Sisterfrinds...What would you do?
 

I know many, if not all of you have seen the post by "sickofthese". If not, I ask jokingly, what rock have you been living under? http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif LOL Anyway, let's take what she has "dished" out.

What if she were your "linesister" and these things were going on? What would you do to help ease the tension that is going on? What would you do to try to keep your "bigsisters" from trying to find out that everything here is not peachy keen? Or could you? http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/tongue.gif What would you do to try to bring some kind of cohesion among the group?

How would you try to rectify this "situation"?

PLEASE, SORORS, MY GREEK BROTHERS AND SISTERS, LET'S LET THE SISTERFRIENDS ANSWER, FIRST, BEFORE YOU DECIDE TO COMMENT...THANKS!

THIS IS OPEN TO ANY SISTERFRIEND, REGARDLESS OF ORG. INTEREST! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif

EXCUSE, MY TYPO OF "FRIENDS" IN THE TOPIC HEADER! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif

[This message has been edited by AKA2D '91 (edited March 04, 2001).]

I think that it would be impossible to hide any type of animosity from the "bigsisters". Sure they may not tell you, but they probably know what's going on. As far as rectifying the situation, the only thing I can think of to do is to actually sit down and talk to your "linesisters" to get things out in the open and to try to work things out. Sure they still may not like each other a whole lot but at least they might start to get along and be civil and decent towards one another.

I also have edited my post per your request, Ms. AKA2D'91 http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif



[This message has been edited by CarmelTreat (edited March 04, 2001).]

OKAY, LET ME ADD THIS THEN...WHAT IF THE BSs KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON...AND THEY HAVE DEMANDED THAT YOU IRON OUT YOUR DIFFERENCES, CREATIVELY, HOW WOULD YOU DO IT?

Now, it is possible that something like this could POSSIBLY happen... Try to do more than just "sit down" and talk. One can talk until the cows come home...LOL

OKAY, I AM THROUGH...NEXT! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif

Two Words...."Bitch Session" http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/eek.gif (and excuse my language, but you all know where I am coming from.

We are all women, and therefore, we all have personalities that must be contended with. sometimes you may not "like" someone, but if you just sit down and verbally express your feelings, you realize that things may not go as deep as they seem. I think that FIRST and foremost you should have an immediate bond with your "lSs" for the simple fact that you have a common goal to attain. Even if there was someone coming into the process that I sincerely disliked, I would definitely have to squash it (or try to at least) for the sake of the "sisterhood" and for the sake of making the "process" a whole heck of a lot easier on everybody. I am quite sure that the "process" is hectic enough without adding undue confusion, strife, and such.

Anyway, back to the original question, a "session" if handled correctly by MATURE people who sincerely have intentions of letting the animosity go, can be very cleansing and purging. Try to not just be accusatory like, "You are such a freeloader", but maybe like "I feel that sometimes, I have to pick of the slack from you guys, and that stresses me", or "I think that WE as a line aren't on top of our 'stuff' like we should be, so we need to take some extra time and study TOGETHER", or "I feel that WE as a group have some tension that's between us, and I just felt that since WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER, that we talk about it, and possibly ease each other's burdens." Anyway, sorry so long, but that's how I would go about it...if I were in that position.

Miss Moderator, http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif, I edited my post per your request, Sorry!
My two cents!! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif

[This message has been edited by onesavvydiva (edited March 04, 2001).]

OKAY, This is NOT about Sickofthesefolks (so please, try not to refer to her, there is another thread about the SPECIFIC topic...THANKS! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif)

...IT'S ABOUT YOU (SFs) AND A HYPOTHETICAL SITUATION THAT YOU MAY ENCOUNTER...

NEEEXXXXT! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif

I just deleted a post....

IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO PARTICIPATE ...DON'T POST, OR I WILL DELETE YOU, TOO!

SOROR, IDEAL...I DELETED YOU TOO! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif
WE MUST HAVE BEEN POSTING SIMULTANEOUSLY!

SKEE-WEEE!

