Is it wrong to keep dating him??
 

I just got back from SUCH a good date. We had a great dinner, watched a movie at his apartment, danced, kissed, cuddled. And he already is talking about relationships.....hes soooo cute. Only problem is...I'm Jewish and he's Arabic (like he believes in Allah or whatever). I know it can never really get too serious because of our religious differences....but I really like him and I had alot of fun. Is it wrong to keep on dating him, knowing I will never let it get serious, just because I'm having a good time??

ETA: And I do want a relationship....but only with Jews (preferably) or not hella religious christians/catholics...is that totally mean of me????

I certainly would not characterize wanting to date someone of the same religious background as you as being "mean". I think it makes great sense if you even remotely think that religion will play some role in your life in the future.

Whether or not you should continue to date him depends on several things IMO

How old are you? Dating someone you do not want to be serious with is o.k. in my opinion when you are 19 - 21, but beyond that, most folks are begining to look for life partners and why spend time with people you know you could not make a life partner?

How serious are you about your religion? How serious is he about his? It sounds like yours is somewhat important to you. Do you go to synogogue? Would you expect a boyfriend to celebrate the High Holy (I think that is what Jewish people call them--please forgive me if I am wrong) days with you/your family?

You say you could never get that serious with him, but your feelings don't always follow your brain in situations like this. Several dates of "good dates" with kissing and cuddling will probably lead to more stuff and that is where things get complicated.

I think the million dollar question is: If you want a relationship, why spend time with someone, no matter how fun and cute, that you know you could not be in a relationship with?

I don't see anything wrong (not the best term to use) with dating someone whose company you enjoy. If nothing serious develops, the worst that would happen is you've met a person with different views that can open and expand your thinking. Actually, that's possibly the best argument to continue seeing this man.
What "IF" does come to mind though because love springs from some unlikely places.

Suppose you two do fall head over heels for each other, there would be some really bumpy roads ahead of you. I'm sure you know this by the way you phrased your post. As long as you BOTH know where you stand, the risk of hurt diminishes. Yet,
one of you will feel more deeply connected than the other. I would just suggest that no "exclusive" clause exist in this relationship. Depending on your age and goals-marriage in your future-if you know in your heart it could not work, keep it more on the companionship side. I bet many would say that's unfair at most, difficult at least.

Wanting a relationship with someone of your own faith is not "mean". It's sensible. People from Dear Abby to Dr. Laura
stress the importance of same faith marriages for too many reasons to mention. My own daughter would prefer to marry a Catholic. (I'm just hoping she finds a good man who shares her
values and basic ideology.)

Good luck to you! I'm interested to hear how our fellow GCers feel on this issue. Too bad it's an "issue".

I would say "sure, date him" because not every date has to lead to marriage BUT, the warning flag I picked up was your line "he's already talking relationships". Since he's already talking relationships, I think it would be fair to discuss the issue with him and let him know where you stand. There isn't a problem with dating him and it wouldn't be unfair as long as he knows the score. I agree with JAM that I wouldn't agree to exclusivity with him.

Dee

Re: Is it wrong to keep dating him??
 

I don't date outside my religion. The one time I did, it lead to heartbreak for both of us.

Since you questioned the religious difference enough to post it, I'll quote my mama: "When in doubt, don't!" It will hold true for most of life's problems.

Let him find a good woman of his own faith - it's only fair.

Oh, honey, don't do it...

I dated a non-Jew and all it did was lead to heartbreak. There was actually a point where I thought maybe I didn't need to marry a Jew because I was so in love with him, and one of my friends slapped me silly and told me I couldn't compromise something I had always believed in for him.

What if either A- he converted (possible) or B-he was ok with you raising your kids jewish (more likely) the kids are uusally thee major issue right?

How far outside your religion? Like assuming you are a sect of Christianity . . . Are you talking about not dating non-Christians? Or not dating other Christian sects either?

The only thing I think is sorta "mean" here is disrespecting him and his religion. Arabic is a nationality and a language, not a religion. If you don't even know the name of his religion yet, it's a little strange that it should be of such concern.

If you like him, see where things go. Try to be more open minded maybe, it's not like you're going to run off and marry him in a couple weeks.

KDDani and PM_Mamma001, there is no need to be so rude to me. I simply forgot if it was called muslim or arabic. Now I know. It doesn't mean I'm disrespecting him.....there is no need to be nasty.

