Would You Let Your Son . . .
 

Watching Tracey Morgan and in light of the EBO topic (but did not want to totally hijack that thread ;)). . . would you let your son play the flute?!?!


What are activities, possessions that as a parent you feel are either too masculine for your daughter or too feminine for your son?!?!?

Yea, I would ask him why he wanted to then I guess....:o

Would I let my son play the flute? Hmm...there are a lot of good male jazz flutists out there...dunno. Let the husbandperson decide.
:p

Heck no.....I am one of those REAL moms who would say the first thing that came to my mind (thanks to my late GREAT Grandmother) "Heck naw you ain't playing No darn flute you betta go beat a drum or something" cause ain't no boyperson child of mine playing no flute. Then I would make him watch DRUMLINE 1913 times a day until he is interested in the drum.

Hey #1 leading lady!! Long time no see :)
First off i am laughing at watch Drumline 1913 times a day! lol
It depends on the reason. I was a band geek and I knew quite a few guys who play the sax who play the flute. I was a percussionist. And the time i started it was cute to see a girl playing the drums. But wow look at that drummer boy. lol:p

HC I'm watching Drumline as I read this?
 

I would let my son try if he shows an interest.

If he's anything like his mom, the discipline required for practice will kill that with a quickness. (Spoken by a person who took a year of piano with a 1,000 year old nun :D )

Hmmm
 

Since I'm typing today...

I don't think I would like my son playing the flute. I might be the mom saying "here baby, look at this manly drum..."
I don't think I would let my son do gymnastics, ice skating, or any of that stuff unless he is really adamant about it, or if I know for sure he's gay.
The only thing I want him to do that's uncharacteristic of men is cry and openly discuss his feelings...

I actually could deal with a boyperson playing the drums, sax, bass clarinet or a double-reed (bassoon or contrabassoon). Now brass is a whole 'nother matter.

If he showed an interest, then I would let him. I don't see anything wrong with the flute. I heard that it was less expensive than some of the other band instruments.

I won't let my son play the flute nor any other musical instrument....he better have his azz out on the football field!

I wish my son only wanted to play football. but after paying 1600$ for a damn sax he better play the hell out of it. the little knuckle head had best be prepared to be the entertainment for Christmas dinner. but i spoil his ass something awful but i draw the line at playing the flute to girlly for me. hell i won't even let him stand with his hand/s on hisw hip


JYHAD
IT takes a man to raise a son into a man

Hmmm....
 

I see that one male has posted on this thead so far...*pulls up a chair"....so, I guess I'll slide in my piece - LOL! I'm a musician, and I've been on the sax for over 12 years, and I also play the drums for a couple of funk/jazz bands. I personally think that a young male who shows an interest in any musical instrument...hell, just an interest in the ARTS should be embraced and given mad support. We live in an age where societal perception and stereotypes begin to define us before we can even get a running start! So, I challenge you to take a true look at how you say things like, "a flute is not masculine..." or "my child will have his azz on the field playing football." LOL - do we not live up to the stereotypes everyday? I mean, we can run, jump, rap and dance...but we've lost touch with some of our roots. We have the intelligence to express ourselves through any, and all kinds of instruments...and it should be celebrated. There aren't any too many modern black musicians/jazz artists out there....and it has become a genre that is dominated by non-African Americans! We'd rather chase hip-hop dreams, or professional sports contracts...all while (sometimes) putting our education aside...not to mention, our HERITAGE! It is my wish that the position of the young black male is one day defined as, the epitome of various pursuits and accomplishments - but are we willing to accept this idea as the truth?

AceDawg, you are all right with me. :D


We had 2 men post on this thread. Yaaaaaaay. Keep the replies coming, especially from the male POV.

Thank you suga!
 

I'm always down for some good conversation...*pops a Heineken*....I'll be around.....

My general answer to this question
 

I don't have children. But, when I am blessed with them, I plan to have them involved in a variety of activities. I played an instrument, and I want my children to. At the very least, they will participate in at least one form of art. Also, a sport and capoeira classes (I will have overscheduled children--to match their overscheduled mother. lol) . I want well rounded children. I don't expect them to excel or love everything, it's about exposure. My parents exposed me to different things, and allowed me to decide which ones I would pursue.