WE NEED A CUP OF TEA ON THIS ONE http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif

NEXXXXXXXTTTT! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif

[This message has been edited by AKA2D '91 (edited March 04, 2001).]

i guess if people have a different opinion than you and/or point out your mistakes they get deleted. is that how it goes on this board? i'm just glad it isn't like that on the others and the ladies are polite and civil.

You guessed wrong!

I did not make a mistake in my post. I SIMPLY ADDED CLARITY TO WHAT I WANTED!

Again, if someone does not want to participate, do not waste our space! Go to another thread/ANOTHER board! It's not cute! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif

Thanks SAVVY DIVA! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif You clearly understand! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif




[This message has been edited by AKA2D '91 (edited March 04, 2001).]

Shalom AKA2D'91~ Shalom Everyone~

First, I would go on a 3-day fast to seek and hear from the LORD because if I acted in my carnel flesh, I'd be "laying on of hands" that weren't Godly!

I would be seeking ways to solidify the unity of my sisters in love. Love that would go into eternality and not just for a temporal bandage (until I crossed).

Until I allowed the FATHER to deal with Me and my heart, I wouldn't approach the sister on my line with her soul-issue (even if she thought she had things well hidden from us--because I was always taught that Fashion Fair, Black Opal and MAC only covered scars on the face, not the soul, and spirit).

Lastly, during my time of fasting I'd be rejoicing in Faith that the promise of LOVE, after Faith and Hope--was greater!

Shalom~

You're right, just talking will not do any good if the ladies involved aren't going to listen and put forth an effort.

[This message has been edited by CarmelTreat (edited March 07, 2001).]

I think that we should have a three day retreat/lock-in where everyone on line would have to come and stay the entire weekend. The first day we would do something like everyone write there problems down on a list and express what their problems were. Then after we did this then we would go over all of the entire list so everybody would have that off their chests. The next day, everyone would pair up with somebody for about an hour and they would get to know each other better. Then we would switch and go to another person until everyone has spent time with each other. After we got to know each other on another level some of the animosity should go away because we would know things that we didn't know about each other. Then we will play games in groups that require everyone to work together. Saturday night should be spent making sure we all know our history, founders, etc. We could quiz each other and play Jeopardy type games so that we know our stuff. Sunday morning we would go to church and worship together and then go to Brunch. We would end with just a farewell session.

Shalom MarvyG~
This was a good exercise for many relationship situations....Thanks, AKA2D'91!

Shalom~

uh ohhhhh! i hit the wrong icon...sorry! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/eek.gif


[This message has been edited by AKA2D '91 (edited March 05, 2001).]

[This message has been edited by AKA2D '91 (edited March 05, 2001).]

My solution:

Pray first, individually and collectively. "Prayers of the righteous availeth much" and know this to be a fact! Then I would have to break down and do what I used to do with my students who had issues with one another. We would be spending the day together: ALL DAY until the air was clear. I would have us handcuffed in pairs - switching periodically. (No, I did not handcuff my students, they had to hold hands until their problem was resolved. I would send a note around to their other teachers explaining this and for them to reinforce it)When you are forced to be that close to someone, you're going to talk. Come back together as a group and play: Win, Loose or Draw, Who Wants to be a Linesister, [We're in] Jeopardy [ if we don't get along and know our history] or something creative so that it will not seem like a "bashing session".

I had to really think before answering this one.Of course I'd pray and talk and all this..But honestly you guys I'd be UPSET!

I mean think about it, I'm sure it takes alot to become a part of something so great and this would no doubt put a damper on my parade!

Now not to piggy back off the previous posts, I would have to say I'd make a way for all of us to have to spend even more time around eachother. Have everyone think of a program that they're interested in that could somehow help the community where each person on the line would HAVE to be involved, then start making each one happen.

I'd have to stress the fact that we were sisters and that's a strong bond whether we like eachother or not. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/rolleyes.gif (I don't like my biological sister half the ime, but I wouldn't let anything happen to her)I'd also have to remind everyone that

we'd pledged ourselves into something bigger than our individual egos and that we'd need to get over ourselves and get to work! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif



[This message has been edited by exquizit (edited March 05, 2001).]

Well I had to post to this message because I believe in a short amount of time this will be a reality for me. Right now there is some tension betweent the other prospectives and myself mostly on the account of my behalf and me not keeping my mouth closed and there has been so much tension in the air that I don't know what to do. I have been praying and secluding myself from people and asking God to give me strength and for the others to forgive me but it seems like it's not working so what do I do. If we do get on "line" together how do I rectify the situation. How do I prove to to them that I have learned from my mistake??? Any responses would help. Thanks.

SHALOM,

please excuse me! I hit the wrong icon. I was trying to respond to your comment. If you can remember, please edit your message to include your original statement...AGAIN I APOLOGIZE! (BLAME IT ON ME APPROACHING 30..LOL)

Shalom AKA2D '91~

Please, no apology needed.

No, I don't remember what I was talking about...and you know me...I'm still trying to figure out how to post correctly...so we'll leave my comment with your ending...besides, I like the Smilies Legend face on your editing anyway! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif

Shalom~

PS...My UserName is Shalom2U. The UserName Shalom has already been taken by a Distinguish Lady of the Delta Sigma Theta Sorority...I found that out after reading GreekChat a few days ago...it's amazing how much stuff you learn from just one night of insomnia! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

AKA2D '91,

Please accept my humble apology to you for posting after myself "again".
After going back and reading the topic from the genesis, I realized what you were talking about. I hope everyone reading these post don't come to the conclusion that I am like "DUH"...I apology if I've been talking, writing, and posting more then my share lately. I just enjoy the LOVE up in here! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif

My comment went something like this (I don't remember it word for word because it was from my heart and not from a piece of paper)...

Shalom MarvyG~

I really liked your idea of a three day retreat/lock in. Because while we were there I would fast (no, we would fast) while we participated in the activies you brillently planned. Afterwards, we would break the fast together with Sunday Bunch, Service and Worship! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

***This was a good exercise for many relationship situations AKA2D '91...Thanks!

PS. Did I do good Teacher? (in my lst Grade voice).

Shalom~

yes, SHALOM2U...

you did an EXCELLENT job. I am so PROUD of you! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif

(you may return to your seat!)

I know that's not IT! That's not all who will respond! Thanks to those who have.

Of ALL the people who claim they want to be in someone's ORGANIZATION only a handful had the nerve to respond?

I mean, dang, do you all think that coming into anyone's organization is EASY? that everything is going to be a bed of roses? all hunky dorey and peach keen? NOT !

The point here was for you to get into this situation and try to rectify it. Was that sooooo hard to ask?

I tell ya! Becoming a member of ANY organization is NOT ONLY about what T-shirt/outfit we will wear at XYZ's party or step show? There are REAL dilemas that we face! This hypothetical situation, could be real for you ONE DAY!

So, how are you gonna handle it?
FROM THE LOOKS OF IT, you won't. You'll just become INACTIVE, IF you become a member or before that, you may DROP! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/eek.gif http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/rolleyes.gif

[This message has been edited by AKA2D '91 (edited March 11, 2001).]

I remember you asking all the members to give the sisterfriends a chance to respond....Since it seems the ones that were going to answer have done so, Can members give us insight on how they would handle the situation?

I agree with the post earlier about having a shut in type ordeal. We did that with the ministerial staff at my church and it really helped alot with our bonding with each other and caring for each other on a different level.

Sister Moderator, if I may...

OK, let's say you have your lemon squeeze, your lock-in, your bitch session or whatever you want to call it and the issue is STILL there? Then what?

Hmm... Sometimes nothing will completely remedy the situation, no matter how many lock-ins or extensive conversations you have. Some people are just plain stubborn, and it's something everybody has to deal with. No, there's no guarantee that you will necessarily be bestfriendsforever with all your line sisters, but the important thing to remember is that they are your *sisters*. For that reason you have to treat it like you would that blood family member you can't seem to get along with - be cordial, be civil, and try to stay away from confrontations or arguments that may disrupt the rest of the family. It's just my personal opinion that no matter how much it may seem like a personal failure, sometimes you just have to let things go. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/frown.gif

If I were in this unfortunate situation, I would create some kind of situation where we were all dependent on one another for basic needs, (food, clothing) that way even if we didn't get along it would encourage interaction and build trust.

