Boy, I have so many of these!

One day, my son (who was in his lying stage) was telling me that when he spent the night at his grandmother's house, she took some of her teeth out before going to bed. Now, I had no idea my mother-in-law had false teeth because she doesn't wear dentures. Anyway, I just said, "really?" and he got upset because he thought I didn't believe him.

A few weeks later, I go to pick him up from spending the day with his "mama". When I step into the house, the first thing my son says is "Mama, right you take out your teeth before going to bed? Go ahead, Mama. Take out your teeth so my mommy can see!" I thought I was going to die. Thank god she has a great sense of humor. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif



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Sigma Lambda Upsilon: Sincerity, Loyalty, Unity http://www.sigmalambdaupsilon.org

The past few months, I have had the pleasure of keeping my co-workers four year old daughter who is SMART as a WHIP and does not miss anything.

Anyway a couple of times Jordan would go with me to get my hair done. I go to Fiesta to get my hair which also has a tanning salon. Anyway the tanning beds are by the shampoo bowls. Jordan asked me what was in the room so I explained that people go in their, lay down and they get darker. Weeeeellllll, 15 minutes later when a tanner comes out, Jordan says to, "Miss Carla, She's not Black. She needs to go back in!!!" I LOST IT, literally LOST IT!!

Yesterday, a co-worker (she's white) had her kids in the office in the afternoon. The little girl is 3 years old. So I'm talking to the kiddies (because I love kids). The little girl looks at me and says, "You're Black." Her mother turns BRIGHT RED!!! LOL! I smiled at her and I said, "Yes, sweetie, I am." THEN, she looks at her mom, pulls on her shirt and says, "Mom, your shirt is black, too." Her mother kept trying to shut her up, it was hilarious!!!!! (of course, a lesson had to follow, but I'll leave that out, it takes away from the lightness of the thread! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif)

Now mind you, this is not the first time that this has happened to me. A few years ago, I used to waitress at Denny's. Well, one day, I go to the table to take the family's order. The little girl looks up from her coloring book and says, "Miss, you're Black." I said, "Yes, I know." She then proceeds to tell me that her mom is beige but her dad is more pink. So I asked her what color she was. She says, matter-of-factly, "Kinda pink and kinda beige!"

Ideal08, my niece used to call them the PEACH PEOPLE(Caucasians)really loudly in the malls.

About two years ago when my Godson was learning his colors, my husband and I put a color chart on the wall of our home. Everytime he came over he would go to the color chart and if he could name them, he recv'd a smiley face and 5 smiley faces equaled a surprise, of course. well beside the colors, I put pictures to associate the colors with....so one day after doing the chart, he came to me and said, "Auntie, you're not chocolate like us, you're banilla". I thought i would never stop laughing.

The other day, during one of my outreach programs, I had arranged for nursing students to come into to speak to the girls about "healty habits". Well one of the students asked the girls, "What vitamin can you take to help you feel better when you are sick." She was looking for Vitamin C. Miss Armani ( Brownie girl scout) raised her hand and begged to be called on. The nursing student said, "What's the answer Armani?" She yells so confidently "TYLENOL!" I thought I was going to die, I laughed so hard.

Recently my family and I went to my cousins' birthday party. They are 3yr old triplet girls. One of my cousins went up to my father, sat in his lap, and said:

"You look like my daddy and sound like my daddy, but...(takes a deep breath)...you suuuure don't smell like him."

My dad cracked up.

One of my grandmother's friends had stopped by my mother's house for a visit. This lady has alot of facial hair. Every since I was a little girl, this lady always had a "mustache" http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/eek.gif.

Anyway, my niece was visiting. She was probably 3 or 4 at the time. Being the observer that she was/is, she noticed this lady's facial hair above her lips. (Mind you, my niece did not know this LADY as well as WE DID!)

So, my niece is just staring at the lady, not mumbling a word.(That was HIGHLY unusual for her!) I need to add that this lady's hair was cut low, kind of in a boxed shape.

When the lady decides to leave and we are walking her out...my niece in a loud voice asks, Mom, Tee (that's me), Granny...who is that man? We ignore her. She asks again, even louder, Who is that man?

We fell out! We were soooooo embarrassed. I know she heard her. We said nothing. We just sent her inside.

