Dirty Old Men
 

How much older does a guy have to be to be considered a "dirty old man"? I was at a party once, and a guy I know, who must be close to 40, was hitting on a girl who was probably 25 or 26. I've always considered him a little on the creepy side, and his constant hitting (especially on women under 30) just seems wrong at his age. Is he old enough to be an "old man"?

Yes, yes he is

Re: Dirty Old Men
 

If he constantly makes an effort to hit on women that are young enough to be his daughters, then yes, he's creepy.

When I was 23 I dated Hanson, who was 38 at that time. There was nothing creepy about it -- he was a wonderful guy that I loved being with.

It shouldn't be up to society to determine who's "old" and who's not. It should be up to the person being hit on. ;)

Re: Re: Dirty Old Men
 

To each their own...however older women should feel free to hit on younger guys ;)

I think it depends on the man and how he acts. If he is creepy then yes he would be a dirty old man; if he is nice and respectful man then no.
Although I do find it creepy when seeing a young girl (like 18) dressed slutty hanging off an old man's arm while he ogles her.
So, to answer your question I think it depends on the man's characteristics if he is considered a dirty old man!

-wendi

true.

I have no data to support this observation but here it is anyway lol ;)


Generally men are like 6-10 years less mature than women in terms of relationship skills . . . I think we might start catching up in our late twenties early thirties . . or maybe we never do :D

Men generally don't blink an eye at dating women significantly younger than them nor would our male-friends and male-peers be critical (unless we were jealous lol). They would actually tend to be really supportive. A really large age difference might get high-5's (40 versus 20).

Women generally don't date men significantly younger than themselves for whatever reason, and would tend to think the idea "strange". Also their female-peers may think it odd. So they will tend to judge men they don't know by that standard.

As they (women) would think it odd at age 30 to date a 20 year old man, so they think it odd that a 30 year old man would seek to date 20 year old women. Hence he is "creepy" just because he wants hits on the girl versus as OTW said being creepy because he acts like it.

I have noticed that women that grow up in a city or less concerned about the perception as well as women that either didn't go immediately to college or went to a college in a metropolitan area.

Of course I might be very wrong :)

Yeah, but really, should a 40 year old man be hitting on a 25 year old woman? I know that I could have been very wrong, and the woman in question could be a young looking 30-something, but really, the 40 year old guy is always seen at events that are for those who are slightly younger. At 40, he should be settled (I have heard that he's never married). But then again, I'm not his mom, so I shouldn't be complaining!

Yes but thats what I am saying. There is a double standard on the way these things are perceived by men and women.

In male gender culture its perfectly acceptable and normal to hit on or date much younger women. It doesn't occasion much comment.

It occasions more comment when a woman would do it. (not that I care) so I think you are looking at it from a woman's point of view.

I am not saying he is not creepy lol . . its just that he's not intrinsically creepy just for hitting on her lol.

And as far as "shoulds and woulds" they are kind of arbitray as well social illusions.

Also a lot of who we date depends on our access to members of the opposite sex . . and I guess same sex lol. If he is always around younger girls. . . guess what his target is?

Men will generally hit on any available attractive female. He is not going to avoid hitting on an available female he finds attractive because of her age.

He is a dirty old man if he is ogling the girls down. But then again, younger women dating older guys is not a phenomenon...but its those intense stares and leers than constantly send shivers of utter disgust down my spine...*yikes*

this makes me think of this guy that comes into starbucks. he is always talking dirty to one of the female employees. he is a 40 something year old married man and he claims that his marriage is in trouble. he told the girl that she is his fantasy girl and he wants to be with her. mind you, she is gay but she did not want to tell him that. he started to literally get close to this other female worker today. it made her so uncomfortable. he comes in for a coffee every morning. i try in every way possible to avoid him but sometimes i can't. when he says hi to me, an uncomfortable chill goes down my spine. i feel sick cause he just has that perverted vibe around him. that is a dirty old man to me.

