Greeks dating Greeks
 

BAD IDEA...

Here's my dilemma with a little bit of Algebra, something I've picked up along the way.

X- sorority
aX- girl I used to date
bX- girl I'm trying to date


If I date aX, and we stop dating, I can no longer date any of the girls from X because now they think I'm the property of aX. Even if it was for a short while.

Do all of you sorority girls work this way?

On the other hand, if I do try to date bX, I feel like I'm gonna damage the bond that girl might have with aX. Even though aX and I only dated for a month or so, nothing serious.

Any of you have had the same problem? or what might happen if I do pursue bX?

Let me put it in an equation for my math dorks out there:

Me + bX = (aX / bX)X ? :D

That's so funny that you're referring to it as sororities....I had this problem when I had dated a frat guy! :) Once I dated him I was "off limits" to all his brothers, even the ones who hadn't pledged yet!!!

If you didn't have anything too serious with aX, then go for it. If you did, then DON'T DO IT!!! I had a friend who was in xxx sorority, and she and her boyfriend of 6 years broke up (yep, they went to college together from high school), and like 2 weeks later he was taking another sister of hers to their formal, they were officially an item, etc. My friend didn't even really care (he was bad for her anyways), the rest of her sisters were the ones who made a big stink about it.

I also got reamed by a sister because I talked to (read, conversation with, not talked to as in dating) a guy who she had dated like the year previous and she was still in love with him and I had never even known they dated (they dated before she joined the sorority). So I don't know. It just depends on the situation, I guess.

Hope that helped!!!

Looks like you're on dangerous ground to me.

a boy I dated for about two months my senior year of college was in a fraternity... we ended things, and oh, look, a few months later he begins to date one of the newly initated sisters.

needless to say, i was not happy.

but what could I do? the older sisters who were friends with me thought he was a jerk and the younger sisters who were friends with her didnt know me well enough to care.

but they're still together, so what do you know...

I think it depends on how "aX" feels about it.

There's some ex-boyfriends I wouldn't care if my sisters dated. Well, I'd worry about their sanity, but I wouldn't be jealous. And then there's those boyfriends who are either scum of the earth that I wouldn't want any poor girl to date, or who I was extremely serious with and it would be really weird if they dated them. But most of the guys are grouped in the first category. Now that I'm in a very serious relationship, I realize that all significant others have been, well, insignificant. ;)

Basically, I'd say it's up to bX and aX. aX needs to figure out how she feels about it, and then bX needs to decide if she wants to pursue it anyway if aX isn't comfortable with it. If aX has dated another guy for awhile, she might be cool with it. But if you two were only an item for like a month, then hopefully she's over it.

this sounds like a bad idea. unless bX is totally upfront with aX and not like, i don't care about her, you are ok, but really, is this girl that special? i don't mean that to sound mean, but girls are different than guys, my ex's are definatly off limits till i graduate and even then... well i'm not good with it at all. i guess in the long run, it is up to aX and bX to decide, let bX know you are interested but the ball is in her court, to mess with sisterhood. we get fiesty

Dating smating, Hello!!!!

When I go separated My soo to be ex-wife moved in with a Fraternity Brother.:o

I was the last to know of course. When I found out, I asked Her could you not find someone who is crazier then me!

At Founders Day, she sat at the Head table with him and I was surrounded by Actives. They were afraid I would start something!:(

She moved out on him as found out I was right. He was worried, but I told Him, hey Bro. you get married, you get divorced, but you are Brothers for Life!!!!!:cool:

We are still good freinds to this day!

Neither one of us know about her!:D

So You dated this dude! Then He Dated one of your Sisters, Dah, He may marry her and live happily ever after! Oh and they will come back for events!;)

We are not peices of Meat or Mining Claims to stake our sniffing line for!:)

STINKS... with guys its different, as long as there was no messing around, they don't seem to care. Girls are wierd though and get attached. If its been a while since you went out with the last girl, it shouldnt be a big deal

Also- My fiancee is in the same frat as my big high school ex boyfriend. No big deal though, but it had been two years since we broke up that I started dating my fiancee

It really depends on the girls in question and how they are... one of my sisters was kinda talking to/seeing this guy in a fraternity at the very beginning of the fall semester... and I pledged in the spring semester... I was friends with her before I joined, through mutual friends, and I took the same guy to my first dated party as friends... but by the end of the night he was more than just a friend. I ended up taking him to my formal and he took me to his formal. I always kinda felt weird when he'd be at things with me and she was around... but it was never an issue. I guess that situation was different because they were seeing each other for a short time and it was a while before he and I got together.

But personally, if my sisters have hooked up with or dated fraternity guys, I tend to shy away from them just because I don't want to start any drama. Even if I take a guy who my sisters have dated previously, to formals, I feel kinda weird about it... though nothing's ever been said.

But girls can be like that-- I dated him so he's off limits... others may not care depending on the length of time between and the seriousness of the relationship/feelings.

I think it really varies from person to person. For example the guy I am dating now has hooked up with a few of my other sisters but they never wanted a relationship together, whereas he does now with me. Weird I know, but it doesn't seem as strange when it's actually happening. I think it totally depends, if the girl had a nasty breakup with the guy or has some unresolved feelings for him it is your best best to stay away from her sister. It's just NOT a good idea. Guys on the other hand, they don't seem to care. I have dated more than 2 guys in Fiji and I am still friends with all of them and it was never weird. How that works, I have no idea. :confused: :confused:

Guys sometimes care... I was hooking up with the same guy I mentioned in the previous post, nothing serious, no talk of relationship or anything, and I ended up hooking up with one of his brothers later on and the first guy wants to fight the second guy... luckily nothing actually happened.

I agree that it totally depends. I dated this guy for about a month, earlier this year. After things eventually ended with us, one of the girls in my house began dating him a couple weeks later. Honestly, I didn't care, cause we weren't all that great a couple. I liked him, but I didn't like him enough to continue dating him. They're still together to this day, and I'm actually happy for them. Though, the bad story I have about this is I was with this guy in xxx fraternity for about a year and a half. We basically broke up cause he moved away and we had a long distance thing going, so I started getting close with another guy in his house. So I broke up with the guy, and started dating this other guy in his house. Basically, it split his whole fraternity in two...they all fought constantly, and many guys left the house because of all the arguments. Hopefully you'll never have to deal with that kind of drama though; it was so ridiculous.

So, to sum up, it really depends on how serious this girl was for you and how prone to drama she can be. And let me tell you, if she had a lot of feelings for you, she's most likely going to be dramatic about it...if not outwardly, it will definitely hurt her inwardly. Also, it depends on how dramatic her sorority can be. Cause as was mentioned before, some houses can make bigger deals about it than the ex themselves actually do. As was definitely the case in my situation. Anyways, good luck with it! I completely feel for you; it's a tough place to be.

Kinda the "rule" in my chapter (at least when I was in school - could have changed now) was that if a sister wanted to date a guy someone else in the chapter had previously dated, she would go to that sister and ask if it would be okay with her. Meaning, bX would go to aX and ask if her feelings would be hurt if bX dated you. If aX said "go ahead", then all is cool. If she said "no, I'd prefer you didn't date him", then perhaps bX should think twice about going out with you for fear of hurting a friendship. I guess it all depends on how serious you and aX were. If it was a two month casual thing, I would hope she wouldn't have a problem with bX dating you. If you two were exclusive for a year and a half, there may be some issues.

Good luck!

I agree, depends on how aX feels.

I know that in at least one fraternity at my school, if a brother (B) wanted to date someone that another brother (A) had previously dated, B had to ask A's permission. Permission was seldom granted. Usually this was because A had been dating the girl for a long time and felt uncomfortable with the idea of B dating her, bringing her around the house, etc. - but sometimes A would deny permission just to spite the girl, even if they'd only dated a couple of months and a few years had gone by.

Asking permission was never a formal "rule" within my chapter, just a matter of courtesy.

I'm dating my very first Greek, but we're both alums and his chapter is in another state, so there's none of that drama to deal with. Maybe I was smart to hold off. :)

not good
 

Well, I talked to the girl that I used to date. She's not cool with me trying to start something with her sister.

Oh MAN this makes me glad that my boyfriend and I were together before we were greek!

But in all honesty, I would feel wierd dating one of his brothers because 1. I am their sweetheart, and 2. well, since I'm their sweetheart I just don't see them in a romantic relationship aspect.

If he dated one of my sisters, I might kill them. Ha Ha!

What you really have to figure out is how important all this is to all the parties involved. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years. If we were to date someone in our respective organizations it would be rough because of all the time we were together -- our whole college careers.