SO, I guess my answer is: If he wants to play the flute, why not. He may not even like it. If he does, that's great.

I don't have any children, but I can't see myself ever keeping them from participating in a certain activity or playing with certain toys because of perceived gender roles. If my son wants to play with an easy bake oven or if my daughter wants to play football, I say go for it. As a child, I played football and softball, acted in several school plays, played the piano, and was an excellent student, especially in math.

I think it's essential to expose children to as many different activities as possible. It lets them grow up into well-rounded adults with an appreciation for many areas, like the arts and science. This topic really reminds of a new commercial stressing the importance of arts programs in school. A little boy is walking past a man beautifully playing violin on the street and all the boy says is "get a job."

Quote:

A little boy is walking past a man beautifully playing violin on the street and all the boy says is "get a job."

LOL - I haven't seen that commercial...I'll look for it. But I agree with you on the issue of "gender rolls"...basically, we should define them as narrow-minded azz generalizations and stereotypes - hell, let's be honest! As a BLACK man, I deal with it everday day! People are surprised when I show up on a construction site in the capacity of an architect/or designer! LOL - I call it my "shock and awe" campagin -LOL!! But naw, they think I should be playin' the role of "Toby".....who needs a job a job b/c it's either court ordered...or b/c he's way behind on his child support. Forgive me if this may be a sensitive issue for some....but if I accepted those stereotypes, I would be a"Toby" too. Now, I don't have any children, but I know that their young minds are impressionable, and they need the exposure, proper guidance and support in learning that there are no true boundaries....only those that are perceived. I'll leave you with this....a few weeks back, I was volunteering in a high school science class, and the lesson plan was covering atomic structures. Why did I hear an African-American child exclaim "we don't need to learn this mess....we black." LOL....now, where did they get that from? THIS THREAD IS DEEPER THAN A WOOD WIND INSTRUMENT.....

I'll just say this. Some things are age appropriate and some are gender appropriate. Its a parents decision to decide what they are, not the childs. If your son wanted to double-dutch, would that be okay?

I have seen boys training to be boxers double dutch--a dexterity and quickness excercise.

That it most definitely is. And, as far as competitive double dutch, there are an equal number of male and female participants. Some of those boys are good. They can backflip and do all kinds of tricks in the rope.

While I do agree with you DoggyStyle that it is the parents' job to decide what activities are appropriate for their children, I totally disagree with your notion of gender appropriate activities. As long as the child's physical and moral health are not compromised, I can't see myself objecting to any legitimate and wholesome activity just because "boys/girls shouldn't do that." Says who????

Convo with Mr. Toocute last night
 

OK....Christopher LOVES music. He is always dancing and the boy has rhythm at 21 months. I'm not joking. He bops his head to the beat on time when he's in his car seat and we have the radio blasting. Hus daycare teacher tells me he dances all day. Since he loves to dance I say let's get the boy in toddler dance class when he turns two. Oh HAYLE NAW says Mr. toocute. Come on now...I'm not talking about putting my baby boy in a pink tutu and ballet slippers. They have modern jazz and hip hop :D class for the little ones. He said OK he would think about it but dayum. Shoot I would take the hip hop class with him. Sounds like fun.

BUT...what if your son wanted to take ballet? (wasn't that a movie)

Re: Convo with Mr. Toocute last night
 

When you mentioned boys and ballet I think of the movie center stage. The movie features ballet dancer Ethan Stiefel, who happens to be very heterosexual and manly (he rides motorcycles as a hobby). I read an interview with him where he discusses his introduction to ballet. His sister was taking ballet lessons, and since the studio was far, his mother made him come. He was a precocious boy who was always getting into trouble and his mom would not leave him at home alone. Anyway, he would sit at the rehearsals twisting in his seats because he could not be still. Finally, they had him get up and dance. They found out he had a gift. He is/was a member on the American Ballet Company.