Well true lol . . . there is a fine line between eye contact and the piercing stare of a psychopath :p

I'm sorry, but the Creepy Old Guy is all about buying some random girl a pair of boobs, which in his twisted mind means she owes him a relationship.


Don't even try to tell me I'm wrong.

I have to disagree. Just because you think that a 40 year old man should be "settled" (whatever that means) doesn't mean that he has to adjust his lifestyle to meet with your approval. I think that a 40 year old man should hit on whomever he darn well pleases, as long as he stops if it becomes clear that his interest is not returned. And anyway, 40 is not nearly old.

Why do you care, anyway?

I agree with Valkyrie, people should be free to express interest in whomever they please, as long as the person they are pursuing is of a legal age, that is.

Anyway, it's not a certain age that makes someone a "dirty old man" - it's just the way he behaves. There are "dirty young men" too.

So true!!

I have a very close friend who is in his 40's now, divorced twice but no kids. His most recent relationship was with a 28 year old and he sought her out specifically because "No kids, no baggage, but still young enough to want children", because he very much wants kids of his own but knows women his age are either 1) done having kids, 2) choose not to have them or 3) are getting old enough that it becomes high risk for them to have them.

His logic doesn't make him a dirty old man. He's a great catch! (If he didn't live 800 miles away and if I didn't have kids, I'd marry him in a heart beat!).

Dee

Because I think what he's doing is creepy and wrong.

I don't see anything creepy or wrong with a 40 year old asking out a 25 year old. I agree with valkyrie that 40 isn't old.

My definition of a dirty old man is a guy who hits on jailbait, aka girls under 18.

My definition of a dirty old man is any man within 5 years of my father who hits on girls my age. I had a guy that was about a year older than my dad who kept trying to get me to accept a drink he bought for me. Ew.

I never turn down a free drink. :p

I knew that it meant I'd have to have a conversation with him and be all nice to him for at least 10 minutes. The thought disgusted me way too much. Plus, the drink wasn't even that good. Cheap vodka and sprite. No thanks.

If the attraction isn't mutual and this guy is constantly getting rejected he should consider something else...it's not the same as when i go out to the bars and 19 yr olds are all me.

The owner of the bar I used to go to like every other night at school is probably in his 40s... we usually have a little conversation at the bar, and one night he asked me out to dinner, I just laughed it off and changed the subject... in the same conversation like 10 minutes before he was like yeah I used to date a DG in my same chapter back when he was in school. It didn't weird me out, but what did was the fact that at the end of the night when we're all moving toward the door trying to see what we were going to do next he kept gravitating toward me, and then was like so who's going to be the lucky guy tonight? I hung out with my Phi Delt that night, not him.

Just out of curiousity, how old are you? :rolleyes: And why would his mom even complain? I have to agree w/ valkyrie, why do you care...if the girl doesn't look uncomfortable or like she's fighting him off, you really need to mind your own business.

I have many many male friends that are 40 and not married. That doesn't mean they're abnormal, or dirty old men, or irresponsible. They just have more brains than to listen to close minded people who say "by this age you should do this...by this age you should do that." There are a lot of people who got married and had kids because they were told they "should" and the children suffered.

Now if you're talking about any sort of unwanted attention, that's creepy, whether the age difference is 2 years or 20 years. That's what smiley21 was talking about. That story would be just as creepy if both participants were the same age.

When I was 22 I dated my 35 year old boss (yeah, yeah, I know). However, to look at him and the way he acted, you would have NEVER guessed he was past 25.

I'm 24, and I know from guy friends, who are in their mid 30s, that their moms are beginning to wonder why they aren't married.

But when did their mum's get married? Probably when they were in there 20's.
Today, it's normal for people to get married when there much older. I have male friend who are in their 30's and have no desire to marry just yet. I don't think it's abnormal at all. Yes their mother's may want them to marry. But they are not ready.

I have to say it's only creepy if the attention is unwanted and the guy persists.

