drama between sisters
 

i freaking feel like the drama never ends with me- its so rediculous basically without going into too much detail- one of my "sisters" hooked up with this guy who he and i have been dating/seeing each other for over 8 months... she was told repeatedly by several people not to hook up with him b/c he and i were still on and off- and she's known our history- but she did it anyway- (plus i've already talked to him about it- and he verified it too) i feel so hurt and betrayed- and this is not the first time she's done this to one of us either... she's always a trouble maker- and i didn't even want her in the sorority- but she is- and so i was always nice to her- just not that close.... i'm so upset and mad at her.....

since the semester is over and its the summer i just am letting this get to me.... i've already talked to her about it- and she knows i'm really mad.... i don't want to be around her (and she deliberately chose to live in the room next to mine in the house too!! grrr) can i do anything- should i just ignore her? my sisters are all really upset and mad at her too- they don't want to be around her and they don't like her either b/c of this and many other situations oh- and she was a problem pledge too!.... has anyone else dealt with a situation like this?

Basically you are either on or off! Which is it. Maybe the guy is getting tired of it! You know Guys get tired of the BS too!

Or as Ross said to Rachel, We Were On A Break!

Since when did you own him.? Were You Happy with Him? Was He Happy With You? If you are on and off, who decides this?

So maybe in an off period He found someone else who makes him more happy than sad!

It sounds like to me, I would have left you for someone else along time ago or vice versa!:rolleyes:

You better never hope you marry Him or He marrys you, it wont last!

Not from the sounds of this little diatrabe!:(

If it was a situation just between the two of you, I'd say try and get past it for the sorority's sake and just make sure you don't leave your man alone with her in the future.

But if she's caused other problems in the sorority that aren't boy-related and is constantly a devisive factor, I'd say look at terminating her membership.

And also, please don't take this the wrong way, but make sure she was the guilty party/initiator, not your on-off boyfriend. Sometimes we see things the way we want them to be, not the way they are.

yea we have a problem sister too, and we are contemplating if we should get rid of her or not, but she is really bad and does things that makes us embarrased bc that we hang out with knows were all in the same sorority and that just makes us look like shit.

Not to bring up the obvious, but didn't you just get back from a semester abroad where you were asking about staying with a guy you met in London in the Relationships area of GC in this thread http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...threadid=50550
How can you be upset when you were dating others too?
I'm not excusing what your sister did, but if you were away and hooking up with other guys, what does it matter what she did with the guy you were seeing? Long distance relationships are ridiculous unless both parties are truly committed to it working, and if you are asking about staying with a guy you met in London then you weren't really that committed to the guy in the States.

Why not be mad at the guy? He was a willing participant. Yes, sisters should know better, but don't just blame her. People make mistakes, and I think that we all can forget that sometimes. So she moved in next to you, you're going to have to face the situation sooner or later. If this is something that she has done repeatedly then bring her up to standards or morals or chapter relations or whatever you call it, but don't rally the house around your cause, that's just not cool.

It's just too logical to remember that it takes 2 to tango, and he's equally guilty.

This reminds me of those trash TV shows where the woman, when she finds out her gross-a$$ man is cheating on her, lunges for the other woman instead of the man.

hahahaha soo true- i see what you are saying- and he was a willing participant- and he should have known better- we have had problems in the past- and i knew when i came back we weren't prob going to get back together- i just feel so betrayed... i've already semi- talked to her about it- and she denied the whole thing- so i called him and found out that it was true....

it is true that i didn't want her in- but i wanted to give her a chance.... obviously i can't trust her.... i'm going to bring it up with our exec board in the fall- thanks guys for the advice and i'll definately keep you posted- (i'll be up at my school this weekend for graduation so i'll see what happens)

oh yea- and the guy got kicked out of school for a year for drug's and DEA investigation... a real winner right...:rolleyes: at least i won't have him to deal with lol

I'd bring it up before fall. This needs to be resolved ASAP. You can't go into formal recruitment with the entire house divided. The guy sounds like a real winner, you are fortunate to have gotten rid of him so easily. I hope for your sake that the doesn't investigation somehow doesn't tie you to the drug problems. If you all have a history, they will bring you in for an interview. That would be bad for your house too...

Sometimes I honestly wonder if we can give IQ tests to PNM's just to see whether they are worthy of being sisters. Jeez people, use your heads! Don't sleep with your sisters/bro's exes. Don't do drugs. Don't haze. Just quit doing dumb stuff! I hate reading the stories about how evil greeks are. I LOVE reading stories about all the great stuff we do. We do more good than bad, but the bad just gets more press. Just do more good stuff. It's really not that hard!

Aye, Aye, Aye!!!

Yeah it sucks, but what the heck does this have to do with your sorority? It's a personal issue between you, her, and your mutual hook up buddy.

Unless you sorority has a bylaw that says thou shall not hook up with a sister's f*$# friend, your sorority has nothing to do with it.

Leave the exec board out of it, don't get the sorority involved. It's not fair to pull more people into the situation than need be, and it's not any of their business.

If you've been on again off again with guy, I don't know what's so surprising. If you want commitment, have a relationship. You already admit the guy's an ass, she's an ass, so don't they deserve each other then?

Re: drama between sisters
 

I read about something just like this in the book, Pledged, Secret lives of sororities . . . . :p

Also, I know you are not going to want to hear this but you were over. You were not going out, and you were 4 thousand miles away. She technically did nothing wrong. Certainly nothing to get quite this upset about.

Honestly ladies, having sex with a boy is not the same as an animal pissing on him to mark him as territory for life. ;)

That reminds me of my good friend, an SAE, hooked up with this girl and while they were....nevermind, too gross to talk about!

Are you serious that he, uh, yeah... that's interesting there.

I agree with the animal peeing and territory for life thing. Some of us, totally including myself, take for heart that just b/c we dated/currently dating/or like a guy that most of our friends won't do anything about it. That is a lot of BS in some cases. Girls be aware.

HOWEVER......this other girl is stupid if she thinks that this wouldn't somehow involve most of her sorority sisters. I can just picture this happening in my chapter. Certain sisters would have agreed w/ one while others agreeing w/ the other. That is drama!!!!

I am really sorry this happened to you! But I agree that you should terminate this guy being in your life! Also, be careful about involving your exec board. You may mention in case she does pity party - you the two of you recently had problems. But thats it. B/c then that puts them in the whole situation. Which equals more drama. And drama is bad.

Thanks KR, now I have it in my head. Yuck.

It depends on the sororities bylaws....we have similar problem with a certain sister and though it doesn't say exaclty what you can and can't do...if this person is working aganist the priniciples and purposes of the sorority and they both are sisters the sorority is involved. It affecting other sisters too so they exec board needs to be involved.

Unless this problem is affecting chapter business, then your executive board should not be involved.

If you are having troubles with sister and the two of you can't seem to resolve them, then maybe contact your standards board or whatever you call it and ask them to mediate for you or offer suugestion on how you two can resolve this.

Re: drama between sisters
 

the guy's an ass, so forget about him. but i understand how you feel about her. if she's been told by others to back off, and still did it, and she's done it to others already,maybe you should have a meeting about it because it's breaking the trust between her and everyone else.

Keeping your head
 

Everyone is bagging on this girl...and they have some good points....but it just seems to me that the obvious angle is that she is hurt and is trying to find a way to be able to still like the guy and, to do that, she HAS to blame it on the girl for her own peace of mind. It doesn't mean it's right, but that's how she has to feel in order to not feel rejected by this guy. It's much easier to take if the guy is the victim of a manipulative girl....

But, IMO, if this guy really liked the girl and wanted to stay committed to her, EVERY ONE of her sisters (including the one she is mad at) could have jumped up and down naked in front of the guy and he would have said "no thanks, I don't want to be with you." The fact that he did not resist this temptation is NOT this girl's fault. (The sister is only guilty of finding this guy attractive and wanting to be with him....can she really blame her for that??? After all, that's what SHE wants too!) HE is the one who chose to let it or make it happen.

Re: Re: drama between sisters
 

I agree to often is it always the girls fault. If we loof futher a lot of the blame is on the guy, but of course its never their fault that they happened to sleep with a girl.

Re: Re: Re: drama between sisters
 

It takes two to tango. They are both at fault.

Re: Keeping your head
 

That was really insightful.

this is true- its not worth dividing the house- i don't want to do that.... i think this also has to do with the fact that we're growing pretty quickly- and my sorority used to be really tight- and we all knew each other really well- now there are all these new girls since last fall- and i don't know them as well as i thought... i guess this is a reality check that i just can't trust everyone so i should be more careful.... i don't want more drama- i'm glad that we're done for the summer so i have some time to think about all this and come back in the fall ready to talk to her about it without flipping out... at least thats my hope anyway lol

i won't ever forgive her for this- and i don't think i'll involve the exec board but i'll try to be civil... but i know that my other sisters will not forget- and will make things very difficult for her... i'm oging to have to try to keep that under control...

thanks for the advice- i know it seems like my sorority is having issues- and we do- but its just one of those things i guess- growing pains....

I'm sorry if my post will sound accusatory but, you say that it's not worth dividing the house yet sounds like you have already done that. By saying that you never wanted her in the house and some of your sisters didn't either, then you have already divided the house in some respects. Those that wanted her and you there will probably stay out of it just to keep you both in the house. Those that like her and not you will be on her side and vice versa so you have already caused a division.

