Unwanted...twice!!!
 

hi, im kinda new to the post. i just wanted to rant and let my story be heard, and maybe, get advice back.

see, im a second year student at southern illinois university. i tryed rushing in fall 02 and fall 03, and was rejected the night of bids. i felt so unwanted. i just dont know what i did wrong. i didnt insult any sister. i didnt talk about anything gross or sad or polital. i dressed in nice simi-casual skirts, and showd no cleaviage. i dont know what i did wrong. the sororitys here are alpha gamma delta, tri-sigma, delta zeta, and sigma kappa. how can i show these girls the real me? should i even try again? Any tips?

thanks for your time

*

It's really hard to give you specific advice. We don't know you, on here or in real life. We don't know the sororities. We don't know why you were cut (no one but the members of those sororities do). It could be a million things- grades, lack of activities, being quiet, or having a booger in your nose throughout all of recruitment (just trying to be lighthearted :) ) Or maybe there were just a lot of fantastic girls rushing- they may have liked you, but maybe you didn't stand out. Maybe you didn't fill a "need" of the house (some groups use needs as a rush indicator- say they need better grades in the house, or more social people, etc.). No one knows, it's all conjecture.

My best advice would be to try to get to know some of the girls in the houses outside of the rush atmosphere and see where to go from there.

calming down is also a good thing...
since you'll never know exactly what happened, you can't wear your disappointment and expect good things to happen.

hey. i have gone though formal recruitment once and went through c.o.b three times for two sororities on campus. it is not easy being rejected. it doesnt always have to be cause they didnt like you. there could be other reasons that we dont realize. it's that kind mentality that makes me want to try again in the spring. if it is something that you really want, few things will stand in your way. :)

It can get frustrating but I promise that you just need to keep your head up and be yourself :) Im sure theres a place out there for you, those times just might not have been right. Im going to be rushing a 3rd time and as they say 3rd times the charm!!! :)


Nichole

I went through formal this fall and COB and was also rejected. I don't know why either. I does suck! I was just gonna give up, but I really want to be in a sorority, so I will be trying again in the spring. I know I am quiet, not shy, just quiet when I am in new surroundings, before I get comfortable. Anyway, I say, Try Again!!

Re: Unwanted...twice!!!
 

Firstly I know 90% of the people on here will call me a bitch, but your speech and writing is also something sororities look at when considering members. Please, please use spell-check!!

It seems like you are talking more about the things you DIDN'T do rather than the things you DID do. You have to stand out in some way at rush...sororities will not give you a bid if you simply follow the social graces and try not to offend anyone. Try working on your conversational skills, if you feel that is an area where you might be lacking.

Of course none of us can say exactly why you weren't given a bid. If you want to try again that is up to you...as Danielle said, try to get to know some of the girls outside of rush and keep your eye out for any signs or fliers advertising open bid parties.

Perhaps you should talk to the VP-Recruitment for Panhellenic and the Greek advisor at SIU (which one are you at?) to get an idea of what may of happened. The chapters may have cut you because of grades, because you didn't talk enough during parties, for a variety of reasons. Talking to those people would give you an idea of what may have happened, and the VP of Recruitment can also let sorority chapters know that you are interested in COBing.

Well, I am used to go to SIUC. I am sorry you feel so rejected but keep your head up. I believe there are locals on at SIU that offer a great sense of sisterhood. I know that there are some Multicultural sororities that you may want to look at. Be open minded. And also assess your reasons for wanted to join a sorority, you need to find yourself before you can belong to a whole...

i wouldnt
 

call the house...because that puts that house in an uncomfortable position if you ask them "why didn't i get a bid?" or "what can i do to make you want me?" like someone said earlier...maybe you just didn't stand out. I don't mean it in a bad way...but when i went through rush this summer there were over 800 girls rushing, and if you didn't have something that was like *ohh we want her* then it may be tougher to get noticed. I would say to try open rush. I hear that open rush isn't as hectic and you get to know each house better!

Re: Re: Unwanted...twice!!!
 

HIJACK!
I am one of the 10% that would NOT think you are a bitch! I so agree on the spellcheck thing
/end hijack

As far as wanting to join A sorority...just make sure you are joining for the right reasons.

Also, you just doing join ANY sorority, you join the one that feels like home for you!

Re: i wouldnt
 

I agree. I definitely wouldn't take the "what did i do wrong" approach thing. Perhaps, email or call, and let each house know that your recruitment didn't work out this time, but you are still interested! Short and sweet.

I don't know if I agree if the "What did I do wrong" email approach. I know if my chapter received an email from a girl specifically asking why she was cut, we would be a little put off and I'm sure others will agree with me. I definitely agree with emailing the chapters but just stating that you rushed in formal and unforunately didn't find a home but is still interested in their house and would love to know if they will be having an rush events soon. Short and sweet...not looking at the negatives of being cut but showing that you are still interested in rushing and sorority life.

Good Luck!

My advice is "Don't give up!" :) I know people who were released from formal recruitment (some twice), COBed, and ended up pledging the sorority they wanted.

take it as a learning thing...
i totally agree with the earlier post regarding a nice short note indicating interest and whether cob exists. also base touching with the greek affairs folks to see if something is there you need to know.
then from your perspective, think about what you could improve on.
in life, you are going to see this stuff (ie rejection) and learning how to handle it now is a good thing.

HONESTLY, if you were "cut" before bid night/day, it was just a technicality (sp????). You probably got "cross cut." As far as I know for all sororities, if you are at their pref party, you are on their bid list. WHERE you fall on one of those two or three lists is a different story. That sucks and seems kind of rare that it would happen two years in a row, but that's the way it happens sometimes. Try again as a junior if you really want to be in a sorority. Sometimes it's easier as a junior bc you are in a different quota count. Just my thoughts!!

i wonder if that was my situation. i was at the pref party for KD colonization. i am trying again in the spring. do i have a better chance or will i be starting the same way as everyone else?

Depends on your campus.

At some schools (or just with some top-level sororities), rushing as a junior has a certain stigma attached, and some groups won't accept any juniors or seniors. In others, juniors and seniors don't count as part of formal recruitment quota, just total-- so if a group is under total, they could possibly take you without having to switch out a junior for a freshman (who would hopefully be there for four years, gain more experience, and who is sometimes seen as more desirable).

If this is only KD's first or second formal recruitment on that campus, it could certainly help you that you've gone through their recruitment and gotten to know them. On the other hand, if this will be your third time going through, there may be some people who might think "why go through a third time?" and think that there must be some reason you weren't extended a bid yet, and thus be more likely to cut you if numbers are tight.

Without knowing you and knowing the sororities on your campus, it's hard to give advice. Sometimes people say "you'll end up where you were meant to be"-- but that means that sometimes you'll end up *not* getting a bid to join a sorority. It doesn't make someone any more or less of a person. It may be that god/fate/whatever has plans for you, whether it's getting a bid from KD, doing COB with some other organization, or not joining a sorority at all. It might not make sense now, but it'll all work out in the end.

I'm not saying this to discourage you! You *should* go after your dreams with all of your heart and soul, and follow through with your plans. Getting to pref is a huge step-- you don't get asked to pref if they wouldn't want you as a sister-- so that coupled with your determination will probably mean that more of the sisters will recognize you, and you may have more to talk about in the recruitment events.

Remember that you have people in your life who will support you no matter what choices you make and how things turn out. :)

*hug*

SIU cannot be that large a campus.

Instead of emailing, why not get to know some of the Ladys of the Soroitys.
I am sure there are some in your classes or you see on campus events. They are not snobs, but just women going to college.

Just to reiterate, there may have been many reasons for not getting a bid:

The need of the Chapter for certain areas.
Grades.
Participation with school events.
Coming off as to shy.
Quotas are a very big thing in womens Organizations.

There may be a myrid of reasons that were beyond your control!

Just go with it and see what happens.

Explore all of your options and good luck in your quest:) :)

Actually many of the SIUs are large Division 1 schools.

And frankly, sorority women are hard to come by. I go to a small D1 school (11,000) and I've seen ONE Alpha Xi that i know of in this entire semester. I've only seen 3 or 4 Pi Phis, and this isn't in my classes - just in passing. I've only seen APhis when I've gone to visit a GDI friend who lives with them. I've seen Alpha Chi's EVERYWHERE which speaks volumes of their promotion. If I'm a Greek who knows to look for lavaliers, totes, flip-flops, etc, and I have a hard time finding them on my campus, it's very probable that you could on an SIU.

WHOO HOO, go Alpha Chi Omega's! Way to PACE! So excited to hear that the ladies at Marquette are wearing their letters proudly and frequently.

Smiley, I just wanted to add that if you're re-rushing as an upperclassman, something that might be VERY important to a new colony is alumnae support. that support is just as important, if not MORE important in certain aspects, than the activities of the actual chapter.

you might try mentioning that, while you'll have less time as an active, you'd be an alumnae in a short time and would be available to support the new chapter. unless you'll no longer be in the area, in which case... i'm not sure.

just my two cents. good luck!!

GeekyP, if memory searves me right, SUI is in Carbondale, Il. They are a separate Campus.

I drove by that campus on the way back from Tn. or Kt.

Got lost trying to take a short cut to KC!:eek:

That's one of the SIUs - there's several. SIU - Carbondale and Edwardsville. BSUPhiSig'92 is an advisor at one of them, I think Carbondale.

in january, i will be a junior credit wise, but i wont yet be admitted in the College of Education ( my major) until june.

anyways, with this being kd's first year, it will be my second time going through their recruitment.

as for delta gamma, this will be my fourth time. (two c.o.b's and one formal recruitment.) i havent gotten a bid yet because of my grades. they have been improving greatly each time that i have tried. i have some great dg's on my side encouraging me to go through cob.

so i am not too worried. :D

Smiley , I'm pretty much in the same situation as you, working at my grades, and I'll be a junior too going through spring recruitment as well, for a third time... , good luck to you!

