Gay Black Male Website - Check it Out
 

Ladies,
You must check out the gay black male website located at www.ebonymale.com. There is a link for personals ads in each state. I have actually found a personal ad with pic from someone who I speak to regularly. Others have as well. One person noted that someone that she knew had his pic taken from another website (Blackplanet.com) and placed there and that he is not actually gay. However, I think that it's still good to take a quick look-see.

Edited to add: No, he's not someone who I dated, Praise G-D!

SC

You had to register, huh? I may have to create an account so that I can see some more ads. Those ads are off the hook!

What the flood?
 

Can we say down low brothas!:eek: Why are the majority of the ones I looked at (mostly southern states) are "homo-thugs" to the utmost!. Many ads even said "I am a DL brotha".

Most of them are nice looking brothas, educated and er'thang! :eek: Not to be stereotypical, but many of these men looked "manly", not feminine.

Who the heck is left for black women to marry !?!?!? :confused:

Re: What the flood?
 

It makes you sick to think that there are so many DL brothas!!! :mad: :mad: They are all smiling and profiling like it's all good. I can't even get with that.

Most popular phrase in the ads from Illinois guys: "No fats or fems."

Oy.

Book Suggestion
 

E. Lynn Harris' Invisible Life

Although I am not homophobic, I must say I was digusted by the number of nice looking men who are gay! Especially in Detroit! I know at some of the local high schools there are ALOT of high schoolers who are same sex/bi couples. ***smh***
Single women what are you going to do?????:( :confused: :eek:

It's not a SINGLE ladies' dilemma. It's a dilemma for ALL women. What are the married women gonna do when Mr. Man comes home and says, I don't want you anymore. I cannot deny who I really, really am any longer? :rolleyes:

Ladies,
I just wanted to add that I didn't post the link for us to commiserate (sp?) but to alert you to one other resource that is available for us to check up on men that we may be interested in. There are a few men on there that women have said have actually attempted to date them or date their friends, and as it turns out, the men were gay or bisexual.

So my purpose was to not bring us down but to empower us with one other resource, if we choose to use it. The ultimate resource of course, will be turning to our Higher Power to gain clarity and discernment about who we are dealing with.

Have a good one! :)

I saw people I KNEW !!!

This is disturbing to say the least.............*smh*

Say that, Soror!

GIRRRLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL, FROM HOME? OMG! I'mma haveta go to this site! :o

(Crossing my fingers that I don't recognize anyone!)

I'm upset that many of them are PHIONE!!! :mad:

Someone asked what can we as black women do?? Pray...

Ladies,
I would just to say that for each one of these men there are many many black men out there who are straight and, I believe, have it together. Just imagine if we had even a sample of straight black men in any given city place a personal ad. The ads would far outnumber what we see here.

All is not lost.

SC

Waaaaaaaaaaaiit a minute....dude from NC said he's looking for someone to be his "boy" in the streets but his "man" in the sheets. WOW. This really makes me wonder how many of our black men are out there frontin'...chillin' with men we think are their "homeboys" and behind closed doors, they are sexin. This is crazy and it really makes me sad. I just can't get over how fine AND masculine they are. *smh*

Ladies, picture yourself in this scenario: You start dating someone who turns out to be your soulmate. Y'all are feelin' each other and this is the man of your dreams. He's everything you've ever wanted in a companion and mate. You can see yourselves spending the rest of your lives together. Intellectually, spiritually, mentally, sexually, etc. you are on the same level. Before you know it, two years has passed and you begin making plans for the future. Then one day, he sits you down and says, "Look baby, before we can take this thing to the next level, I need to tell you something about my past. Please know that I love you and I wanna spend the rest of my life with you but before we got together, I used to have sex with both men and women."
How do you react??? You've just spent two of the best years of your life with this man you thought you knew?? Is it possible to move on and forget his past?

Now me personally, I have a big problem with dudes who are on the low like this. At least be honest about it. I have a very good friend who is very gay. He's masculine and very handsome. Ride or die since 7th grade. When he came out, I was hurt but I'm happy that he's not hiding his sexuality so that a some unsuspecting sister won't be hurt later on down the road. But to end a 2 year relationship, I really don't know. I'd have to seriously sit and pray about it. There's always that thought that he may revert back to having sexual relationships with other males.

Soror, how old are you? LOL :D

AKA2D91


That's what I was thinking!
I remember being so young and optimistic!:( :(

Hey soror, I'm 29. I'll be 30 in July. :)
Am I being too young and optimistic? LOL
SC

what a nice perspective!!
 

i am over 30 and i still believe this sentiment. i am blessed to have a great husband and i know deep in my heart that each one of you who are single will find that special someone. its about waiting patiently and continue to work to be the person God wants you to be.

Always the youthful optimist :D .

Re: what a nice perspective!!
 

