Funniest Family.........
 

You guys, all this talk about family superstitions and home remedies got my friends and I started on a new topic....

Your family's funniest sayings......

My grandmother's favorite one to use is..."If ugliness was a sin..hellbound he would be"

or other silly ones like "I haven't seen you since you were knee high to a duck"

Do you or your family have any?

I heard these from relatives of mine...

1. I haven't seen so and so since Hector was a pup... http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/confused.gif (Don't ask, don't ask)

2. Sit in the "gap" and wait on a ni$$%, he/she will always have to come through...

TRANSLATION: when someone does something to hurt you or something ill-will towards you, that SAME person is going to have to come your way for some type of favor and/or assistance...so don't worry or fret, they will NEED you! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif

Yo Granny is FUNNY http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/tongue.gif http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif I'm going to have to use that. I have some students that think their sh** don't stink and LAWD it DOES!! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif

[This message has been edited by CrimsonTide4 (edited March 19, 2001).]

exquizit ... how MANY TIMES have I heard the "knee high to a duck!"

AKA2D'91 ... I laughed at the fact that there's going to have to BE a TRANSLATION: for some of these!

My family has TOO many ...

The one I can remember off the top of my head is:

"Five'll get 'ya ten ..." meaning "I'll bet you that ..." etc., etc.

BRB with some more!

Weird.. my family always says "knee high to a grasshopper." Maybe we're just weird like that.

My mama always compares things to Carter's Cod Liver Pills (i.e. - "Girl, she got more issues than Carter got liver pills!")

"tell the truth and shame the devil!"

He/She is about as crazy as a Betsy Bug. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/rolleyes.gif

If someone says this you are truly crazy but um....what is a Betsy Bug and how crazy does it get? http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif

Don't give anyone a hammer to beat you over the head with.

TRANSLATION: Don't tell people all of your business. It gives others the upper hand to make you a part of gossip. One day it will come back on you and you might regret it thus beating you over the head. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif

Granny would say things like...

Lawd dat gul done broke her leg


Don't let no car drive in yo garage. LOL

Don't you open yo pocket book up for no wallet

Don't turn dat stump over you might find snakes.

conskeeted....where your granny from??? my granny a bit country, from the back hills of tennessee.

funny little sayings..

i look exactly like my Big PoppaBuddha..so i get...

lawd...he look like he done spit you out. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/eek.gif

here's another and i find myself saying it sometimes...

Conversation:

Me: MaMa..where juney gone?

MaMa: he fittin' tago roundback tada sto

that's my MaMa....




[This message has been edited by MaMaBuddha (edited March 20, 2001).]

MaMaBuddah, you are sooooo crazy! Instead of saying whisper my granny would say swisper! Do you remember hearing this? Umph Umph Umph gul hush yo mouth - you don't say

Oooh, I like this topic!

Ok, here goes some of my mama's sayings:

"The more I tell you, the dumber I get!" (This was usually said when I was having a hard headed moment).

"A hard head makes a soft behind."

and my personal favorite:

Dumber than dirt/ a doorknob/ a shoelace (replace with any object)


[This message has been edited by tickledpink (edited March 20, 2001).]

"Since Heck wuz a pup!!" LOL My family runs that one in the ground! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/tongue.gif

How about..."I wouldn't touch that with a 10ft pole"

"Find a fool, bump his head"
(If the persons dumb enough to let you do it, then do it)

"Don't nothin' stay open past 2am but 7'eleven and legs" LOL http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif

My family uses: "That boy's/girl's so ugly, I've seen better faces on an Iodine bottle" or "Don't pee in my face, then tell me it's rain" and my favorite is fron my Great Aunt: "Gurl I's ain't seens you since Booth shot Lincoln!!!!!!"

[This message has been edited by buterscotch1 (edited March 20, 2001).]

Girl, I need a translation on these! I understood the snake one, and I think I get the car/garage one, but help a sista out!

We used to say this as kids when someone was selling wolf tickets (hey! that's another one!) but did not really want to fight:
"Feeling froggy? Then jump!"

A friend from Macon, GA turned me on to
"A hit dog will holler."

One of my great-aunts likes to say "So and So is like a broke fridgedaire (yes, fridgedaire)...can't keep nothing!"

Y'all have got me up in class HOLLERIN' ... (you know how people always wanna peep your screen to see what's so funny!)

Total Elegance: The version I've heard is that so-and-so is "crazy as a bedbug!"

A few of my mother/grandmother's:

1. So-and-so "can't see for lookin'!" http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/tongue.gif

2. So-and-so "ain' got the sense God gave 'em!"

3. "If I'm lyin' I'm flyin'!"

4. "If life last and time pass ... " meaning something will come to be.

5. "Let the chips fall where they may."

6. "If I've said it once, I've said it many-a-time ... "

As in (my mother on the phone with her mother):

"Lawd, (if I've said it once, I've said it many a time), that boy (ain't got the sense God gave him)! I already told him that girl won' NO good, but he (can' see it for lookin')! (If life last and time pass), she'll have done cheated on him and got all his money! Momma (if I'm lyin' I'm flyin')! But you can' tell that boy nothin'! (Let the chips fall where they may), I'm not havin' nothin' to do wit it no mo!"

Lawd, I'm beginning to think it's rubbing off on me ...! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/rolleyes.gif

i am sitting back reading this thread and laughing my butt off because it brings back memories of when i was growing up.

my granny BKA Big MaMaBuddha would always get our names mixed up. so... say me and my brother and aunts were being hard-headed or playing so roughly with each other and she came in the room with a broom and call say anita...i mean donna...i mean cheryl...i mean carlton....awwww hell alla ya'll (i know this ain't a word http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif )

then would make these idle threats that would scare us so much we stoped we we were doing but we be confused....

her favorite word if it is a word was fram she would say "quit that fightn' oh else i'ma fram botha ya'll inta the wall" http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/eek.gif

me and my brother would stop cause it sounded like it hurt and then be confused cause we didn't know if fram was a word. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/tongue.gif


i have to ask this question...by a raise of hands...how many people got whuppn's when they was growing up?

pardon the slang, i am in the mood and this thread is taking me back.

------------------
MaMaBuddha

Devastating
Stimulating
Tantalizing
_________________________

Imaginer un métro rempli avec les anges tombés...

Whupp'ns?? Gulll....not only did I get them, but I had to go pick it off the chinaberry tree in the yard

"And don't be pickin' no little one either!!

Talk about cruel and unusual punishment! Can you imagine making the person about to get lethal injected mix up the chemicals??

My grandmother used to always say "You don't think fat meat is greasy" Meaning You don't think I'll get in your butt! She used to love to say "Hard times will make a monkey eat red peppers."

My momma and grammama used to say,

"She started smellin herself" (i'm still trying to figure it out)
"You reap what you sow"
"She can eat a black bear white"

Wordz from grammama

Krocaine (Cocaine)
Doke (Dope)
Chiren (Children)

Deez chiren keep sellin' doke and krocaine.
More to Come.....

My goodness....if I told you all of the sayings of my family..we'd be here for days. I could almost write a book.

But in the interest of time, I'll give you the most potent one...it reads much like an ancient proverb. My graddaddy used to say it:

"I don't run no rathole to nobody's house"

Translation: In its purest sense: Basically speaks to the ignorance of pursuing unappreciated friendships. In basic terms: I don't chase after anyone.

[This message has been edited by nikki25 (edited March 20, 2001).]

My mother loves to say "a bird in the hand is worth any 2 in the bush"


it annoys me greatly!

My mother loves to say "a bird in the hand is worth any 2 in the bush"


it annoys me greatly!

I wanna play!!! My Grandma always says "Child, that woman there is older than creek water!!" and "Child, you bout slow as molasses in the dead of winter!!"

I am over here cracking up at these sayings...ya'll have really brought some brightness to my day!!! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

**Babydoll300**

LOL@ "Where Imma get it from? Outta My tail?" My mama said that to me so much girl, you have me cracking up over here!

Mamabuddah, My grandmother did the same thing to us and still does! LOL http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/tongue.gif

LMAO @ so many of y'all grannies.

My Granny used to say, "Ima beat your britches" or "Ima jam your jaws" She never whooped me but those phrases would have me SCURED http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/eek.gif

I USED TO GET WHOOPINGS with BELTS and HOUSESHOES!!

