Stepmother => legacy connection? (sorority)
 

Reading the thread 2..3..4 times a legacy? made me wonder...

I know that, with regards to membership, sororities look at step relationships the same as natural, ie, if your step mother was in a sorority, you are a legacy to that sorority. Right?

Now, how about this...

Let's say my mother was a Chi Omega, my real sister is a Kappa Delta. My mother's mom was Delta Gamma and dad's mom was a KD.

Now, let's say my parents are divorced & remarried. My stepmother is a Tri Delt, her daughters (my step-sisters) were ADPi & Kappa. My stepmother's mom was a Theta. (I won't get into my Dad's stepdaughters, who are now my step-sisters...yet another legacy connection?)

Does that make me a legacy to all of the above? With the "step" rule, it would...correct?

How do sororities handle this kind of situation?

For those of you who are familiar with how sorority membership is decided, what do you all think?

(This is not MY case, except that my real sister IS a KD...but I could see this happening, the way families are now blended.)

Re: Stepmother => legacy connection? (sorority)
 

Personally, I'd just stick with the Chi Omega legacy & call it a day!

http://www.suburbia.com.au/~morpheus/smilies/laugh.gif

That is quoted straight from the website. I can't speak for other sororities. :)

I have not read a rec form in a little while, but I believe Gamma Phi leaves it up to the member to decide if her stepdaughter is a legacy. But I could be wrong.........

Personally, if I had a stepdaughter and I thought she was a bad choice, there's no way I would want her to have "legacy" attached to her name.

I think it has a lot to do with the member labeling her step daughter as a legacy or not. What if she had been married to Susie PNM's dad for only 1 year and has only known her for 2? On the other hand, like my step dad and my mom have been married for 20 years.......if I were a guy and my dad (step dad) was in a frat, I'm sure I'd be considered a legacy since i have no contact with the bio dad. See what I mean? I don't know.........like I've said before, my chapter of ADPi generally considers all step relationships as legacies.

I remember a couple of years ago we had a discussion on this issue in our chapter. I believe with Pi Phi.. correct me somebody if i am wrong bc it was a while ago.. that it is on a chapter to chapter basis on step situations. I think we actually were given the chance to decide on these things. Still I am not 100% sure on our policy.

With Tri Delt I'm almost positive it's a legacy if the stepmom/stepsister wants it to be considered such.

For AEPhi, I'm almost certain that only a full sister, daughter, or granddaughter is considered a legacy. Step and adoptive relationships don't count, but I think most chapters would treat a step or adoptive relation as a legacy anyway.

what about in-laws? Like if I get married, would my bf's little sis be a legacy?

Re: Re: Stepmother => legacy connection? (sorority)
 

You are so bad Nutbrown...that is why I LOVES ya! :D Smooches!

But in Alpha Phi if you stepmother is an Alpha Phi, you would be considered a legacy

For Pi Phi granddaughters, sisters, and daughters are automatic legacies.

A chapter can vote in their bylaws if they want great-granddaughters, stepdaughters, and stepsisters to count as well.

Generally for us, steps are considered legacies, but not the same "strength" of legacy as say a mother-daughter, or grandmother-granddaughter. There are procedures to follow for legacies and recruitment and they are kind of broken down like that

Re: Re: Re: Stepmother => legacy connection? (sorority)
 

Right back atcha, Jill! (I've been in a silly mood all day!)

Would a chapter necessarily know a PNM was adopted? Wouldn't that be up to the PNM to disclose or not disclose?

Is there a box on rec forms/legacy info forms that designate adoptive relationship?

AEPhi
 

Actually, your Wisconsin AEPhi website states:

What is a legacy?

A legacy is a sister, a daughter or a grand daughter of a sorority member.


Adopted children are the legal children of members. I highly doubt there is discrimination in terms of legacy on how your daughter became your daughter.

