Living At Home After A Certain Age
 

I know a guy in his early 30s who had moved back home. He is currently living in his parents' basement, but has his own entrance and a kitchen. Is this a good idea? How old do you think is too old to be living at home? Do you think it's more difficult for grown children of some cultures to be independent because they're expected to live at home until they marry? I certainly don't intend to be living with my parents when I'm 40.

I can't imagine living with my parent's again! I've been away for almost 3 years now and moved back and forth over the last 5 years. Since my youngest two siblings still live at home, it wouldn't feel too weird if I were to move back home. However if I were to move back after they went away to school, I'd feel pretty pathetic!

The only situation I'd feel okay about doing that is if one of my parents died and the other needed help, or if I was stricken ill or divorced and needed some time to heal and get emotional support.

Re: Living At Home After A Certain Age
 

If it is totally separate AND he pays his way...maybe!
I was pretty old when I left home for good (4 days after my 25th bday) 1/1/92. TRUST ME, I was wanting to leave LONG before that! Before that I was in college and came home during holidays. Other than that I was working and saving money to move out. My mother was upset that I moved out. Uhhhh hello?! :rolleyes:

Puh-leeze....

I do not want to be like my sister will be 40 in September and still living at home (she has never lived on her own) http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung...smiley-066.gif

And if you choose to live at home, don't bitch about your parents rules! And don't call me to bitch about them. Ya know what ya need to do!

I see no problem with people living with their folks up until their mid 20s. In some cultures it is the norm. I think it is impractical to move out too early. Since my campus is a commuter one, it is not unsual for someone to still live at home in their late teens to mid 20s.

i'm moving back home after i graduate and start my masters program. The school i'll be attending is just miles from my house - and since i'll be taking classes and only working part time, it just makes sense for me to live at home and save money.

as soon as i have a real job and i can support myself, i will move out. I don't think i could be 30 and still living at home.

thats why i laugh at 7th heaven - lucy and her husband have an apartament above the garage? seriously - that would still be wierd.

Exactly.

I moved back home after I graduated last Spring. I was paying $850 a month for my one bedroom apartment in town. That's a lot, I know -- but that's the avg month's rent for a one bedroom in Hawaii (where cost of living is ridiculous).

I don't expect on staying here forever, but many people choose to live at home with their families even when they've started families of their own. To some it's a cultural thing, and that's why we have a lot of extended family homes being built here.

I'm 26, I live alone with a cat, don't have a boyfriend, and let me tell you how much I would love to live with my parents.

1. Homecooked meals.
2. Living with a housefull of people who love me.
3. Not having to pay to do laundry.
4. Cable. Internet. Water. Electric. Phone. All paid. Not by me.

When I was 21-23, I lived at home, and paid rent. Much rather live at home than on my own. However I can live on my own and am self sufficient.

I must of lived a sheltered life because i lived at home til i got married....minus the few yrs i was away at college..... but i moved out at 28/29 when i got married and now i am divorced and i live in my OWN brand spanking new home with my lil roommate.... my 4 yr old son and our barney the dog

It's really depends on your life experience how you view it...

I grew up being told that once you can be self-sufficient, you move out. I moved away to University at 19, and have lived with my boyfriend since i was 2001. To move back now would be very weird...

However, my parents and I did talk about me moving in if I were to go to grad school in my home town- but that's the only case. :)

I was 25 when I dropped out of graduate school and moved back to my parents place. I tried to get a job that would pay me enough to support myself and get my own place. That was not to be. I had a job that I lasted two weeks at, several brief temp assignments and a long term temp job. I am 31 now and still live with my parents. I don't have a job nor go to school (not at the moment). I hope this changes and I could move out of their place for good (I'll visit them once in a while).

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Re: Living At Home After A Certain Age
 

Oh my are there some sheltered people on this site lol . . .

You should definitely be homeless and on the street rather than live at home if you don't have the funds to be self sufficient. :rolleyes:

Anyway, its primarily an economic decision for most people i think . . . if you think they live at home cause they are emotionally retarded thats a different issue.