Another time...
My sister and I were gossiping. My niece enters the room, not knowing she had been eavesdropping...Anyway, the person we were "discussing" we saw them out somewhere...THEN she says, "Mom, is that the person you and Tee were talking about?"
I could have DIED! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/eek.gif

I used to be a Teacher Assistant for kindergarten about 2 years ago. Anyway, we were helping the children write sentences in their journals. The teacher was helping one little girl in particular spell "wash". So, she asks the girl, sweetie, what makes the (making the phoenetic sound for w) sound and the girl says the letter... "W". So she asks
again for "a" and the girl says the letter..."A". So then she asks, what makes the "shhhhhhh" sound? The girl was having a hard time with this one, but then, she perked up and said "Mommy!!"

We laughed for days and made sure we told her mother, too! I miss my kindergartners!!!

About a few months ago while talking with my daughter who was 3 at the time (she's four now), she said something silly to me and I said " Oh be quiet child". She said "I'm not a child". I said, "Then what are you then?" She put her hand on her hip and said to me (while shaking her head) "I'm a woman!" Lawd Lawd Lawd!!! Can we put these children out into the workforce? http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif I told my friends and family that story and they just laughed and laughed. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

[This message has been edited by FeeFee (edited March 21, 2001).]

Ideal08 reminded me of another story:

Back in college, I worked at DOTS and Springfield, Ohio is known for a lot of Appalachian people (TRYING to be Politically correct)so keep that in mind.

One afternoon in the store, an Appalachian family comes in and they are accompanied with a little boy. After a few minutes, I hear over and over NICCA NICCA NICCA NICCA and I am getting MADDER and MADDER and MADDER http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/mad.gif http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/mad.gif but I am also looking like http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/eek.gif

The family approaches the counter and the little boy again said NICCA. I LOST IT!!!!!! I looked up at his mom and grandmother and just as I was about to GO OFF, the mom says no he wants a NICKEL for the bubble gum machine at Value City. So I said, HE NEEDS TO BE TAUGHT HOW TO SAY THAT WORD BETTER.

I know this was not a funny one but it is still a Darnedst thing.

[This message has been edited by CrimsonTide4 (edited March 21, 2001).]

My mother is a principal of an inner city elementary school which is also a music conservatory magnet. Children from all over the city can attend if they are accepted.

Anyhow, this young caucasian boy who was a functional Autistic was being registered to attend my mother's school. Since my mom knew about this future student and his disabilities, she came out to meet him and his mother.

My mother is biracial, 1/2 caucasian, 1/2 black, but considers herself Black. However she looks beige--I say tannish-yellow--and more to the point, many latinos thinks she's latina, but she is not. So the boy asked my mother, as a matter of factly, "Are you caucasian?"

My mother, stuttered a bit and said, "Well, no, I consider myself African American."

Then the boy has this perplexed look on his face and can't quite figure out what that means. So, my mom asks, "What are you?"

He answers, "I'm caucasian, that is my T shirt..." (The color of his T shirt was white).

Embarassed, the boy's mother tries to explain that she was trying to teach the boy about the differences of color in people, but the boy could never understand that concept because of his Autism...

Maybe we can all become Autistic when it comes to race...

Kids Say The Darndest Things!!
 

I heard this only this morning and had to share since it still makes me laugh when I think about it.

The 4 year old grandchild of one of the ladies who works in my building had gone to the mall with her mother and little sister who is 2. The mom took both children in the stall with her while she used the restroom. The 4 year old looked at her mom and asked very loudly "Mommy where did you get all of that fur? And why don't I have any?"

Suffice it to say, most of the other folks in the room heard her and burst out laughing. I can only imagine how red the mother's face was.

What are some funny things that you have heard kids say?

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Don't just talk about it...Be about it!