I dont mean to be a bitch here, but I dont want to blow smoke up anyones butt either..........on most campuses if you go through formal recruitment twice and still dont get a bid.............going through a third time will probably end up the same way, same for many many attempts at COB'ing. It sucks, and it hurts, but that's the reality for most people who do that, I've seen it happen on several campuses.

Colonization I cant really talk about because I dont know much about that not having attempted it as a PNM or having gone through it as a member or whatever/however they do it.

Ultimately do what you think is best for you, but keep in mind the great potential for let down if you choose to go through rush more than twice.

just my two cents.

Thetaprincess, you're not being a bitchy, you're being realistic and telling the reality. I wish more GCers would be realistic sometimes.....

some people find cob a better way to go, because it is not as formal as formal recruitment(could that be why it is called "formal"?). often a few girls are invited to go bowling, or to a movie or to watch a hot tv show at the house/dorm suite/apartment. you might be able to "shine" in a more relaxed atmosphere, with fewer people around. less pressure. do you belong to any organizations on campus, or hold leadership roles?
you may find a fellow org.member is also a member of a sorority and you could network thru her. i would not advise contacting any sorority with the intention of finding out "what went wrong"- it would sound like too much sour grapes, no matter how diplomatic you were. do contact panhellenic to find out about the next membership opportunities for you, and have them add your name to the list. if your grades are not "up to snuff" then you will have to work hard to raise that gpa-most sororities have a minimum gpa requirement. and don't dwell on the past-if you rush again, go in with a positive, self-assured attitude. people like to be around positive people. best of luck!

I would also like to express like others have about not contacting the sororities to find out "what went wrong." While not every individual member may know why someone did not get a bid, those that do are often bound by secrecy not to reveal those kinda of things. It's considered business of the sorority and is only for the knowledge of the initiated members to know. Like FSUZeta has said, contact the Panhellenic office for membership opportunities.

i see what you are saying. but i think my situation is a little different mainly because of grades. especially for dg, i have been told last year that i would have gotten a chance at a bid if my grades were better. so they want me to work on them and try again. the only reason that i was told was because i was never contacted about whether i made it or not. so i called a good friend of mine who is a dg and she found out for me.

as for kd, i feel as though there were more girl better qualified than me. OR my difficult personal situation was known so they didnt think i would be ready. i am also encouraged to try again. and i did make it to prefs last time.

i dont think i am wasting my time trying again. i still think that i have a good chance. after this time, i will be done if i dont make it.

I believe that every NPC sorority's membership selection process is secret and ritual. The only people who know the reasons you were cut are the people that were in that room, and they are vowed to secrecy.

Asking what went wrong isn't going to get you an answer. It's also kinda tacky, IMO.

With something like grades, it's pretty obvious. If XYZ sorority requires a 2.5 and you have a 2.0, it's clear.
If someone gives you some reason you were cut, they're probably just trying to think of something because they're put on the spot. Sometimes they may be saying something nice, even though the reason you may have been cut may have been not-so-nice.

BTW- this is all a collective "you" as in "you, sally PNM"

Bottom line is, don't ask. They're not going to tell. If they do, it's probably not the truth.

ETA: what are they supposed to say? we cut you because your super long nose hairs scared us and you wore marilyn manson t-shirts and carried around a dead cat for all of rush? ;)

I agree that there are very many reasons you may not get a bid and that in fact you have a very small chance at getting one this time.

But by no means should you be discouraged from rushing again. The girl who ended up being my twin;s little sis went through three times, and is a great asset to Sigma Kappa. The first time she dropped before pref parties, COB didn't have grades, and then she became a member during Fall semester of this year.

I say the third time may be the charm-- but if you don't get it after this, you may want to question putting yourself on the line again.

LMAO KDDani - You don't think someone would be honest about the foot-long nose hairs???

I completely agree with you...a sister who is asked why someone didn't get a bid is very UNlikely to be able to or willing to give the true answer.

I did not realize that she wound up creating her own fraternity that anyone can join. Omega Delta Beta, I believe it is? I just ran a search to see what she ended up doing. Interesting.

i think that i should just go for kd. no use in embarassing myself by showing my face again at dg. :(

Well do you have grades right now? If you don't, it's not worth your time, but if you have really high grades compared to last time, then you might as well give it a shot.

I should hope that your attitude toward KD is a bit better when you face them than what I see here in this post. It's almost like you're suggesting that you're only considering KD because you know for a fact you won't get into DG.

Maybe I'm reading it wrong. I hope so. I also hope that no one at your school infers this from your statement.