I also don't think that you will make sure that the other girls won't make it hard for her and give her #%&@.

In my opinion I think you like that drama. Someone posted earlier that you wanted GC'ers opinion about whether or not to stay with a guy in London this was also during the time that you were with the guy that your sister kissed/messed around with...whatever.

So my question is if he is so important to you why did you want to stay with the guy in London?

i wasn't with dave- i was still trying to get over him

london was 3000 miles away- a little different

she slept with him though she knew that he and i had history- i wouldn't try to go get with her ex-boyfriend now would i? no

so for you to tell me that i like drama is interesting- considering gc is for entertainment/conversational purposes and you don't know me personally- yes i was asking for advice- no i wasn't asking you to take a crack at my personality

and my sisters happen to care about me- and will not forget what happened to me and they don't like her for other reasons- i am not trying to split my house- she has done this to us by becoming a slut and betraying me and my sisters she deserves what she gets- what goes around- comes around

but because i'm a reasonable individual- i am going to talk to my sisters to make sure that this girl is left alone (so thank you for having sooo much confidence in me :rolleyes: )

Just because someone shares membership in the same organization as you does not make them your instant best friend. A sorority is there to make college a better social and academic experience. You don't have to be BFF with every person, and if someone starts seeing a guy who you had history with, you need to deal with it in a way that suits you without causing a catfight. Unless this guy is worth a catfight. Your best friend wouldn't do that to you, but this person clearly isn't your friend. You're still going to have to suck it up and be at the same functions together, so better to deal with it now like a mature adult and talk with her. Girls have this great habit of not telling each other how they're feeling, but love to spread the word to every other possible person who will listen. Confront her, yell at her, but deal with the problem. And if she really is causing the chapter so much trouble in so many ways with her promiscuity, as you have alluded, that is a chapter standards issue, because it deals with chapter reputation, not to mention that woman's physical and mental health risks. I would hope a standards committee would talk to her about her actions, both for her own good before she "catches" something or gets hurt, and before the Greek Grape Vine starts lableing your chapter unfairly due to the actions of one member.

Calling one of your own sisters a "slut" on a public forum is entirely unnecessary. Regardless of whether you like her or not, regardless of who she slept with.

In KD, that would be considered a "disparaging remark" about a sister and would be grounds for disciplinary action.

You spoke of going to your exec board/standards board about her actions. However, your actions are something that would be subject to disciplinary action as well.

It doesn't matter if all of these other sisters say they don't like her. She's still your sister. She has yet to be removed from the sisterhood. Who knows, those people may just be telling you they can't stand her to appease you. People do that all the time.

Bottom line is that you shouldn't be talking like that about a sister. It's one thing to seek out advice, but you could have left the personal insults and disparaging comments out of it.

just a question...
 

I am not sure how the whole local (or multi-cultural, whatever the case) sorority thing works but maybe that is why she is talking about going to exec board. I know this is not true with all locals as I have heard of some really well established ones but from my own experience at my school the local groups are usually the ones having troubles like this because they are just not as established. Also, most of the locals I have dealt with have treated their organization more like an elementary school playground club and not like a sisterhood. This explains the whole "I want her out of the group" mentality. I KNOW I sound harsh and I apologize OPENLY for that but I am only speaking from my own experience. PLEASE DONT BRING OUT THE WET ROPE!!!!

Re: just a question...
 

hahahah of course not- i understand what you are all saying- and yes- you are right- i should NOT have called her that- it was uncalled for- but i've been so angry and stressed through the situation that the only way i can be angry is to talk about it- with other people- not the best way i know :(

i've already spoken to her and will talk to her again in the fall- i'll see how things go then

locals do often deal with things a bit differently- we are well established- we've been around 75 years- however, we are not well established in recent experience- my sorority went from 4 sisters to 35 in a pretty short period of time- its been VERY difficult to get things moving(with personal relations- and other sorority things) - and we do argue a lot- but we are all close... some more than other obviously....

i appreciate this input though- its been hard taking this criticism but i know that it is necessary- i would rather have you guys dishing it out to me- and me learn from it- then have other repercussions that could have been avoided... so thank you

Unfortunately, these types of situations occur when people have no boundaries. You can only control yourself, your behavior, your reaction, and your feelings. You can't control your sorority sister or your ex-boyfriend. I think that you should carry yourself with dignity and self-respect and not talk about this sister. She did what she did and you can't change that. All you can do is learn and grow from this experience. Some people are worthy of your trust and friendship and some people aren't.

I hope that the summer break gives you the time and space that you need to heal from this painful experience.