For the ladies.. "Why aren't you married?"
 

Ladies,

I am curious as to how others respond. I get asked this question a lot and I get irritated at the person every time. How do you respond when people (mostly men) ask you this.

Re: For the ladies.. "Why aren't you married?"
 

My response is always "I haven't met the right person".

Works for me! :)

It's by choice! It seems like this is one of the last areas where strangers feels it's ok to get in your biz-ness!

I just say, "If it hasn't happened yet then it isn't my time."

If a man asks me, I say "Because you haven't asked me yet":p
If a woman asks I say "Because I don't have to";)

I used to say I had just retired my player card and wasn't taking applications for husbands. Now it's just there are a few more things I want to accomplish in life, namely finishing this degree, before I settle down and start being a wife and mother.

Mr amycat and I have been dating for two years and get this alot.

my response is usually something like-- if we're gonna spend the rest of our lives together, what's the hurry to get married? We're together now, we'd be together then, etc.

I have been with Mr. LI84 for three months (officially). Three months.

Already I have been asked TWICE when we are getting married. I just looked at those people like they were craaaaazy and said nothing, lol.

I'm 24, I just don't feel like I should be thinking marriage for a couple of years.

I just tell them I am not ready. Or the ying to my yang has not came looking for me.

that usually gets them to shut up.

yes, when we're/I am ready is a good one too. I use that often as well.

Why fix what ain't broken is good too. lol We're happy now, why mess with it, etc.

My co-worker and I were talking about this morning. This guy was in there trying to get signed up for some overtime and he was flirting with me to do it. (no it didn't work) Anyway, he was like "Are you married? Well, do you have a boyfriend?" I'm like "No...not really?". So he says "Why is a beautiful woman like you still single, you have a job, your own car/crib, etc?". I said, "Are you married? Do you have a girlfriend?" No. "Then WTF are you still single?" I get tired of people asking me this making me feel like there is something wrong with me and THEY are still single.


BUZZZZZZZ OFFFF :mad:

Sorry, that's a pet peeve of mine.

ETA: I just thought about something G-Ma Savvy said (that's my girl). She asked me if I was serious with the guy that I'm dating. I told her that I like him, and she said "...but he's no Mr. Right?" I told her that he isn't at this point. So she tells me, "Well, in that case, have some fun with Mr. Right Now...just as long as he's not Mr. Wrong." I love G-Ma :D

check this out
 

Nope, I have no children and I get asked that all the time. It's a sensitive matter and I think it's in bad taste when people ask.

Ive been dating the same guy for over 2 years and I get that question alot, my answer...

Personally I have some goals career-wise and personal that I want to get done before I get married.

Most of the time I get praised for that answer, and called "a smart sista"

Savvy Diva,

I'm with you on this....Buzz the f-- off!!:mad:

I guess why I posted this question is that I often feel like I have to apologize AFTER I had told somebody off for asking me an overly personal question in the first place.

I'm single, attractive, highly independent and often the way that the question is posed it's like "there must be something wrong with you" because you're not married.

I have been down that road before and have 3 children as a result. Now the question that usually comes is, "have you ever thought about re-marrying?" WHY? That is all the more reason for me to be even more highly selective in getting married again because I have little ones. Now it would be nice to have a hand to help in raising them but that is not the sole reason for me to re-marry. Somehow people (mostly men) find it hard to believe that I haven't met someone yet. (Well I have recently but I realize that I still should not be in no hurry).

I have to vent here because lately, I get this question almost daily believe it or not and I am sick of responding.

How bout the flip side of this. Why is it when a man is pass a certain age, attractive, educated, employed and still single it's ok? I have a co-worker who "brags" about this.:rolleyes:

Re: check this out
 

Agreed!:o

Well, okay...
 

Bluereign startin stuff ;)

In my opinion, there is nothing more disgusting than middle aged players. They totally reek of midlife crisis...I don't care how attractive they are, that is just too creepy to me. And you know they be tryin to get the youngest chicks they can find... Bleah Bleah!!! Can gold chains be outlawed for men over 30? Yeeesh!!

:)

Next time tell them "When you write me a check for the wedding!!!" That'll shut 'em up real quick.

...if I can throw in from the other side
 

This last paragraph comment really made me stop and think. As a single professional, attractive (so I've been told -- that ain't my holla) man, I've never been asked that. I suspect we don't get asked that because primarily we're the ones doing the initiating. It's been my experience that a sistah will let you know that your approach is welcome, but unless she's really really outgoing she's not going to initiate, thus we don't get the question you posed.

I agree that "why is a pretty woman like you, blah, blah," is lame, but it must work since so many of you seem to have heard it.

Depending on the age demographic in question, some topics of conversation may raise more ire than others. Typically, if I'm interested in someone I'll talk about some area of commonality, like the topic/setting that's allowed us to meet or something that appeals to me about what she's said or is wearing (tastefully done, of course).

...but I think this thread will be in my head for a minute :p

Why I'm not married.......
 

I got a new one...

NUNNYA! ;)

@ Tony...many of have heard it, that doesn't mean it works. Many of us have also heard, "Ay shorty whut yo name is?" that doesn't mean that line works. :p

Usually that response brings "well I know someone"....and it turns out to be some buster who wouldn't even shine my shoes (you know mr ray with 4 kids he don't take care of (or who are almost my age) who's looking for a good woman to settle down with-or some guy who doesn't see how he contributed to his breakup and wants to have second marriage with me but no kids (one nut asked why I want to have kids so old-just because you had kids in HS doesn't make me old for waiting until I'm grown)!

Hard to get others to understand just because I'm single doesn't mean I'm desperate. I'm fine if it doesn't happen at all.

However, when someone won't let it go I then retort to "Since we're asking personal questions when's the last time you had a toe curling orgasm?? You feel the need to be in my business why can't I ask you?"-usually the shock shuts them the heck up!! :D :D :D

With at least one of the people who asked, I would be afraid that they WOULD, lol. Granted it might be for a $200.00 reception at the local Popeye's, but they would...

Folks crack me up...

I'm waiting for the right man to find me.

The first honest response is a milder version of Dave Chappelle doing Lil Jon: "What?"

Secondly, I have some things that I need to accomplish (especially the Masters degree) in my life, and being in a relationship may actually hinder that. If you choose to commit to someone in a relationship, you should recognize that a lot of time and effort is required in that commitment. Quite frankly, I'm not ready to give all of that time and effort to anyone. I'm 26, but I'm not in a hurry. My biological clock must have a silencer on it.

Lastly, I usually sum it up with, "I haven't found anyone worthy of my affection, devotion, and stepping in front of God to make the commitment." Most of them shadditup with an "Excuuuse me!" look, and I just :D .

:eek: BWAAAHHHAAAAAhttp://www.handykult.de/plaudersmili...py/roflmao.gif

that doesn't work?

:(

This sounds just like me. The Lil' Jon imitation is fuuuuunnnnyyyy, the second point you made sounds a lot like me, being that I'm 26, I'm trying to obtain my JD degree, and I don't have the time nor the energy to devote to a relationship that would need consistent and frequent nurturing. And the last point you made is true and hilarious!!!!!!!

LOL!!! :D :D

I have not accomplished what I've been wanting to accomplish before I get married. That's why I'm not married. Also, me and my beau have been talking about it, and we're not in any rush. :)

Just a question!!!

Many of the responses have been "Still working on a degree" or I haven't accomplished what I need to " before marriage. So do you ladies honestly beleive that you can't be married unless you are accomplished? Does anybody beleive that in a marriage you should struggle together having that helpmate to get you though the good times and the bad? Sometimes I think we(men and women) justify not being married on the fact that we are still in school or God hasn't shown us the one(now this is important but many of us hang on to that as an excuse rather than that being the true reason), and I'm not together. No one person will ever be all together. No I'm not married but I will be one day. When I look at marriages that have lasted 30 or 40 years many of them werent complete(per se) as individuals but they in a way completed each other, that is what I hope to be blessed with one day. I understand that relationship dynamics have changed from what they were 30 years ago but the essence of it remains the same.

RE: RBL
 

Don't forget that working towards that degree means focusing on academia, group meetings, etc. that goes towards that goal. With all of that time, concentration, and effort going towards that advanced degree, there isn't much time leftover to nurture a new relationship or keeping the flame exactly where it is in an established relationship. Ultimately, if your S.O. isn't very understanding, s/he will feel slighted, ignored, etc. Isn't that a common reason for a failing relationship? Wouldn't it be better to avoid all of that turmoil by waiting, especially if you already know you won't think twice about focusing your energy on your academic goals and ignoring everything else?

So, to answer your question, no, you don't have to be "accomplished" to be married, but I would rather be in a more stable, comfortable lifestyle. Plus, if I have dated my fair share of men and have determined that not one of them is "The One", it's not an excuse that I'm still happily single in my mid-20s; it's reality.

Maybe I'm an oddball of a sista that's knocking on 27, but marriage is not one of my lifetime goals. If I get married in the future, then it will be a complement to my full, happy existence. If I never get married, then I will look back on my decades and smile because I'll remember that MARRIAGE DOESN'T EQUAL COMPLETION. To sum it up, marriage is not the end-all to me because I'm just not the kind of woman who must have a man at all times. *insert Dave Chappelle doing Lil Jon: YEAAAAAAAH!* :D

Another Male Perspective...
 

I was married for about 2 1/2 years and neither of us were really "established". I will tell you from first-hand experience that it is difficult to try to nurture a marriage in the midst of attending school or trying to find that "good" job/career. Our parents' generation was a little different, but we also have to keep in mind that in those days many people stopped at their BA or BS or may not have attended college at all. Therefore, even if they did get married at a younger age they were more than likely through with school and working at a job that they weren't planning on leaving anytime soon. People were also able to work at companies for years without fear of downsizing, outsourcing, or anything standing between them and retiring with that company. That is unheard of these days.

It is hard enough to sustain a marriage when you are merely working every day. Now, imagine trying to sustain a successful marriage when you are working 40 hours a week and in class several nights a week. Something is going to suffer. Unfortunately, in a lot of cases it is the relationship that suffers. With that being the case, it is more feasible for most people to complete their education before settling down.

We are also in a generation where we are more flexible and more opportunities. It is easier to take that job offer in another city or state or take that scholarship to a school in another city or state if you are not attached. It is not impossible if you are married, but it is a different set of circumstances when you are talking about uprooting your spouse and/or your children. All in all, there are different strokes for different folks and most people in this generation are choosing to get themselves together before they embark on something that is supposed to be permanent. I don't see anything wrong with that.

When people ask me this question, it upsets me. As if to say, because I'm not married and have no children, that my life is somehow incomplete. I answer the question with a polite "I'm waiting on the right man to find me" and leave it at that. When the right one comes along, we will both know it. So at this point, while I'm single, let me get myself "skrate" first, let me finish my degree, get settled in a more satisfying job, and then if it's meant to be, i'll get married.

i can feel the trying to get established. i had this girlfriend in college who was up in arms about having my baby before she turned 30, and she 2 years older than i was. she also wanted to have a couple of years to not have kids and be married (piss poor grammar probably). that would have meant that had i stayed with her, i'd be married right now. well, moving that fast wasn't for me. the career path was something that i was looking for.

Only in Atlanta!http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung...smiley-045.gif

This question bugs me! I'm annoyed because a guy (high school classmate who I haven't seen in 10 years) asked me this question about a month ago.

I gave him an indignant no to the marriage and kids questions. I then, asked if he was. He said no. Then I proceeded to yell at him. "Why the hell are you asking me then". I'm a little feisty at times.

Honestly, I've always wanted to get married. However, I love my independence. I'm not clingy. I like doing my own thing. In the 6 years that I've been on the open market (I was not EVEN considering marriage as a possibility until 21), I've only considered marrying one person. Heck, until a few months ago, I would have run away from the idea of marriage. I'm not ready.

Yeah, I'm in school and what not. But, that's not the reason why I'm not ready. Me, emotionally...not ready. I can be very selfish, moody, uncompromising, not good with relationship responsibilities (I'm constantly getting into it with guys about not calling enough),etc. I have things I need to work on. I am not opposed to growing with someone. But, I think you need to be in a certain place. I'm not there yet. I wanna be. I think the fact that I missed out on a good thing is forcing my behind on that road.

Why is it that people think it's ok to ask women those types of questions? As if a woman can't be complete/fulfilled/etc unless she has a ring on her finger and a couple of rugrats. :rolleyes:

I am married, so I don't get that question, but I do get asked all the time when we're going to start having children. :mad: When I say "not anytime soon" they look at me like I'm nuts, but my husband and I have so much on our plate right now that we don't have time to have a child and give him/her the nurturing a child needs.

This is funny because
 

I was up at the park the other day, just sitting there enjoying the day, and this dude comes up to me and asks me if I am married. I say no. He said why not. I said why.

I am also one of those people who not certain that marriage is in her future. Not that I want to be alone when I am older, but I don't know aobut marriage. I believe in it in principle...I could be with someone for the rest of my life...but I don't know that most people understand the work that such a relationship takes. If I ever get married it will be for good, so I need a high degree of certainty about my potential spouse.

He went on to ask me if I had kids. Again, both of these questions imply that I am incomplete without one or the other. :rolleyes:

so i'm assuming asking a woman why she's not married is NOT the way to get to know her?

:confused: :D

There is a really easy way to determine if someone is married: look for a ring. If someone asks me that, I assume one of two things (given that I am not wearing gloves) 1) he's not particularly observant; 2) he sees that I have no ring and just enjoys asking stupid questions. Either way, that question ends up working more against him then for him.
A more appropriate question, if you are trying to get to know her, is are you seeing anyone.