Adoption: Would you do it? Why? Why not?
 

It seems that many African-American children are languishing going from foster home to foster home or orphanages. As educated people, we will probably have more income than many of our counterparts in the community.

Would you consider adopting a child? Even if you had children naturally already?

Does anyone know the qualifications for adopting? Is there any government/financial assistance after the adoption process is completed?

SC

Considering it
 

My husband and I are now considering this. We live in Chicago, what we can't agree on is age. I do not want a newborn, he does.

To anyone considering adoption, God bless you. We need many. many more adoptive parents.

If you adopt a special-needs chld from the public sector, there are often subsidies available that will continue until the child reaches majority. You wouldn't get them with a newborn unless s/he had handicaps but you can get them, say, with a relatively young sibling group.

For an idea of the children who wait for homes, go to www.adoptuskids.com and type in what you're looking for in a child!

I went to the site and had to leave. I hate to see children in bad situations, they did nothing to deserve them. I'd love to adopt a child or a set of siblings, probably siblings since they're harder to place. I also want to give birth to more children. Whatever happens depends on who I end up marrying. I'd like to get older kids, up to, say, 12. They need a home more.

When I get married, I would love to adopt a child/children even if I already have my own children. Why not? If I am capable of providing a nurturing and loving home to another child who otherwise would not get that chance, then I'd do it.

I am definitely going to adopt....I would like natural children, too, but I feel obligated to adopt as well. Those kids need love, too!

I always wanted to adopt. I almost caused my mother to have a heart attack when I told her I wanted to adopt. There are just sooo many children without homes. But, I'm not married (yet!), so me and the hubby will discuss that later.

Adoption...
 

I would definitely adopt. There are so many children, particulalrly black children, who are in dire need of good, nurturing homes. Even though I am single and childless, I have already looked into the process of adopting a child in the next few years.

I have considered that this could have implications in the romance department, but I would not want to be with a man who was not open to adoption anyway. The one thing I could NOT EVER do is be a foster parent, though. I know me and I would become incredibly attached to a child that I would be caring for. I can't imagine falling in love with a child only to have him or her taken away from me again.

It pleases me to see that many of you would consider adopting children. As an adoption worker with a caseload of African American children ranging in age from age 4 to 17 years, it is disheartening to see these children wait for a long time for an adoptive home. Fortunately, many African Americans both single and married are choosing to add to their family by adopting. As Madame moderator indicated there are subsidies available for many of the children. In Ohio, there is also Post Adoption Special Services Subsidies(PASSS) available to provide services for children already adopted who continue to have challenges in their lives. Check out the various websites across the country and contact those adoption worker to inquire about the many waiting children. Best wishes with your adoption endeavors.

Because of my age and physical issues
 

I would be interested in adopting ONLY if I get married. I was not emotionally close to my Dad, but I believe in the value of fathers in a child's life.

Adoption would work well for me going forward if I marry. I turn 40 later this year and probably am a reproductive risk. No, I don't want to take fertility drugs because of the probability of multiple births and it's very expensive to raise a child.

If I do get married, I want a girl and would much prefer that she's 3 years of age or younger. Then again, the now non-existent husbandperson may want a boy. So we may have to get two kids.

:p

I used to think that I never wanted to be a parent, but I've since decided that what I never wanted to do was give birth.

There was an article in the most recent Essence Magazine about a couple and their ordeal with adopting a child from Africa. I'd consider an international adoption of a child from Africa, especially if that child were healthy.

LMAO!!!

I would definetly adopt a child!! I think that it is a great idea to want to adopt a child/children. Personally i would like to adopt a child because I know that i would be able to provide them with a much better llife filled with love, care etc. Many children are in situations that only God knows what urges their parents/guardians to actually continue to have them in those negative situations. It really hurts my heart to know that people have children and for some strange reason, they dont take care of them in a proper manner. I am just happy that their are people who would take them in as their own.

Adoption is a possibility that I have considered, though I have not decided whether I want kids yet. If I adopted, I would choose an older child, probably older than 5 because then I wouldn't have to potty train :).

Another thing that I have considered, for down the line, is possibly being a foster parent. At that point, I would probably want to be a foster parent to children older than 12.

If I ever did adopt, I would adopt from within the country, because there are lots of children here who need homes too.

You are so right about there being plenty of children right here in the USA that need good homes, especially Black children.

Also for people that are considering adopting children from abroad, that is an expensive undertaking. Every country has different laws regarding residency and other requirements. Be sure you understand exactly what is required prior to beginning that international journey.

