Questioning Membership
 

I've posted on greekchat before but I didn't want to post under my normal s/n. Anyway, I know that once you join an NPC sorority, you can never join another. But has anyone else ever feel that once they joined their glo, that maybe they would've fit in better in a different glo on campus? I've felt sometimes like I don't belong in my org, not that the girls aren't awesome but I don't always feel like I have a lot in common with them. And I see other orgs on campus and I sometimes wish I would've waited 'til fall rush so I might've had the chance to join one of them. I'm living in the house next year, so I hope that it will change my feelings, but what can I do now? I feel bad for feeling this way and I would never drop because I did join for a reason, but still...Any advice?

Well not to be harsh, but you joined that Greek Organization for a reason.

Now you feel that way, sorry, but it was your decision and yours only. Now you are talking about living in the House. Is this going to compound things in your mind to make it even worse.?:confused:

I am trying to cypher out who has the worst problem here, you are the Organization that you joined. What do you think of what they would feel about you if they knew your feelings. That is what Association membership is for, to see if you are compatable.

If as you say, you are an Active, then you have the chance to change things in Your Chapter, not just cry about them!

One Chapter does not make an entire Organization.

I am sorry, there is No crying towel hanging from my shoulder.:(

I think a lot of new members -- women especially -- experience a sort of "reality strikes" period shortly after they're initiated.

Many sororities shelter their pledges from the reality of sisterhood -- that it is, in fact, sisterhood, not one big long gift-giving, hugging, singing, shirt-matching picnic. There are girls you'll fight with and girls you'll disagree with, girls who will go through hard times, and YOU will go through hard times and at turns feel wholly supported and not supported in the way you want to....

pixell gave you great advice. Focus on why you were interested in joining, and what you want -- TRULY want -- to get out of the sisterhood.

I went through a rough spot with my sorority. It really made me grow up. It made me realize that I'd made a committment for a lifetime. It made me realize that these women were my sisters, no matter what. It made me realize that you can argue with people and still be friends. It made me realize that there is almost always a sliver lining. It made me realize that I will have a support base, no matter where I go, in my sorority. It made me realize that I had been trusted with secrets that have been kept by women for over 150 years, and that I was a part of carrying on that legacy. It made me realize what loyalty is. It made me realize what true friendship is. It made me realize what is so special about the friendship between women. It made me realize where I am strong and where I am weak.

It was hard and sometimes I wanted to quit.

I didn't. That was the best decision I ever made. Even smarter than the decision I made to join.

I think that HotDamnImAPhiMu's last post should be "stickied" at the top of the Greek Life Forum! It was FABULOUS!!!!!

Oh Jackie!!! Little Sister.... I am so PROUD of you ;), a Phi Mu.

*Pammie*

You don't have much in common with them?

That's what Greek Life is all about! Fraternal bonds with people who have different backgrounds than yourself!

My chapter had guys from suburbia, farmer's sons, guys raised in the 'not so nice' parts of town. Heck, we had a Japanese guy for awhile (hell of a guy).

The point is that no, I didn't have a damned thing in common with most of them except for Sigma Nu -- and that's enough!

If you go through life trying to tune out anyone that's not like yourself, you'll lead a boring life. Stick with it and in several years' time, you'll not regret your decision.

Oh and if you haven't noticed, many of the folks on this board have been with their respective organizations for years. Don't think you'll get a lot of folks telling you to cut ties and try to switch:D

It's normal to feel doubts. Did I pick the right sorority, major, college, etc.? I think that you should ask yourself why you think ABC or XYZ would be a better fit for you than your current sorority. Do you think that they are closer as sisters, nicer, cooler, they have more fun, a better fit? Whatever you feel is missing, you should try to bring out in your own sorority chapter. In order to have great sisters, you need to be a great sister. I really believe that you get out of your sorority what you put into it. Sisterhood needs to be nurtured in order to grow. I think that if you put forth the effort and have a positive attitude, your doubts will disappear. :)

Thank you very much for the supportive posts! It makes me feel better to know that it's normal to have doubts every once in a while. It's not that I don't love my glo (and yes, I have been initiated for almost a year now), it's just that it's sometimes difficult to relate to a lot of the girls because though not traditionally, our house has a majority of Jewish girls and unfortunately, it's a strong tie for them that I don't share (but I do like to try to learn as much as I can). And my lil sis has felt the same way too, but we realize that we chose our house for a reason and we just have to keep remembering all the wonderful things. I think that living in the house will help me to strengthen the bond with a lot of girls that I might not have felt before.

Cream summed things up very nicely, I thought, and I'm glad you're thinking more positively about your sisterhood. Honestly, it's a normal thing to have doubts..... it's what you do NOW that matters!



LIOB, Pammie. :) I love my sisters.

lilcutie, I'm going through the same thing you are right now! It sucks to even question the thought of dropping your letters. Hopefully, I will stick through it, and so will you. :) PM me if you need to.

Greek Love, Kayla

I went through this, too, only it didn't hit me until the fall after I was initiated. My sister always told me that you join a sorority where all the members are just like you, but that's definitely not true...if it is, things would be pretty boring, wouldn't they? I stuck with it and I hope you will, too, but it's a tough road. Just remember--you're not the only one!

Living in the house DEFINITELY helps you to feel a part of the sorority - or at the very least living with other sisters.

I too have at times felt the what if. But in all reality I can not image being in any other sorority. We certainly all come from different backgrounds, but that is part of the beautiful about all our organizations. Our founders were not carbon copies of one another, but they built all of these amazing organizations that have in fact continued to grow on and despite our differences over time.
I think it is a developed task to really learn to respect and value all of your sisters, despite the "bad times". I know that my sisters can have a fight and be friends again tomarrow.
But being in a sorority is a life long commitment, that exudes with even more pleasure after you graduate. So if you are thinking about all that is wrong... try making a list of everything that is right. going for midnight icecream, shopping for formal dresses, staying up gossiping about boys... I promise that if you dwell on all that is going well you will see that maybe you made the very best decision for you.

Ditto that. I think every single person questions whether they did the right thing. But that year made me a much stronger person. As a matter of fact, I can say that it's made me a better, happier Alpha Phi. I learned to focus on the positive instead of all the negatives. My sisters sometimes can't stand how damn positive I am about Alpha Phi all the time, but it helps balance some of them out.

Not everything is always going to be super-duper happy. A sorority teaches you how to deal with the cards you're dealt in life.

Amen, HotDamn, amen. :)

Watch Munchkin play Devil's Advocate...
 

What everyone said is true. Sometimes getting more involved or moving into the house can change your perceptions about your sisters. It can be an excellent growing experience.

But, we always talk about those for whom Greek Life isn't the Best Life. Most women and men are lucky enough to realize that early, or when they're going through Recruitment or while pledging. Well, what about those who realize that they shouldn't be in a GLO after they're initiated? What if they're having drama within their chapter that's negatively impacting their lives outside of the sorority? What if there is something at a higher level with which she/he fundamentally doesn't agree? What if one's unhappiness can be traced to their Greek organization membership?

Being in a sorority isn't always chocolate and roses. But, if it is seriously making you so unhappy and every effort at reconciliation and improving the situation has been attempted and has failed, I seriously don't see anything wrong with getting out of it. Being in a sorority is a lifetime commitment, but, should you stay in an unhealthy sorority relationship because it's a lifetime commitment? No.

Thanks for your supportive posts! The situation isn't as bad as it seems some of you think it is. I don't want to deactivate because I do love belonging to my sorority. It's just questioning whether I would've belonged better in a different one. But I've made my decision for a reason and I'm going to stick to it. I hope that living in the house will help me to get to know people better and maybe even get into some kind of leadership position so that I can reach out to more people. Being in my GLO has been discouraging at times, yet very rewarding overall. If nothing else, I've though so far, I wouldn't have met my lil sis who is now one of my best friends and we wouldn't be going on Spring Break together! I think though, that it makes me not feel so guilty for having doubts, reading these posts. Thanks for your help :)

lilcutie, Just like everyone else here, I too had some doubts if where I was initiated was truly where I fit in the best. I was worried that I wouldn't fit in because just like you, I too am in a prodominately Jewish house. But I love it now even though I am alum. I have learned things taht I don't think I would have learned had I not joined SDT. I talk to my friends in other houses and think what if... But I wouldn't change my decision if I had the chance because even now that I am alum, I still feel connected to the house and know that there is an alum chapter that I can join and meet even more wonderful women. I am glad that you decided to stick with it.


ETA: HotDamnImAPhiMu, your post was very encouraging for those who are ever going through this situation. Thanks for posting it.

Elena

as others have said
 

living in the house can be a real bonding experience. you don't have to make an effort to go over to the house-you are there.
everything that happens in the house-good and bad- you will be able to experience. sometimes the people living out feel a little "out of the loop". well, you'll be in the loop. and you might feel the sisterhood more strongly living in.

but in another vein, i have a cousin who is a member of a sorority-her daughter went thru formal recruitment and updated her mom on a daily basis. all the top sororities on her campus were in the running to pledge her, but at the end she chose her mom's sorority. i know for a fact that my cousin did not pressure her daughter to join her chapter-it was the daughters decision alone.
they were the top group on campus. now whether daughter joined to please her mom or because they were the top chapter, i don't know, but from the get-go she was not happy. she did stick it out and has since graduated. did she learn to love it? unfortunately no. i think if she chooses to join an alumnae chapter she might learn to love it. does this story have a moral?not really. i shared it just because sometimes people do make mistakes. but that is part of life. i hope that your story works out differently that my cousins daughters did. best wishes.

Well, I came across this thread a few days ago and I've been trying to think of what I wanted to say in reply. I am also a GC member, under another name, because some of you may know me and where I go to school and I would rather just save the drama!

Lilcutie, I feel like I have been in your situation this past year especially. I joined my org. a couple years ago, but I've always questioned whether it was the right place for me. During rush, quota is always emphasized, and at times I wonder if I was invited to be a part of this sorority just to fill a slot. The girls front really well during rush, and I think this kind of suckered me in. I've only had a few friendships to come out of my affiliation with this group, and sorority life has not turned out to be what I hoped it would.

I don't want to quit though, simply because a) I DID make a promise and I feel that I should honor it, and b) I keep telling myself that it might get better someday, that there is a bigger picture outside of this chapter alone. Sometimes I feel like I'm so alone, and like I am wasting my money, because I know I'm not getting out of this organization what some of the other girls are. I don't have much in common with many of them, and even from the get-go many of the older sisters basically snubbed me while doting on some of my other pledge sisters. I joined a sorority to find acceptance, love, and friendship, and I have never really felt like my efforts were being returned.

Last year was better. I managed to get close to a few of the girls and I enjoyed myself in the sorority for the first time. But after summer, some of my so-called "friends" found a new group of friends... and had no intentions of including me in their new circle of friendship. It hurts to feel like you're being picked over, and the majority of my experience in this sorority has been more like dealing with high school cliques than genuine sisterhood.

Granted, it's had its good times, but right now I am questioning membership as well. An alumni told me to stick with it for the memories, but I am wondering if it's really worth it anymore. I just feel like nobody takes me seriously and I dont really have any true friends in the sorority anymore...

And just a note to ppl like Tom whose viewpoint I dont share... I am happy that your greek experience was so much more positive than mine, but there is only so much heart you can put into something without return before it starts to get broken. If I were to turn in my pin, I honestly think some of the girls would be more upset at the fact that there was a new slot to fill (for quota) than they would be at the fact that I was gone.

Sometimes people outgrow their chapters, or they get burned out. I have seen it happen. It is sad. Some people just fit in better. I think that if you have interests outside of your sorority, it might enhance your sorority and your college experiences.

I hope that you are able to find what you are looking for from your sorority. :)

Perhaps you should talk to your sisterhood chair and chapter president with your concerns. They might be able to give you constructive advice that is specific to your chapter and your concerns. It is difficult for me to give advice when I don't know you, your chapter, or your situation personally. I wish you the best. :)