I don't think there is a "Certain Age" at which someone needs to get the heck out, excluding certain situations, but sometimes it gets ridiculous....A co-worker of mine was talking about a guy she used to date and about how she lived at home when she dated him.... I asked her how long ago she moved out of her parents... 4 years ago. She's 46. :eek:

I am not knocking living at home with the parents...my sister has NEVER lived out on her own. To me that is weird. (she will be 40 in September).

One of the reasons I moved out is because my mom wanted us to hang onto the Apron strings. Besides, I only can handle her in small doses! :D

Oh yeah...now that I have a place I can have a cat and she can't say Jack! (my mom is the ANTI Cat)

I moved back into my parents' house after I graduated college because I had just gone through a very emotional-ridden semester and needed time to get back on my feet and be the person I had been before that semester. I am still living at home at the moment, and I'll most likely stay here until I am able to support myself through work. Living in So Cal is not cheap and there are benefits of me living at home since I'm still making adjustments after surgery at the end of June last year.

I'd be a little weirded out if someone I was dating or interested in was still living at home and being taken care of like he was still under the age of 18, but for some it's a necessary step that must be taken. (Actually, my mom graduated from high school with someone thirty years ago who still lives at home with his parents!!!)

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I have a dog named Barney too! :D
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Thanks to the last couple posters for not making me feel like SUCH a loser. I'm 30 and I still live at home...moved back here in December 2001, thinking it would just be a few months til I found a permanent job. (I had one from 1996-2000 til I quit to return to IU full-time.) Well, I still don't have one. I've had a few temp jobs but nothing at the moment. :mad: Believe me I WANT to move out but until I get a permanent job it isn't feasible.

$850 seems like nothing to me.. f'ing cost of living in boston...

i moved back home after school for a few months while i was looking for a job. but i wasn't complaining all that much since it was summer on cape cod! but once i got my job i moved to the city on my own. i have friends that still live at home though. sometimes it's not as easy to move out for some, they can't afford it or whatever.

I don't see a problem with people moving back home if there's a reason (job loss, divorce, spouse dies, etc). It can be a good way to save some $$ and get some emotional support from the family.

I myself couldn't have done it. My parents' house isn't set up with a separate entrance, plus there's the whole "their house, their rules" thing - to this day they look at me and see an eight-year-old. :rolleyes: Also, I'm married and own my home.

Every situation is different. This is another one of those situations that I don't think you can say you need to be x number of years old.

However, if you are an adult still living with your parents you need to contribute in some way. If not financially, then in other ways. I never paid rent after college, but I did help out my mom & grandparents with things my mom physically couldn't do. That was more important to my parents than some check.

I'm 23 and I recently took sometime off rom school. I am living at home with my parents until I go back to school (god willing it will be in spetember). I love my parents to death, but I hate living with them. Unfortunately, I can't afford to live on my own in Toronto on the money I am making (I mean they might as well pay me in peanuts...at least I'd be able ton eat then). So because of economic reasons I still live at home. I know if and when I go back to school in september I will be living with my parents still because I will be staying in Toronto to go back to school.

I don't think I'm sheltered or emotionally retarded...I'm just too poor to live on my own right now.

In some cultures living on your own before marriage is seen as something sad. If I knew my parents would take care of everything, it would be a cool arrangement. However in my situation I couldn't wait to get out and I still feel that way. There's no way I could live w/ the rents more than a few months to get on my feet. And even then it would be a last resort. I can't f*cking STAND these people who are lazy who just sponge off their parents until their 30s and never even offer to lift a finger or chip in for anything. I know someone in this situation and I have absolutely zero respect for him. Each to his own, I suppose

Yeah, but the parents from those cultures expect their kids to marry young. They probably wouldn't expect their 40 year old son/daughter to be hanging around at home, even if they live in their parents' basement or garage apartment.

I'd just like to say Never say never!!

When my fiance's father was dying, he moved back home to help his mother (physically & financially) - and spent several happy moments with his dad, memories he would never trade.

When I was going through a nasty divorce, I really had no choice but to move home or to a women's shelter. I moved home.

In both cases, we got out once the matters got settled. I know that my parents wouldn't take any rent, so I put the same amount in a savings account for when I got a new place.