One of my friends has a son (he's about 4), and they usually try to wait until he is asleep so that she and her husband can handle their "business".
Her in-laws (his parents AND grandparents) came over for Christmas dinner last year (some of our other friends were invited also), and after dinner, we decided to watch some tv. The commercial came on when the newly-married couple wants to show their parents the tape of their wedding, but it turns out that they accidently put in the honeymoon tape-the one where you hear the moans/groans.
After watching the commercial, her son says, "Mommy, that's the same noise that you and daddy make at nighttime!" He began to mimic the noises that he heard, and then he said, "But why is the bed always squeaking? Are you trying to kill more spiders on the wall?"
It wasn't funny, but I was ROTF! Her husband, the husband's father, and the other friends that were invited were chuckling as well. This just goes to show you that "the walls have ears" http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif


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"Mind ya own, stay true to ya own, be ya own."
Peace and God Bless
Classy_Diva5

Crimson, I experienced this in Europe except, they were NOT trying to say nickel, if you know what I mean. The kids were not used to seeing us and would stop us to try to get our autographs, or to take a piece of our clothing as souvenirs (yes, they even bombarded the bus like we were famous & we signed autographs for them). However, we would hear some of them refer to us out of ignorance by the N word, and their parents would look like they could just die. And they should've been embarrassed because it was a direct reflection of what they said in their household.



[This message has been edited by tickledpink (edited March 22, 2001).]

One weekend when I was at home, I went to the mall with my mom, my niece (Ashley), my cousin, and her daughter (my 2nd cousin--Nicole). Somehow, the topic of dogs came up and the girls started talking about our dog who died recently. The next thing we know, Nicole says "You know you can't play with Princess no more." Ashley comes back with "Why not?" So, matter-of-factly, Nicole tells her "because God stole her and took her back to his house." We wanted to laugh so bad, but they were so cute and we couldn't.

When my son was 3years old, he had the chicken pox. Anyway, we were at McDonalds and this lady had huge pimples all over her face. My son said, "Look mommy she has chicken pox." I couldn't roll the window up fast enough.

**I've been debating whether or not to post this story. However, I decided to share this just to remind us how impressionable children are. They pick up on things so easily, whether it is positive or negative. It is not my intention to offend anyone.**

My mom and I were visiting my sister and brother-in-law and some of his relatives were there as well. My sister had a chocolate cake and asked if we wanted any. My brother-in-law's niece replied "I don't want any "n..." cake." The room got so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

We all stared at her in disbelief. Then, her aunt asked her to repeat what she said. She told us she said "naked" cake. My sister said the cake is anything but naked with all that chocolate icing. Everyone agreed that we heard the same thing, and we all couldn't be wrong. Needless to say, she erased the "n" word from her vocabulary after that incident.

We really have to be careful of what we say in front of children. If they see or hear adults doing it then they feel that it must be o.k.

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Don't just talk about it...Be about it!

This is courtesy of OhSoPrettyNikki (I thought it was HILARIOUS!!!!):

Hey Everyone!
Did you ever meet a kid that is just really hilarious? Well I have a 24-hour comicview living in the next bedroom! My 5 year old is so funny that he has me ROTFLMBAO!!!!
In one of our recent conversation Tre explained the Bible to me. He attends a Christian Private school, Helping him prepare for his Christian Ed midterm I was running through his questions (could you believe they expected him to know the whole book of Genesis) asking him things like what was created on which day. Finally I get to this question
Me: God created the flowers to make the world what?
Tre: Cute. You see Mommy flowers are for girls so they are cute. If I was a girl then I'd tell you that they were beautiful like the Bible said.
Me:When God created the world,it was what?
Tre:It was okay.
ME: What do you mean it's okay.
Tre: Well Mommy its only the world, he did okay. God said it was good, but I don't see anything good just a whole bunch of bad people. Probably if God didn't kick the Devil out of heaven everything would be good. But now he is down here with us and everything is bad. The Devil is probably in you right now. Sometimes he is in you when you hit me, right Mommy? Jesus had a good mother, her name was Mary she never hit him.
Me: Do I hit you for no reason?
Tre: No. Only when I do something wrong, but you know the devil made me do it and you never hit him. We can't even see him. He's probably here right now! He only goes away on Sundays when God is coming 'cause he scared.
Y'all I was laughing soooo hard that I forgot to correct my baby and tell him that when god created the world it was Good. The poor chile got that question wrong on his Midterm. My bad!

Here's another one: Once while driving on I95. Tre' unbuckles his seat belt and takes off his pants. I'm lookin in the rear view like WTF? "Boy what are you doin'"
He goes "I'm changing my underwear 'cause these boxers won't hold my penis in and it keeps touching my leg!" *the boy's face looks like he is in agony* So he puts on a pair of briefs and then says Mommy do you know that I have 2 balls in my penis? *Me looking surprised* I say "really". He says "yeah one day I woke up and they were in there. There's one on the left and one on the right. I guess that if I ever break my penis like you did yours. I can get a new one 2 more times! You must have broken yours 3 times.
I remember when you had to pee real bad and I was in the bathtub. I saw your penis was gone. Daddy said agina took the penis away from girls. Girls are lucky because penis's dont touch their legs.
Y'all I had to pull over to keep from crashing. My son is a trip for real.
I think I'm gonna tape him and get my baby a sitcom. One day he'll be thankful that his penis touched his leg at only 5.

ROTFLMAO!! ROTFLMAO!! ROTFLMAO!!! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif

This had me DYIN'!!! LMAO!!!

1. A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to
swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was
very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated,
the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically

impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven, I will ask Jonah".

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied,

"Then you ask him".

2. A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were

drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

3. A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat, one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered,

"Thou shall not kill."

4. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in
contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do
something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

5. The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown! up and say,'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's
a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out,

"And there's the teacher, She's dead."

6. A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face." "Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am
standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."



7. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching. "Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written
a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples".

I took my little cousin (who was 4 at the time) to the mall with me to get my nails done. Well, while I was in the chair, she was checkin the place out. So this lady comes in with purple weave, long curvy nails, biking shorts (the black kind with the neon pink stripe down the side):eek: , a wife beater, and some runt (and I meant run-t, not run) over flip flops. She bout 5'4", 225 lbs. Anyway, Haley sees this woman and immediately runs over to me and loudly says: Christina that lady look a hot ass mess! Can we buy her a jogging suit to hide her fatty fattiness? :eek:
Of course I was CTFU on the inside, but I was so shamed! The lady looked over there like she wanted to pistol whip both of us. I told Haley to sit her butt down until we got finished, and once I was through I burned rubber gettin out of there.
SMH at my innocent little cousin :rolleyes:

_________________________________________________


**digging my own grave, double wide**:p

Haley is mixed and from California and that was her first time seeing something like that, but still....................
And I still haven't found out where she learned "bad words" from either

My niece lost her first tooth this week. My sister tells her to put her tooth under her pillow so the tooth fairy can come. So while my niece is asleep my sister puts a dollar under her pillow. The next morning my niece says "Mommy, the tooth fairy made a mistake" Sister: "What do you mean?" Niece: "This dollar bill has a 1 on it instead of a 20!"

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?" Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO, and the Cartoon Network!"

When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy." "I know," she replied, "but what is growing in your butt?"

This little grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson one morning. He had made her coffee. She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. When she got to the bottom, there were three of those little green army men and she asked him why they were they and he said on TV they say, 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!'"

THE ELDERLY: While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

My little cousin (2 years old) was in the stage of learning his body parts. He had just learned what his penis is. So he is a little excited that he can name all his body parts. Well he has an outie, so while he is showing me he can name all his body parts, he lifts his shirt he points to his belly button and says "And I have another penis!!!!" He was so excited. I was cracking up.

this is a dialogue between my cousin and her daughter:

daughter: momma, i want to change my name.

cousin: to what?

d: beyonce destinys child terrell

c: why? who do you know who changed their name?

d: michael jackson

c: michael jackson didn't change his name

d: YES HE DID!

c: to what?

d: JANET JACKSON!!

____________________________________________

I am scraight up dead. How old is your cousin?
LMAO
LMAO

Okay, here's one from my 9-going-on-19 year old daughter. . .
 

Just this afternoon, I picked up my daughter from school. One of her teachers was standing at the door, so I asked him if she was doing okay since the last time I spoke with him about her (we had some rolling of the eyes issues and other things to deal with). He explained that she was doing well, and that her grades in math had come up, as I had noticed, and that everything was going smoothly.

So we're getting in the car, and I told her how proud I was of her, and that she was doing well, and being more responsible about certain things. So I say "Sweetie, you're maturing." She asks what does that mean, and I told her that it meant she was growing up. Her response? "So are you, mommie!"

Nothing I could do but laugh. . .

I am praying that nobody walks in my office right now. I am laughing like a maniac.

OK these have me crackin' up!!