Thanks for the compliment Darling!
I try .... :)
SC

You know, I'm always told that I'm a pessimist. But this is why and I'm young (28). There are just too many obstacles against us. I know all is not lost but I know my hopes and dreams are long gone. I think I'm more of a realist.

Soror, how are your "hopes and dreams . . . long gone?" Didn't you just become a member of the most illustrious sisterhood on the planet? Girl, stop trippin. :p Things can only get better.

SC

I have to ask, is this a fairly regular occurrence in the AfAm community? It's been discussed in this thread and in the "what if he's celibate?" thread. I guess I hear about men (of all races) who are married with a family and then come out, but it just didn't seem to be something that occurred all that often. Is it a cultural thing?

LilHannah,
Is what a cultural thing?

SC

Sorry for not being clear.

Men who are gay pretending to be straight. It seems to be a concern on here, and rightfully so, but it doesn't seem to be an issue in the white dating community. But then again I haven't been dating all that long, so it may very well be. I just know that when I am out with a guy the thought "Is he gay and trying to pass as straight?" never crosses my mind. I'm just trying to understand if this is more prevalent in the AfAm community.

Soror,

I meant long gone as far as men but You are right!!!!!! Things are only gonna get better!!!!


I love my sorors!!!!!!!!!!!

i have seen many white men who married and later came out and divorced. it is an issue for Black and white women. i'msure for all women but i haven't heard of any other women of color coming forward w/their story. people in general (women, too, aren't honest up front) aren't being honest w/themselves and their partners. homosexuality isn't the issue, the dishonesty is.:rolleyes:

Thanks for your reply. I wasn't trying to turn it into anything ugly, I just hadn't really heard of this as a concern other than on the GC boards and I was looking for further understanding. Maybe it's I'm not familiar with the problem because I'm still young and my friends aren't really in serious relationships/married/looking to get married yet.

HMMMMMMMM....
 

THEY HAVE A ROUGH NECK PRISON TRADE!!! You can become a penpal with an inmate.

(From the website)

We have hundreds men looking for friendship, penpals, or more!

Many inmates never get mail. A penpal may be the only relationship they have outside prison, and your letters give them something to look forward to. These inmates have published their photograph and information about themselves, and have invited YOU into their lives. Studies prove that recidivism is lower when inmates have people on the outside taking an interest in them. When you write a prisoner it is an act of faith - faith that you can reach out and make a positive difference in another person's life

Sometimes I think I have seen it ALL...but dang.

Is it cultural?
 

Here's a thought. In a previous discussion of homosexuality and downlow brothers, it was stated that the Black community was much less accepting of homosexuality than white communities. Someone said that this was a reason behind some of the dishonesty and secrecy. So maybe it is more prevalent in Black communities b/c men don't feel comfortable being "out" and gay. Maybe in white communities gay men are just gay men, so they don't have to hide that behind a straight lifestyle. Also, do you think that the # of black men who visit prison has anything to do with it? I can't imagine that you'd ever be right if you "crossed that line".

Marie

Re: Is it cultural?
 

Maybe there is some truth to the black community being less accepting of homosexuality, I don't know. My uncle was gay (he died a few years back) and we, his family accepted him as he was. He was out and always had people up in his business. Like wanting to know who was his partner, people wanting to know if he was gay etc. I thinks AA gay men get to the point where peeps are all up in there business, that some try to hide it so they can live a somewhat private life. I know I got tired when people would question my uncle's sexuality and give me the fifth degree, or people just being really rude. I think in the black community some are so "interested" at all aspects of this lifestyle that it will never be fully accpted because it's different.

i don't think its a cultural thing
 

every community deals with individuals who are undercover when it comes to their sexuality. i believe that it is the conversations that are had, or not had that gives the perception as if one community is more accepting of it than another.

Uhm....I wouldn't necessarilyattribute this to culture per se, but it is known to be one of the main reasons that the incidence rate of HIV for Black women outnumbers any other race.

What is cultural is the amount of stigma attached to being gay in our community, which is directly affecting the inability of brothahs to be out of the closet. Please don't start with the "I have a gay friend" thing either. For each of us who "accept" homosexuality, there are like 30 folks who feel it is an abomination and would kick their sons out on the street before letting them admit and be gay.

A report was released today that New York has AIDS rates parallelling that in most Third World countries. Basically that means that roughly 1% of the population is living with HIV. Why, because many of the men are on the DL and continue to have sex with Black women. The stuff is real.

I was on the phone with my dad last night and he was like "what are these men on the low down?" I was like "down low pop" he was like "things sure are different." I was like "shole is."

Long story short, it isn't cultural to be gay but Black men have started this down low thing, which sorta means in the closet but the difference is the way the acts are carried out. So it's not like "I'm gay but only a few know." It's like "I'm gay but G-Money is my homie and my man AND we both still have girls at the house."

Who was the person who had personal accounts of several bachelor parties he'd been too where the men were "together" and the best man was the "BEST MAN!!!!" as well...unbeknownst to the wifey poo?

I wich a mutha_____ would!

This is what I was wondering about. Thank you for your answers.

This is very, very scary. But that is why we have to let God bring the man into our lives. Easier said than done though.

Re: Is it cultural?
 

Marie, I think that your post has alot of merit to it.
Also, yes, I do think that our increasing number of Black gay men does have to do with the prison population. Also, maybe it's just me, but many of the gay men that I am familiar with were sexually abused as young boys. An increase in sexual abuse of our children might also be a factor in increasing numbers. I am not interested in getting into the debate of whether homosexuality is learned or something that someone is born with, I am simply stating that in my experience, these men that are gay or bisexual have oftentimes had early experiences of sexual abuse. I don't think that it's weird to see the connection between sexual abuse and a sexual behavior - we also have a large segment of young girls who are very promiscuous and many of them were abused at a young age. At any rate, parents have to be more careful about leaving young children with adults, even uncles, and cousins. I know that when I was a young child, my mother would never leave me with a man besides my father. No grandfather, no uncle, no cousin. It wasn't happening.

Ok, sorry for the ramble. :) Marie, I agree with your post.

SC

None of the gay black men I know have been incarcerated, and very few were victims of sexual abuse.

Personally, I believe that what's "new" in this equation is HIV, and to a lesser extent, the internet.

The internet is allowing sexual minorities to form their own communities and enable contact in areas that were previously unheard of. A man who is not out of the closet no longer has to go to a gay club to meet a potential love interest. He meets them on gay websites of course, but also BlackPlanet, blackvoices, MegaGreek, GREEKCHAT....anyplace that there are men, there are men who sleep with men.

Conversely, women are able to communicate with each other through the internet better as well, increasing the "hype" about the phenomenon. I am not saying that women should not be careful, observant, and probing when it comes to their relationships -- they should be, because there are now fatal STD's out there that people can be bringing home.

But I do not feel that there is an explosion of black men who are in the life. They are just finding each in the same ways that society as a whole is finding itself -- through the internet. I don't think more black men will "come out" just because women want them to. But I do think women have a continued responsibility to be vigilant about their own lives, since clearly not everyone cares.

Not everyone on the DL lives a "double life"......that term originally was meant as a synonym for "discreet" not "double life." It was meant as a term for men who do not want to be spectacles, or have themselves made into spectacles. To avoid this, they remain in the closet in certain arenas: work, school, fraternity meeting, whatever. Some men date women at the same time, many do not.

I think the reason that this appears to be in crisis proportion is because of AIDS. As I said, prior to AIDS, I don't believe that any "symptom" of cheating was fatal and so even if a woman became infected with an STD, that didn't necessarily mean that her boyfriend/husband cheated with a man.

Anyway......I don't think that women should be riled up over a website that could be rife with stolen pictures. The world is smaller because of the internet, and perhaps it creates an environment that allows men of similar minds the opportunity to explore with each other sexually. But, the problem is those men who are not honest with their spouses. Not everyone who is discreet with their sexuality is dishonest about their sexuality.

And as far as so many gay men being masculine....that's because masculinity doesn't have anything to do with sexuality.

And those gay men who are attractive....hell, that's genetics.

I agree with everything that Senusret I said in his post. Being in the entertainment industry, I am surrounded by many "straight acting" gay men. At first, it used to bother me, but once I took the time to learn about their culture and what life is like for them, I understand it a little better.

I think the bigger problem is that we have both men and women who think they can "tell" if someone is gay or not and the truth is that is not the case. Many of these "down low" gay men don't want the world to know that they are gay; they want to live their lives as close to regular as possible. I know that there are gay/bisexual men mascarading as straight men, but guess what, there are just as many lesbian/bisexual women mascarading as straight women and causing just as much "chaos and havoc" as some of you say the down low men are doing for you.

I'm not defending the actions of gay men pretending to be straight because I think it is wrong... but I also don't think that a witchhunt should be conducted to hunt down every gay man. And remember, this is the internet so alot of those guys there probably don't look like the pictures that they post and they could be stolen.

I thought about this thread when I saw Fox's latest attempt at a reality show. AS I understand it, a single hetro woman is sent to choose from a group of men. Sounds familar, right? Well, you know Fox has a twist. The twist is that some of the men are straight and some of them are gay. If she chooses a gay man he gets some sum of money. If she choses a straight guy, they both get the money.

Wheeee.... Can't wait to see this one!:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

Hasn't a show like this been done before?

ETA: the show Eclipse is referring to is called Playing It Straight.
The show I was thinking of was Boy meets Boy on Bravo where a gay guy had to choose from a pool of guys both gay and straight. The twist was the main guy did not know who was gay or straight. :rolleyes: