Mental Health and Taboo topics in OUR community
 

Do we have any on GC? If so, do you feel comfortable talking/sharing your experiences and how they've shaped the person that you are today? If you don't feel comfortable posting to the thread, please PM me.

ETA:

Here are some of my questions:

Have you ever been to an Al-Anon meeting? How long did you contemplate it before actually going? Did you feel comfortable? Could you relate?

What made you realize that you were codependent?

Have you read any books on the topic? If so, which ones?

Did you seek therapy?

Are the alcoholics still in your life? How do you deal with them as adults? Do you have a new family of your own? How does it affect relationships with your new family?

How do you think it affects your non-romantic relationships?

As you can see, I'm full of questions. Like I said, I TOTALLY understand if this is not something you want to talk about on a message board. Trust me when I say that it was hard for me to even come to terms with any of this, let alone post it on here. But y'all know y'all are kind of like my Online Help Group (I'm thinking of Fight club right now). I needed to come to GC with these questions, because I realize that things tend to affect Black people differently; however, I didn't find any books that directly related to Black people. I did buy a few books, but I'll share that later.

Good for you!
 

Ideal08,
I think it is great that you are posting this here. These are the kind of topics that we as Black folx need to be more open about discussing.

My parents were not alcoholics but it seems damn near everybody else in my family was. I did attend some Al-Anon meetings to support a cousin with whom I was living at the time. And I have seen the destruction in families behind this disease.

I hope you get some good feedback on this.

My father.

He and my mother divorced when I was very young and he moved out of the state when I was a teenager, but before then if I was with him, 9 times out of ten, we were going to an AA meeting.

The only thing I could really relate to at the time was the whole one day at a time philosophy. I was too young to grasp why people in AA clung to each other so hard, but now it is much easier to understand.

Ideal08, if you have any questions that you don't wanna ask publicly, you can feel free to PM/IM me. :)

I don't have any first hand knowledge, only second hand experiences. My paternal grandfather struggled with heavy drinking for years after he left the army. He was verbally and sometimes physically abusive to my father and uncle. This alienated them from him, (more my father because he was older). Then my mother and father met, and she became pregnant with me. When my grandfather realized that he would be a first-time granddad, and my father said that he would never get to see me if he remained a drunk...he got sober. I always liked to hear my grandmother say that I saved the family :) He hasn't taken a drink since about 4 months before I was born, and he is STILL after all these years, very active in AA.

My grandfather goes to meetings at least 1-2 times weekly, and some of his AA friends are actually like 2nd family members to us...even some that happen to be caucasian. When my grandfather was sick, they would sometimes come to his house and have meetings there. The comraderie is amazing.

My father and grandfather still have their issues, mainly because (although i love him dearly), my father is an ass. He's held onto all of the pain from his childhood, and they barely speak. Honestly, I think my father is trying so hard not to be like my grandfather, and he sees himself doing some of the same things and it just makes him angry. My grandfather sees my father doing some of the same things he did and he just gets disgusted. Hate/Hate relationship, you know? I've always wondered whether having a familial link to alcoholism would make you genetically predisposed to being more vulnerable to the bottle. It seems as though my father is 'indulging' himself more and more. Of course, when you call him on it...he is like, "I'm nothing like my father, I can handle my liquor, I can stop drinking anytime I want". Yeah, okay.:rolleyes:

Been there, done that
 

This is gonna be long!

Both of my in denial parents, have problems with alcohol

Have you ever been to an Al-Anon meeting? How long did you contemplate it before actually going? Did you feel comfortable? Could you relate?

No I haven't

What made you realize that you were codependent?
I was ashamed to talk about it. I am not ashamed anymore. Talking about it is therapeautic for me. EFFF that "we don't tell folx our business!" Also when I would put up with my father's BS (who I now refer to as the EX FATHER's, we are now estranged). My sister is still extremely codependent (cmon, she is 39 and still lives at home). She thinks I am a biatch, because I said, "until a person hits rock bottom and wants to do something about it, there is nothing you can do". She sees me as an uncaring biatch.

Have you read any books on the topic? If so, which ones?

[b]Yes, "Toxic Parents" by Dr. Susan Forward. Great book. I highly recommend! And there is one called "Adult Children of Alcoholics"

Did you seek therapy?
Yup! Been in and out of therapy for years. I am also on antidepressants. I have severe depression and severe PTSD (Post Truamatic Stress Disorder) As I said above "Eff that we don't tell folx our bidness"! If it helps me, they can kiss my butt! (I am also a survivor of child abuse). Had I not sought help I would not be here! (as in suicide)

Are the alcoholics still in your life?
Yes and no. My mother is, but I keep her at a distance, literally and figuratively...being 3000 miles away was part of my healing process My ex-father is no longer in my life, when he disrespected me about my wedding, that was THE last straw. (My parents are divorced) I cut all ties. I learned one thing...when a person says something when theyI are drunk, it is their true feelings...they just don't have the F-ing balls to say it when they are sober. And when they say "I am sorry, it will not happen again" they are full of isht!

How do you deal with them as adults?
See above. I pretty much consider my ex father dead (and G-d forgive me when he dies I will NOT go to his funeral!). My mom, I will call her out in a New York Minute. Besides, I will NEVER EVER forgive her for the hell she put us thru. (after my parents divorced) she hooked up with an abusive prick...IMO sacrificed her kids for a man (found out she was cheating on my now ex-father with him). He treated her like a queen at first. Meanwhite treating us like isht, and she did nothing about it. I think only after a few years of getting her azz beat in later years, she got rid of him. (The main reason for my PTSD and therapy)

Do you have a new family of your own? How does it affect relationships with your new family?
Yes I am married. I do NOT put up with abusive behavior in any way shape or form. As a result, I am not much of a drinker


How do you think it affects your non-romantic relationships?
If I feel I need help, it is like "EFF this!" I have to watch for number one! I will NOT pull the "we gotta look like/act like a big ol happy family BS"

As you can see I have no problem talking about it and if you want to ask me questions, either ask me here or send a PM

there's no way to make this short, sorry
 

I am SO happy that people are willing to discuss this. And I guess I am ready to share my story. First, the books that I bought:

Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACoA) by Janet Geringer Woititz, Ed.D
Another Chance by Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse
Codependent No More by Melody Beattie

I've read a little in each book when I was in the bookstore, and they are all really interesting. I am starting with ACoA basically because it is the easiest read. I am learning a lot about myself and why I do the things that I do. It's scary, but necessary.

A couple of years ago, I met a soror online. I remember us talking about how we never quite felt like we fit in anywhere. I SO identified with that, and still do (although I've never shared that with anyone BUT her, until now). Now I understand why. I knew that it had something to do with my family being dysfunctional, but I would have never guessed that it was because of the alcoholism. I am going to email that soror today to ask her if she grew up in a family plagued by alcoholism.

This is something that I've never really talked about. Not with family, friends, sorors, not even my closest LS. But I've always said, silence breeds confusion, and I'm tired of being confused.

My story: My maternal grandfather was an alcoholic. My uncle hardly EVER visited us. EVER. And when me and my grandmother would go to the Bronx to visit him, my grandfather couldn't go. I used to think that was JACKED up beyond belief. He didn't see my grandfather for years until my grandpa died. I knew why, I always did, but I felt like my uncle wasn't being forgiving; after all, that was his FATHER. But my grandfather did some REALLY jacked up stuff to my mom and my uncle when they were kids, not to mention others. He was a violent drunk. He was an alcoholic until he died. I grew up with him in the home.

My father was also an alcoholic. He wasn't always violent when he drank, but he could be. I never feared him, but I did sometimes fear what he would do to other people. It was a constant argument between him and my mother (about his drinking). I was always scared they would divorce and I would have to choose a parent. But they never did. They were married until they died. My father also drank until his death.

