![]() |
Ok your new love interest has a ready made family . . . now what?
Ok so what is your approach to dating someone with a kid(s)?
Let me give you two scenarios: 1. You see someone you are interested in that is also interested in you and pursuing . . . you find out they have a kid . . . what are you thinking? Do you give them a shot or eliminate them early? 2. You got to know someone and really like them . . they really like you . . . and then you find out baout the kid thing . . but you already really like them . . what do you do? |
1. Cya
2. Cya |
KIDS???! Ummm no :eek: :eek: :eek: ...thats a dealbreaker for me. If you don't know how to put on a condom or make sure the girl is on birth control, I'm sooo not interested. You're gone before I even get to know you.
I don't want kids of my own for many years, so if the guy already has kids, I definitely would have to say "buh-bye" If I started to really care about someone, there is only a small possibility...that if they are the love of my life, I would let it go. But I do not want to have kids living with us. No freaking way!! :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: : |
Re: Ok your new love interest has a ready made family . . . now what?
Quote:
|
I would not, under any circumstances, date a guy with a kid or kids. I never want to have kids myself, so I wouldn't want to deal with anybody else's kids and the drama that would probably go with them. I'm pretty open about not wanting kids and tend to let a guy know that early on, so if he didn't reveal to me that he had kids at that point, I'd think he's shady anyway.
|
well since i am starting to date men who are old enough to be married and divorced, i guess i would have to take it case by case. if he hid it from me, then i would think he was shady and send him packing. if he does tell me early on, i wouldn't want to rush into meeting the kids right away. i really don't want to be an insta-mom, but i need to be realistic that people get married in their early 20s...have kids and get divorced. so when they are in their 30s, it is pretty possible.
if i were still in my early 20s, i definately would run the other way. |
Well. I got back together with my ex, after his two year relationship in which he helped raise his girlfriend's child from when she was only a few months old. The child called him daddy even tho it wasn't his.
Fun fact: he cheated on me with the mother, his ex. Bah. Then I was involved with his best friend. Who's exgirlfriend had a child with one of their friends. That was kinda weird. OH... now he has one of his own. I feel bad for him cuz he can't really afford the child, but it hasn't really affected my "relationship" with him. So yeah I'd date the guy if he had a kid, as long as his relationship with the mother didn't get in teh way all the time. |
If the child was well-behaved, I'd do it. If the kid is a royal brat that the guy can't handle, well, that's a pretty good indication that he's not going to be able to handle "our" kids either.
|
In my case, it'd depend on the age of their child. While I don't feel like I'm ready right now to become an instant mother, I know that it can work out (my family is a prime example....from both my mom and my dad's remarriages, I have a total of 7 stepsiblings!) But, seeing as I'm only 23, I don't really see myself getting involved with anyone who has a child that was born while I was still in the first two years of high school, so anyone with children who are 8 years old or older would be a little uncomfortable for me to get involved with. If I was already involved with him and had already started to really like him, that could be a different decision on my part, but seeing as how I'm not really into the dating scene at all (at this point), I don't think I have anything to really be concerned about ;)
|
Negatory on both accounts. That means the mother is lurking somewhere in the background (as she rightfully should be) and she's never going away.
I would probably feel differently when I'm at an age when I actually want kids. Who knows. |
I would - in some situations.
To me it depends on what the situation was that the child(ren) in question came about. I mean, if the guy has like 4 kids by 4 different mothers - no, thank you! But I mean... if it's just one or two that came out of a very, very serious relationship, I'd be more open to it. |
Here's a totally different perspective, of course, I'm divorced, 38, with a 9 year old girl and a 7 year old boy. I will only date men who have children. Only men with children understand the committment I have to my kids and only men with children understand that kids ALWAYS come first. The hard part is finding men who are on the same custody schedule... LOL. Whole new dimensions in dating. A Deal Breaker can be that we have our kids on opposite weekends!
Rachel: I think you're being harsh in your statement about condoms and birth control. I have become pregnant on the pill (but miscarried) and I have become pregnant using condoms and foam (hence the 9 year old girl). Luckily, my (now ex) husband was the daddy. I would admire a man more who had made such a mistake and stayed involved in that child's life. While in college though, a man with a child would probably be a deal breaker, only because I wasn't ready to be a parent then. Dee |
1. No.
2. No. Might sound cruel, but I know I don't want kids at all, and that includes a ready-made family. And yes, like valkyrie, I let guys know that I don't want kids early on, so it's not like I'm hiding anything. It wouldn't be fair to either of us to continue with things. |
Quote:
Hope I wasn't offensive!! <3 Rachel |
Quote:
|
1. NO
2. NO I can not handle dating someone who has a kid, maybe when i am over 30 it wouldnt seem too impossible to deal with but right now i would not even try. |
I have to laugh because several people have mentioned that if they were over 30, their opinion might be different. I am over 30, and my opinion is still (strongly) that I wouldn't date someone with kids. Those of you who wouldn't consider dating someone with kids now but might if you were over 30 -- why?
|
I am thinking maybe because by then some men (not all of them) would probably have a divorce in their life, or maybe even i will ( although i highly doubt it). The way i see it i have changed my views a lot in the past few years, in another 10 or so who knows what i may or may not think about men with kids.
|
I would and I have.
A guy I dated for a few months had two kids despite being very young. He was in the military, and his "baby momma" had custody of the kids, until she got caught being a drug abuser. At first it was weird having to accomodate the kids into things that we wanted to do. I'd be over at his place just waiting for them to go to sleep (they were 4 and 2! :eek: ). I was lucky because his baby momma didn't turn psycho on me for helping to take care of her kids. In the end he and I obviously didn't work out, but the children were not to blame. We just decided that we weren't right for each other. Everyone's entitled to their own thing, but it takes a really mature person (not just in age, but in sanity too) to accept a ready made family like that. I'm glad I even gave him the chance because he's a really great guy, a loving father, and we're still friends to this day. But still, the hardest part was trying to explain to the kids how come Auntie Sandy won't be coming by as much anymore. It's easy to cut ties with a S.O., but it's not so easy trying to cut ties with his kids. :( Oh well. |
I am thinking maybe because by then some men (not all of them) would probably have a divorce in their life, or maybe even i will ( although i highly doubt it). The way i see it i have changed my views a lot in the past few years, in another 10 or so who knows what i may or may not think about men with kids.
|
Quote:
|
Maybe that's part of the reason I like younger guys! ;)
I personally would only choose guys without kids because I don't want kids, period. I'd much rather be alone than have to deal with someone's kids -- I know how I want my life to be, and that doesn't involve kids in any way. |
Its ok to be alone Val . . just don't get too many cats . . its spooky ;)
Quote:
|
Quote:
|
Quote:
|
I think those of y'all who are in college or just out of college are somewhat wise to realize that you're not ready for the instant family. However, those of us who have been out of college for longer than I care to mention have probably already dated men with kids.
I have no problem with it, except the one comment made about 4 kids to 4 different women. A guy like that should just have his pants stapled shut. |
Quote:
|
Also, I don't let anybody I'm dating meet my kids. I will not ever marry again and they have a dad so there is no reason for them to get involved with someone and have to go through the breakup along with me.
People who know they do not ever want kids are doing the right thing in not dating people with them and in letting them know right away that they don't want them. Kids are a TON of work and if you really don't want them, it would make for a miserable life for everybody. Dee |
I want a family, but not someone else's.
|
Can't be presumptious since I have never been in that situation before. I would think though that the kids have a mother, so therefore, it is not my responsibility to help raise his child/ren..so if he seems like the perfect package..a kid wouldn't hurt. Its not the child part that would concern me, its the babymama really. You know there are some obsessive babymamas out there..and I don't want no drama.
Besides, the way he interacts with his child is a good way of knowing how he would be like if you were to be married and have children of your own. If he is a good father, that is a plus for him really. |
1. goodbye
2. goodbye i want a lifestyle that DOES NOT include kids, not even any of my own probably, let alone someone elses! if i were to have a kid, it better be mine, and it also better be his first! |
I love kids and I love boys but I'm not ready, not now.
|
i'd have to say i'm 99% sure i'd never date anyone with kids. i'm only 25 and definitely want my own kids someday...but i don't really want anyone else's. at least not now. but i don't want to say i'm 100% sure because you just never know...
|
Quote:
|
Re: Re: Ok your new love interest has a ready made family . . . now what?
Exactly! If you asked me at 25 or even 28 I woulda said HELL NO! Don't need no BMD (Baby Mama Drama)
This is Ms. "No way in hell I am gonna date or get involved with a guy with kids" A few years later (a month from my 31st birthday). I met a wonderful guy who had a kid... I ate my words....4 years later, I married him Not much Baby Mama Drama...my husband and I have custody. In the divorce, she traded her kid for the house ("You give me the house, I give you the kid) Quote:
|
Call me selfish, but at this point in my life, I wouldn't date someone who already had a kid. I don't like the vast majority of kids and I wouldn't want to deal with the mom always being around.
Maybe if I was like 37, still never married, the mom kept the kid most of the time and I was in danger of becoming the cat lady. Even then, though, I think I would have to really think about it ;) |
Quote:
|
Quote:
Two years later his parents asked me to help coach the older one's soccer team, so it was great to get re-involved, but it just wasn't like it was before. :( |
This is pretty sad. Iam thinking because a majority of you are all still in college but some of us who have kids and are divorced make us feel like were nothing good if we have kids...Like were out looking for a father or a mother for them......pretty sad
|
Quote:
-Rudey --The real question is can you still breast feed? |
All times are GMT -4. The time now is 12:08 PM. |
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2025, vBulletin Solutions Inc.