Marie

Um, KaiKey, I think you're overreacting just a tad. I saw nothing in amycat's post that would indicate any thoughts that adopted children were less worthy of anything -- she was just asking a question!
A reasonable one, at that -- when you went through rush, did you let all the chapters know that you were adopted? Probably not, since you obviously see yourself as fully your mother's daughter and wouldn't see any reason how being an adoptee would effect your legacy status.
I think amycat may have just been pointing out that it probably doesn't occur to adoptees like you to write down on the recruitment form that they are adopted, since that fact is of such little pertainance to them when it comes to their acceptance and place in the family.

As a side note, my dad was adopted at birth, so I know how it is. His mother is his mother, not his "adopted mother" or anything like that.

Didn't mean to start any drama... :)

My understanding is that if a woman was adopted (let's say the adoptive mother is an AEPhi, for simplicity's sake) the chapter is not, strictly speaking, obligated to treat her as a legacy. However, I suspect that most chapters would treat her as a legacy anyway, especially if the AEPhi is the only mother this girl has ever known. I would frown on any chapter that did not. It is (as with any legacy relationship) a matter of courtesy to the AEPhi.

I disagree with that. I think the chapter would indeed be obligated to treat her as a legacy if her mother (adoptive or otherwise!) is a member.

I think that some policies specifically enumerate adoptees as being legacies. Others may no, but it's like one of those "doesn't need to be said" things. While a person's personal opinion may make them think that they're not the same, legally they are.

In the eyes of the law, an adopted child has the same legal rights as a birth child (forgive me if these aren't PC terminology, but this is the way it's been discussed in my law classes) except in a few, very rare circumstances (such as when it comes to estates and wills, too complicated and not really relevant).

Aren't Carnation's children adopted...and they are legacies. This adoptee tangnet is only gonna cause drama and that's not good :D

Anyhow, I have no idea what steps are considered, but why would it be different? I understand that you only have two birth parents but the world we know has changed. Divorce is more common and then it follows that step daughters and step mothers etc. will then be more common. I don't think the 'step' legacy connection should be any less valuable than the bio-mother daughter one. It seems disrespectfull toward your sister to devalue her relationship with a daughter.

Inregards to the idea that the step mother could choose if she wanted it to apply, I don't like that. Could a mother do that too if she didn't like her daughter? Sorority values do not get passed on geneticaly, they are taught in life. I just honestly don't get the greater importance to blood relation. It is absurd.
Just my 2c.

Oh my word. :eek:

I think what amycat is saying that is that when Suzanne Rushee's mom sends in a rec/legacy form for precious little Suzanne, she is not going to write "Suzanne is a legacy but she is adopted." She's just going to say "Suzanne is my daughter and she is a legacy and I will just die if she isn't an Alpha Beta Fish like me!"

Now, the Clownfish chapter of Alpha Beta Fish is going to get this rec, and say "Hey, cool, Suzanne Rushee is a legacy." They aren't going to say "Mrs. Rushee says Suzanne is a legacy. We better call and make sure she's her 'real' daughter and isn't adopted or a stepdaughter or anything fishy like that." The point amycat412 was trying to make is that nobody could know she was adopted unless she said so! It's not like they see pictures of her mom and say "Oh, they look nothing alike, she's adopted so she isn't a real legacy so we aren't taking her."

I hasten to add that this is my understanding of AEPhi's policy, and that I do not agree - I feel that adoptive and step relations should be treated as legacies, and I applaud the GLOs that have formal policies to this effect.

I think the idea is that if a woman were adopted late in her childhood, when her personality and her values were pretty much set, and her adoptive parent(s) hadn't really had much influence in her life, the chapter would not have to treat her as a legacy.

But if a woman had been adopted early in her childhood, or if the adoptive parent(s) had been a big part of her life, she should be treated as a legacy, and I think most chapters would do so even without nationals twisting their arm. If I discover I cannot have children of my own, I fully intend to adopt, and woe betide the AEPhi chapter that doesn't treat my little girl as a legacy! :p

And really, what's the big deal? PNMs aren't going to be advertising their status as adoptive or stepdaughters during rush. You invite her back, and then if it's decided that she wouldn't fit well with the chapter, then you just don't invite her to pref, just as you would do with any legacy. It's not such a big deal.

The "big deal," as I see it, is that adoption is a legal (and of course emotional) relationship, whereas a "step" relationship is not necissarily.

