Girls Just Wanna Be Mean
 

Girls Just Wanna Be Mean

Kids call it 'outcasting' -- using gossip, innuendo, and other unsavory techniques to alienate and shun a peer. And it's a growing, potentially dangerous problem in our schools -- whether your child is on the receiving end or the one doing the bullying.

By Star Lawrence

Reviewed By Michael Smith, MD
on Tuesday, May 04, 2004
WebMD Feature


Mean girls don't just exist in movies -- they're real.

At 13, Kelsey hung with a pack of five girls in her Washington parochial school. Now 20, she recalls in vivid detail the day her pals took her behind the chapel and handed her a note.

"They made it seem like something good, like an invitation or something," she says. "They were smiling. I opened it and it was written in all different colors of inks and handwriting, saying we don't want to be your friend, don't look at us, don't call us, don't come near us. Everyone put it a different way -- they all wrote it."

Read the rest here

I like how the article addressed what to do if you child is a bully. Most parents would think their kid would be the victim.

Some parents encourage their child to be the bully, just as long their child doesn't get bullied. I've seen it happen, its ugly.

It happens. It happened to a friend of mine in high school, it was awful.

wow.

I don't ever think there's been a more appropriate article posted to the Chit Chat forum. Mean girls, bully girls........yeah, that definately belongs in here.

Kitso
KS 361

Kids now are so freaking mean. Yet parents are so unwilling to admit that their kids may be saying or doing things that aren't nice. Everyone wants a victim child. Plus nowadays you can excuse or validate anything. "Oh Johnny just beat your kid up because Johnny is struggling w/ weight issues/parents' divorce/learning problems." No Johnny needs to be taught how to behave and he needs to see that beating people up isn't the way to deal w/ things. The more kids have their behavior excused by their parents now the less self discipline and responsibility they'll have later.

So lots of kids disliked you?

-Rudey

This happened to me in 3rd grade. A boy that I lived down the street from carpooled w/ us. His dad was driving that day...and he was in the front seat and there were three of us in the back. We were teasing him about this girl that he liked...and his dad told him if he didn't like what we were saying to do something about it. So he turned around and punched me in the face! His dad laughed. My mom was pissed when she found out what happened, and she was even more pissed that his dad encouraged that behavior. Needless to say, we no longer carpooled with him after that.

Thank you!!!!! You saved me the time and energy it woulda taken to type all that :p

I was the girl who was teased and bullied and beaten up. It was so bad that I had to transfer to another school in a different neighborhood. My sisters and I were talking about it the other day. We have no idea why it happened, but it did. It really sucked.

Years ago, after Mrs. DeltAlum was named Prom Queen, a group of girls pushed her into a creek at some kind of senior picnic. She also had excellent grades, which didn't help.

I was tormented in school. I wasn't pretty; I was from a less-financially-advantaged family; and I tried hard to do well academically. The torment was daily; and it was brutal. I can even remember the day it started in fourth grade. Some of the teachers even got in on the act in later years. Being from such as rural place, there was no other school as a transfer option.

This WILL NOT happen to my child.

Silver

You deserved it for teasing him lol.

Actually I think one of the reasons that women are appear more scoailly viscious than men is that the threat of having your asses beat wasn't very common.

For boys there is a very real possibility of a fist fight, and physical threat comes into play with gossip and back stabbing.

For girls, well .. no one hits you, so you feel safe being really mean to each other as long as other girls are backing you up socially.

But the thing is, we weren't being mean. We weren't like saying he was fat or ugly or stupid. We were saying he liked Susie so-and-so...and it's not like she was fat or ugly or stupid - she was cute! And it was true - he did like her! It was on the same level of teasing you would do with your co-workers. He was just embarassed...and took it out the wrong way. Again, with his father's encouragement. A parent should NEVER encourage their child to solve a problem with violence. And I'm sorry, but there is NEVER justification for hitting a girl (unless of course she's gone out of her mind and needs to be slapped to bring her back to reality).

Well yes, but that gaurentees that girls will be mean to each other forever lol. No tangible consequences. :p

I swear, sometimes I don't think women like each other at all.

Is it that big a deal? its been going on forever. People don't change.

There are some cruel people on here. They are seldom called on it. They happen to be girls too lol.

Sometimes, I'd agree with this statement! ;)

I am not sure poeple stop Pm_Mama there all kinds of subtle forms of intimidation and social control, especially among women.

Speaking only for guys, if you are still getting into fights after 6th grade you are a numb-nut. Honestly, if I get into a fight now (which is basically being attacked), well I am not a kid, you are going to the hospital or morgue because its not play.

Women have to decide for women.

What age do you think women should stop getting to each other's business and being gossipy and shunning people for not living they way they think that person should live?

NEVER! HA!

In fact, I think it gets worse, from both genders. I didn't experience this type of
backbiting until my second year in COLLEGE! Before then, if someone didn't like
you, you would know it. If someone said something bad about you, regardless if it
was in your face or behind you back, confrontation usually follows. After
confrontation, one of two things usually happen: the conflict between the two
parties get way out of hand (think fights) or the two parties eventually becomes
friends. But, with backbiting this shit can last for years. I miss that "open" type of environment.

