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Thug Love
A highly educated, professional friend of mine recently ended a lengthy, ugly marriage with an admitted abusive thug. After 2-3 years of beatdowns, blackeyes, lies, children by other women, and watching him "keep it real," she finally had enough, but the sex alone strung her out to a total of 7 years. I had warned her beforehand, yet she admitted what a lot of women often say: The man they marry, no matter how educated, professional or successful, HAS to have some "thug" in him.
Tell me it ain't so ladies, but if so, why??? |
Wanting a man with a little thug in him is one thing...having Ike Turner as a husband is quite another.
... No man is "hitting me off" that good that I'm willing to endure mental and physical pain! |
Now, I will be the first to admit, ain't nothin' wrong with a little thuggish-ruggish. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif
BUT It ain't no requirement for my life mate! That's some mess right there. Well, what exactly do we mean by "thug?" If you sayin' he needs to be able to hold his own, then yeah, nobody wants to marry a b!tch. However, if you mean he was a former gang banger or jail bird or some mess like that, nah. No requirements for that. You might not even get the job with those credentials. |
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LOL Soror! I need a lil crunch in my munch as well! |
Well Dirty, I don't know about a true "thug", but I do want a man who can hold his own. My sweetie hasn't been to college, however, he's highly intelligent and speaks very well, but if push comes to shove, he can get "thugged out"!! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/eek.gif I don't think I'd want him acting thuggish all the time though. Of course, people perceive thuggish differently also. So, I guess it's all how you look at it. My ideal man would be 10% Tupac, 40% Cedric the Entertainer, and 50% Tavis Smiley...IMHO http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif
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I am so turned off by weak, indecisive men. Have a spine, but keep the fists to yourself. |
Oh now come on; I know some of y'all out there have been holding out for Pookies, Puff-Daddy's and Bobby Browns--let's hear the real truth!
Ain't somebody still attracted to the original King Of R&B??? lol |
I used to say that I wanted a man with some "thug" to him but I realized that I was just intrigued by characters in movies who were educated, witty, sexy, attractive and was still able to take care of his woman if some danger came along. ie (Tango and Cash) I equated the "adventure" in a man with being a "thuging" Now, I've learned I don't want the "thug" I want a man who has the qualities I listed earlier AND who can handle and take care of himself and me if ever a situation called for it. And I am blessed to have one sent my way (smile)
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Consider yourself CLOWNED!!! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/eek.gif http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif No you didn't say that!!! LOL, girl I can't even handle you!!! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif |
Frat,
They don't want to tell the truth. Some of our sisters are sitting home right now talking bout "I ain't gonna put up with that shyt no more. You better do right - this time" Quote:
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My boyfriend is a "thug in remission" with ambition but he's not abusive towards me. Though we have different approaches to situations and are somewhat opposite in many ways,we get along very well, (as I consider him my best friend). He's honest , which is an important quality that I look for in a mate. A man can be abusive, whether thugged out, or reserved and quiet and once that happens, it's time to let go and move on.
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I with THICKNCHOCLATE on this one...my man has not been to college but he is very intelligent and STRAIGHT from Detroit so you know he got a whole lot of Thug-life going on. Once while we were in Paris two Paris thugs (I know French thugs?) tried to pick-pocket him on the subway... how do you say "BAD IDEA" in french? And when we get dressed and go to the law firm's dinners he holds his own in ever discussion so I have the best of both worlds. I must admit I've done some polishing but then he's given me some lessons too so it's all good. PLUS HE JUST GAVE ME THAT ROCK and got on his knee and popped the question... so I'm taking my thug right to the chapel. [This message has been edited by Oh Drama! (edited June 26, 2001).] |
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Bros, Sorors and Sisterfriends,
Not all abusive men are thugs! BUT let us keep it real. A lot of people put up with a lot of Stuff for the sake of the relationship. Need an example.....let us say when going through a process that we have gone through there was always a time when it came out of our mouth saying "THese Guys have one more time before I flip on them" and guess what.....we never flipped on them! Why because he was willing to tolerate it to reach an ultamite goal. To some women the relationship is the ultamite goal. A man is an abuser he will remain an abuser. I think the real reason black women go for thugs is 2 fold: 1. They need that strong sence of security that thug provides knowing he won't be punked out by other people 2. There is a challange to say he is thugged out with everyone else except the one he is with because they have him "on lock". Guess what ladies....if he is thugged out with everyone else, curses and disrespects on the street(not saying all thugs do this) but he will do it with you most of the time. The Sphinxpoet |
Have any of yall ever "deserved yall's ass kicked!"? Keep it real now yall!
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OA, can you say bullet! I believe in keeping hands to yoself.....unless we are playing my favorite game.!
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Hell FREAK naw! I bet you have! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif |
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------------------ Sigma Lambda Upsilon: Sincerity, Loyalty, Unity http://www.sigmalambdaupsilon.org |
Believing that there is a difference btwn a thug and a violent man. I admit I want a lil thug in my man. Thug in the sense that, he is not a punk, that he can fit in easily in the ghetto (as well as outside the ghetto), wear his Tim's w/shorts in the summer, and still be abreast of the neighborhood goings on. Ya know, equipped with street knowledge. I think the term thug is used now in the same way we used homeboy back in the day.
Although I probably deserved an a$$ whupping I have never received one!!! Mainly b/c the brothas I date know "Nikki don't play dat"... i have been known to "shoot a fair one" with many a guys growing up and hold my own.... my philosophy is "If you feel froggish......LEAP!!!!" |
Believing that there is a difference btwn a thug and a violent man. I admit I want a lil thug in my man. Thug in the sense that, he is not a punk, that he can fit in easily in the ghetto (as well as outside the ghetto), wear his Tim's w/shorts in the summer, and still be abreast of the neighborhood goings on. Ya know, equipped with street knowledge. I think the term thug is used now in the same way we used homeboy back in the day.
Although I probably deserved an a$$ whupping I have never received one!!! Mainly b/c the brothas I date know "Nikki don't play dat"... i have been known to "shoot a fair one" with many a guys growing up and hold my own.... my philosophy is "If you feel froggish......LEAP!!!!" ------------------ "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful" When da EAST is in da house....Oh my GOD!!!! DANGER! |
I was just thinking about this the other day. I don't want my man to be a thug at all. Most of the guys that I meet around my hood are thuggish in some way, shape, or form. (I am wondering where all the "nerds" are. Where are the guys that like to read, are reasonably well-informed, and don't spend half of their days standing outside of some store.)
But I digress. You don't have to be a thug to have a backbone. You don't have to be a thug to handle your business. Women do these things everyday and manage to be ladies; men can hold it down and still behave as gentlemen. Besides, a man who can get what he wants without raising his voice, or his fist, is much more sexy. |
I myself have never been with an abusive man. Being the only girl in the house with 5 older boys helped me a lot. Back to the question , I do like a tough guy and as MC Lyte once said "ruffneck" but that don't say nothing bout putting those hands on me. Although my man does not have to have these qualities either.
Since we are talking about violence a bit I hope i can tie this in. Hope this doesn't get too long: For some reason it seems as though my best friend seems to always choose that man who wants to put his hands on her. Can you say "DRAMA"? At first this guy wasn't like this but he moved to Conn from AL and she went to visit him one month in the summer. I called her to see how she was doing she was kind of quiet so I started asking her questions just for the heck of it ...What's wrong? (nothing) He heatin on you (no gul) really wasn't expectin answer " He hit you? (YES). All of a sudden she had to get off the phone. He came in the room. I was at home pissed. All the way in Bama and couldn't do jack. Mind you they staying with his momma (who was at work) but told my friend not to call the police because they were real strict in CONN about domestic violence and her son would go to jail for a long time ( I'm like SO). When she finally came home, he and his mother also came for a visit. I was at her house late one night and she was about to take me home...he wants to ride with her. When we get in front of my door this mutha&^#(@# gonna say some stuff to me talking bout stay out of his business or somethin to that effect cause I don't know him.....never wait until you get to my territory to talk %$^& . We went at it and I went in the house it's about 12:00am and got the bruhs and the cuz's, needless to say we whooped his but frim A to Z. Her now baby daddy was like the high school bully ...burn up folks cars, jump on folks, whateva he felt big and bad enough to do. I am glad that she finally left both of those folks alone. Yes another story: (I am just trying to give you some examples since you wanted to hear) Another friend we went to high school and go to college together. Our freshman year in college she was going with this boy from back home (who went to college with us two). I always thought he was the perfect man until I found out he was beatin on her. One day we were about o go home for the wknd. Some of us were wondering where she was b/c it was pass time to go. This girl call me from POPEYES Chicken talking bout she had to jump out the car on the highway cause he was hittin her and then tried to run her over in the parking lot. They eventually broke up but it turned into a tragedy when her high school sweetheart came to visit one day. This boy followed them to a hotel got a room down the hall from them. When he sees her w/o the other guy in the hallway, he snatches her up pulling her into his room, stuffs a towel in her mouth and proceeds to rape her. She calls me from the ER the next morning. He got kicked out of school after that. She is now doing better. Sorry for the long post http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/frown.gif If he tells you he loves you and beats you. In the words of my girl Tina Turner "What's Love Got to Do With It" ------------------ 29 Jewels of N.V. # 1 Delta Delta Chapter |
much respect...