Good luck to everyone who is considering adoption. From experience I will share that it takes a great deal of patience.

it is such a toss up with some of these children now. were there drugs used during the pregnancy, any diseases, mental issues? my cousin was on drugs with her last child, the same child that the family wanted ME to adopt. i just couldnt risk it, her mother was a prostitute, strung out on crack, she swore she hadnt used crack the whole pregnancy. since this was her 8th child given up for adoption/taken away from her, the family insisted someone keep this one. i was not willing to risk the future problems that this child might encounter.

i love the idea of adopting. given the right conditions, i would consider it. it gives children a second chance. if these children with issues are going to be only children, i think it would work. seeing as how i have 2, i cant bring that into my family unless i know the complete background.

It is risky even when you have your kids naturally, but I completely understand how you feel. We were asked the same type of questions when we were going through the adoption process and I was honest with our social worker. We basically told her that we didn't want a special needs child and that we wanted a child that was healthy as possible. You never know what medical conditions might arise later on in childhood whether the child is biologically yours or not.

I plan to adopt. I hope that I can adopt several kids and provide them with great lives. If I have the means, I want to provide for less fortunate kids.

oh most definately...

It's so sad that all of us are not born into good situations, but I am glad that there is a support system set up to protect these children. Personally, I would adopt if I had the opportunity and was able to support another child emotionally, financially, etc...

I'm looking forward to working in adoption and foster care once I graduate in May. :)

I have seriously considered adoption (as a single person) so I would adopt a child with no problem.

DZDST796, Congrats!!!
SC

I've been thinking about planning for my future now so that I can financially and time-wise provide for a child later, should I decide to adopt. I think that I would like to adopt in about two years.

DZDST, how far in advance would you recommend someone getting the process started if the person would not actually want to be providing for a child for about two years from now?

I know that I would like to have child of my own at some point in the next few years but the way that things are going on the relationship front...shoot, you never can tell. LOL. Anyway, I am a little concerned that if I adopt, I may be "jumping the gun" so to speak when G-D may have someone for me that will provide me with children of my own (not that I want to actually have a child come out of my body...now that's scary. lol).

I now know what people mean by "planning for a family." Financially, and in terms of making sure that one has a job that will facilitate having a child ... especially as a single person, it's tough. Then, my Mother is only going to babysit but so long...eventually, I will have to start forking over daycare center payments. Whew.

ETA: If I did adopt, I think that I would want a child who is younger versus older b/c I would be concerned about dealing with the mental turmoil that a child may face by actually *remembering* being with his/her mother or father and being taken away and/or living in a foster facility. The older children that I see on the news are so beautiful, however, and they need homes too. We'll see.

Also, I have always thought that even if I had a couple of biological kids, I would hope that my husband and I (if I get married) can come to an agreement to adopt a couple of kids b/c I just think that if I have the financial resources and maybe the time, then why not? Why not do my part to contribute to our society in that way?

SC

I know a single woman who was in her 40's that chose to adopt. Her daughter literally looks like her when she was small. She had asked my childhood church to assist her in the baby's upbringing. It really helped this woman with her adopted daughter.

If I could do it, I would do it, without question. I would start with fostering with a license--that's how they do it in my state. And you can select the age of child and the health of the child you want in your home with or without the intention of adoption. Your choice.

You are going to want to stay home after placement so you need to make sure that you have been at your job for at least 12 months prior to placement in order to take Family Leave and that you have savings to take care of your financial responsibilities since you don't get paid when on Family Leave. Also check with your HR regarding any financial assistance they might provide regarding adoption. Some companies even allow for maternity leave and/or reimbursement for some or all of your fees.

Summerchild every agency is different. With our agency we actually had to fill out an application asking all these probing questions and then their board of directors decide if they are going to take you as potential adoptive parents. Once that was done we had to provide a deposit. Then at the end of the home study period we had to provide half of our fees minus the deposit, and our balance was due 30 days after placement into our home. Our agency determines their fees on a sliding scale based on income.
When you are researching agencies beware of any place that requires all of the monies up front these are probably not licensed.

Hope this helps

Foster Care To Adoption
 

Hi Sistergreeks!

