Help! Im overwhelmed!
 

Hi everyone! I just joined GC this morning because I needed to get some advice from what seems like an awesome group of people;) I am currently pledging with a local in my area, and Im finding that we are getting entirely too much 'homework' and Im feeling very overwhelmed. All of the other pledges are feeling the same way, more than we think we should. We understand that pledging is difficult, and take it seriously, but were talking 9 hours just this week on homework, not counting the scheduled pledge activities. Is this normal? How did all of you cope with this?:eek:

Hi! Welcome to GreekChat. You're right...there is a great group of people here.

Pledging can be very stressful and busy, but if it is keeping you from being successful in your studies or is threatening your sanity;) , you need to speak up.

Consider what this "homework" is. If you are spending 9 hours in a week studying facts about the organization and its history PLUS study hours on your own work, that seems reasonable to me. That would be only a little over 1 hour each day on both sorority materials and your academics.

However, if this "homework" includes reviewing sorority materials, running errands for the chapter, doing personal favors for sisters, planning events entirely by yourselves (I mean your pledge class), IN ADDITION TO study hours, YOU ARE BEING HAZED, AND YOU SHOULD TELL SOMEONE NOW!

Pledging is a special time to learn about your sorority and about your sisters. You also end up learning so much about yourself! It is an exciting time when you should be enjoying yourself and pushing yourself to succeed. However, there is a fine line between pressure and total collapse. You have to be willing to work hard, but don't forget where your priorities lie.

Good luck!
Erica:)

I totally agree. If you tell your future sisters how you feel, and they say something along the lines of "SOL!!" then I say, who needs them? You're going to school for an education, not your sisters.

Thank you so much for you help! I really appreciate it!!! It was nice to just vent a little to get organized myself. We ended up speaking to our Big's and then we spoke to the Pres/Pledgemasters, and were all on the same level now. It wasn't that we were doing anything remotely like hazing, it just came down to time management. I feel so much better as do the other pledges. Were almost done! Next week is the FINAL week!!!Wish me luck!:eek:

I agree that things can be overwhelming... and I agree that usually a lot of that is due to time management. This is my final week too!!! My initiation is a week from Saturday. :D I took my final test last night and our entire pledge class made 100%!

Thats awesome! Congrats to your pledge class! Good luck in your final week! I start sunday night with hell week, only 5 days left!!!! Im so excited!!:D

Hell week???
 

That better be the week where they shower you like "hell" with gifts, poems, treats and candy. And NOT the hell week I think you are talking about-which is hazing. Either way good luck-and don't take crap from anybody. Even ONE group hazing gives everyone a bad name. All that crap they do on MTV's sorority and fraternity Life is Hazing. I hope no one is going to embarrass you or anything like that. I hope it is fun sisterly stuff. Good Luck!

To all the girls who've wrote in this, I wish you all luck, I'm having many troubles w/ my sorority but I hope things do get better..

Smiles, Im sorry your having a rough time, keep your chin up!!!:D

Glitter kitty, dont worry! Its nothing like hazing, Ive already inquired.I guess its just called that because its a full week of activities. Nothing weve done has been bad or uncomfortable, or remotely embarrassing. We have to wear black for 5 days, and a purple ribbon to represent the sorority. I know they have alot of fun stuff planned for us. TRUST ME, the second I feel uncomfortable with anything, Im out!! Thanks for looking out for me!!!;)

ECGal I know what you are feeling, all the stress and just seems like more and more work continues to pile up, well here is some advice for you, take some time for yourself. Have some *me* time and relax and little then go back to the things that you want to get done, trust me it does help and it's not as hard.

Well have fun and I hope is special and meaningful! Congratualtions! You are almost there!!!!!

Pledging & Boyfriend, Problems!
 

I am doing a lot of pledging and since I've got more class and much more to do this year, i guess you could say my relationship is on the line, because he is now saying I should just quit and focus on him instead of what I really want to do. Last year I really got off track and now this year I'm finally back to where I'm supposed to be but It's only causing more difficulties for me and this thing I have going on. What should I do?:( :mad: :eek: :confused:

i guess that i would say that if he wants you to focus on him more, then personally, i would show him the focus right out the door! there are times where things that are going on in your life (like work, kids, sorority, etc.) are going to interfere with your relationship with the boy. sometimes you just have to take time to focus on yourself. if you really want to be a member of your sorority, then continue pledging. if not, then stop, but definately don't quit because the bf doesn't think you are focusing enough on him!