I will agree with you there. Making the decision to adopt and raise a child is a pretty selfless act! :)

I'm speaking in the context of rush. I think all NPC sororities' legacy policies require the chapter to invite legacies back to the first invitational round. So, say you have a chapter of XYZ, and you have a PNM whose stepmother is an XYZ, but the PNM herself is just not a good fit for your chapter. It's not such a huge deal for XYZ to invite the PNM to the next round. It shows courtesy to her stepmother (this is the intent of legacy policies!) and gives the chapter and the PNM a second chance to look at each other. If the chapter still feels the fit isn't there, they don't invite the PNM back again. It's not like XYZ is being forced to give the PNM a bid.

One more comment...then I'll shut up!
 

I guess my concern is the fact that adoptive children & step-children are even part of the same conversation. That's the issue. (My issue, anyway :) ) Adopted children are "real" children...thus, "real" legacies.

OK, I'm done. :)

LOL . . . Someone actually thought to put an exclusionary clause in your national by-laws? Damn.

Do you guys really nitpick that much? If you are agraduate of yale and your stepdaughter applies as a legacy thats both normal and fine.

As far as the lack of affection and concern for your step-relatives, be sure to tell the person before you marry them that you don't like their kids very much lol.

ok, now im wondering. what if a family adopts many children and their first adopted daughter joins QWE and the second daughter goes through recruitment. Is she a QWE legacy? and im assuming that no one in the family is biologically related... i would hope so since they are sisters, but is that a legal thing? maybe its a stupid question, but i have to know :p

They may not me sister by birth but sister by heart and family.

I have no clue what anyone's real intentions were when they wrote anything on this thread, but make no mistake:my 5 adopted daughters and my 4 biological daughters are EQUALLY mine!

I can't imagine the hurt we would feel if Pi Phi, AOII, or Chi O announced to my adopted daughters who haven't rushed yet that they didn't count as legacies. Luckily, they haven't; Chi O readily accepted BlazerCheer as Ballerina's sister and legacy although obviously they aren't blood-related. The AOIIs where my 4th daughter (she's adopted and Asian) will attend school have already contacted her and want her to come visit.

Most adoptees won't be obvious as such--no one will even know they're adopted during rush unless someone from their hometown knew it. Probably all of us have sorority sisters who were adopted and we never knew. I mean--adoption shouldn't even be an issue! I am just shocked to think that a chapter would even bring it up.

There again... she would not "technically" be a legacy by the way the rules are written, but she should be treated as such.

Again, you're talking about a small thing, inviting them back to one party... small in terms of the impact on the chapter's rush at that early stage, but so meaningful to the PNM and to the sister.

For the other benefit of being a legacy - being on the first bid list if invited to pref - well you wouldn't have invited her to pref if you didn't want her to be your sister, right? :)

Legacies!
 

Well, it sounds like so much Bull S**T to me!

As I understand it, a Legacy has the first right, not the only right!:(

Flounder was a Leagacy, Ta Da!:rolleyes: DTX!

While since She was Brought up (Carnation) there is no reason that HER/Husbands adopted Children cannot be considered Legacies as the same as Blood Legacies. They are a very Part Of The Family!

I just wonder, if it is such a BlueBlood Group, then why would anyone want to join YOUR/Organization?:(

I think a perfect example is justamoms Son. 4 member of a Legacy, He joined none, but LXA!

Now, His Son, if He has one is a 5 Member Legacy!:cool:

But, if they are Dorkos then what! Closet Cases??:confused:

Why any separation of blood relative versus non (adopted) when it comes to legacies? I don't understand this. From a purely pragmatic perspective, aren't chapters made aware of legacies when they receive the info on a girls rush application, or when they receive a recommendation from an alum (could be her mom, I suppose). In either of those cases, where does the "she's adopted" part get announced? Nowhere, it seems (certainly not a box to check--nor should it be). So isn't it a moot point? Why have such a divisive policy (if it is in fact such--which I doubt) when there is nothing to be done to prove it and thus no means to enforce it?

I would love to see these "rules" spelled out....:rolleyes: