my rant: why are boys so stupid?
 

disclaimer to the males out there: please take no offense. i am just really ticked off


i know i have stated in a earlier post that i sensed that the relationship was over with my bf. but i did want to work at it to where we were still happy and could possibly have a decent relationship. cause we have gotten so close.
anyway, today we had a fight. it happen because i told him that i didnt want to have sex for awhile. that statement made the air between us so thick that you could cut it with a knife. we were at walmart when he finally blew up (which was about two hours after my statement). he gave me that typical 'guy that needs to have sex' comment: " i am not a kid anymore".
we never got to the part when we verbally say that we are breaking up. but it is getting kinda obvious.
i am kinda releived but angry. was i expecting too much when i said that i wanted to wait for awhile to have sex. we did have a very physical realtionship but in the last few months, it has fizzled out. i mean i have sacrificed so much for him. and he always liked to talk about how he wanted to marry me. i would have liked him to respect my wishes.

i guess i should be happy, but i am not. everything happened so abruptly. i would have liked to express my feelings towards him.

What did you expect from him you silly rabbit.

Men approach intimacy through sex, women approach sex through intimacy.

In the situation you are in, if you tell the boy you are not going to have sex with him, you are breaking up. He isn't going to feel intimate with you, or tender towards you in the absence of physical contact .. unless he is gay.

Now I understand what women are saying when they physically withdraw. They are saying that they don't feel close, or intimiate. That there are problems in connecting that leaves them feeling bad and insecure in the relationship. Maybe unloved etc.

And that those things are very important to whether they want to have sex or even touch the boy.

But there is the problem . . . a man won't connect with you much emotionally without the physical.

Sick circle i have seen people get into before, she withholds sex so he withholds emotional connection and it just feeds on eachother.

I'm kinda on the guys side on this one. I mean, think about if you really really love chocolate, and this one person always gave you chocolate. One day out of the blue they told you they didn't want to give you anymore chocolate. Wouldn't you be upset?

Also, you could damage the relationship futher by the no-sex/physical-fun-stuff because all the males I've ever been friends w/have always said at times w/their girls pull this on them they will think, "What? Am I not good enough for her now?" etc. and their self-confidence will lower when getting intimate again. So, once you wanna get playful in the sack again, he may not want to jump back in w/you.

I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but I really feel sorry for the guy. It sounds like you just sprung into this new philosophy w/o considering his feelings about it or even clue him in on what was on your mind.

--Kayla

In my opinion, any guy that is a great guy will respect your wishes. If you want to take a break from having sex, then he should respect and support your decision!

The real relationship was over, but from what you wrote, I get a sense of you guys just being fcuk buddies these last few months. You thought that you guys could work things out, but did he feel the same way or was he just sticking to you because he knew you were a sure thing given you guys' past?

Judging from what I have seen both in my own life and in my friends, the sex should have ended a long time ago and you really didn't have to pull this 180. His reaction's typical, did you REALLY expect him to do a poo-poo "I'll try to sacrifice this for you too and respect what you want and I'll be more sensitive to your feelings..." ? I'm surprised even waited two hours to tell you how he REALLY felt! Didn't have to be at a Walmart though. :eek:

And I really don't get that "I'm not a kid anymore" comment.

I'm sorry if I'm being brutal, but that's the way I feel. Don't be mad at the guy, in fact, you shouldn't be mad at all. Suck it up, and move on.

Oh yeah, it'd help if you left the boys to the little girls.

I think you are brain damaged. :) I mean that respectfully and affectionately because I am sure you are a wonderful person and all . . . but Damn you girls get the wierdest notions!

Lets see, one of the major reasons we enter committed adult relationships is easy no stress access to the goodies. Thats not a perk, thats like part of the whole job description.

I like that, the guy should respect and support your decision . . . to . . . remove one of the major points of even being in a relationship. Uhm . . No.

If you want to stop having sex, you are basically saying that its ok for us to have sex with other people . . . . then we can provide you the emotional support that you want, while still getting the lovin' we need :D

Nice post OTW, keeping it real.

no we are not fcuk buddies. we actually have a relationship. anyhow, i just said i wanted a break. i didnt say that i wanted to stop completely.

anyway, we had the longest conversation on the phone not too long ago. i dont want to get into detail. but he said that he doesnt want to end the relationship because i dont want to have sex.
i am so confused. cause now, i have to seriously consider if i want to even continue this relationship. it is hard. he is not the type to cheat (really he isnt). but i am wondering if i stay in the relationship and refrain from sex, could i be driving him to cheat? it is a scary thought. i dont know if i want to go through it.

Yes you are either going to drive him to cheat or . . . to die of a peculiar fatal disease that men can contract . . .

Testosterone poisoning . . a condition that can be lethal, its usually caused by a surfeit of excess sexual tension that has been created by a girl friend that used to put out, but has decided not to anymore while at the same time not cutting us lose to get rid of the excess tension with other girls.

Yeah James, and you know that first post you had above was I think the 2nd time I actually agreed with you. ;)

smiley, in all honesty, if you have to consider all of that stuff and think about that for hours on end, it's so not worth it. Believe me, it's simply not worth it.

It's cool that he called you and wants to continue being with you, but it's so early to think about one thing and end up doing another months down the road.

there is an easy way to prevent it. use a hand.

by the way, it is him that doesnt want to cut himself loose.

you are thinking along the same lines as me. thinking about it now is giving me a bad headache. i am going to wait until tomorrow

Why, exactly, do guys need to have sex? Does your hair come out and your eyelids curl up, or what? I have never understood this. The quickest way to make a girl not have sex is to say, "But...I need it, because I'm a guy!"

No, smiley, I don't blame you for not wanting to be all lovey dovey with a guy for whom your feelings have been mixed up lately. I understand that he might see this as rejection, but honestly...would a guy want to sleep with a girl he wasn't sure he thought was cute? Don't let him, or anyone else, make you feel bad. You do what you think is right.

The "I need it because I'm a guy and guys need it" is the LAMEST excuse ever and if you seriously tried to pull that on me I'd be out the door. And I think most self-respecting girls would. Believe it or not, there are a multitude of reasons why women (or men) stop having sex with their significant others and if you drop the relationship simply because of that you are a tool. (Assuming, of course, that it was not simply a relationship based on sex, in which case, whatever.)


That said, you need to keep in mind that there are a lot of people out there who will not stay in a relationship if there is an extended period of no sex (although depending on the person "extended period" could mean two weeks or two years) and that whenever you stop having sex you are taking that risk -- and that risk becomes exponentially higher when you are already having lots of problems in the relationship and then decide to cut off sex. At that point, what benefit is there to either of you to stay in the relationship besides the security of being in one? I know it's rough for a relationship to end, but it sounds like both of you will ultimately be better off.

All I have to say is this...
You guys haven't been getting along.
You will no longer be physically intimate.
You have "sensed things were coming to a close".
You are now talking to people on a message board about whether or not to consider staying with him. (No shame in posting problems here, I'm just saying you're now at the point of relying on almost total strangers for advice.)

I would say it's done. And you said he's the one who can't cut himself loose...fuck that. You need to cut him loose- he can't make you be his girlfriend if you are OUT of the relationship completely.

Just my advice that is sometimes valuable, and sometimes worth ignoring.....

When you are in a long term relationship, desire is cyclical. It is a fact and anyone who denies this either A. has never been in a long term relationship B. is too young to really experience love and sex or C. is lying.

Do you stop wanting sex? Not really. But desire for your partner ebbs and flows over time. Do you not desire your partner during the less sex periods of your relationship? No, you desire him or her very much. Its just a fact of biology. Sometimes we want it more than other times.

In an intensely physical relationship, sometimes one partner needs to step back to clear their head. If the other partner truly loves and cares about them, they do understand and will be there for them.

And that is the truth from someone who has been in relationships almost non stop for 17 years.

at the risk of sounding like a pathetic loser- i am asking you guys for advice because i dont have any real friends to talk to. other than my mom, you guys are the closest thing that i have got.

Sweetie I totally didn't mean it like that....I ask things like that all the time on here. I'm just saying, when you first think of something, you keep it to yourself. Then you ponder it, then you reach out to friends/fam/a journal/whoever. All I'm saying is it's gotten to this third level.....whether its us or a friend IRL or your mom or whatever...the fact that you're reaching out to people outside of your relationship with so much uncertainty, tells me you already know what you want to do.

I apologize if it sounded so harsh- not my intention.

Man, I could eat this post for lunch.....



I just want to reply to your post, Dana, because I feel I can answer your questions.

First off, girls will never understand why guys need sex all the time. Why? Because they're not guys. They don't have as much testosterone going through them. Guys get Awnery when they don't have sex. Its like our balls swell up and either A.) we have to phuck or beat off or B.) We end up getting in a fight with another guy. And beating off can only sustain a man for so long once he's had pussy in his life. Its like we know something better is out there but we just can't have it. We get cranky and pissed off for no apparent reason. A wise man once told his daughter that the best way to a man's heart was to keep his belly full and his balls empty...then there'd be no problems. Thats why housewives who stay at home and cook while giving all the booty they can to their man, they're usually the ones who have successfull marriages. The women out there who want things their way most of the time are usually the ones who have shitty marriages/cheated on or are the ones who get divorced. Believe me when I say this....A MAN IS ONLY AS FAITHFUL AS HIS OPTIONS....Ladies, if you want a man whos going to cheat on you or one thats going to leave you...then don't take care of his needs.


And Dana, as far as would a guy sleep with a girl whom they didnt think was cute???? You bet your ass they would, given they are intoxicated. How the hell you do think ugly chicks have babies?;)

Boys are stupid because they have a "dumb stick". ;)

Yeah . .. females please pull on it. . .

smiley-
I'm in a similar situation where every so often I can't have sex (there are very good reasons that I won't get into). I know my bf tries to be supportive but I can see it is really hard for him to go without. I let him know that I would have sex if I could, but it's not my choice. Recently though he's started to question if it is my choice, and if I am holding out etc. It's very trying, since I am doing no such thing. But his suspicions make me less and less in the mood. Also, because he isn't getting a whole lot he ALWAYS talkes about sex during these short week to two week bursts. And that turns me off even more because I start thinking: geeze! All he wants to do is have sex. Can't we spend time together not in the bedroom?

If you want to be with him, tell him that. But a sexaul realtionship does indeed include sex. If you don't want that in a realtionship, you need to strike out and find someone who will wait until marriage or accept your decision.

I guess the lesson is to try and hook-up with someone's who's libido matches your own . . .

I like sex play all the time, if the girl has some hang-ups about stuff, or is uber-sensitive, body issues, sex issues or what have you. Its not going to work and I am going to leave her . . . probbaly without any explanation or closure:)

Also, they have a term for two people with an emotional relationship but little to no sex between them . . . its called, drum roll please:


Friends

First of all I want to say it's not a dumb stick but a magic stick.

Then I want to say, you must not have heard of blue balls.

-Rudey
--Lyrically lifted

I think you try being fcuk buddies. Fcuk has some really nice clothes and maybe if you saw each other wearing them you would think each other is hot and want to have sex again.

You need to break up. Find someone else and start over.

OK, I'm going off on a tangent here, but since cashmoney so honestly answered my previous question (and I thank you for your help), maybe he can tell me the answer to this one: If a girl doesn't want to have sex with her guy, even for a legitimate reason, why does the guy automatically ASSume she's getting it somewhere else? That makes me soooooooooo mad...come on, just because I'm not in the mood right now does not mean I just did anyone else!

because guys are naturally jealous and their ego is too sensitive

See thats why you have problems in relationships .. you have little clue how men think :)

isnt that the pot calling the kettle black?:p

Its like this.....

He thinks you're getting it somewhere else because it seems like you're never in the mood, or if you are it's once in a while like maybe 1 or 2 times a week if that. You're about the same age as me. That said, guys my age are going to want to hit it more often since we're in our sexual prime. In most cases, but it won't be mine, after a guy hits his 30's he's done with the intercourse thing and only wants oral most of the time. Women don't start phucking like jack rabbits until they hit 30+ unless a guy turns them into a feen.....like I do. My girlfriend tells me she gets these cravings for some dick throughout the day, and she blames it on me for turning her into a feen. She says we've had more sex than all her ex-boyfriends combined. When we first started dating, I used to think she didnt like the sex because we only did it once or twice a week. I even thought she was still fucking around with her ex. I didnt trust her, there are people here who can verify that. I just had to remind myself that girls you just start dating don't put out mad pussy unless they're lil'whores. It takes time to make a girl into a feen unless she's 30+, by that age they don't think like they did when they were 22, 23,24. Most guys that arent that experienced don't know these sort of things and thats why they think you're banging someone else. Either that, or they're just trying to put a guilt trip on you to make you have sex. And believe me, that shit Does Happen.

I think some guys just need to chill out and realize that sometimes people don't think about sex. I like it as much as the next person, but if my entire reationship is sex, I won't like it.

WTFever.

It's not like it's just about sex but you gotta understand that right now there are enough cute girls with great personalities that put out also.

-Rudey

then shut your mouth and go find them:p:p

LOL I got one.

-Rudey

By sometimes "people" done think about it, I take it you mean girls? Cause again . . . Boys approach intimacy as a feeling through sex . . k?

The less you have sex with us the less connected we feel with you no matter how many nice emotional things you do.

So do the math, a cost benefit analysis of not having sex versus your piece of mind in a relationship.