My thoughts are, you have to instill in your child that just because they like an activity that is not traditionally associated with that gender does not mean they are less male or female. The danger becomes when people keep saying only boys do that or only girls do that. I had a student who played football (girl). She was athletic and quite frankly, she was big (we needed the size, our boys are rather small). I applauded her. It's so hard for kids to find something they like, why discourage them?

Re: Re: Convo with Mr. Toocute last night
 

My thoughts exactly.

I haven't popped out any poodles, but.........IF it were my kid, I would encourage them to become engaged in any extra curricular they were interested in pursuing. Also, I would enforce a "one season rule". You can't just try it for a week, if you want to do tap class, you have to do it for an entire series of classes.

What about a girl playing football - with the boys?

LOL, I agree Soror

That is a key qualifier, "they used it for TRAINING", not as something they wanted to do.

Secondly, for you ladies who have sons, what you think is "cute" aint necessarily cool. That is why boys need fathers actively involved in their lives. Mothers think that soft ish is cool, let their boys play with dolls, etc. Pop Doggystyle was having none of that. I know women who won't let their sons play football because they are afraid he will get hurt. Already starting them off fearful and overprotected, Soft as Charmin tissue. Ballet? over his dead body. Playing girl games? Being in the room when women are doing hair?

Children should be allowed to expand their horizons and develop their interests and passions, but they should be guided and counselled by adults as to what is appropriate, not allowed to do something because it is cute. Blurring gender roles can lead to as much confusion as it can edification if it is done simply to indulge the childs whims.

Bruh, I understand where you're coming from on the whole "cute" issue. I don't get upset, but I'm like "damn"....esp. when I see a man who is confused about his sexual identity. I mean, that is what the main concern is here! Can a man experience these things and maintain his 'manhood?" Now, I was up in Atlanta..what I saw up there was a different story - and I won't even go there - LOL!

But I have a homeboy who is a single father, and has raised two teenage girls...and he's doing a damn good job by himself b/c of the exposure he had to "different" things growing up. He does their hair...takes them shopping and even makes suggestions on their outfits. Hell, he didn't even miss a beat when they started their "womanhood"...he knew what to do and jumped right in. I know, the argument here will be, "well, he has to b/c he's a single father." But how many people are willing to step outside of their BOXED-IN-MINDS and do what it takes to get the job done!

LOL - and no, there is nothing soft about the dude b/c we compete in some of the same body building shows...and the way this m/f trains, kicks my ass at times!

My point is, there is a fine line here...and we have to be careful about how we associate or assign certain attributes according to gender. I mean, what about jobs one would consider to be "gender appropriate"? Cuz, I know a young lady who works for UPS...and the way her lil' toned azz be handlin' dem boxes....MAN, THAT S*** TURNS ME THE HELL ON - LOL!

Aight man re read my post. I said jazz and hip hop class. And my son sits/stands/plays in the bathroom with me when I get ready in the morning...he aint up in the salon with me. Believe me Christopher is ALL boy and his Mr Toocute has already checked up the Hackensack/Teaneck pee wee football team. I think he did that when I was still pregnant :rolleyes:

I still don't see anything wrong with a 21 month old BABY messing around with his mommy's stuff because he is only imitating what he sees an adult do. Just like one minute he is trying to step into my husband's Tims and the next moment my pumps. He doesn't know that there are things that adult FEMALES do and somethings adult MALES do. There will be a time when I will say "CJ those are Mommies things and you can't do that" But that will be when he understands. Imitating others is how babies learn and through this he will learn (at a later date) that little boys don't put on hairclips and play with blush brushes.
Until...yes that isht is cute as hayle.

ROTFL. You remind me of that van with the Hemi engine commercial. But, is tap dancing okay? I mean you do know that tap dancers also study ballet for form and movement--right?

I have a ten year old son who plays both tennis and golf (very well I must add). He also plays the drums but that was second to him wanting to play the sax and not being able to during the formative years.