I thought folks were saying, Crazy as a bessie bug...

others:

Well, cut my throat and call me speechless! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/eek.gif

Bless my bones!

also, A hard head makes for a soft behind!

You lay down with dogs...you get up with fleas...

People will steal the stink out of $H!#

I ain't seen you in a 'month o' Sundays'

Got more....than Carter's got liver pills

ROTFCTFU @ y'all & your grannies/mommies

i'm not sure which is funnier, the sayings or the commentary!

i'll contribute when i stop laughing

My family uses the "knee high to a grasshopper" phrase as well-

others I've heard so far from my family...

"Boy I'll beat the black offa ya and we'll have another Michael Jackson in the house!"
-my granny is still pissed about the Michael situation

"Don't make me get ugly in here"-this is usually said first thing in the morning when the person that said it is looking his/her ugliest

"Looks like you beat me to it"-we all said this under our breath

"Keep that wooden nickel in yo pocket" http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/confused.gif

Still thinking of more....

------------------
"Mind ya own, stay true to ya own, be ya own."
Peace and God Bless
Classy_Diva5

How about...
If you want breakfast in bed...you better sleep in the kitchen. (usually letting those in the house know it is time for breakfast and they better get out of bed)

Or

The dog that barks the loudest is usually the one that got hit. (usually referring to a situation where someone is doing the most talking or denying...they are usually the guilty one)

LOL. I've read some funny sayings. Ok, I thought of another one:

"They don't believe s--- stinks 'til they smell it."

Translation: They don't believe anything'll happen until it does.

and speaking of parent's threats:

I'mma knock you into next week.
I brought you here and I'll take you out.
Beat the black (or skin) off of you (depending on the severity of the crime - but both sounded painful).

and did anyone else think that "Do you think money grows on trees?" was about the stupidest question in the world?

and:

"Where I'mma get it from, pull it outta my tale?" (If that's where you have to get it, I don't think I want it anymore)...

Translation: You're asking for something that we do not have and will not have anytime soon.

Dat gul done broke her leg
(she has gotton pregnant)

Don't let no car drive up in yo garage
Don't you open yo pocket book for no wallet
(You better not have sex Missy)

Here's another one

You tryin to smell yoself aint ya lil gal!
(You are trying to be grown)

You so fass you stank! LOL

Can't measure a snake 'a runnin'!

Family sayings that I can't help using myself, at times..........


It's hotter than BLUE BLAZES in here.

Sit your WILD-HEADED self down.

If you don't scream, I won't holler.

If you like it, I love it.

I'm going to spank your "TAIL-END".

When little girls have their legs open, they are "showing off all of their GOODNESS".

That's it for now, Miss. Mocha

Oh, how could I forget... "Pretty is, as pretty does".

[This message has been edited by Miss. Mocha (edited March 21, 2001).]

I've heard these from more than just my grandmother...

"I'll be all over you like stink on doodoo."

"Is grits groceries?" --usually meant to say yes to some statement or question.

"$hi+ in one hand and put hope in the other and see which one fills up the quickest." --usually a rebuttal to "I wish you would let me do/go what/where I want..."

"You done slid down a razor blade into a pool of alcohol."

"Black as tar"

"Dumb as a box of rocks"

"As interesting as oatmeal"

"If you had sense, you'd be dangerous."

"If someone put your brain in a bird, he would fly backwards."

"A biscuit away from fat"

"You made your bed (hard) now lie in it."

I could go on...and on...but I will leave you with this one...

"One monkey don't stop no show!"

Omigod, these are so funny!!! I think I've heard just about all of these.

Here's a couple that I've heard my father say:

It's so quiet in here, you can hear a mouse piss (his word) on cotton.

She/he/they had a snowball's chance in hell.

I know some of yall have heard "cotton pickin'" as in " you are out of your cotton pickin mind. For a loooong time I never knew what that meant.

I can't believe no one said.."I wouldn't touch that with a 10ft pole!"

I just thoought of another one. My mother used to say this ALL the time:

"Child you need to handle her with a long-handled spoon".

Translation: Keep your distance from that person, he/she is no good.