Married Prospective Members
 

I f your "orientation"/"pledging" process included sleepovers and one of your pledges is married, would you make an exception for her?

Re: Married Prospective Members
 

What is the purpose of a sleepover? And if she is married why would that stop her from being able to sleepover?

The purpose of the sleepover would be to get to know the sisters. I guess she would be able to sleep over because of her duties to her husband

LMAO at "duties to her husband"


paging Stepford wife..... lol

Yeah "duties to her husband" what the hell is that about? Do you think married women are sex slaves or something? LOL. Get real.

sorry about that phrase I just meant, that he might not approve of the sleepove (macho attitude).

What, is he upset that he'll be missing out on the naked pillow fights

We didn't have any married members in my chapter. If a member got married, she just went alum.

One of our new members a few years ago was married. It caused no problems. She even went out to mixers at all hours of the night. He dealt with it.

If ANY man has a problem with his wife staying away from him for a night or two (or heck, a week!), then he needs to get over himself. I just spent the entire weekend away from my husband (Thursday-Sunday). He didn't care.

Either you aren't married, or you're a guy...because 1-after being married for a while, you WANT to spend time away from each other, and 2-only a guy would think of something like that.

Actually I am Married (2yrs this october), and I am female

Sorry, with the above comment I just assumed too much I guess. Are you in this situation? Is that why you asked? Not trying to be too nosy... :D

I guess I just don't understand why the new member in this situation would be seeking to be excused from the sleepover. It sounds like she just doesn't want to do the sleepover and is using her husband as an excuse. Being married shouldn't affect the pledging process in any way, really.

AXiD670
I absolutely agree. why would any husband have a prob if his wife was away for one night or more? doesnt he trust her? But I guess if he was macho crazy well no, i would not make an exception. if everyone else has to go to the sleepover then you should too and if you can't then you should reconsider pledging that org. sounds harsh, but if ur husband has issues now, whats going to change when youre a member and have to go to required events like rituals and comm. service?

If a member gets married or is married in our chapter they usually go alumna, but they do have the choice of staying active. I don't know how the process works, if it's an internationals thing.

Re: Married Prospective Members
 

No.

And, as with someone who is pregnant/has children, I don't feel that being an active member of a collegiate sorority is an appropriate activity for a married woman.

Re: Re: Married Prospective Members
 

Do you mean a married woman who is pregnant or already has children, or do you mean a married woman in general?

I think on many campuses sorority life is major a social outlet for the campus women...which obviously is something that a married woman isn't going to be able to identify with, and she may miss out on some of the social aspects of the sorority. She may also feel a bit ostracized as many of her sisters and pledge sisters may not be able to identify with her. But that really shouldn't detract from her sorority experience. I also think it depends on what type of greek system there is on the campus.

We currently have a member of our chapter who is married but she wasn't when she went through the recruitment process. She got married because of health reasons and it was easier to marry her boyfriend so she could live with him. He helps take care of her and the situation works better for her. Her health problems are pretty bad so she doesn't participate in a lot because of them so I think her situation might be different than most though. :)

If a girl wanted to devote time to the chapter and was an enthusiastic, active member of the chapter I don't think she should be denied the opportunity to join greek life. With that said if she is joining just for something else on her resume (as do many unmarried women do) they shouldn't seek membership.

Re: Re: Re: Married Prospective Members
 

AXiD670, that's exactly it. The situation might be different on a non-traditional campus, but the more you get into "adult" life, the less likely you are to be able to identify with a "traditional" collegiate lifestyle.

Just remembered -

There was a girl on our campus who was a member of another sorority. She was 20 and had been married for 2 years. Well, she pledged XY and then....she got separated! I think the problem was more that she got married too young, and when she got to college and joined a sorority she realized she was too young to be married. But it makes you wonder...;)

I don't think any of the houses at UA would pledge a married student. There was one who came through rush a few years ago, but I think she got cut from almost all the houses pretty early on.

Aww c'mon, AXiD670. Don't sell yourself short. I'm sure he cared; he just wasn't bothered. ;)

Granted, it was many years ago and after a war, but my father was married when he went back to finish college and pledged Kappa Sigma. If the prospective member will make a good brother or sister and can balance the demands of school, Greek life and marriage, and if his or her spouse is willing to be supportive, marital status shouldn't matter.

I see no reason to turn away a married prospective. My home chapter recently brought in someone who is married and so did our brothers. *shrug*

Re: Married Prospective Members
 

We had a married sister in the chapter...she graduated last year. We have another currently. Both participated in as many activities as they could (including sleepovers). It didn't cause any problems.

I may as well have been married in college since I went with the man I ended up marrying the whole time I was in school. I'm not sure what behaviors I had to engage in while a collegiate member of AGD that wouldn't have been appropriate for a married woman. Study hours? Philanthropy projects? Sisterhood nights? Initiation? Recruitment? Greek Week?

The married couples I knew in college were all students. They lived in married housing on campus (which is why they provide such housing!) They led "normal college student" lives. You don't die when you get married.. life goes on, you have a social life, you have interests and activities that don't involve your husband.

Dee

Re: Re: Married Prospective Members
 

Ditto... I agree adpiucf!

Re: Re: Married Prospective Members
 

While some people might agree with that, I think it would greatly depend on how traditional Greek life is on that campus.

My chapter didn't have a house, but we were certainly active on campus and in the community. One of my pledge sisters was already married when we joined AGD. After initiation, not only was she one of the most positive active contributors to the chapter (she served as VP Recruitment for three semesters), her husband was very supportive of her and our chapter too!

She was an exceptional collegiate sister, and her marital status certainly didn't hinder her contributions to our Fraternity.

I say, if a married, full course load carrying PNM whose husband supports her 100%, wishes to join a sorority and knows that she might have to put in extra effort, she should at least be given the opportunity to be considered for invitation.

Wow....

I was married (almost 9 years) when I begain the new member process for Phi Sigma Sigma. I can say that it wasn't a terrible thing. I work full time and was in a graduate...yes I said graduate...program when I begain the process.

Yes it was time consuming...Yes it was a lot of work. But it was MY choice and I was committed to the organization.

Many of you talk as if you die once you get married. NOT!!!! Some of you say things about traditional Greek things and husbands not approving. Well, in my humble opinion, there isn't anything that a Greek Woman should be doing that her husband doesn't approve of.

Greek Women should be women of principle, good citizens, philanthropic, faithful, loyal. They should seek academic excellence and should be active in their communities. If a husband doesn't want his wife to have these qualities, then he needs to check himself.

A husband wouldn't want his wife to be in an organization that is the stereotypical sorority GIRL that is in the movies...always drunk, dummer than dirt, and a slut.

If that is the kind of GIRL in your organization then her husband has every right to not want her to participate.

Each woman needs to set her priorities. The level of activity varies amongst all of the members. I am one of the most active women in my chapter. I have held executive positions, committee chairs, and organized many activities through out the years. I have managed to keep a 3.8 GPA and work every day. We have some women, who are your traditional 18-22 sorority girls who can not say that.

We have several members who are married and/or have children who are more committed to the ideals of Phi Sigma Sigma and promote them through our activites.

So, before you just right all of us married folks off, think twice. You may be missing out on a woman who can teach you a thing or two.

Scooby

Re: Re: Re: Re: Married Prospective Members
 

Hmm... I disagree!

I suppose for some people they wouldn't, but you can never extend these things to everybody. Again, I cite my wonderful boyfriend as an example. He's 32, has child that's 3, and divorced. He is a great asset to his fraternity (rush chair, and security advisor for their partys-- it pays to have an ex-cop do security!), and absolutely loves to do traditional college things, like drink beer, and make friends (although some might argue that this isn't really a traditional college thing, but a people thing). Admitedly, he will make an effort to go get good beer instead of drinking Natty Light, and he says he's not interested in meeting the new freshman sorority girls. Also, there are some things that he does differently becuase he's got his daughter. He takes care of her on certian days, and although he will re-arrange his schedule for improtant events, some things he can't do, if he can't take his daughter with him (for instance, even though he was rush chair, he missed a night of rush since he thought bringing his daughter around would scare some of the PNM's). No one in the fraternity complains, since he is much more active than other members, and ran the best rush the group has ever seen.

Anyway, I hope people realize that there are many kind of situations and people than can make up a successful chapter, and they can happen even on as campus where 98% of students live on campus and most graduate in 4 years.

ETA: Bravo Scooby!

I, personally have no problem with a married prospective member. Many have boyfriends, live ins etc anyway.

Also, I beleive there is no NPC rule against it. There may be a few individul chapters that have rules. I am venturing a guess that on some campuses it is just not talked about but "understood" but last I checked, and once again I haven't read our constitution or Greenbook lately, there are no national NPC's that have rules against it.

But my chapter didn't care. We initiated a pledge class where three were engaged. ( intersting side note: They all broke up and married other people, much later of course, after we had our say about the loser boys they were dating!)

Woo Hoo, Scooby! Very good post!
Silver

The year i went through recruitment, there was a married woman with two kids in my rush group. She was dropped from every house after the first round.

Ofcourse, I'm sure beign married and havign two kids may have been half the reason, she was also a lil weird.


That same recruitment, I met another girl in another group who was a freshman that had had a baby in high school. She got a bid and accepted and has as far as I know been quite an active member in the group...........however, she told me she kept the havign the kid part as secret as she could durign rush and some people that found out after her initiation werent thrilled.

In my chapter though, usually when a member gets married she goes alum, though she has the option of staying active--nearly all go alum though.

I agree with you, Scooby.

It's all about where you set priorities and what matters most. We had sisters that were PRACTICALLY married (long term boyfriends - one of them was my Big Sister) and they participated as much or more than everyone else. So they didn't attend every Saturday night fraternity party or stay out until all hours - why does that matter in the big scheme of things?

I guess there are some organizations or chapters that don't want the stigma of having a "married sister". I would think in this day and age of more "non-traditional" students attending college than ever before (40% of students today are over 25 and over 70% of students work), that fraternal organizations would keep an open mind and look at individuals for who they are as a person.

I posted in the prospective pregnant mother member thread and I agree with most of the post in this thread.

My chapter has me (a mom) a newleywed and 3 recently engaged sisters. 2 of which will be very good stepmoms.

Our participation in our chapter has not diminished, in fact I think we have striven to be more active then other actives , it's like we have something to prove.

my sister who is married , her husband is a marine so he understands the whole sisterhood aspect of her life. He is extremely supportive of our chapter and when he is down and we have an open event he is right there with us digging in an getting dirty, so to speak.

So having a married sister can add alot to your chapter, no to mention the extra pair of hands you get when she brings her husband around i.e move in, move out , loading heavy items.

I think married members and pregnant members are two entirely different ballgames. We have a sister who got married during her new member period. Her fiance, who is in the military, was being sent out of the country. She still lives in the dorm, and participates in a lot of things. Her husband is back in the US now, and he is very supportive. He comes to visit, comes to formals, etc. Being married is not a huge time commitment, at least not any more than a very serious relationship! People who are married still live lives outside of their spouses. I see no problem with it.

I would not make the same statement about a pregnant potential member or a member with a child.