Um, nothing I said was being rude or nasty. I'm not a mind reader, I just read what you wrote. If it's a discussion involving religion, to me it's disrespectful to be so flippant about a religion involved in the discussion.

If someone said something on par to that about Judaism you'd probably be quite upset.

I wasn't meaning to be as rude as it came out, but if someone of Arab nationality of Muslim religion were to see your comment, they'd be pretty upset.

PS... just so you know not all Arabs are Muslim, and not all Muslims are Arab.

Agree. What would you have said if I came on here and made a post that said:

"I just went on a date with this hot guy, but I don't know what to do - I'm Catholic and he's in that yamulke (sp?) wearing religion where they don't believe in Jesus!"

I'm willing to be that would have gotten me some big ol' flames.

Thank you SO much Geeky Penguin and KDdani....I feel like every time I ask advice from someone on GC I get responses like this from you guys. I'm not a mean person, but it really bothers me that you have to act as though I am. In the future, please don't respond to me unless you have something nice to say. Thanks

And I would have politely said that that is Judaism.

Quote:

Originally posted by Eclipse

I totally agree... I think for me I'm not going to date someone unless I know it will lead to a lasting relationship just because I want to get married within the next few years (ideally). However, that's not to say I wouldn't give someone a chance, if I really liked him, it all depends how strongly you feel about the other person.

My ex was Jewish and I'm Christian--well I've never ever been really big on religion just because my parents aren't... and he was the same way but more serious about his religion than me because of his parents. We talked about marriage and were pretty serious, but we eventually just sort of grew apart.

Re: Is it wrong to keep dating him??
 

The word arab describes someones ethnicity, whereas "he believes in Allah or whatever" is someone's religion. The word your looking for is muslim.

It's perfectly logical to not date someone because you have different beliefs and not compatible with eachother. But observing your statement above, you obviously don't have a problem with dating outside your religion, you are just worried about his. I can't say that your reasons for not dating someone muslim, but is his specific religion the reason why you don't want to date him? ask yourself that.

If someone stopped seeing me because I was a muslim and not any other religion, i woud think it was mean. But Thats just my opinion.

If the shoe fits....................Maybe you need to re-evaluate your definition of "mean". Your initial comments were insensitive at best and racist and religiously intolerant at best. While for many Jews their race and religion are synonomous, for most of the world this is not true! There are muslims all over the world. Perhpas if you talked to the guy about his religious beliefs you would realize that Judiasm and Islam have far more similarities than differences.:rolleyes:

Judaism is not a race.

Hmmm, I don't think Geeky and Dani were being rude. I mean you did say "he believes in Allah or whatever..." I think when most people read the 'whatever' part they think that sounds like you don't know or care about his religion. It's like saying to a Christian "Oh, yeah. You believe in God or whatever his name is." Allah is their god, if I'm not mistaken.

I'm not being rude, just know that. I'm just telling you what I have read face-value.

Anyway...as to keep dating him. You're young, you should experience different people and cultures. Have fun!

This is the way I deal with this issue:

My religious faith is very important to me. In fact, it is the most important thing I have, and the most important quality I possess. I would not enter into a relationship where I could not share this important part of my life with the other person. The one time I dated someone with beliefs significantly different than mine, it ended in heartbreak. I did fall in love with him, but knew it wouldn't go anywhere because I had no intent of marrying him. It wasn't fair to him or myself to continue dating him when I realized it was getting serious and I still had no intent of marrying him.

It does not make you mean to want to marry someone that shares your religous beliefs. It makes you smart. If he is talking about a relationship, I would end the "dating" phase of your friendship, and keep a friendship that will most certainly expand your horizons and your understanding of another culture.

It would depend on what that Christian sect's theology was.

I made an adult decision concerning my religious beliefs, and like Crystal, it's a very important part of my life. To be in a relationship where we were unequally yoked is simply too much stress on this lil ole gal - I'd constantly feel as if I'm walking on eggs!

Hey all! A little message from your mod.

We have all already established that some people were offended by absolutuscchick's original comments and some weren't. Let's move on and answer the original question: Is it ok to keep dating him although she sees herself with someone Jewish?

There's no fighting in the dating forum! :D

Re: Is it wrong to keep dating him??
 

Why would that be mean? That's what you want.

ZTA,

I guess its not ok. They are not compatible and probably just wasting valuable time. But if maybe she should communicate that to him. Religion is important to some people and should not be compromised.