S/he's married!
 

This was discussed on the DST forum. Everyone over there said hell no. But, I know people over here tend to be more wild.

Would you date someone who is married?

If he and his spouse were separated, he planned to get a divorce and there were no children, I would.

No. I won't date anyone until the divorce goes through.

Maybe I'm just weird, but I would never want to date someone who has already been married, regardless if they were married at the time we were going to date or not.

I don't really know my reasoning for that, but that's just the way I've always been :confused:

No. Not until the divorce is final. Before that is just asking for trouble.

No way, no how... You say yer divorced? Lemme see the proof.

Married women I don't touch with a ten-foot pole - too many problems that crop up. It would be even worse if she was Masonically related (wife, widow, mother, sister or daughter of a brother Mason) - I could be brought up on un-Masonic conduct charges for screwing around. Worked hard enough to earn my square and compasses, sure don't wanna lose 'em!

Yes... if he was married to me. ;)

If I were single, sure I would. But I wouldn't date him exclusively and I definitely wouldn't expect it to turn into a relationship (nor would I want it to)

Home wrecker!!!

-Rudey

I have, but I didn't know he was married at the time.

Oops.

Now? NO

HELL NO. The divorced ones with kids are hard enough to deal with......BUT, if you aren't married by 30 be prepared to find many divorced guys in the dating pool.

I have...didn't know he was married. Found out he was married and kicked his butt to the curb...after ripping his sorry butt a new one and finding a contact number for his wife and telling her "your man is cheating on US". Was hella pissed off that he didn't have the balls to be straight with me!

And he had the nerve to try to get with me again? Oh hell to the naw!

As far as dating a separated man, I have. It took about a year and a half for his divorce to be final. We have been together for 6 years and married for a little over 2.

Would I do it again? Probably not!

My mom made my dad show her the divorced papers before they went on their first date. But I guess it worked becuase 3 months later they were married and 30 years later (this march) they are still together!

If she's putting out, it makes no difference to me.

Nah, I wouldn't, that's just wrong.

Yea I would, wtf am I talking about? :)

A friend of mine just got divorced, she was the second wife. Her husband was cheating-- my friend found out and met the g-friend. The gfriend told my friend she thought they were divorced--she has even seen the divorce papers. My friend's husband had scanned the papers from his 1st marriage as a .pdf file and changed the names, printed and gave it to the gfriend as proof. :eek:
Sorry proof isn't always reliable!!

To answer the question, no I would wait until the divorce was final--- or at least I would like to think I would wait!!

-wendi

Only if she gives butt sex.

-Rudey

No...I never want to feel like I'm playing second fiddle to anyone, especially a wife! I would get too jealous.

I am with KillarneyRose. And I wouldn't expect it to be a relationship.

Also, there is a certain convenience to dating married women, they don't get clingy or demand to much of your time . . . oh and they usually skip straight to the sex.

Hmm m m.. sounds real good actually.

My current boyfriend was still legally married when we first got together. I wasn't too worried, though, becuase he and the ex hate each other, plus she was living in Florida at the time. The divorce was finalized in the fall last year, and the boy and I are still together. :)

You are exactly right.... And if you are married and looking to have an affair--always choose the married person---- they are less likely to get possessive, to threaten to tell your spouse, etc----- they have just as much at risk!!!!

-wendi

You've got to be joking me. I'm sorry, but adultery is just plain WRONG. I could never, ever, ever, ever date anyone who was married, in a relationship with someone else, or even someone who's divorce hadn't been finalized.....EVER! Who cares what he says, the truth is, HE'S MARRIED! I'm sorry but I value myself WAY too much to get involved with schmucks like that!

Thats a very well meaning but extremely naive comment.

No, it is not.

Yes, it is. :p

gives? with a strap-on?

I'd rather date a chick who receives.

About a year ago, I dated a guy with a grammar problem:

He didn't understand the difference between "I am divorced" and "I am getting divorced." To me, they were entirely different things.

Not only was the divorce not final, but his wife was still in town and still had a key to the house. Not good.

One evening I was over there, we were watching movies and I was trying to figure out what I was going to do about the whole situation. So, we're sitting there on the couch talking and suddenly I hear this "bing bing" from the other side of the house. It was the sound alarms make when you open a door or window. He freaks out, jumps up and hisses at me, "Ohmygod!!! It's my WIFE!!!!! Quick, you HAVE TO HIDE!!!" I'm just too in shock about the whole thing to even react and he leads me to a closet and I go in. (At least it was a big walk in closet). So there I am, stuck in the closet like the Other Woman!

I'm trying to eavesdrop as well as I can. Apparently she's mad at him because he didn't call her back about something a day or so ago, and then she had tried to call that night but he hadn't picked up the phone because he was busy trying to convince me not to dump his stupid married butt. She starts yelling and whining about something, he's trying to calm her down and get her to leave. The whole time I am just waiting for her to realize I'm there (I had kicked off my sandals earlier - they were still by the couch and my purse was on the coffee table) and come find me and claw my eyes out. Finally she says she's just going to get her mail and stomps out.

So he comes to get me out of the closet. He opens the door and I am just standing there, glaring at him. He starts trying to apologize, I just cut him off and said "Take. Me. Home. NOW!!!"

He called a couple days later. I told him I really didn't see how this could possibly work. He was still married and I was totally uncomfortable with it. What if she had found me in the closet that day? That is not a situation I ever want to find myself in again. Then he tells me he thinks she did know someone was there because now she is demanding more money from him. Sorry, buddy, that's not really my problem now, is it? :rolleyes:

The moral of the story: Dating married people is a bad idea. Relationships are complicated enough without having a third person involved. And look at it this way - the marriage is messed up usually because one (or both!) of them is screwed up in the head. So either you're dating the psycho, or their current spouse is the psycho and will probably make trouble for you!

Re: S/he's married!
 

No.

i wouldn't do it. i couldn't cheat either.

I'm kinda shocked by some of these answers.

Why would you ever knowingly date someone who was married (separated is different, although not by much and if I were you I'd want to see some notarized paperwork, lol)?

Is it because you don't really believe in marriage? Do you just not care about someone else's commitments? Is it his problem and not yours if he cheats? What makes it okay? What about the danger factor? People are CRAZY, and NO ONE has the potential for Crazy more than a woman who feels she's been wronged. Do you REALLY want to set yourself up to be stalked by the angry wife?

Even if you don't care about marriage, I wouldn't want to shoulder that kind of karmic burden. Stuff like that will eventually bite you in the ass.

I disagree. I think that most people answering here (and I don't mean you, lovelyivy84) have no concept of this situation.

I was separated when I started dating Mr. valkyrie, so I've been on the other side. Despite g8ralphaxi's kind words, I don't think that I or my ex were "screwed up in the head" -- it just wasn't working out and it's that simple. My separation was not a "legal" separation, and thus there was no paperwork involved. I don't see any "karmic" issue here at all, and never thought that I should sit at home alone until my divorce was final.

To answer your question about marriage -- maybe I don't really believe in it. Or maybe I do, but I think that two people should only be married to each other if they both really want to be. I don't see the point of sticking it out when you're miserable just because you said you would.

I see what you're saying, but I think we are looking at two different situations. The kind of situation that I was addressing is one where there is no separation, someone is married and you have a relationship with them anyway. Not where there is a separation or pending divorce.

And while I understand your points, I still don't think it's a great idea to get involved with someone who is separated. I personally would be extremely reluctant to get involved with someone until after they were legally divorced from their spouse, and had gotten over such a huge, potentially traumatic breakup. There isn't bad karma on that one, but it's just a bad situation to step into.

I was talking about cheaters, plain and simple. Maybe they start telling the person they're involved with that there will be a divorce AFTER they become involved, but who would trust the word of someone who is actively lying to the person they promised to stay faithful to forever?

I am not saying that marriage MUST always last forever- people grow apart, don't get along, etc. But if that is the case, then be an adult and leave. Don't stay with someone who you say makes you unhappy and continue to lie and cheat. It's wrong. And getting involved with someone in those circumstances is dumb and wrong.

That's my biggest issue. I cannot trust someone who is being unfaithful to someone else. I think they will more likely to do the same thing to me in the future.

Valkyrie, I'm sorry. I think my words sounded harsher than I meant them to be. I have several friends and family members who I love very much and who have gone through divorce and they are good people.

What I meant to say is that in my opinion, the risk of someone "a few beers short of a six pack" being involved in the situation might be a little higher when you date someone who is almost-divorced-but-not-quite. Anyone who's ever dated a guy with a psycho ex-girlfriend knows how unpleasant that can be. If the ex-girlfriend is instead legally still attached to your guy, it's an even bigger mess.

I certainly did not mean to insinuate that all people who get divorced must be screwed up in the head. Sometimes, like you said, it just doesn't work out, and it's not really anyone's fault.

As far as dating someone who is separated or who has filed for divorce and is just waiting for a court date to make it final, I take it on a case by case basis. I know in some states you have to be legally separated for a year before you can file for divorce. Someone in one of these states who has filed and is waiting for court has pretty much already been through all the harrowing parts of divorce. In my state, there is no legal separation required and I would hesitate to date someone who is only separated because I wouldn't understand why they hadn't filed for divorce already. It would seem to me there was hope of reconciliation. Secondly, for someone who is waiting for the divorce to be final, I'd have to look at the individual and how messy the divorce was. If they still seem emotionally distraught or stuck on the ex, forget it. I dated before my divorce was final. My divorce was my choice, my ex and I had an amicable divorce and were in agreement on all the issues (custody, division of property, etc). I wasn't going through emotional trauma. I just wanted to go out and have fun. My ex was dating before the divorce was final too. I've also met men who were still emotionally screwed up by their divorce LONG after it was over and I wouldn't date them either. You have to be able to judge people and situations and make appropriate decisions.

I would never date someone who was still really married. I do believe that if the marriage is bad enough, you should leave it, not cheat.

Dee

I've dated someone who was separated. We were together for 3 months. Not sure when his divorce became final (it was AFTER our relationship), but he is now remarried.

No problem, and thanks. :)

No, no, no, no, and no once again. I just couldn't date a married man.

Again, (thanks Russ) only if I can give them violent butt sex.

-Rudey
--By violent I mean the kind that leaves me, not her, in tears...and yes, I have NO idea what that means.

Date a married man? Been there, done that, I'm sorry to say.

Would I do it again? Naw, it isn't worth the complications it causes.

Re: S/he's married!
 

Sure as long as she isn't married to OJ. She is the one cheating, not me.