Here's mine....I have a son who is 12 going on 35..lol...the other night I was getting ready to go to the movies with a male friend of mine. Well he is also my son's instructor for one of his extracurricular activities....so we were trying to keep it on the low, we're not dating but want to be careful not to confuse things...lol...here's the dialog between me and my son:

J: so mommy where ya goin
me: to the movies
J: with who?
me: nobody..just a friend..mind ya business
J: (laughs)I was just asking....so ok a nice friendly date?
me: no..not a date...just a movie
J: ok , well I'll see you when you get back..

doorbell rings..I tell my son to go to bed....I'll get the door-cause he was about to race to the door like he usually does...so I walk him to his bedroom and tuck him in..as I'm leaving his room he says:

J: see ya later mommy...TELL MR._____ I SAID HI!!!

I couldn't help but laugh at him...that's what I get...lol...

Last month my niece was going to have here 5th birthday so I asked her what she wanted. First she says a cell phone, but im not even going to get into that. Put then she says Kim Possible stuff. So I ask her why she wants Kim Possible stuff, she tells me "I love Kim Possible, and I was under the impression that she chould do anything!:eek: I'm sitting there like, you are 4 what do you know about a impression.

My 4-year old cousin is a hot mess... he really thinks he's 40, and therefore can live his life by himself. He has a Powerwheels Jeep that he thinks is a real car, so after his parents drive home from my grandparents house, and he realizes he's home, he tells them to turn back around. They of course say no, so he goes, "Well, I'll drive myself back."

The next day, he's watching tv, gets up, opens the door and walks out of the house, comes back in a few minutes later and sits back down.

his mom: what did you go outside for?
gregory: to get the garage door opener from your truck
mom: why?
gregory: i put it in my red car so I can open the door myself and go back to gramma's house tonight

While my aunt was on the phone telling me this, she mentioned that he also said he was going to drive himself to Wal-Mart. He's in the background going "Yeah! I'ma drive myself to Wal-Mart, and Super Wal-Mart, and the grocery store in my red car, and I'ma get toys and candy BY MYSELF!" We know he's bold enough to do it, so they have to keep the opener hidden now.

On Easter, he said he didn't want to go to church. We asked him why, and he said because he was afraid of God, because he yells so loud. After a little investigation, we realized that Gregory thinks God is a black man in a suit, i.e. the preacher in church. While they were driving one Sunday, he saw a man on a corner in a suit and said "Mommy, is that God? Why isn't he in church?" We can't get him to understand that one yet.

Gregory also has a fascination with women that will rival any man; he is a MESS when it comes to pretty women and girls (and yes, he only goes after pretty ones-- he knows the difference!) It was impossible to wean him off his breastfeeding, and he always wants to lay up on somebody's chest, because it's comforting, but he takes it too far..
"Mommy, please sit down so I can lay on your boobs."
"No, you are not laying up on me so you can rub on my boobs! Rub on your own boobs!"
"But my boobs are too little, and daddy's boobs are too little, and Kristin's boobs are too little. You have big boobs!"

He's always trying to sneak a peek or grab you when you're carrying him... and whenever he succeeds he starts laughing and goes "AHA! I squeezed/saw/touched your boob!" I think my auntie weaned him too early, 'cause that poor baby is gonna be "ruint" for life!

Another aunt and uncle are an interracial couple, and they recently had a baby. Greg asked, "Mommy, is (our cousin) white or gray?"

Greg's 9-year old sister, when she was his age, also had her own revelations about skin color. White and light-skinned black people were "skin" (as in light-skinned) and darker people were "brown." It's nice to see them at that age, when the concept of skin color still doesn't mean anything... it just is. We would always get mad about her dolls because she specifically wanted hispanic barbies instead of black ones, because they were "yellowish" like her. (that was her word... she didn't want white ones, didn't want black ones... and we could see her point :))

My cousins are a 100% trip... I actually keep a daily account of all the craziness they get into! :D

I was at a family dinner a few weeks ago. My cousin's daughter is a mess.

She has this thing with green beas..she loves them. My aunt fixed her a plate of green beans. Mind you, she ate some earlier in the day. No one thought she would eat them all, but she did (slowly, but surely). I looked at her and said, "Monie, you are going to turn into a green bean." She thought for a minute and then said, "I wish I was a green bean. If I was, I'd eat myself and I'd taste soooooooooooo good."

I feel out laughing. It reminded me of one of my favorite SNL skits.