While I certainly wouldn't recommend that everyone lives at home until they marry or whatever, I think that you should realize that, in some circumstances, it can be a real blessing. It's a matter of attitude, after all.

And let's face it, many of us on this board will consider taking their parent(s) in someday, when they're old. Circle of Life, people.

Wow.....$850/month for a one-bedroom? :eek: I live in a small town in rural PA, where the cost of living is very low. My one-bedroom is $400/month, utilities included. The people who grew up in this area (I am a "transplant" :)) are shocked by how expensive it is!! But I digress.

Anyway, I don't really see anything wrong with living at home into your 20s, as long as it's for financial reasons or something like that. If you're just living at home because you're too lazy to move out on your own.....and yes I have known people like this....that's a different story.

But I'm not really one to talk. My family lives only a little over an hour away from my current place of residence, and I visit them a few times a month and my mother picks up the tab on all my groceries and does laundry and stuff.......so sometimes I might as well be living at home. :p

$850/month for a one-bedroom is actually a pretty good deal for Boston (or, apparently, Hawaii). When I was a grad student, my husband and I shared a one-bedroom on-campus apartment (read: a glorified closet) for which we paid something like $700/month, and that was after the school's subsidy. Off-campus you could easily pay $1000+. And that was a few years back.

Anyway, I have a relative who moved back in with his parents "for a few months" following a messy divorce... he's still there 30 years later. (!) He makes substantial contributions toward the rent, though, and looked after his mother until she went into a nursing home a little while back.

As a side note, I looked at a very small studio apartment in Manhattan (maybe 20x20 max) with bathroom and kitchenette for $1500/mo.

Back to the topic, parts of this will not be popular, but here goes.

First, after finding my first TV job immediately after college, I never lived at home again. Mrs. DeltAlum spent about a month after graduation at home planning our wedding and never went back home. Nor did any of her siblings.

However, our middle daughter had an apartment for a while and then came home for a while. And, our oldest came home for a very short time after a divorce.

Neither stayed long because we enforced some rules on them. They weren't nearly as strict as they had been in high school, for instance, but we felt, and I still do, that if they wanted consideration from us, we deserved some from them. (Neither paid rent, which might have changed things somewhat)

The one that was the worst was, while not trying to impose any kind of curfew, simply asking them to let us know when they expected to get home at night. Granted that they were both in their 20's, the problem is (was) one of being awakened by the door opening, etc. It's a heck of a lot easier to roll over when you hear it (and we did hear it), look at the clock and say to yourself -- Oh, that's Number One, than worry about a burgler, etc.

The other side of that is waking up at 3:00 AM and not having heard the door open and wondering if they had been in an accident. You simply can't turn off your parenting instincts simply because your kids are "of age."

In many ways, it can be a "lose, lose" situation, but again, it's a matter of consideration.

My parents still ask where I am going, and who I am going with and what time I expect to be home if I go out. I don't mind at all. Sometimes it's a little annoying, but I don know they do it because they still worry about me.
But I also call my parents and let them know if I'm not coming home or whathave you because I don't want them to worry too much about me.
It's a small sacrifice to make.

I moved out when I went to college and never went back. I was raised the same way as Kappaloo... that once I was old enough to hold down a job and/or go to school, I was expected to live somewhere else. My parents still helped me financially while I was in college, but they felt that it was important that I live on my own so that I could develop "life skills". I could have moved back in with them if I'd needed to, but they made it clear that they'd rather help financially first rather than see me return home.

As far as dating... I dated one guy who lived at home with his parents. He was still in college, so I understood... but I do have to say it was very wierd that he didn't know how to do laundry, cook, anything like that.

Living at home with your parents is one thing, but I would never date a guy who couldn't cook, clean or do his own laundry. That's just sad.

I dated a guy last year who still lived at home in a separate apartment "wing" of his mother's house. I understood why he still lived at home, his mother was dying of cancer, but his sister and his other brother lived there too. It was too much for me! There was always someone around and asking questions and talking! No private time! Anyway, he was a great guy, just a weird living situation. I almost moved home this summer to live with my parents when I was laid off, thank God I found this job so I got to stay in Oxford!

I'm a junior now, and I think my parents are still having a bit of a hard time "letting go". (I'm an only child.) I don't think they'd have any kind of problem with me moving back home after college for a while, in fact they would probably welcome it -- but that doesn't mean I'm going to do it!!!

I stayed home last summer, and it was alright, but also a bit strange. I have a wonderful excuse to go home again this summer, and the next (my parents live in Germany -- how could I pass up Europe??? :D ) But past that? I don't think so.

I couldn't imagine living with my parents when I'm in my late 20's and on...it just work for me. Maybe it fits other people's styles, but not mine!

To echo what others have said, there's nothing wrong with it for some people, as long as you do basic things for yourself like clean your own bathroom, wash your own clothes, help around the house etc. Don't be a lump who sits in your parents' basement and plays video games all day!

Man, what a 1-bedroom can get you in Hawaii is what I pay for my place...and I have 2 other roommates who pay the same thing. Maybe I should move there...or Boston. That would almost be a bargain.

Most one-bedrooms in my neighborhood go for between 1200 and 1500. In other neighborhoods, it can be a little more. DeltAlum, where exactly are you looking? :eek: One of my friends moved home for grad school for that exact reason...it was just cheaper to live at home than trying to find a place on her own in Manhattan.

I think its okay for you to live at home when you are helping with bills and stuff (paying small part of the rent, food, electric, phone, etc). But, if you are living off their paycheck, then you better get out and start growing up. I have been on my own for 4 years now. My parents only pay for my car insurance and part of my tuition. Every now and then they will give me some spending money just in case I starve to death :D. In the end, they will be living with me forever and it will be free for them.

i pay 1200 in the area of boston that i live in for a one-bedroom. i want to move to a different area of boston and i'm hoping that i can get a one bedroom for a bit less. but i'm spoiled by the size of my apartment right now. i just don't like the location.

If I lived in a big city, like my hometown of New Orleans or even Memphis, TN, I would be paying so much to live! Here in Oxford,MS the cost of living is high for the state but so cheap compared to other places! I live in a 3 bedroom, 3 bath 2 story condo with hardwood floors, fireplace, etc (and it was built in 2002), and I only pay 300 a month. I have one roommate and of course here's the catcher, her mother owns the place! I get a great deal and our utilities are super cheap and its a great little street with two-story condos. Even if I didn't have this great deal, I know a one-bedroom, one bath goes for about 450 in Oxford, MS and that would include all major appliances and W/D. Well, if I ever don't have a job I am sure I would live at home and I already know my Dad would make me pay some sort of rent!

Maybe it's because I work in geriatrics, but that's how I feel, too. I would rather call my mom & let her know I arrived safely than have her stress out unnecessarily so I can maintain an air of independence.

I have lived out on my own several times, but when the job market's rough, there's nothing wrong with living at home with your parents. I contribute to the upkeep of the house, do my own laundry and whatever's necessary, but at least it keeps me off the streets!

When I went away to college, I came home for Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, and the Summer. I moved off campus at 20 which was great, but still returned home during those breaks. I came home after college for a few weeks, and then I moved out for good. I was 22.

I want to move to Hawaii and pay $850 for a one bedroom apartment. Aloha! :D

My ex husband lived at home once he had graduated and was working as an accountant. He made as much money as I did and I made it fine financially, so he could have also. He paid nothing to his parents and was waited on hand and foot. He would call his mother on the phone (from his own line upstairs) and order breakfast and it would be ready when he was out of the shower and dressed. When we got married, he had never lived on a budget (which was absolutely necessary when we bought our house), he had never cooked anything except fried eggs and toast, he had never worked a washer or dryer. We split up housekeeping duties and he volunteered to clean one of the bathrooms that he used (I wouldn't go in there!). After about 2 years, he told me we needed a new toilet. I asked what was wrong with it (planning on fixing it) and he told me it was all brown inside. I suggested he clean it.... with bleach. I had to teach him how to cook so I could divorce him and not worry about the kids eating when they were with him.

His parents did him no favors in allowing him to sponge off of them for so long.

Dee