Confused...
 

I have thought about that. I am not going to quit my activities because I always told myself to do what I want to do before I really mix anything else with my life. But my main problem is that this guy does mean enough to me enough for me to think about what is going on. I really don't know. Both makes me happy but my classes and everything else is something I REALLY want. He gets angry when I'm gone maybe like a day or more for those kind of activities so I guess I need to decide... It's all so confusing I think.:(

smiles...

My honey misses me when sorority events take up a lot of time, but he never gets angry! I know it is hard, but you have to do what is best for you. A boyfriend who truly wants the best for you will not intentionally make you feel bad for doing something for yourself. I am a founder of my chapter, and let me tell you...founding a chapter takes a lot of time! My man was so proud when we got our charter. Ever since, he has celebrated every success right along with us. Next month, our chapter is honoring him with Beta Sigma Phi's "Envoy" status, an honorary degree for the men who support Beta and its members.

When you are in a relationship, you make a commitment to nurture that relationship, to share of yourself and your time to make it stronger. If you want a relationship to work, you have to be willing to make some sacrifices for it; however, you are not expected to give every waking hour to your boyfriend. If you feel that you are giving the relationship the time it needs, then let your boyfriend adjust to the reality that your time is divided now. Perhaps you could ask him what he wants in the relationship. Try to make your time together extra special. When you have to be apart, send him cute notes or sexy little e-mails to keep things interesting;)

Erica

Oh Smiles! ::hugs:: Im so sorry that your getting a hard time about pledging from the bf. I got some of the same stuff when I started, so I told him "listen, I need this for me, for an outlet and a way to be a part of somthing that I feel is special, pledging doesnt last forever, and life will go back to normal very soon!" After I let him know that I needed his support, not discouragement, he got the idea, and has been really good with it since. This group of girls that Ive gotten to know so well after this amount of time is too important for me to just give up, especially for guy!!! I hope everything workd out hon!!!

What next?
 

I know the things that all you are saying is true because me and my boyfriend have come a long way and believe me a really long way because the first year was so hard cause of distance but he decided to relocate to be near me and now that i'm really into the things at my school, i guess he is having a hard time dealing with the fact that he's not always going to be with me 24 hours a day. My relationship w/ him was really on the line all the time and still is because of my time being occupied of something besides him. He knows i'm not going to be pledging forever and I even met up w/ some really nice people from my sorority and my bf doesn't like them since they all have a different opinion of him. I know he means well and only wants my attention but I know he can't always have it. I even invite him along w/ me if I'm going to do my usual activities w/ the pledge sisters but he tells me it's only girl stuff and he'd wait till I was done to spend time w/ him but I do understand his frustration of not getting to see me. I mean anyone would feel like that if they don't get to see someone they really care about.

I agree erica, i'm doing little things to lighten things between me and him a little and he does seem to like it, yeah sexy lil emails i've done and he loves that.

I really truly want this to work for me and him but I don't know if he's really going to be patient. I really hope so..
:eek: :eek: :confused:

Hi,

I may be wrong but this does not sound like a pledging issue, it sounds more like a relationship one. You should consider what you want from your relationship and ask your boyfriend the same. If this was a job or a class, would he feel the same?

How does he react with your other friends? Is he the type of guy that wants you to him self? Is so, this is dangerous.

Now don't get me wrong, he sounds caring and may be an awesome guy but if he wants to put limits on your goals and aspiration then thread lightly. Ask yourself, if he was involved in something he really wanted would I have a problem ? Would I be willing to give up a couple weeks? The answers to those question should give enough guidance.

Maybe your bf is just insecure and is afraid of losing you.

Keep in mind you're in for a new social life. He must be thinking about all the people you're going to meet, mixers with fraternity guys, you're going to get close with your sisters and all this must scare him if he really loves you and is not too sure about himself.

He is probably afraid of getting second place in your life or maybe lose any place he might have in your life. Which, sadly enough, may be the case after a while.:(

If this is the case, you should talk to him about where you two stand and either reassure him you would like him to be part of your new social life and to stand by your side or get ready for some sad and confusing times.

Hope this helps.