the reality is that this goes both ways. men always like to ask the question..."why do women like thugs?" and women can counter with..."why do men like chickenheads?" the answers come out: a woman likes a thug because: -he can take care of/protect her -he's real -he's good in bed -he has backbone -he's "all man" *this one is debatable* etc. a man likes a chickenhead because: -he can take care of/protect her -she's real -she's good in bed -she has a way of massaging his ego -she's "all woman" and doesn't want to step onto a "mans territory" etc. both are symbols of what i believe men and women lack in this society. many women eternally looking for the daddy figure go in search of someone to take care of them. and protect them. and no sistas i'm not talking financially but i'm talking about when you are standing in line at the movie theater and the brotha has his arm around your waist...you feel more protected when he looks like the rock than when he looks like martin. consquently many men are looking for their moms. that is not calling your moms a chickenhead...but while moms was strong she was also the one who spoiled the ish outta you. so you want a woman who can spend as much time with you as you want her too...will show up to the door when you get home from work in a teddy and still have dinner on the table. that kinda ish. the realities/dynamics of abusive relationships are larger than just..."yo, i told her to leave that ni**a alone but she didn't listen...and got her ass beat fo it!" most women do not deserve or want their asses beat but there is an emotional/psychological/sociological/sexual aspect to abuse that literally makes the person feel trapped. some can escape quickly others can not. instead of blaming the "victim" of abuse...lets try figuring out a way to stop it so that the woman does not enter it again. btw...abuse happens in all relationships. str8 and gay. men can be abused just as quickly as women. but nobody...deserves to get hit/mentally abused/sexually abused etc. if its that bad...and you don't think you can control yourself from striking out then you need to leave. enough of my ranting. peace *sorry so long* |
I am totally against dating "thugs". I would have more respect for a man who was able to walk away from a fight than one who stood and fought for what ever silly reasons people have to use their fist theses days. It takes more will and strength to walk away than to stand and fight in my opinion... (anyway violence does not solve anything- it sometimes causes more problems). I don't want a so called punk but I would rather date a "punk" than a thug. I like a man with pure class(who may even see himself as too good to get his hands dirty by fighting and possibly ending up in jail)
I was given a word of advice by a friend years ago- Do not date a man (or woman) who IF you were to have children by them and your child turned out to be JUST LIKE that person- you would not have a problem with it. Sometimes they do! Something to think about http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif |
lastpoetnsite: I like your analogy, but I wonder if men (especially college educated, professional men) are really seen as needing a Chickenhead rather than someone more their counterpart--like the fine, classy women in the above posts. And if asked, I think most men would probably cite their mother as anything but a Chickenhead, rather she would probably be exalted as a model example by which all other women should follow. In fact fellas, if you're out there, weigh in.
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When we were in college, the unspoken rule was you could date any frat man except a Que. So we dated the others officially and messed around with the Ques- it was soooo much fun. But that was sooo long ago, thanks for the memories guys http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif
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When we were in college, the unspoken rule was you could date any frat man except a Que. So we dated the others officially and messed around with the Ques- it was soooo much fun. But that was sooo long ago, thanks for the memories guys http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif
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Apparently "Thuggish" doesn't mean the same thing to everybody; so why don't we rejump this with a definition of thuggish from the people that respond to this question. Does having the heart to respond violently make one a thug? Or havin' some kinda way to "come up"? What makes a brutha a Thug?
Yall still didn't answer my question either. Have yall ever DESERVED a smack, slap, beatdown, whatever? I'm not asking how hard yall are. |
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I agree, we need a definition of THUG (which I asked for in my original post, but ok, lol). |
Owned huh, Original? that's an interesting way of putting it. You know what makes the world go round' don't cha?
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I am with you, Little32 and Tammy. My question is to the women that like the thuggish guys, what type of neighborhood did you grow up in?
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