PRE-NUPTIAL AGREEMENTS...YAY OR NAY?
 

Did you sign a prenuptial agreement before your nuptials, for all the happily married peeps out there?

Would you consider signing a pre-nuptial agreement before getting married, single peeps?

Maybe you don't want to call it a pre-nuptial agreement, but would you have some kind of LEGAL document drawn up to "protect" some of your assets you have "received" PRIOR to your day of HOLY MATRIMONY?

I know, I know, when one gets married, the couple is considered one and all that stuff, BUT, this is property, money, inheritence, or whatever that one has acquired BEFORE the marriage, or even BEFORE you and your spouse- to- be met.

WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS?

A curious mind would like to know. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif

I am single and I would definently have a prenuptual agreement. But I would do it only because if we were to have children i would want to be prepared financially if that day came where my husband might leave. Ideally marriage is suppose to be forever and things should be shared, but in this society, 64% of marriages fail. And many of those women are left with children and no money because the husband managed to take it all. Sorry the post is so long. :-)

I AM NOT MARRIED..BUT IF I EVER TIE THE KNOT WHICH I CANNOT VISION AT THE MOMENT...i would of course present my future with a prenup agreement...THESE DAYS A WOMAN CANNOT BE TO SURE...U HAVE TO BE SAFE AND PROTECT YOURS....a man can B S....T U QUICKLY.....

ya know, not only that, but these days, relationships are NOT ONLY about the male and female involved. It is no longer, most times, that cut and dry.

On one or both sides, you have these "external" factors or extra parties, if you will out, there too. That should be thought about, as well.

The way people are today, that's THE ONLY WAY TO GET MARRIED!!!

I didn't for my first marriage, but we didn't have anything. Both were young, 21y/o,crazy in love, etc. But my second marriage I did. I had bought a house and wants to keep it, if things don't work.

I wouldn't. I am with the man that I am going to marry (I'm sure and there's no need for all of that!) Just don't marry someone unless you are completely sure that you can be married to that person.

Let's see if you feel this way in 10 or even 5 years. S*** happens. No one marries with divorce in mind, but well over 50% of marriages end in divorce. Young women you better be prepared, divorce gets ugly, and you won't even recognize the man you married during a divorce, or fighting for child support.

I think it is necessary to secure pre-marital property via a pre-nuptial agreement. It is a document designed to ensure that in the event of separation (divorce, death), that income is apportioned fairly. I sincerely would sign such an agreement to ensure that my affairs/assets are handled properly.

what I was talking about was securing what you obtained PRIOR to saying those magical words... http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/rolleyes.gif

I would want THAT protected first. Now, after I am married (whenever), that should be split down the middle, IMHO. Because we have acquired that TOGETHER.

See, Chi...that's why I don't want to purchase a home, so I won't have to go through that ya ya there. Many have said that I can "rent" that home out and move somewhere else. I wouldn't want that hassle. Then, if I rent, that would be MY income, cause my name would be on the "papers", right?

Nothing from nothing leaves nothing, so I felt no need for a pre-nup.

Miss. Mocha

A lot depends on where you get divorced since the law varies wildly from state to state. All states do not do the "divide everything in half" thing. Also, all states do not make property from before you were married an issue.

In MD, where I am and practice, property owned before marriage is not marital property. Neither is property that was received as a gift (uless to both of you) or inherited by one of you. So, for example, if I own a house before we get married, he cannot ask for it in the divorce. Now if I put his name on it that is another story. Or if I let him contribute to the mortgage he has a claim on the equity he contributed to but not the whole house. If I continue to pay the mortgage myself with my own paycheck, he can't touch it.

Also, you generally cannot control the division of after acquried property through a prenuptual agreement. No one knows what they might come to have so it is hard to agree fairly as to who should get what. You can instead agree to make a cash payment or alimony in exchange for a property claim in some places.

A pre-nup is really relevant when you have a lot or have disparate incomes or assets.

Like you said, it varies by state. I am in Louisiana, and we are under the Napoleonic Code, that is something else. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/eek.gif So, when that time comes, or if it does, I will consult with my Soror.

(I thought I had already posted this, but I guess not! :confused http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

how do you know? being a millionaire or not? http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/confused.gif

Then why marry someone that you have reservations about? Why stand in front of the world and vow before God that you will love, honor, and cherish til death do you part when the ink is not even dry on your pre-nup?. If you are not sure about your mates veracity, honesty, sexuality, depth of committment, or stability, do not get married. I would never marry a woman who wanted a pre-nup, nor insist on one.

I don't know? Just asking questions here, to get some commentary, that's all.

I haven't ever done it, so I wouldn't know.

Definately not. I went into my marriage taking the "til death do us part" very seriously and while there have been moments when I contemplated murder to get to that point http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif, I did not and would not want a pre nup.

IMHO, it just seems like a pre nup makes marriage a legal/sanctified shack-up situation. I mean, why take the vow if you have a "just in case clause"? If I were in that position w/ my man, and I still felt like I needed a "just in case" I'd take that as a sign that I wasn't ready for marriage.

I definitely wouldn't. I think it says something about your trust in that person if you want to sign a pre-nup. If you think that person might try and stick you for your things if you're ever to get divorced, then that's a problem. And if you're supposed to be together for better or for worse, till death do you part, then why do you need a pre-nup if there won't ever be a divorce? I think too many times people speak these things into their marriages and that's why so many people end up divorced because they expect to be. Also, like Mocha said, being that I don't have anything anyway, I wouldn't do it.

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I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

NEVER, in thousands of lifetimes, would I ever sign a prenuptial agreement. When I marry a man, I will be married to him until the day that the good Lord calls me home. Why would I stand in front of a preacher, my family, and, more importantly, the Lord, and say that I will be with this man for the rest of my life knowing that I already have a "backup" plan?

Everybody is talking about the percent of marriages that fail in today's society. Marriages fail so often because people take the commitment of marriage to lightly. People meet on Monday get married on Wednesday. And when they find out they made a mistake they'll end up on Divorce Court by Friday. If people took the time to think about what they're getting into and listened to their hearts when they had reservations, then marriages wouldn't fail so often.

As far as pre-nups, I am against them.

How can you say to your soul-mate, "I love you" when you are hedging your bets? IMHO a pre-nup trivializes the very reason why a couple is getting married in the first place and reduces love to a feeling when it is actually a doing.

Pre-nups also:
1. Assumes the worst in a marriage.
2. Places a spirit of distrust in a couple (Oh, s(he) may try to take all that I own, so I gotta sign an agreement so that s(he) doesn't steal the shirt off my back).

On the other hand, if a couples's concept love and marriage is reserved for a season only, then a pre-nup may be the best thing for them.

Just my $.25

RM

NOPE.....but if I was a millionare I would because how do you know if someone is marrying you for your money or love?

http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/eek.gif

Sphinxpoet

The Basics
Say 'I do' with a contingency plan in hand

No, a prenuptial agreement about what happens if it doesn't work out isn’t particularly romantic. Yes, it’s a good idea, especially if you’ve been married before.

By Terry Savage


They say that getting married for the second -- or third -- time is a triumph of hope over experience. But because nearly half of all marriages end in divorce, it makes sense to plan ahead the second time around. And even first marriages might benefit from a solid prenuptial discussion of how finances will be handled to make the marriage work -- or in case it doesn’t work!

The key ingredient in that planning process is likely to be a prenuptial agreement. Writing one may not sound very romantic, but it is very smart. The best and most sensible agreements are completed when both parties are very much in love, not when they’re considering divorce. If you’re anticipating getting married -- or know someone who is -- why not send them the link to this article? It will certainly start a discussion!See the numbers
that lenders see.


Prenuptial agreements aren’t just for the wealthy. Forget the stereotype of the wealthy, older man marrying a much younger wife. Even young couples who have already embarked on careers could benefit from a legal agreement about the financial consequences of divorce. Certainly, those embarking on a second or third marriage will want to provide for their children from previous marriages, as well as keeping premarital property separate.

Keys to an agreement
Prenuptials aren’t limited to financial issues, although finances generally are the critical issue. You could make a prenuptial agreement about almost any area of potential conflict -- during the marriage and in case the marriage fails. It’s important to distinguish between a simple, personal agreement of how you’re planning to handle money matters and other important issues (such as work and child-care priorities) and a true prenuptial agreement. The prenuptial is a written, legal and binding document.

There are two key ingredients to a valid, legal prenuptial agreement:
Both parties must be represented by separate and independent legal counsel.

Both parties must fully disclose all of their financial assets and liabilities. Failure to do so will almost always void an agreement.
Once again, throw out the stereotype of the dominating male forcing the young bride to sign on the dotted line just minutes before the ceremony. Not only might that be considered coercion, and thus invalidate the agreement, but these days prenuptials are arrived at through joint discussions handled by attorneys (and, sometimes, accountants if there’s enough money involved) well in advance of any marriage ceremony. And your input is vital, so you need to discuss these issues with the person you’re about to marry.

The purpose of a prenuptial agreement is to supersede, where possible, state laws that apply to dissolutions of marital property. And in states where judges are given broad discretion over division of property and future support, a valid prenuptial agreement limits a judge’s ability to dictate property settlement terms. So you do need an attorney trained in matrimonial law because state laws vary, and because your estate plans will also have to be coordinated with your prenuptial agreement.

Issues to address
Here are a few financial issues to consider dealing with in your prenuptial agreement, depending on your circumstances and state of residence.

