but i'm not a...
 

So, I have this new boyfriend, and I thought it would be really great to introduce him to some of my friends. He came to visit me, and I took him around campus. After that weekend, I was hanging out with my friend Jo in her room, and we started talking about Steve. All of a sudden Jo says, “Vanessa, I’m worried about you. You only date white men. Are you sure you aren’t racist? You really need to date all different types of men.” At first I brushed her comment off as nothing, but then later I started to wonder.

What if I AM racist? I’ve always thought of myself as an open, caring individual, but my friend is right - aside from this one guy I dated for two months freshman year, I’ve only dated white men. Is something wrong with me?

What does it mean to be racist in terms of whom one chooses to date? Is it really wrong? Or is there something that could be done?

Re: but i'm not a...
 

Robert DiNiro finds black women more attractive. Is he a racist because he doesn't date white women? I don't believe so, and I think that your friend is the one with the problem. Date who you feel comfortable with. Choosing who you date is not the same thing as choosing who to hire. The former requires personal and subjective decisions, and this is nobody's business but your own.

Every girl I've ever dated has at least been half white, and I'm just more attracted to white girls than Asian girls. Lose the drama, then maybe we'll talk.

Till then,


STAN LOVES HIS WHITE WOMEN


Anyway, I don't think it's racist, just a preference. If I meet a girl of any race who's smart, caring, deep, and can carry a conversation, I don't care what color she is, I've found gold.

And haven't you all watched family guy?

"It doesn't really matter if you're black or white, the only color that really matters is green"

What? Hell no you're not! Okay, I looked at your location, you're in friggin' Wisconsin, I don't suspect a lot of "variety" to be there. :p ;)

I normally date white guys, I prefer them. Sure I think some black guys or Asian guys are hott, but all in all my tastes are for white guys. *shrugs* Can't help it. I like to think of it as what hair or eye color you prefer in the opposite sex. I know for a fact I really really dislike guys w/blue eyes...so does that make me "eyesist"? :rolleyes: :p

It's all in what you prefer. So don't worry about it.

You can't force yourself to be attracted to someone just to be PC.

Attraction is such a hard thing to explain. You can't measure or explain someone's "attraction" as you could someone's aptitude for a job, etc.

Don't worry about it. If anything, don't question yourself, question your friend and why she would say something like that.

It's no one's business who you date except you and that person.

Re: but i'm not a...
 

No, there's nothing wrong with you. you're old enough to make your own decisions. never worry about what others think. as long as you're happy, that's the most important thing.

Your friend is a b@tch!!! There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that. I've never even kissed someone who wasn't white. I'm just NOT attracted.

I prefer white guys really..........it's nothing racially motivated though........i also prefer blue eyed guys to guys with brown eyes, and brown or dark hair to that of blonds and red heads. It means nothing.

My sister prefers to date black men.

*shrugs* It's all a matter of preference. I dont think any of it is racially motivated.

Like others have said I think your friend is the one that has a problem.

I am someone that is an equal opportunity dater. If someone is interesting and cool, I don't have a preference. What does end up happening is that more often than not I end up dating "white" guys. Why is this? A) I'm white, and a majority of folks, regardless of their backgrounds, date people like them, so I am approached more by white guys B) geography: once I leave my college campus, there is nothing but white people and their farms.

It just dawned on me though, I have dated two guys that are white and Native Alaskan, and they look 100% white. Not all traits are expressed how people expect them to be. My friend is white and Tlingit and he has red hair and blue eyes, and his twin sister has dark hair and eyes, and a darker complexion. He looks more like my brother than hers, and they shared a womb. For all your friend knows they could be of a blended background and it not be visually apparent to her.

what you happen if you dated a black man or asian man just to prove you are not racist. You could hurt them just to prove some stupid point. Can you help it if you are attracted to a certain eye color or hair style.

When did it become neccasary to date every color tro prove that you are not racist. I am sorry I should not have to prove any thing to anybody. I think having people see how you act will show people that you are not racist.


BTW
Why would that girl care? Is she keeping tract of who is dating who?

Christia

*waits for the day a white girl says the phrase "I prefer asian guys"......*

Hows this. I prefer guys! I don't care, as long as they have goals and are a good person.

Chris

Just my opinion-please don't shoot me
 

I think it depends on the reason. If you have not dated outside of your race because you have not been around that many people unlike "your kind" or if your family is against it and dating interacially will cause a lot of drama, then I think your reason isn't racially motivated. However, if you have not dated outside your race because you think they are "icky" or you think that races shouldn't mix, then I believe it can be a sign of closed-mindedness. But, regardless of the reason, if you don't want to date interractially, then don't. It can lead to problems like rainbow mentioned.

Lol..I actually do prefer Asian guys..ask my boyfriend's Japanese roomate...he's next in line if TKE209 and I ever break up... ;)

Gotta keep up w/my bio sister, she landed a Filipino...

Just thought I'd mention that it is NO ONE'S BUSINESS but your own who you date!!!! I think that your "friend" is not so much of a friend, but is a pathetic girl who feels that she has to put others down to make herself feel better. It's sad.

--sorry if that sounded bitchy, but I really hate malicious people.

Actually that's really not true. In addition to corn and cows, we also have black people. :p

That just doesn't sound right.:rolleyes:

I just wonder why on earth someone would say this to a friend?? :confused:

Someone could do their psychological doctoral dissertation on this "friend."

Re: Just my opinion-please don't shoot me
 

Well said.

Anyone who thinks you're a racist based upon your dating preferences is crazy.

I think your friend needs to get a life. Dating should be done by the heart, and hearts are all red!

Veemers, I can relate. If I had a dollar for everytime a "friend" or relative tried to call me out about who I dated, i would retire :rolleyes:
Most of the guys I dated in college happened to be white. I dated guys who were gentlemen and treated me well, regardless of race or color. That was all that mattered!

You are a consenting adult. Who you date is NOBODY's business

Add to that "people who don't know me and think just 'cause they see me in the mall, they can offer advice"! Dayum.

Veemers, don't you worry about them. Haters.

And remember, it's all pink on the inside.

-Rudey

What? A Tootsie Pop?

If you really think that, then you must be from the land of No Tang.

-Rudey
--Possibly even the mayor Russ :).

I think that with this disturbing you as much as it is it proves that you are not a racist. I have friends that are black and I grew up around many people of color, but when it comes down to it I went to a mostly white school and didn't have an opportunity to date outside of my race.

I don't consider myself a racist because I am aware of this, but simply that I am not always sexually attracted to people of different races. I did date a black man and in high school I dated an asian...but that was because they were wonderful guys...not because I wanted to up my racial dating quota!

I would personally tell this friend to butt out!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Re: but i'm not a...
 

we are in the same boat. i have had a friend say the same thing to me. dont feel bad. people need to mind their own business. if i had a dollar for the looks or comments i get when i with my 'white' boyfriend, college would become a hobby. when we were attracted to each other, color took a backseat.

I like to date skinny blonde guys. So I must be racist too because blacks, Asians, etc can't be blonde, right? And then I'm discriminating against the fat man. What a bigoted jerk I am.

Your friend is weird. There is nothing wrong with who you date. I think she should be worrying more about whether or not they're abusing you than the color of their skin.

And variety isn't all it's cracked up to be. I don't need to date a crack dealer to know what I want from a man. I know I don't want any of that.

Not a whole lot of them though. And we corral them all into the ghettoes of Milwaukee.



Before the race police gets on me, I did not mean that.


It's a little bit true though.

Not to start an argument, because we have had the discussion previously on GC (and it was a really great one- not nasty, everyone learned something) but it's very different to be a race that never dates out as opposed to someone whonever dates their own race.

The first is a matter of convenience and sometimes prejudice that doesn't really say much about how you see yourself. The second often, not always, is an indicator of how the person feels about their own racial identity. It generally (not always- I work around almost all white people so have been dating "out" for a while because that's who I meet) requires that one go out of their way to avoid members of their own race of the opposite sex.

Thats a good point . . . Its an interesting deviation to date exclusively outside your own race . . the only time I think that might be different though is if you were raised completely by another race (I should use the word phenotype, race is inaccurate) and immersed in their culture.

I think in that case you would identify more with that race than your own.

It does happen, but I don't think that's generally true. Maybe it depends on what "race" you are and what "race" you were raised in.

In the case of black people it doesn't really work that way (that I've seen- and yes I have seen this situation several times). Because regardless of what your family does at home when you go outside people don't see your family, you can't carry them around like a badge of not-blackness, they see black. And in this country all of the stereotypes and assumptions that come with it are right there.

It's all about the Asian Invasion!!!


Anyhow, I agree with everyone here, veemers. Your friend is being ridiculous. My boyfriend is Indian (and yes, he uses that Asian Invasion joke all the time :p), but everyone else I dated before him was white. It just happened to work out that way. I didn't start dating my boyfriend because I wanted to branch out into other races/ethnicities; I liked him and he liked me, so we got together. That's the way that dating and relationships usually work.


Bottom line, date whoever you damn well please and tell your friend to keep out of your business.

DW,

No doubt, I love me some hot asian men!

In fact, I love ALL men...there are so many choices out there..and we are just limiting ourselves by sticking to one race only. I mean You can have your own preference (whether it your own or not). I only date those who I find interesting and unique ..one of a kind. So let 'em be what they are...just as long as we are compatible . Who cares what other people think anyway?


One thing that peeves me though is men who say that love to exclusively date exotic-looking chicks (mixed, ethnic, whatever they call exotic :confused: ) ..I stay clear of them!

Your friend is just another PC monger. I don't date non-white girls simply because I'm not attracted to them.

I'm Asian and haven't dated a whole lot of guys (at least compared with girls my age (24)), but every single one of them have been white or partially white. If my grandmother ever found that out, she'd probably give me (for the six billionth time) what I call the "Butterfly Lecture" (as in the Puccini opera). Also known as the "he's only going to use you for sex and then dump you for a white chick" lecture.

There is the other side of the spectrum if you do date outside your race the "old guard" its wrong, if you don't date outside your race than you are just a racist...god I love it...