My mother was ALSO an alcoholic. BUT, I didn't admit this until about 5 or 6 years after she passed away. I thought since she got on my father so tough about it, she couldn't possible be one, too. Even though my grandmother TOLD me that she was. She, too, drank until her death.

So, it seems that NO ONE went to AA. Not once. And no one ever told me about Al-Anon, either. It definitely affects the family. Both of my sisters are addicts. One actually stopped drug use about ten years ago, after our parents died. However, she started back drinking after she had been sober for about five years (she attended Narcotics Anonymous meetings). She, too, is an alcoholic. We are not talking right now because of the way she is when she drinks. I can't continue to deal with what I dealt with growing up in regards to alcoholism. I just can't.

I know that I have basically put all of my business out there. But I am hoping that someone will benefit in some way from reading this. We have to begin to share our stories. I used to be embarrassed by ALL of this. But now I realize that none of this is a reflection of me; I was BORN into this madness. Maybe through sharing, we can start to heal.

Thank you to those who shared their stories (here and via pm). I hope we can continue this conversation. If anyone would like to read the books and discuss them online bookclub style, let me know.

I still can't believe I shared all of that.

(((((((((((((Moni)))))))))))))))

Girl I know, trust me, I do. My parents and drugs. :(

You know like I always say I may not understand but I'll listen.

I remember. :( (((((Hugz)))))

I've read somewhere that there may be a genetic link to alcoholism or the propensity for drinking. I hope that it is not true. :( :(

Hugs to everyone who had to deal with any type of chemical dependency (meaning family members):

(((((HUGS)))))

I was told that, too. I am not sure if it is to alcohol specifically but to depression which can lead to chemical dependency if untreated. And there are addictive personalities whether it be to alcohol, eating, gambling, or even sex.

more
 

I just had to come and tell y'all this. I mentioned in a PM conversation about my "friend" in Ohio and how I was afraid to share any of this with him. Now, he has been with me through thick and thin and knows all the crap about me, yet he is STILL in my life. So he calls today to share some stuff with me. So I decided to share SOME of this with him. One of the things I learned in the ACoA book was that we are afraid that if people find out what really happened in our lives/homes, they will leave us. I have ALWAYS thought this!!! It doesn't make it any better that my ex could not deal with my emotional issues. So the last thing I wanted to do was share this with my friend. But the Almighty showed me exactly why I love this man. I told him about the books and everything without going into too much detail. He told me that what I am doing is very noble and courageous. Why is it that I can never tell when I exhibit courage? Anyway, I told him that one day I would tell him some of the stories of things that happened in my house. His response? "That's cool. When you're ready. I'll never stop loving you." Y'all, this made me cry. Now I know why I love him so much. :D This gives me the courage to renew other friendships that I have "pushed away."

But I posted this so that others can see that people will STILL love us regardless of the disease that plagued our families. We can STILL have positive, loving relationships. Other people will never be as hard on us as we are on ourselves.

Re: there's no way to make this short, sorry
 

(((((hugs)))) ideal!!!!!

parents, drugs, mental illness, physical and sexual abuse. i know i have shared my story and i am glad you were courageous enough to share yours.

anything you do whether its counseling, reading, talking or writing, that will help you to accept and heal is a great thing.

we as a people need to stop this archaic crap about keeping 'bidness' private. the affects are truly damaging.

ideal you are a brave and courageous sister!!! stay encouraged. you can always pm or e-mail me.;) .

I do believe that there is a genetic link to alcoholism. One of my teachers in high school told me that those who carry this certain gene will actually become addicted to alcohol. Others will just be heavy drinkers. I don't know about the science behind it (hopefully AKA Monet will pop in and school us), but I do know that my maternal grandfather's family were all alcoholics.

My grandfather was an alcoholic and a very violent drunk. He used to abuse my grandmother when he had been drinking. She ended up leaving him once my mother and aunt went off to college. I have so much respect for my grandmother to be able to separate from her husband at a time when it was still considered taboo, early 1960s.