My dad asked me the other day if I had him in any "sports." When I said what they were, he gave a little chuckle. I was like "damn pops." This is the same man who is a complete sports FANATIC. Watches every sport there is. Conditioned my brother (I say this because conditioning is what we are doing to our children) to be a sport fanatic himself to the point he was overly interested in sports ( like didn't attend prom because he barely had time for dating, etc.)

Tennis is non-traditional but it's only because we condition our kids to do the more masculine out of fear of, yet again, homosexuality. It's only non-traditional until we partake in it and blow the f___ up. I say what's more is "can my son play a non-traditional sport and still have a sense of self as a BLACK male(think Tiger...he BLEW up in a non-traditional sport but now he's marrying the white chick)? I, like any other mother, want grandchildren and a daughter-in-law. Do I think because my son does not play football that this won't happen? No.

On the converse, I know a little boy, 20 years as well. He weighs about...170 pounds. A big kid. Plays football. Loves football. He is really sensitive. He is being raised by a single mother and really is empathetic to his mom and women in general. Will he be a punk? Who knows?

My point is, I don't think it makes a difference either way.

I was speaking in general and some of those things were germane to your post. How you raise your son is of none of my concern.

DeltaBrat
Tennis and Golf are a road less traveled, not feminine.

ACEDAWG
What your friend does is called "parenting". I can't do hair, but if necessitated I would learn, but damn if my Pop would have let me and my brothers sit in the kitchen while my mother and her friends had the hotcomb going.

Would you let your son, part 2


Would you let your son be a cheerleader!?!?!?


I imagine Doggy's response as another Hell effing no with further elaboration and examples from the media. :D

Late, but.........
 

Although I am musically inclined myself, I would not be comfortable with my son playing the flute. However, if he wanted to play a string instrument (violin, cello, etc.) I wouldn't care though.

Yes. The men that are cheerleads (they are usually called Yell leaders) are physically fit, buff, and extrememly athletic. I don't think there is anything wrong with being a Yell leader.

NO!

And the reasons why I will not let my son do these kind of activities is NOT the same as Doggy's. I couldn't care less what is gender appropiate or not. I do care if my son becomes a target of harrassment and bullying.

I didn't say that it was....I was just reiterating my point.

In hs, we had two male cheerleaders, both of whom were the furthest thing from gay (b/c I dated one for about a year). Neither was teased or taunted in anyway.

I guess I am having a problem with the world "let." I, as a Black woman, am currently being brainwashed by academics ( I am in a doctoral program). As a woman raised by a woman from the Seezouth, I truly understand the concept of "let." I wonder what we do when we "don't let" our children do x,y,z? Do we...spank them? Do we ridicule them? Do we firmly suggest they don't? Do we remind them, as I am assuming Dionysus would, that there may be a lot of backlash that they may soon wish they'd made another decision to avoid?

I just don't see what the alternative is? I can PRAY that God makes my son want to participate in "gender specific" sports, but beyond that, what am I supposed to do?

I mean, I had a Bruh basically tell me last week that if I didn't MAKE my son play football that he would grow up to be an Alpha! What's that about?

On another token there is a girl at my son's school who is all but "feminine." She plays football (better than the boys), basketball (better than the boys), cut off all her hair, to about ear length and wears the B-ball shorts and sneakers EVERY SINGLE DAY! Are we worried that she will be masculine? That she will be a dyke? What gives?

Am I making this too serious? I may. I am sorry, I just took a final for a class on the sociology of gender and sexuality. Forgive me.

Heck NO!!! If #1 Leading Lady is going to any extracircular activity that Lil Tez is participating in ya'll better know he will be on the football field or on the basketball court.....I WILL NOT allow or attend any event where MY SON is hollering and yelling like some school girl cheerleader...This is just ME keeping it REAL!!!

What if they disobeyed?
 

For those who are adamant that their child not participate in an activity that they deem inappropriate.....


What would you do if your child signed up for the activity/joined the team, etc., without your knowledge?

Is this the sort of thing that would get a high schooler kicked out of the house? would you make them quit? Would you spank them?


I guess the bigger questions are:

1. What values do you pass on to your child?
2. How do you instill those values in the child???????? do you use rewards??? punishment for failure to comply?