A lot of people who already have children want to adopt but don't really have the money to support more children. I used to be a foster parent just a few years ago and a lot of people don't know this but there are so many African American children that need homes that they are now asking foster parents to adopt the children they care for (if they are up for adoption)...and get this...they will continue to receive money from the gov't as well as health benefits I believe until the children are 18. But this is only for those who are foster parents first; not for those that go through straight adoption procedures. What you have to do is ask foster care for a child that is currently up for adoption and tell them that you may possibly want to adopt but you'd like to try your hand at being a foster parent first. It's also a good way to see if the child will be a good fit for your family since some of the kids (the older ones especially) have some problems that you may not want to deal with. So don't say that you definitely want to adopt because then they might try to get you to go thru the straight adoption procedures. Look up a foster care agency near you for the specifics but if you are in the Philly area, I know of some agencies so let me know. If you have any questions about foster care, let me know also. My mother and aunt were foster mothers also so we have some experience between us. There are so many children (African American children especially) waiting for homes that after my trainings and background and medical clearances, it only took about 1 month to get a child, and that's only because I specifically asked for a female between ages 4 to 7. I ended up taking a 9 year old and she was truly a blessing; she was later adopted by a single African American woman but I was asked by the agency if I wanted to adopt her first. At the time I declined because I didn't think I was ready for the long term commitment but I regret it now because I miss her so much. My mother had 2 children (they were not up for adoption); a boy and a girl (brother and sister) and she kept them for 5 years and then their paternal grandmother took them for good. Today they are teenagers and we are still in touch.

^^^ What you have described is called permanency planning and it is specific to wards of the state. In my state you don't even have to be a foster parent first, although that certainly helps in getting to know the child better before adopting her or him. The key is that you are adopting a "waiting kid" who is eligible to be adopted.

DZDST, what is Family Leave? Is that the same as when your company gives you a set amount of time paid for maternity or adoption leave or is that something different - like offered by the state or something?

SC

THe Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) which DZDST was probably talking about, provides up to 12 weeks of job protection to certain employees in the event they have to be out of work under certain circumstances including the adoption of a child or the placement of a child for foster care. THis is unpaid leave and will typically run concurrent with any paid leave you have with your company. That is the basics of the national rule, some states may offer more.

First, kudos to all of you out there who are considering adoption. As already stated, there are many children out there who need good homes and loving parents.

I'll speak on the side of the adopted child. I was adopted and I'll just share some insight on things that I felt growing up with that knowledge.

#1. Be honest with your child about their adoption. Give them as much information as you can while they are still young. My parents began telling me a story called "The baby story" which was all about my adoption from the time I could probably understand their voices. I finallly realized they were talking about me when I was probably around 4 or 5. But that helped me tremendously to understand what had happened. And it made me feel very special.

#2. Be prepared for a lot of questions about biological parents. Don't necessarily take it personal. A child has that natural curiousity of who they are, who they look like...etc.

#3 Be prepared for the eventual anger that will crop up. "Why was I abandoned...why didn't they love me..." This is a tough phase, for everyone. Adopted children can often have a sense of unworthiness and feelings of not being good enough. Try to counteract that early if you see that manifest in your child.

#4 If your child expresses a desire to find/meet biologicals, again...don't take it personal. You are the parent who raised them, and most often your child will view you as that. They are not looking to replace you with the woman who birthed them or find another father. Most often they are simply seeking answers or possibly looking for a friendship. Not another mother or father. It's too late for that.

#5 Remember that children are mostly products of their environments and not necessarily bloodlines. So if your child is out of control...that's your fault. LOL...I'm kidding...but seriously, most adoption agencies should give you as much medical history as they were given. The only problem with that is it's by no means complete. Your child may worry about health risks and the like. Keep an eye out on anything that may seem out of sorts to you. Which you'll do anyway.

Just my thoughts....

This is exactly what I am talking about. I used it when our son came home. But you have to have worked at your present employer for 12 consecutive months to be eligible.

Yes. Thanks for that addition I did not put that. It is 12 months and 1250 hours. Both conditions must be met to be eligible.

I definitely plan to adopt...down the road. I would like to adopt from the state, primarily because there are no fees associated with it. Private agencies are ridiculously expensive. I'd like to adopt an older child, I've heard that once a child is over 5 they tend to have to age out of the system.

i'd love to adpot one day...i'd like to adopt 2 kids/youth in fact. simply because i think that as much as folks look to adopt the wee little ones, the older kids, the ones who REALLY need lots of love and positive encouragement to counter Lord knows what theyve had to deal with in their lives, are oft ignored/forgotten and they eventually 'age out' of the foster are system and more than likely become homeless or worse

I will definitely adopt even if I have my own children. I used to work with CASA's and after seeing so many children lose their families I know how important it is.