think about....

I have a policy. I don't go out of my way to try and save people from themselves. It makes life less stressful for me and stops pissing off the person I am tempted to interfere with.

I will state my viewpoint though . . . but usually stop after they show themselves to be hopeless.

2 responses to the above posts:

21 is awfully young to be attached especially if you are having wonders about what else is out there which seems to be what you are doing.


To James: I like your insight. I can offer my opinion but they need to make their own decision.

Most importantly, you have to keep yourself from being emotionally invested in their choices.

You don't have enough control over them for that to be a good idea.