As an example though, one of his brothers was with his girlfriend for like 5 years and then they broke up and she went running to his BIG BROTHER. It caused havoc in the frat and basically the guy that got the girl was shunned by most of the fraternity. It was a sticky icky situation for me and other parties involved, especially because I was close with both sides. If possible, avoid this at all costs -- and if you decide to go through with it -- DON'T do it behind eachother's backs. It will not end well.

When I was in college, I dated a Pike for a few months. Well, they are a relatively new chapter, and when I broke up with him, word got around that I was off-limits to the rest of the guys (hurt one, hurt us all sort of thing). I still hung out with them, but they and I both knew that no relationships were going to happen.

I guess that didn't really work, as I'm marrying one of their chapter founders :) He was out of school by the time this happened, though, so I guess that doesn't count :)

We had the "ask first" rule in our sorority... if a sister wanted to date an ex of another sister, she had to ask her if it would be okay. For the most part it worked quite well.... except for one situation where a girl said "sure" when she really meant "I'll hate you for life", and major drama ensued. So if you have something like this... please, please follow it truthfully. Saying yes when you really mean no is just going to hurt Everyone!

I think one of the great things about dating other Greeks is that you understand each other's committment to your houses. My fiance was pledging when we first started dating, and I had already been an active for a year and a half (I rushed my frosh year, and he rushed his junior year). We have always understood what it is to be part of the Greek system. I know so many non-Greeks who date Greeks and don't understand the importance of keeping ritual secrets, recruitment, living in the house, etc. It's great to be engaged to someone who won't think it's weird when I want to decorate my daughter's rooms in pansies and kites!

Here are the rules at my boyfriend's chapter:

Non-Serious Relationship: 2 weeks til a bro can date another bro's ex-girl

Serious Relationship: 3 month's til she's "touchable".

But in all cases they MUST have the bro's permission to date her

My chapter, well, a sister can't touch another's former guy whatsoever. We're selfish! :p

Well said.

Go get her.

LOL. Her sisterhood isn't your problem. Why are you inihibiting what you want because of an EX? Which part of EX is difficult to grasp lol?

If bX knows there will be a problem she can deal with it. It was nicer than you had to be just to mention it to aX and watch her go mess it up for you anyway . . . Girls can be good that way lol.

Also, think of it this way: Is not potentially irritating your EX girlfriend a good reason to mess up a relationship with someone that might be the best thing that ever happened to you if only you gave her a chance?

Go for it. You are foolish beyond reason if you don't.

I agree...

Not dating this girl simply because your ex is in the same sorority is ridiculous. If there is a problem, it is not your concern. You were courteous enough to let her know of the possiblity...so now she knows and will not be blindsided by you unexpectedly showing up at a sorority event on the arm of one of her sisters. NOW, she knows you are interested in her, probably knows bX is intersted in you too...and it is up to her to choose to handle it in a mature way.

Just because you are greek doesn't mean you don't live in the real world! And if you REALLY like this girl and it is worth it to risk it to date her...then do so. If you would rather spare aX's feelings, then you probably don't really like bX all that much to begin with...

I don't know about dating in our chapter because it's never come up but if one brother hurts a sister, then it really sucks for you cause no other sister is ever going to speak to him again and the rest of the fraternity will have a hard time getting in our good graces again. For example, I hooked up with a Theta Chi at my school one night who turned out to be a total player and a total jerk. Once word got around to all my sisters about it, they won't talk to him. We have a mixer coming up with them and he pretty much might as well not show up cause none of the girls are going to talk to him. It took some coaxing just to get us to think positively about the rest of the brothers after that..... all it takes is one bad apple.

yeah I agree that you have to have permission b/c I mean its basically an unstated rule of girls in general not just sisters that you dont touch someone that your friend has dated. I mean especially if youve slept together cause that just makes it wierd I think. not to say ive never dated anyone that a friend has dated but I had her permission and neither one of us slept with the person so it made it a bit different.


Nichole

Oh, so much bull shit! Period!:(

Love is blind betweeen He and She!

When I got Divorced, My Ex moved in with a Brother of mine.

I called him about something doing with the Alums and he was evasive. But one must remember that At one time He was Key Note Speaker at Founders Day. She was sitting at the Head Table with him. His closest Brothers and some of mine sat with me so I would not get upset! Ha!

I told him hey, You get Married and divorced, but you are a Brother for life!

We are still close Brothers.

So, it did not work out! Da, how many times has this happened? Hell, as I said, Love is Blind!:D

Just wish the couple happiness and if that doesent work out, well, check the divorce rates!:eek: