That is the age old accusation! But I put it to you like this Soror no change can come about unless you allow it. As a Bro once told me "when you are in a greek lettered organization your personality does not change it only gets magnified because people are now watching you" This means that you are still the same person you were before. If you were stuck up before you will be stuck up after just more people will now notice it because you are a member of the Org. Like the Sphinxpoet for example before he had Millions of fans now he has Millions and Millions of fans http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/eek.gif

If Ya Smell What the Sphinxpoet is Cooking

One of my fellow Sorors told us this "You might as well be the President of the U.S. the way everybody is watching you!" And that is so very true. You're always going to have people all in your grill eithier because they want to be where you are or they can't stand where you are. You might have expierienced it b4 you were greek but afterwards it gets worse.


A Defying Diva of DST

Yea to all - you are right! after crossing the first thing peole say is that's xyz and he or she is an Alpha or AKA! Sometimes its a hard task but we strive and do "Hold Up the Light!"

It's a funny feeling when your friends make it and you don't..... (excuse me for 'memberin') but we were friends BEFORE they got their letters, then it's not a problems. WE ARE STILL COOL.

It's also funny because you get see who your friends really are and who you got to bond with, and who was trying to use you for info....

112

Now your a member......
 

Now that you or a person you know very well have become a member of their respective org, how do you handle the change?? We all say that we don't change, but to some extent there is a change in our demeanor or personality. For instance, if you or a friend were both trying to make the same line and only one of you did, if and how did this affect your relationdship???? Sorors and fellow greek friends how do you "Keep it Real" with your friends....

One of my best male friends just became a member of a BGLO. I wanted to join a Black sorority but didn't make it. Now that he's a member he has more things to do and we don't spend as much time together. I let him get away with that since he's reveling in his new found brotherhood. The only "strain" comes when he talks about Greek things because I, having not made my org, don't really want to hear about it. But I don't say anything because it's natural for people to talk about what's going on in their lives and we talk about everything. But he's still the same person and I am very happy for him!!

much respect...

hmmm...spinxpoet1 i agree that it is an age old accusation that folx "change" after they pledge. and although it hurts to hear it said...we can all agree that in some cases (all of the people around my age that i know "changed") it does happen.

for some the change is negative. i know a guy who i went to high school with. we were kind of in the same circle...the brainy, yearbook, newspaper, quiet group...he didn't have a date to prom and had a very small group of friends. we went to the same large state university. he pledged. and he "changed" a'ight. now that he had those letters he was an azzhole! and although he and i stayed relatively cool...i could not respect the way he treated others. maybe it was payback...but i often asked him did he remember what it was like to be kicked around. he did...and didn't care anymore now that he had his greeks.
okay on the other hand...i had a friend who was a jerk...plain and simple. but very popular with everyone...except for the folx she picked on. but she went to school...pledged...came back...and was this giving, loving, community-minded individual. she admitted pledging changed her life.

now on to aswering the question. i know that i would be more busy. but that is the moment when you have to remember that no matter what those letters on your chest don't add up to the years you spent loving your friends. so maybe...its just like getting a promotion and your friends don't...you make a little extra time to chill with them...and let them know...while i got a new fam over here...my partners will always be my fam!

peace

*sorry it was so long*

ttt...
 

I wanted to know from my sisterfriends did your friendships/relationships change? or would you drop your friend if you were told it was in your best interest to do so?

Unfortunately I have learned that some people will quickly drop friends in order to be a greek, which is sad because part of the reason of joining a sorority is sisterhood, right. I went through my fair share of tears last semester after learning the truth about a few of my so called "friends". I also learned who really were my friends, and I feel blessed to of gotten rid of the bad apples in the bunch. One thing I learned is that it is ironic that the ones that will do anything to become a part of xyz organization are the ones that just realized thier interest and don't have any sound, sincere reasons for joining. How can you walk over people to be a part of something you recently had interest in? I've seen girls change before even receiving letters, which is sad, especially when they still haven't received them. I know who I am, and I am proud to be me. Despite my interest, I am not lacking or unfullfilled in my own life due to not being greek. If those so called "friends" were greek before me, I would never look at them with envy, how could I envy someone that I know is empty without their letters:confused: Part of the reason that I like greek chat is that you can't tell the difference in anyones post before or after they become greek.

Well...
 

A lot of times I've found out, it is not the Greek person who has changed....nor is it your old friends. It's simply the fact that you have found something new and you are excited about it...learning, still bonding and etc. However, people who are not in that circle don't understand that....they don't share that excitement. Therefore, when you (the greek person) start hanging out with your 'new' friends (read Sorors/Frat) or go to a party that's 'greeks only'....., your old non-greek friends don't understand (just one small example).

It always baffled me when people say...well she's changed. In my experience, the person hasn't changed at all -- 1. you really didn't know the person or 2. the person is just exploring other interests that may/may not involve you (so be happy for them!)

Re: Well...
 

hmmm interesting point.....did you ever have to drop a friend Hf91?

when i crossed, nobody thought i changed.

Everyone was just so happy I became an AKA so I could stop bugging them about "have you heard about any parties, do you want to go with me to thier community service project, do you take any classes with AKA's, do you want to go with me to their ball, etc.."

I have wanted to be an AKA since elementary school, so imagine being my friend for 5 or so years and talking about AKA just about all day and what I'll do if I become an AKA. With that said, 90% of my friends (college and grade school) have crossed AKA, and they haven't changed either.

So no, I didnt change, nobody thought I changed and none of my friends changed.

HF91, you have a point. But what can also happen is the person's reaction to you becoming greek. I've wanted to be a Zeta for a long time, and went thru some rough times on my journey to Zeta. My best male friend from high school always rolls his eyes when I mention anything greek. Does that mean I get rid of him? No, b/c he understands that Zeta is important to me. I think what some people forget is that being Greek is only a PART of who you are. Letters should not define who you are.

LL93, I'm sorry you had to go thru that.

REPPPPLY
 

No....I've never had to drop a friend......However, I have heard that infamous line, you've changed. I just looked, like what the heck are you talking about......

And if I had to kick a friend to the curb because I became greek (or vice versa), then we really weren't friends in the first place.

Well nobody has told me I've changed. One friend did tell me that once I became an AKA she would feel funny being around me. I do agree with Soror Happydaysf91 b/c usually your "friends" change b/c they expect you to be a certain way now. So now everything you do is "...ever since you crossed..." when you were doing these things all along.

My b/f tries to act up sometimes when I want to chill with my sorors but I remind him that he met me as an AKA so that's part of the deal:)

I've realized that I have to make a conscious effort to balance my relationships with my non-member friends with those of my greek associates. When my ls's have an event, most of the time I don't feel comfortable inviting my non-member friends because I know that or the most part we will talk about greek stuff and the non-member would not be able to participate in the conversation. The first couple of months after I crossed, I spent a lot of time with my ls's because they were all so dynamic and new and all of our paths were crossing with new connections we'd made- we were invited to so many parties and events- it was crazy. Now that things have calmed down a little, I make sure to hang out with my non-member friends and at times try to hang out with both.
It is just like having college friends. You know, you go away to college and develop this other group of friends and you come back home to your old friends. A lot of time you feel like the two groups would not be compatible because of differences in personality or lifestyle. Sometimes it is just uncomfortable to have the two worlds collide. The same goes for work associates and friends outside of work. Sometimes it is difficult to maintain a balance. But I try.

ummm...
 

have any of you been in a situation where you have had to make choice decisions about choosing your non-greek member friends over your ls's? Also, has any of your friendships split because you went AKA and your friend went DST, ZPhiB, or SGRho,etc...?

Soror, this is a great post. I've been Greek almost four years, but I still have a tendency not to invite non-greek friends to Greek/LS related events, etc. The only exception would be our big events, such as our deb ball.
My closest non-greek friends (one from college, another I met in 1995) don't live in the same community I'm in, so I have to make sure that I keep in touch with the phone or e-mail. It takes an effort.

This is a great thread! So many people have said things like, "Don't rush, we'll never see you again!" since my campus has deferred recruitment. I really enjoy reading all of the different perspectives.

Re: ummm...
 

I think there is/was a thread on that...

Re: Re: ummm...
 

Soror, where would I find that thread. I have a bit to say about that topic. :)

whats wrong with changing..?
 

Normally, when someone says that 'you've changed' they are referring to negative changes. However, we all should have changed for the better as well, so what's wrong with changing.

My pledge (yes, PLEDGE) process allowed me to perform some much needed introspection while getting to know my bs and my ls. I will say that I emerged a stronger person. My perspective on some things changed and that is OK.

I would say that anyone joining an organization would change in some way. With me being in APO, I changed in the fact that I have more respect for myself and I look after my organization. I became more mature by joining APO. As for friends that I have that joined a Black greek organization, I saw I huge change in all of them. I know atleast two that joined Alpha Kappa Alpha and thought that the world moved around them. Not to say that all members are like that, but these girls just felt like they were "it". Some people go through their process in different ways, but I can't seem to understand how once you become a member, some people feel that others are underneath them?

Some people at my school look at me when I wear my letter shirt and say "you are not this or that" and I just stare at them and say...."we are all founded on the same principles, so why are you any different than I am" I went through a process, even though it "may" have been in a different light, but from what I was told, when you "pledge" you are taking that organization into your heart and learning all of the principles of that organization. Isn't that what all greek-letter organizations do?

Sorry if this is of subject :D

Oh yeah...those girls I was talking about...they are ex-friends now! I didn't need someone asking me to help them out with this and that, and calling me up and chit chatting, and then act like I didn't graduate with them from high school and like we didn't used to have parties together or anything like that after they became greek.

Re: ummm...
 

My best friend and maid of honor my wedding is a dynamic lady of Delta...

My MIL is a fine lady of Zeta

The rest of my close friends are my sorors.

In some respects, there are private organizational information that I do not want to know because it is all understood between the D4 Sororities that we do not need to know each others rituals down to what each other's symbols exactly mean. IMHO, it is more important to me to love and respect what my Sorority's ritualistic symbolic nature is because that is the Sorority I choose for myself...

So in so many words, I am still friends with those who have chosen Sororities outside of mine. And when I was single, I attended many of their parties when I was not a member and had plenty of fun...



Here's a question for you all:

What about significant others who are not greek or have yet to be greek or have issues with greeks? How do you all deal with that?

Since we are waaaayyyy out of college, the collegiate scene is not in my purview... But, Mr. AKA_Monet is not greek. At one time, long ago, he wanted to be a part of BGLO. But now, he is a professional and has little time (and $$$) to devote to joining at the grad level... (Let's leave it at that...)

So he has a few issues with me being an AKA... Why do I spend so much time with my sorors and all these activities... Yada, yada...

However, he said something to me the other day that made my jaw drop. He said, "I love you because you do not give up on your sorors..."

Aside from the "Awwww, Hunny" and kisses, apparently, he has been watching me spend hours on the weekend while at a Sorority meeting, sometimes frazzled to a frit, yet, I just have not dropped my service to AKA. Because you have to understand, he has little concept of the pledge I made so long ago--'cuz he never made one himself...

So, in so many ways, greek devotion, especially for BGLO's (because that's what I know), is not a concept for those outside of the system--moreso when you are waaaayyyy out of college...

I'm dealing with that on a minor level with my fiance. I have a feeling it will intensify in time. Right now, he just says that some of the traveling that I do is unnecessary. He's referring to regional conferences, leadership seminars, and boules (I've been to one of each since I reactivated last year). I explained to him that the Sorority is not a social club, but a professional organization. I'm pretty certain it went in one ear and out the other.

I have a question:
One of my new year's resolutions was to get in touch with people that I've lost contact with over the years. So, I called one of my ls, and discovered that she turned into a materialistic, snobby, b!tch. I didn't know her before AKA, so she could have been like this all along, but she wasn't like this during or after. Has anyone else experienced this?

Soror, you and I are on the same page.

When did you call me Soror Sahara?


* I couldn't resist it*

:p

Sahara, she was probably like that before (and hiding it so Sorors would vote her in!)

Just bless and release her. There is a reason you are not in contact, and this could be it. As someone else said, your ls may have hidden those "characteristics" back then.

Be thankful you don't have to deal with her on the regular. That would be a bit much.

I know people who have definitely changed after they have become greek. I remember when a couple of my friends were interested in a BGLO. They ended up making it in and go through the pledge process. Before they crossed they were real down to earth and real cool. Now they act like the biggest pimp or player and try to buy in to the fraternities stereotypes in which they did not identify with before they crossed. It seems like after you are done with your process you get caught in the new found so called "fame" and your forget the people who knew u before u became a black greek know the real you. I am interested in greek life I want to say I like what Black fraternities purposes and historical backgrounds but what they represent sometimes freighten me