My grandfather never sought help and drank until he died. I never really knew him but I can see the effect that his drinking had on my mother and aunt. My mother almost never drinks. She may have a glass of wine at a really special dinner, but she steers away from liquor. She warned my sisters and me to watch out once we left for college because, in her words, "we got the gene."

My aunt on the other hand was an alcoholic and drug user all of her life. She passed away last year. She never sought help and it completely ruined her life. She had gone to college and married a successful banker. But, her addiction took all of that away. She hadn't had a steady job since the 1970s, her husband left her, and all three of her children were taken away. My oldest cousin was raised by my grandmother and the twins were taken by social services at such a young age that they don't even consider us family.

Although I spent a lot of time with my aunt as a child, I was fortunate to have a stable home life where my parents let me know that what she was doing was not right. I can really see the effect that my aunt's addiction has had on my cousin. My mother, father, and grandmother tried as much as possible to provide her with a stable and loving home life, but as she got older, I think that she began to resent them for their efforts. To this day, I really think that she feels like she isn't worthy of pure love.

Big hug
 

(((((to Soror Ideal and Sister-Soror CT4)))))

I had an Aunt who never admited she was an alcoholic because she only drank on weekends and was sober during the week. But as soon as she left work on Friday her first stop was the liquor store and she would be in a stupor all weekend. She ended up dying of cirrhosis of the liver. She was a funny drunk and I remember as a young kid me my cousins and me urging her on because she was so much fun when she was drunk. It was not until I went to Al-Anon that I found out that you can be a "weekend" alcoholic, or a non-hard liquor alcoholic (a lot of people say I only drink beer or wine so I am not an alcoholic.) I wish I had known that earlier and had not been one of my Aunt's co-dependents.

Re: more
 

Awwww this is sweet! My sister won't tell anyone about our dysfunctional family (and she suffered a lot more than I thought I later found out). She is afraid people will think differently of her.

I thought that way for a long time too, and then said EFF that...if someone decides to drift away from me after I tell them some of the horrors I survived, then they ain't worth it!

Thankfully my husband is very supportive!

You got a good one sistah friend!

Something I discovered through my fascination with psychology, and dealing with people in general: when someone holds something bad in, it keeps the good things from entering their life. Patti LaBelle called it Blocking your Blessing. For a long time, I was very depressed. Only after I prayed for it to be released, and started talking to someone, did my blessings come.

So Ideal, and everyone else, please keep expressing your hurts, doubts, fears, etc. I agree that we (AA, specifically, and women too) tend to keep things internal b/c we dont want people all up in the koolaid, so to speak. That is simply not healthy.

(Besides, if ya can't share it on GC, where CAN you share it? :P)

(hugs)

All I can do (from afar)...
 

I offer my support and my love, Soror!

:D

Bad Santa
 

First off, to Sorors ST & 2D, thank you! :D

Now, Bad Santa. Y'all (ACoA), if you haven't seen it, DON'T!!! Now, like I said in the movie thread, it was funny. There were parts that were funny as hell! BUT, there were parts that brought tears to my eyes. I had NO IDEA that Billy Bob Thornton played an alcoholic. I knew he was crass, but I didn't know that he was a drunk. And there are parts in that movie that are SO reminiscent (sp?) of my childhood that it was scary. There were parts of the movie where people were SCREAMING with laughter and I was totally silent cuz I didn't see them as funny. Example... he pees on himself TWICE in the movie. People were ROLLING. That was hardly funny to me. Either I take my life too seriously (which is seriously possible), or the other people in the theater had never witnessed someone pee their pants because they are in a drunken stupor. And I probably took it so seriously BECAUSE I had just posted this thread and started talkin' about this stuff. I'll tell you one thing, if I had gone to see it on Saturday like I'd planned, I would have NEVER posted this thread, and I probably would have left the theater crying. Talk about an emotional rollercoaster.

