Toxic Relationship with Parents??
 

Ok, I think that the relationship I have with my parents is definitely toxic. If we're together for more than a meal, they start criticizing what i wear, telling me I'm always dressing innapropriately, and generally hounding me about something or another. Consequently, I can hardly spend time with them. Does anyone else have this problem??

edited because: my grammar is atrocious!

No, actually I'm really close with my parents... always have been. They sometimes do little things that annoy me, but then again, they're little things. They're laid back about a lot of things... but also know when to be strict during times that are understandable. They've always been really supportive in everything I've done. Now I'm at a point in my life where I realize they're not going to be around forever, so I need to cherish the time I spend with them.

Yea...my parents do do alot of great things for me, but my mom especially always picks on me. I don't know if we'll ever get along well! But me and my dad get along pretty well....they just sometimes don't realize how toxic they are acting!!

It comes and goes. There was a while where I could only get along with them if we were living in different states. Fortunately now things are starting to get better.

Toxic? Uhhhh toxic is an understatement and I have therapy bills to prove it!

Edited to add: My family is so dysfunctional that it ain't funny! :rolleyes: I am SO glad that I live 3000 miles away from my mother (she is in Southern Virginia). I keep her at arms length (or further). My parents are divorced (been divorced wince I was 7) and I now have no contact with my ex-father who lives in Philadelphia. After he dissed me and didn't come to my wedding that was the {b]LAST[/b] straw (of many straws)

My parents could be pretty toxic... sounds like yours are worse, though. Basically, my parents had a hard time accepting that I was an adult and that I had the right to make my own decisions about my life and that those decisions wouldn't necessarily agree with my father's Grand Plan. :rolleyes: Our relationship got better when that sank in, but I was about 25 and married for a couple years before that happened...

Just remember that you're an adult and you have the right to make your own decisions. :)

Yeah I am going through that now and my parents have a hard time believing I am entitled to my own opinion and there are more views on the world than their own. Just to give you a hint..they still hold a lot of views of the *deep south* which I don't particularly care for.

Have you told them how you feel?

of course I have!!!

it's ok though...I see them in therapy once a week to work out any problems...

absolutuscchick, I can definitely relate...my mom is awesome but I've always had trouble with my stepdad. He sounds a lot like your parents, actually--very critical, very controlling. He's that way with everyone else in the family and we are all constantly walking on eggshells so that we won't inadvertently say something and make him explode, but with me there's the added bonus that he doesn't like the fact that I still have a relationship with my father. Did I mention he loves holding grudges?? It's really sad because he can be the absolute nicest person you would ever meet and he has done a lot for me (financially and opportunities-wise), but the other side of his personality is equally atrocious. I can't really give you any advice because I haven't figured out how to fix this either.

However, one of the psychologists I used to see recommended a book called "Toxic Parents"...I never read it, but she thought very highly of it. I don't know who the author is, but you could probably do a search and find it easily enough if you're interested.

I believe it might have been Dr. Lillian Glass?

I find that if I don't take criticism personally, it doesn't hurt me. I also know that sometimes it is easier to go along with what parents want in order to get along with them. I am not saving compromise yourself. If you know it drives your parents crazy when you wear something, don't wear it when you are going to see them. If they prefer you in more conservative clothes, dress conservatively. Don't give them any ammunition. It won't solve all of your problems, but it might help. Good Luck!!!!!

The author is Dr. Susan Forward. I have the book and it is good!

Her book is "Toxic PEOPLE", which does touch toxic relationships with parents. The book is good in identifying toxic relationships, but not so good in showing how to deal with them...IMO.

They are toxic. . . get rid of them. whats so hard to understand? When someone causes you grief . . . you disasociate.

haha. easier said than done. I think for most people with toxic parents-- they want to work things out. We've been raised to excuse our parents for their behavior cause we had no other real choice in the matter. So when it comes time to cut them off (or whatever) it's not easy.

Toxic parents--chapter 1 of my autobiography...
 

My parents divorced when I was 2 years old. My relationship with my mom is okay. She is very judgmental. If I mention I bought something new or went out to dinner, I get lectured that I shouldn't spend so much money. However, she needs to realize I am an adult with a husband and kids, own a house, and I don't borrow money!! So I am on eggshells trying to decide what I can and cannot say to avoid the disappoving looks and lectures.

My father-- that realtionship could send me into a mental hospital at times. He has a very mess up family himself, so I am sure he never learned what family is suppose to be. He never attends anything of mine, never did when I was a child either. He did attend my wedding, but bitched that he had to go to Vegas for it. My dad and step mom hand everything to my step brother-- from his drug rehab, to his lawyers for his trafficing cocaine conviction, to sending him to Mexico while he was in violation of parole. The guy is a loser and gets everything. I get nothing, can't even get them to watch my kids for 2 hours.
My father has no clue what goes on in my life, nor does he care. I try to tell myself to cut ties but it is alot harder than one would think. I know I need to confront him, as I tell myself he is clueless about the situation but I just can't do it.

I am getting up more and more nerve every day to confront him. I have noticed recently that my boys are experiencing the same thing I have. My step brothers girls are given the world by my dad. My boys get their bdays forgotten. I think that will be the final straw for me--he will hurt one of my kids feelings and then I will let out every pent up emotion I have on that man!!!

My dad has a son from his first wife, they never see each other-- I found out about him when I was 14yrs old. My dad didn't think I needed to know, until he showed up at the house one weekend. My dad has no clue where his son is or anything about him. Also, my dad has no clue that my brother and I talked every single day and are very close. I think my brother was the only positive thing my father contributed to my life, and my dad doesn't have a clue!!!

-wendi