Girls have physical fights... at least here in New York City.

Were girls less Catty with the girls that would whoop their asses?

Me too.

In my experience, the behavior of the catty girls escalated into violence. Nobody messed with those girls. They were really mean and scary.

That article was very very true in my experience. I am involved in an outreach program at an extremely extremely affluent highschool up here and hang out with primarily freshmen and sophomore girls. Some of them can be extremely mean to their classmates or peers, since I am friends with all of them I hear about it from both sides. Pretty much all the time it will be the girls with the self esteem, cuteness, popularity, what-have-you that will be subversively bullying the other girls. It boggles my mind sometimes.

Is it Girls Will be Girls, or Women will be Women!:eek:

More Vindictive or less?:rolleyes:

Hey Guys, never Piss off those people or you will be in deep doodoo!:eek:

There was a big stir about this maybe a year back...about the idea of Gamma girls to balance out the Alpha girls (ringleaders) and Beta girls (followers). Gamma girls got involved in other things, like sports or theater outside of school. I equate myself to that, because I was teased mercilessly in jr. high, but I met a lot of great friends through community theater productions...friends who were diverse and accepting.

I think the best thing parents can do for a girl being picked on is to support her and help her find her own niche.

I got picked on at school for a long time. Then I developed in to womanhood, quickly. That is when the boys liked to talk to me all the time. Some girls hated me for that and lied about me to folks. I had a horrible self esteem. Some of it from my environment, some of it because of my own body chemistry. Never thought my "body" would betray me like it did.

I thought that I was over it until 2 weeks ago with some "ladies" of a group I thought I was a part of actively went out of their way to exclude me. I guess that is alright. Why? Because payback is a mofo. I don't get mad, I get even... And I do it without resorting to violence. I just work harder to help them out. Be nicer to them, smile to them, kinder to them. They can beat me and even go thru me, but all they will have left is me in the end...

Burn more ashes upon their heads by being a Christian to them...

CatStarESP4's story
 

I grew up in a family of boys-my sister & I were the only girls among 8 cousins who were all boys. I grew up w/ the philosophy that if I'm strong enough to hit one of them, I'm strong enough to get hit back.

I think you may have a misconception w/ your generalization w/ girls.

*hugs AKA_monet*

Oddly enough I didn't go through this kind of thing and I went to an all-girls school. I was the wrong color, substantially poorer than the others and a complete bookworm. There was definitely this kind of backbiting environment around me, but I just wasn't a part of it.

That is not to say I was not teased. I most definitely was, and I went through my trials with those girls, but at the end of the day it could have been a LOT worse. I think it just has more to do with my personality. I didnt care enough about those people for it to get to me, and if it didnt get to you there was no pleasure for them in doing it. I wasn't into the social thing, I just wanted to get my work done and graduate.

Did anyone watch tonight's "Law & Order?" It dealt with mean girls killing one of their own and how they tortured the overweight/not as attractive girl in school. It was really sad.

It just finished airing here. I remember this one girl that was picked on all through middle school and high school. She was in my homeroom, and a few classes. She lived in my dad's neighborhood and had a shell, but I got to know her over the years. People said horrible things about her, voted her for things as a joke (Most popular, etc and included this other guy who was way beyond the other middle schoolers, he knew about "Capitol Steps" in 7th grade, and earned money for research before entering college, but he took the torment much better than the other girl). That was in middle school, we didn't have superlatives in highschool because everyone is recognized for something, and it would jsut be a popularity contest. We liked to play anti-establishment nonconformist.

I went to a middle school of over 1200, but my high school was barely over 300 (performing and visual arts, like Fame). You knew everyone, and anyone tormenting or teasing you saw them do it and it was easier to confront in a smaller setting. I remember in 10th grade biology this girl was being picked on one day. It had been going on for a few days, she had another personality and was being taunted with that name. I finally told off these girls that were my close friends. They actually stopped, and it didn't damage our friendship or my social standing. I lucked out in always being accepted by my peers, and I was never teased. Most people were friendly, social events were all inclusive for those with those familial priviliges. Traveling between groups was easy, but most people had a core of three or four main friends within the larger group. There was a severe imbalance of females outnumbering males at this school, so almost ALL the teasing was done by girls. However all other kinds of kids that could be social rejects at other schools (theatre freaks, band geeks, pencil necked comic book artists, etc..) were left alone and accepted.

Studies have found that bullying episode is more likely to stop if another peer says something. The thing these kids didn't know about this girl is that she was adopted. She had been in the foster system and abused, severely, hence the split personality as a coping mechanism. The other personality came out when she felt unsafe or threatened. She left school shortly after that and I have no idea what happened to her. I am very proud that my parents, and other adults instilled in me enough self esteem and care for others that I had the personal strength to do that and not care about the social results. As an adult that often works with children, I am trying to pass that on.

Some girls are so unhappy, they have to make everyone else feel as bad as they do, it is sad what people do for acceptance at the expense of others.