Me and one of my friends always debate about whether to take movies at entertainment value or not. We spend lots of time analyzing films (and other media) and the messages that are sent. This time I'm on her side of the argument. The movie had a supposedly happy ending, but as far as I was concerned it was not happy at all. While funny and entertaining, the movie was SICK. And normally, I LOVE "sick humor," but not this time. I guess it was just not the right time to see the film. The entire time I sat through the film I thought, isn't this ironic? And I'm still thinking of some of the stuff that happened in the movie and some of the stuff that happened to me. Sad. :(

I think it's odd how I can be so conflicted over this movie, but I am. Weird.

I can relate.

The first time I saw Friday. . .hated it. When I finally saw Next Friday and Friday after Next this weekend, I did not laugh one bit at the drug parts. Just ain't funny to me. :(

Oh boy, where do I begin.....
 

[sidebar]
Al-Anon meetings are free, from the little I know about it.
[/end sidebar]

Re: Bad Santa
 

its not weird!! as much as i like horror movies and psychological thrillers i can't bring myself somedays to watch them because it brings back memories for me. in the 2nd lord of the rings movie when gollum was having an internal struggle, folks in the audience laughed. i was in tears because it was too personal for me.

thank GOD for my husband because he automatically knew what to do.

ideal, i think perhaps for a while you maybe sensitive about most things related to alcoholism. just take the moments as they come. you will be fine. you are resilient, strong and courageous!!

just some general information....
 

lil sunshine thanks for sharing your story!!!

if any of you are looking for counseling or therapy session or even a good therapist...


www.nmha.org - national mental health association
www.nami.org - national alliance for mental illness
www.apa.org - american psycological association
http://www.abpsi.org/ - association of black psychologists

these organizations can put you in touch with local affiliates where you can receive low cost mental health services.

seek out your church. they may offer low cost counseling services or can link you with a counselor/therapist who can offer a sliding scale.

the nmha website is an advocacy website which provides information on which states provide the best mental health services. i am fortunate that i live in a state where they offer some of the best services. this information may help you when seeking out counseling. you need to be fully aware of what your insurance will cover including medicaid and what you may have to pay out of pocket. if any of you are currently on medication or in need of it at some point, drug companies can offer you a discount, i believe based upon your income (i think it may be $12,000).


i hope this helps!!

i am so glad that so many of you have been encouraged to share personal stories and seek out the help you need. you give courage to yourself and others who may not have that strength yet.

((hugs))

I think that there HAS to be a pre-disposition towards alcoholism in DNA. That would completely explain why it runs so rampantly through families.

I always believe that people with backgrounds of alcholism either go 1 of 2 ways. Either they drink too much (have alcoholic tendencies themselves), or either they stay as far away from the bottle as possible. I myself MIGHT have two drinks a year. And that's fine with me. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. I have never been drunk in my lie. Never experienced a hang over. Never want to.

My mother is not an alcoholic. I thank God for that. I am the product of a single parent home, and I always say that when children only have one parent, each breath that parent takes, that child takes. I constantly worried about whay would happen to my brother and me if something happened to my mother. If she took a sip of beer, I was right there, watching. Looking for signs that she might be a alcoholic. I was petrified of losing her. I was petrified of being an orphan. I didn't stop taking each breath with my mother until I had Little Miss. Mocha. That was 9 years ago, Monday, December 8th. I was 24 years old.

My maternal grandfather was an alcoholic. Totally abusive, and good for nothing. My grandmother was one, too, until she found a lump in her breast, and was told to stop the drinking and smoking or die. I don't know how old I was then, but I have NEVER seen my grandmother take a drink or smoke a cigarette, so she must have been clean for over 30 years.

My father (or, "my brother's father, as I refer to him) was a total alcoholic. How apropos that my mother would choose to marry, and have children with an alcoholic. He died in 2000. He drank him self into a stupor at times. He had liver cancer, and refused to be hospitalized. He had watched his third wife die from breast cancer, and I guess he didn't feel that a hospital could really help him. He never told us that he was dying. We wondered why all of his bills were in arears, and why he was living with no WATER. After he died, we all realized that it was because he knew he was going to die, so he just stopped paying his bills.

Towards the ed of his life, he drank constantly, and was a total and complete asshole. He would say whatever he wanted and freak your feelings. One day he hurt my feelings so badly, that by the time I got home, I was crying so hysterically, that my husband thought that I had been raped. All I kept saying was, "Steve,(the father's name)". That was all I could get out. My husband was getting dressed to go mess Steve up. He thought Steve had attcked me. I barely spoke to him after that day, and he died less than a year later.


Now, I stay the hell away from drunks. I can't take the emotional rollercoaster. My husband doesn't drink or smoke. We don't have liquor in the house. I couldn't have it any other way.

TTT
 

for our new SF over on DST Blvd. :) Hopefully reading some of these stories will let you know that (as my man Michael Jackson would say) you are not alone. :)

Well Ladies, since we're on the subject......

My father is an alcoholic / drug addict. He's been in and out of rehab several times. I remember going to visit him in the hospital when I was like 7 and I thought he was in there because he had to have surgery or something. I later realized that wasn't the case.

All of my life I have felt like the black sheep on his side of the family b/c I'm the daughter of the famliy disgrace. When people come from out of town or at family reunions and ask who I am, one of my father's sisters will say "Oh, that just so and so's daughter." His family won't even acknowledge that I am the only person out of my cousins who is actually doing something w/ their life. They still talk down to me like I'm nothing and when he owes them money, they ask me to pay them back! It's funny how he's the worst off out of my grandmother's 15 kids, but he's her favorite. He's kind of like "Gator" in Jungle Fever. He'll come over, tell her a little story, do a little dance, and leave out with some money.

My mother put him out for good when I was 13 and our relationship hasn't been the same since. None of my father's sisters knew how bad he was while he was living w/ my mother and I. As a matter of fact, they are just starting to realize it now that he got laid off. He used to be a family man now he is very distant. He missed my uncle's wedding b/c he was too drunk and high and he was supposed to be the best man. He almost missed my grandfather's funeral. Luckily one of my aun'ts was able to nurse him back to health and make him presentable enough to attend. He still managed to act a fool and threaten me after he had a drink though.

I don't talk to him at all. We can be in the same room and I'll look right through him. He didn't even come to my graduation. As a result of that he will not be invited to the next one or my wedding, or any other significant event.

I couldn't wait until Friday to hit the liquor store and get my fifth of Hennessey. It seemed like the only time I could be social was when I was drinking.

I'm in a realtionship w/ a very good young man now, but I can't even appreciate him. I think he's still w/ me b/c he understands without me even having to say anything.

I would love to get help but I don't even know where to start. I'm crying as I type b/c it's not something I discuss b/c people just don't understand. It seems like folks use it against you.

I feel you, I feel you, I feel you. Especially on the being social tip.

I am glad that I came across this, even if I am a little late in the game. I am not the child of a substance abuser, but of a parent with mental illness. My home life was chaotic for as long as I can remember: evictions, hunger, abuse, etc.
Many of the things that you all have written about, the feeling of not belonging, the inability to maintain close relationships--with anyone, all of these ring true for me.
Of course, many in my family also maintain that it is no ones business. And I do fear telling people about it, because in my experience they have judged me for it. I came to a point once where I felt that I could share this part of my life with people. I came to the point where I accepted the fact that this is not my fault--because for a long time I thought that I was somehow responsible. And then I told my then boyfriend about it, and we ended up breaking up after he mentioned it to his mother. So then I was back at square one.
Coping with this is an everyday journey, I am lucky that this experience has made the bond between my siblings and I even stronger--rather than weaker as some have noted.

I am the daughter of a codependant. It has definately shaped who I am. I have a hard time with relationships in general. I don't suffer from low self esteen, but sometimes I question whether anyone truly cares about me. I had to cut off contact from my father for his behavior. I miss the great relationship we USED to have, but I feel he is more damaging to have IN my life than not speak to him at all. It's sad really. I am a broken person......... I don't know how I function so well.....

Re: Good for you!
 

People in general need to discuss these topics. I know MANY white people that act like their family is perfect and they have these things going on....

Found it!!! (TTT)
 

After watching Intervention tonight, I thought of this thread, but could not remember what the title was. I am so search challenged. Anyway...

After watching that episode, I realize that everyone's experience is totally different. No one in my family drank every day; they had drinking binges. But her laying out on the front lawn totally took me back. And I totally felt for those kids because it SUCKS being a kid in that type of environment. I rarely took friends to my house because you just never knew what type of craziness awaited.

And the comment I made about my uncle never coming around and not bringing his kids around... I totally understand now. My child will spend VERY LITTLE time in Cleveland. And it's just my sisters and my niece, none of whom have ever done anything to me. But their lifestyle is just not one I want my child exposed to. Kids should not have to witness that madness.

Now this post down here, I totally forgot about that conversation. The friend I refer to is now my manfriend. I have shared some stuff with him, but still not the whole. And I've not taken him to Cleveland yet, either. I know now that we are in it together for the long haul, but I still am scared to death for him to meet my family in all their craziness. I love them, but I don't love their crazy.

He really didn't stop loving me. *sigh* I love him. :)

I haven't done so well renewing those other friendships. That's on my to-do list.

Another thing: after reading those books, I learned why I developed my "peacemaker" mentality. My sisters are not talking to each other and I refuse to play the game with them anymore. I will not send messages between the two and I will not patch them up. I am TIRED of the roles. I still try to keep the peace in other areas of my life, but I refuse to do it with them anymore.

(old post, I know, but this is why ladygreek said what she said)

There are some communities where things like alcoholism, suicide, and mental disorders are kept very hush-hush. It's not about acting like your family's perfect but more about the added stigma, lack of information, and denial that these are illnesses/disorders that "our people" deal with.

I was officially diagnosed with Clinical Depression in September of last year.
I didnt tell ANYONE until several co-workers confronted me about the change in my appearance. When I finally confessed that I wasn't myself, one of them broke down and told me her story. I could see myself in her story. I also shared my struggles with a Soror and darn it if she wasn't going through the same exact thing, at the same time. We agreed to not keep it quiet anymore. I've been blessed to have several people on this site serve as sounding boards or encouragers or a cyber shoulder to cyber cry on. :)

Funny aside: I was telling my therapist about this (a white male) and he said, "I thought Black women talked about everything." I told him, "We do. Just not about mental issues." And that is a truly sad statement. The more people I talk to, the more I find have or are dealing with the same issue. And true, you don't have to tell everyone ALL your business, but someone you know may have the key to help you get through it and sometimes it helps to know that you really AREN'T the only person who is going through something.

I suffer from Clinical Depression, too. I have since the mid-1990's. I was recently diagnosed with Agoraphobia (w/o panic attacks; I've only had one). Afterwards, I realized that what I thought was "normal" wasn't. I didn't know everyone didn't get nervous for no reason. I didn't know everyone didn't have an escape plan no matter where they were. I still think this should be removed from the list of symptoms as to me it's necessary to know how to get out of somewhere should something happen; it's a safety issue. Just like not going into places that only have one entrance/exit. To me that's a safety issue and if something happens (fire, gunshot, etc) getting out would be *sigh* I get nervous just thinking about it. So some stuff I never mentioned to anyone cuz I thought it was as normal as getting chill bumps.

I am not always homebound, but I do isolate often. I have lost friends due to this because people don't understand that some things are beyond my control. Which is annoying in itself because I'm a control-freak.

We definitely don't talk about everything. I can't say that I'm willing to make myself completely vulnerable in that way because of my relationships that have been damaged in the past. So sometimes I just pretend that none of that mental health stuff exists, pray that the Almighty gives me strength and courage, I put on my mask, and I KIM. When I'm unable to even wear the mask (read: I'm not up to it cuz it's exhausting playing the "I'm Ok" game), I isolate. I think it totally scares my manfriend, so when he thinks I'm isolating, he will make sure to take me out somewhere. I'll go out with him because I feel "safe" with him.

It's hard because a lot of people who think they know me, really only know the mask. So when they learn of my "issues," they don't believe it (cuz I'd really make it up :rolleyes: ) because they've been fooled by my performances over the years. And I am a MASTER at the mask. Which is also on the list of descriptions of agoraphobics. I read books on the subject and it made me feel better to hear other people's experiences and healing. It's nice to know you're not alone in dealing with stuff. And it helps to finally understand the why behind your actions.

It's SO nice to be able to talk to someone who understands, though. I "talk" to a soror who totally understands and I am SO glad to have "met" her. Sorors truly are priceless. Because my blood sisters know about the depression, but they only know the surface. They worry too much to know the whole story.

I'm going to change the name of this thread...

And these topics have gotten more attention in the black and Hispanic communities but there are still many people whose advice is "pray on it," "seek a closer walk with Jesus," and "you just need a good ol' exorcism."

I don't expect everyone to share their story on this board because there are other ways to get these topics discussed in our community. But I hope that everyone finds someone they trust and can talk to.

....
 

as i read your post im reminded by some of our offline conversations. i am proud of you ;). you are a blessing to someone here. do not be afraid to tell your story. 10 years ago, i was properly diagnosed as bi-polar. i also deal with anxiety and clinical depression. it is through god's grace that i do not worry about what people think --that is what i strive for :).

take one day at a time. and thank you for changing the name of this thread.

stay encouraged
 

you are definitely a blessing to me and to those that you see and dont 'see'. walk in your faith and know you arent alone.

{{{{{{{{{hugs for Nikki1920}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

{{{{{{{{{hugs for Soror Ideal08}}}}}}}}}}}}

Well, I have gotten teased here for being vocal about what happens to me more on a constant basis than before. I am encountering drug failure - when the meds fail to work like prescribed. That happens with a few people. Guess I am one of them.

When I was 14, my mom and I had "yelling contests". See who can yell the loudest. I was wound up, ready to crack, gung ho about something I wanted to, run around in the cold and rain with shorts and T-shirt. I'd do my homework and it was "gobbly gook". Kids I thought were my friends, really weren't. They did drugs, and yes, it was easy to experiment...

Then, one day, I just felt tired of the yelling and the fighting and the arguing and the bitterness and the crying and the accusing and the hatred and the ignorance and the inability to express how I felt and what what going on that I came to the conclusion that if I just did not wake up in the morning, everyone would be better off...

So, my freshman year in college, I took 60 pills with the intent to not wake up...

God had other plans for me...

It took close to 10 years to get a correct diagnosis. Bipolar II: hypomania. Runs in my family, most people substance abuse. Most people are manic that deeply depressed.

If anything, I can maneuver the "system". I know how to get where I need to go and how to get there when it comes to my health.

Now, I do feel that the waters were muddy when I was younger, but I've learned to wade. It is not perfect and I would be lying if I did not think about the "bad tapes" that get played. I hate being seen as less than sincere by others - that personal foible I have... I mean, why should I care? However, that is how I am.

However, I would not wish this on my worst enemy... This issue, does not dictate my character as a person. I have to tell myself this to K.I.M. and LIVE!!!

(((((to all of us))))

This lack of discussion and lack of seeing brown female faces in the therapist's chair is why I am so adamant about going into the field of psychology. There are too many of us and our other sisters of color (and sisters, PERIOD) that are suffering in silence because of cultural issues, lack of access and other issues.

*sigh*