Premarital assets. If you agree that any assets owned before marriage will be kept separate, you might want to set up separate, revocable living trusts and transfer title to the assets into the name of your trust.

Marital assets. You’ll have to decide how to deal with assets acquired by joint purchase during your marriage and any assets and earnings you acquire separately during your marriage. In many states, but not all, wealth accumulated after marriage will become community property, or at least marital property. You may want to discuss how to divide marital property in the event of a divorce, or make an advance agreement on ownership of assets acquired during the marriage. (True community property states that assume property acquired after the marriage is equally owned by both spouses are Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico, Washington, Texas and Wisconsin, as well as the territory of Puerto Rico.)

Retirement assets. Although retirement plans are considered separate property, in many states a non-working spouse is entitled to a share of the working spouse’s retirement assets. You’ll definitely want to see how the law applies in your situation.

Inheritances. If inherited property is kept separate from marital property, most courts do not consider it part of the marital estate in case of a divorce. But if you take a portion of your inheritance and use it for a down payment on a house owned jointly, you’ll convert this portion of your inheritance into marital property. In any case, if you’re expecting to inherit money, your prenuptial should spell out your intentions to keep the assets separate.

Financial lifestyle and support. Your prenuptial can outline your intentions for contributing to the financial lifestyle of the marriage, during the marriage. For example, non-financial contributions such as child-rearing should be taken into consideration. One spouse may limit career prospects to build the family lifestyle. Courts take these contributions into consideration, and so should your prenuptial agreement.

Obviously, circumstances may change during your marriage, and a good marriage will be flexible. But a bad marriage will break -- and that’s why most prenuptials outline a support agreement between the spouses in case of divorce. For example, each spouse may agree to limit ongoing support to three or four years. Or they could agree not to seek support from each other at all, in exchange for an even division of marital property.

If you expect -- or simply want -- to have children, your agreement may contain not only references to child support, education and other expenses, but may extend to social issues such as religious upbringing and type of schools. And in cases of second marriages with children, the agreement should take into account the child-support arrangements from the previous divorce.

Terms. Many prenuptial agreements for support and property division in the event of divorce include a scaled agreement. That is, if the marriage lasts only one or two years, the couple could agree to no support. If a marriage lasts for a longer period, then either larger support or a lump-sum payment could be agreed upon. Or the agreement might “vest” like a pension plan -- with a portion of the payout dependent on the longevity of the marriage. And the couple may agree to review the terms of their prenuptial at a certain date in the future, or the agreement may “sunset” after a specific number of years.

Life insurance. Financial circumstances can change during the course of a marriage. Many prenuptials call for both parties to maintain life insurance -- with each spouse owning the policy on the other’s life. This won’t pay off in the case of a divorce, but as long as each has an “insurable interest” in the other’s future, the owner can continue paying premiums and maintain the coverage.

Estate plans. Prenuptials cover not only financial considerations in case of a divorce, but agreement on what happens if either of the couple dies. So the provisions of a prenuptial must be incorporated into each spouse’s estate plan. For example, as part of a prenuptial, the spouse might receive lifetime use of a residence, which will then become an asset of a child from the previous marriage. Although different attorneys may draw the estate plans, they’ll rely on the prenuptial to outline certain terms. And then each spouse’s attorney should review the separate estate plans for compliance.

A final reminder: If you’re thinking that a prenuptial agreement is about to take all the romance out of your marriage plans, think again. You’re about to spend a lot of time and money making arrangements for the ceremony, the party, the flowers and wedding dress. Those aren’t very romantic subjects, either -- but they’ve become part of the “tradition” of having a wedding. Now, it’s time to start your own new tradition of planning for a financially successful marriage through a mutual prenuptial agreement that demonstrates your love, commitment -- and practicality.

I would never request or sign a prenuptial agreement. I wouldn't feel right promising my soul to someone when I had a contingency plan in mind. People speak about how dirty a divorce can get and how it is a safety net, but in my opinion you don't truly know a person unless you know how dirty they can be. Everyone acts differently, under stress or when they are angry. That is a part of their character that you should know if your going to allow their soul to unite with yours. But that's just my opinion :cool:

I have read several different opinions on this board and I respect all of them.

Personally,

I would not get married without a prenup.... First of all, sometimes people think they know the other person but people change for various reasons. It does not matter how how long you have dated. People change................

I know I am not the same person I was even 2 years ago. People grow apart and you NEVER know what someone else will do.....

I hope and pray my house never burns down but if it does I have fire insurance........ health insurance, money saved, etc..... You hope you never need it but just in case.

There are several reasons why the divorce rate is so high... Money being the #1 reason.......... It is at the top of the list. That should tell you something right there.

Many will disagree but I ALWAYS plan ahead for better or for worse.

I don't want money I have not worked for! It should not be a problem.......... Anyway I plan to have a lot of money and I will not be sharing it will anyone I am not married to just because we use to be married.

AW He*llllll NAW!

no prenups here. if somehow i acquire anything of value it will be by the grace of God. thus, if i lose it all he can bless me again at his will.

Hmmm. I don't think I'd be able to sign a pre-nup. To me, it indicates that you don't trust your partner. And if I don't trust my man or am having doubting questions in my mind, I won't marry.

Call me crazy and potentially broke...
 

but I don't think I would have a pre-nup nor would I sign one.

It just doesn't feel right to me. If he asked me to sign one, I would have to reconsider my life with him.

How would you handle it?
 

For those of you who are against prenups (myself included), how would you handle it if your significant other asked you to sign one?

For those of you who are for them, how would you go about asking the one you want to marry to sign one?

Everyone's point of view on this is very interesting. It's a very sticky situation when you have to deal with life long committments and contingency plans. Things could easly go wrong. Is it worth breaking up over?

Wow we got a lot of romantic hopeful people on here, lol.

I would want a pre-nup. Absolutely. Not even because I would want any money that I did not earn, but because in case of the worst case scenario I want my children to be protected. If any of you have ever seen people get divorced you know that they can do amazingly dirty, low-down, underhanded things that you never thought them capable of when their money becomes involved. Work all that out while you still love one another, lol.

Money is one of the top reasons behind divorces in this country. IMO a pre-nup goes pretty far towards putting some of those money fears behind you- there is an agreement in place to protect both parties and you dont need to fear that the person you love will someday try to cheat you.

Hmmm Good Question
 

At this point in my life, I really can't see myself tolerating a pre-nuptial agreement. I think there is something to be said for going into a marriage with your whole heart and no reservations. When I get married I don't even want the concept of divorce to be on my mind or in my mouth. When I talk to old people who've been married for a long time, say 60+ years, they say that 10 of those years may have been troubled. However, divorce wasn't even a consideration for them. Maybe if I go into my marriage w/this mindset I'll last until 60+ years too. Plus, as has been said b4, I don't have anything to truly protect (at this point).

However, if I had been married previously and divorced, I probably wouldn't be as hopeful and trusting in mariage. If I had gone through a divorce I'd probably be very skeptical. Now I don't think this is the way to go into a marriage, but I could see where a woman might say, "Wow I really love this guy, but I loved so and so just as much, and look what happened then." So maybe in that case, I would consider one. But I hope not.

Marie

I am not married but I do plan to get married with the person that I am seeing. We are both at a point in our lives where we are trying to please God, so in doing so, if it was the "will of God' for us to get married, meaning that we are "meant" to be together infinitely ('til death do us part') then no, I do not believe that we will need to sign a pre-nuptial agreement. As you stated there is a equal divide in everything once we stand before God, our families, our friends and each other, there is a commitment, a vow, a promise, a covenant that can only be broken through death. Marriage takes work, going in & maintaining! It is a ministry and can not be taken lightly!

How would I handle it if I was asked ~ first through prayer and submission. God is my first husband so I would ask him is something that he wants me to do, based on the answer given from him, is the answer that I will in turn give my husband, if we do make it down the aisle.

Side Journey ~ The whole topic of prenuptial agreements should come up before the question is asked or answered "will you marry me". Together, you have to prepare for marriage in the beginning so that walking down the aisle and making those vows won't be done with any animosity because one doesn't fully agree with signing a pre-nup.

I don't really have something to protect right now lol. But I wouldn't mind a seperation of earnings during the marriage and provisions for the taking care of children financially in case of divorce.

Oh and if she had much more assets to protect I would sign in an instant.

Again...did we ever establish your membership? :confused: I guess it's safe to say you just had to have "pink" in your username. :D

I'm currently single but God willing when I get married I don't want a pre-nup. Why would I want a "just in case" if it's supposed to be for life? I didn't sign any such agreement before I became an Alpha cuz I made the decision to be with this organization for the rest of my life; and when I get married it shall be the same thing. I think people get divorced too easily these days. I know marriage is hard but dag man! EVERYONE in my family has been divorced at least once (except for my sister).

As a married woman, I cannot imagine what I would have done if my husband had asked me to sign a prenup. Not only, do I see that as a bad sign, but it lets me know where I stand as a priority to this man. In the unfortunate case we had to divorce, he would rather make sure that his money is safe than make sure that I am secure and can live on my own afterwards. I don't know of any court that would award spousal support to someone who makes more money than their partner. So, whoever is ordered to pay support, already makes more money than the other person. So, what's wrong with helping them get on their feet for a little bit afterwards? Divorce is a tough transition and if you ever loved that person, you should still care enough for them to understand that they need that kind of help.