I also believe the lock in idead was a good one, because it gives you all time to ensure that you all know the same history and information, and that you all are functioning as one unit.

I have more input on this but for now I'll hush.

Nubian

my line was faced with mcuh tension. there were two particular line sisters who would not agree to anything. they found something wrong with everything. we talked, we screamed, we cried, we talked, we screamed, we cried. oneday an old old old old head walked up to me and said, "baby, tell the girls that yall gone whoop their--- if they don't get it together" http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif i couldn't believe that she knew about it! (WEAK LINKS WEAK LINKS WEAK LINKS) now i don't advise doing this today! however, we locked up in that room and every last one of us told them that we were going to give them a little sisterly love that they would never forget. well, after that session we were bossom buddies. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif we also found out that we could not hide anything from our big sisters. even when we had our secret meetings - they knew!

so to all of you who are aspiring to be a member of a soroity or fraternity, remember that big brother and big sister SEES ALL and KNOWS ALL! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/eek.gif http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/eek.gif

In response to what to do if it doesn't get any better after the lock-ins and stuff, then I think that the line will just have to push hard and work hard together and still try and make everything alright. We can't give up on the one person because she is our line sister and that is not right. We need to bring her in and give her as much love as possible and try to get her to hang out with us for a day or something, maybe we could do some things that were not sorority related also like go shopping so that we can get to know each other a little more personally. As a line we would just have to pull together and stay strong and everything work. Shower the other person w/ love and never give up until we all make it together.

much respect...

*sigh* unfortunately doing the lock ins, the b**tchin sessions, the begging, the pleading may not end the "weak link" situation.

some people refuse to be united. our own communities inside and outside of greek life can attest to that.

a long time ago i posed a similar question to my mother and her sorority sister. she replied some good old fashioned wood would get everyone in shape. of course in these days of MIP this would be an appalling statement.

so what to do?

ultimately maybe its up to the Big Sisters to make the issue much more threatening tha a line sister ever could. the threat of there being no line might bring out the unity in the group. and then again it might not.

if this was a business and there were breakdowns in the group dynamics there would be reviews, probation, then termination of those involved. teaching how a team is supposed to function would seem to be part of the pledging process.

my first instinct would be to politely communicate, my next instinct would be to
not be so polite in my communication, my third instinct would be...well...my line sisters and i would by any means neccessary have to make sure that the "weakest link" was the strongest by the end.

peace

I WOULD SET UP A BOOT CAMP TYPE OF SITUATION FOR ABOUT 2 OR 3 DAYS, MAYBE LONGER TO GET RID OF THE "CHIP ON THE SHOULDER" AND NASTY ATTITUDES. ALSO TO MAKE EVERYONE DEPEND ON EACH OTHER FOR BASIC SURVIVAL NEEDS LIKE WATER, FOOD, AND TISSUE TO USE THE BATHROOM. I KNOW IT MAY SOUND CORNY, BUT IT CHANGES PEOPLE LIVES FOREVER. I THINK THIS IS THE BEST WAY TO RULE OUT THE FAKERS FROM THE REAL "LINESISTERS".

I know I am waaayyyyy late, however...
 

I have been a non-registered guest for quite sometime and recently decided to sign up.

Hello!!!:D

I was doing a little research and had my mind made that I would not post until much later down the road, however, this thread really pulled me in.:rolleyes:

I agree with all the previous posters. If the lock-in didn't work, I think I might speak with an existing member of the organization. After all, aren't I striving to call these women my sister? If someone is in a position to give me, us, guidance, I think it is appropiate to seek it after our attempts don't work out.

I appologize for bringing this to the top if there was a more recent thread dedicated to this topic. I tend to work from the begining and have not yet read more recent posts.

Since this thread is more than TEN YEARS old, I think they probably got it figured out by now :rolleyes:

I am sure no one was waiting for my reply.:)

However, I suppose it would be like looking at an old family album. To a guest (me), the dated photos are new, and for the family (existing members) it might be a nice trip down memory lane.:)