Why am I not surprised you were thinking this. Did somebody in particular pop up in your mind?;)

I guess they don't want kids either. Let's say this guy marries at 45. He and his wife have kids a couple of years later, when he's 47. At 47, it's quite possible for a guy to begin to have health problems. The little boy/girl that they have may not necessarily have the same experiences growing up as the kid with a 30-something dad. He'll be 65 years old when the kid graduates high school and 69 when the kid receives his/her bachelors. He may not even live to see his kid marry. I just don't think it's all that good to marry too late.

Or they are henious lol . . lets face it a lot just has to do wih atractiveness.

If Richard Gere or an adam sandler hit on a 20 year old she might be more receptive. Hell if Jack Nicholson hit on a twentysomething she might marry him lol.

Anyone can have health problem. I mean IO'm only 23...have no desire to get married any time soon. Plus I have health problems. I might not be able to have kids of my own. Does that mean no one will want to marry me?

Secondly, age isn't really a factor in deciding whether or not men can father children. Men of any age can father children. Whether thebe 25 or 95. It is however a facotr for women, that the older they get, the harder it is.

I don't know whether or not they want children, I have never discussed it with them. The only problem I forsee there is that if they don't get married till they're around 40 and their wife is around the same age and they want kinds, then it could be a problem. Or not, hell they could always adopt.

Hahahaha, yes attractiveness is a factor, but they're aren't ugly.

If Adam sandler hit on me I wouldn't be that receptive. He's just not that attractive. I don't care how much money he has. But that's just me.

Just because a man can father children doesn't mean that he can be a kid's dad. A 35 year old first time father is more likely to be more physically fit than a 45 year old first time dad and is therefore more likely to be able to do "Daddy/Kid" stuff with his kid.

Age ain't nothin' but a number...
 

I think your guy friends' moms need to step out of Pleasantville and realize plenty of people get married later in life or - gasp! - don't get married at all.

You can be a dad at 25 and in piss-poor health and die at 30...you can be a dad at 50 and the picture of vitality and live to see your kid's grandkids!! My company's chairman is, I think, around 55. He looks much younger, and if he came in tomorrow and said he was having a new baby, I don't think anyone would be overly shocked.

Even if the dad can't play baseball with his kid - so freaking what??? He can cheer him on, or he can appreciate that sports/athletics might not be something the kid wants to do. The role of a father is to love and support the child - saying you can't be a good father if you are physically not in top shape is a really, really, really messed up view of what a dad should be.

We had a similar debate on older moms but I can't find it (does anyone remember moving that thread? If so where is it? kthanx). At any rate, remember the phrase "marry in haste, repent at leisure"? It definitely applies here.

Actually, I'm in semi-agreement with the moms. I think mid 30s is the perfect time to "settle", and people really need to grow up and realize that they can't be 25 for the rest of their lives.

You're assuming that all these older single men are living like they are 25. Many are trying to establish careers, start business, make money. They would rather be financialy stable instead of starting a family in debt. My friend is getting married in June. She'll be 24. She wants to start having kids when she turns 25. I love her to death, but I think she's making a mistake. She has no money, no house (they live with her fiances parents) and she wants to start her own business. How is she going to have the time or the money to do all this?

Well we have all given our opinions. I guess the next question I would redirct to the people that are bothered.

Why exactly does it skeeve you out to see someone older flirting/hitting on someone younger.

Age is number and both are human beings . . .

If you see a 40 year old man flirting/hitting on a early 20's girl what goes through your mind . . . like what are the elements?

That way we can look at argue a little more specifically. Is kind of hard to argue against "nasty and wrong".

My wife is in kindergarten right now.

-Rudey
--I picked her out the other day.

That is so wrong and so funny!

I try not to judge people. Some people are ready to settle down, marry, and start a family at 20. Some are ready at 50. Some people just don't want that. I meet all types of people in NYC so I've seen all different scenarios. I figure live and let live.

My mother was 26 and my father was 35 when they married. My mother was a widow at 33 so you never know what can happen.

By the time you hit your mid 30s, you really SHOULD be in at least somewhat comfortable job.