I'm taking the virginity of this forum!!!
 

This is the first post in dating and relationships. Lets try to have fun in here.



So, who is having dating problems? I can help you.

I just realized I have a crush on a GREAT friend of mine. It kinda just happened. Not sure how to bridge that gap. We run around in the same circle so it may be a little wierd..

Crushes on GREAT friends never end good if they go beyond a crush. The reason being because somewhere down the line the spark is gonna end but the two of you will still be in the same circle. Catch my drift? For example, my friend Kristin is probably my best girl friend in the world. But, up until this past year she liked me insanely. I never liked her in that way. People thought I was crazy. She even got breast implants to try to win me over, it didnt work. So, since she coouldn't win me, she ended up sleeping with one of my best friends. She still hung out with my circle. Anytime I had a party she was there. And now that we've moved from Gainesville, I found out she moved to Jacksonville like me. Now she has a new boyfriend. They've been dating for a long time now. He's actually a good friend of mine. I hang out with them a couple times a week and they cook dinner for me. However, I don't have the heart to tell him how she was back in the day. And one night I thought it was going to come out while we were partying at my place in the wee hours of the morning. Surprisingly, she ended up saying that she's never met a guy like me whos never tried anything on her and she's so glad that we never did anything and instead kept our friendship so that now it has become even more closer than what its ever been.

The moral: A crush is just that, a crush. Later on down the road you'll be glad you didnt persue it any further and instead remained good friends.

damn. have you become a dating therapist?

Oh oh, who do you think the mod of this new forum should be? ;)

okay help me

There is a girl that I like but she has a boyfriend. Her boyfriend sucks at life and makes her life miserable. How do I make them break up so that I can go out with her?

I, for once, don't actually like anyone. And I am the most boy crazy person in the entire world so this is really weird for me. I just don't have anytime right now, not even for myself. :( Oh well, give it a week I am sure I will find someone haha. :cool:

OP-

This is a delicate matter. I'll try to explain it as simple as I can.




How long have her and her Bf been dating? If they've been dating for awhile you're gonna have your work cut out for you. Even so, you can win her over. What you need to do is to distract her. If her life is miserable then you need to be the one to bring new life and happiness to her. Since she has a BF you can't be too forward with her in the realm of your feelings. I suggest you ask her to go out with you one night inorder to get her mind off of all the crap thats going on in her life. Asker her if she wants to go do something, something in a freindship way. Most girls don't like to cheat on their BFs, therefore you need to become her friend first. You need to be someone she can talk to about anything. If you really like this girl I suggest you show her you care about her and her feelings. Show her you want her to be happy. Sooner or later, if shes smart, she'll realize what a great guy you are and things will take off from there. Relationships work best when the two of you are both best of friends and lovers. Be respectful to her and her current relationship, tell her you only want to see the best things happen for her. I suggest you do little things for her that shows you think of her. Maybe send her some flowers and a card that says you want to brighten her day/week up. You need to spend time on the phone with her and write her cute little emails. After a little time has passed, then you need to tell her that she deserves so much better and that as much as she may like her BF, she needs to think later on down the road and what would be best for him. Explain to her that she's not going to change him but rather he has to change himself and sometimes the best thing to do is to leave someone inorder for them to get their life together. She'll get the idea. As I said, its delicate when a girl has a BF. After you have that talk with her, give her some time to think about it, then you can start back up doing some things with her. After she dumps him, she'll start to miss the companionship that she had with them and see you as the person thats been there as far as a male goes. It'll take off from there, trust me. I've done it too many times to count.


Cash-

I've been the dating threapist for a while now.

well you sure dont lack in the experience department;) :p

You don't have to tell me I'm a pimp, I know it.;)

No lacking here, I know women far better than most guys do. And honestly, I think its because of most the people I hang out with. Most of my friends are older than me. I've learn both from exp and lessons.

Thanks buddy.

Not my problem, but I discussed it in AIM chats so here goes..

My friend had a boyfriend whom she loved for about 4 or 5 years. They broke up a few years ago, but they still date and see each other socially. She still loves him and wants a future with him. He said to her that he couldn't handle the pressure of a commitment right now. Anyway, they have been off and on for a couple of years now. All of their friends know how she feels about him.

The problem is a few weeks ago one of her friends asked him to be her date to a wedding. She never discussed it with my friend. She did discuss it with some of their friends. Quite a few of their friends knew about the date. My friend was hurt, upset, and shocked that her friend asked him out. Moreover, she is hurt that their friends knew about this, and never told her. There was a lot of secrecy and deception about this date. I feel really bad for her. She was, and still is, really devastated. I am not sure what to say or do to help her deal with this. This really isn't about dating per se as much as it is about respecting a friend's feelings. Meanwhile, the guy thinks that he was doing her friend a favor. He didn't think of it as a date. What do you suggest?

Ok, here's another one for you...


How do you tell a guy you want more than a sexual relationship without him getting all defensive and blowing you off?

I've tried before, but he gets all weird, then stops talking to me for days, sometimes weeks and when he does start to talk to me it just starts the whole cycle all over again.
I'm not asking him to make a commitment, unless of course it's something he wants too. But how do I tell him how I feel without him freaking out?

Cream-

This is a lot of drama, glad I'm not in your circle.


I understand that your freind wants a future with this guy, but apparently he doesn't want to be tied down right now. Are they currently dating? From what you said it doesnt seem like they are officially together right now. If thats the case, I think there's something going on that your freind doesnt know. From what you said about him going on a date with her, it sounds like there might be some sort of a flame between the guy and the girl he went to the wedding with. I don't know any guy who went to a wedding with a girl as just a date and there was nothing going on between them. That just doesnt happen. If the guy doesnt like the girl he went to the wedding with, I think maybe she likes him and he doesnt realize it. Now, to help your friend.....You need to talk to your friend and help her in this time. I'm sure she's really depressed right now. Maybe its time for your friend to move on, maybe you should help her in that arena. Explain to her that she'll always love him and have a place in her heart for him, everyone has that person who they arent dating anymore but still have feelings for them in their heart. I think whats going on with the off and on couple is that they dated for so long they are still comfotable wiht each other and find it hard to get on that same level with other people. Trust me, I've went through that. I'm trying not to go through it right now. You freind is gonna be hurt regradless when she sees him with another girl, but it being a friend is only worse. And I think thats the reason for all the secrecy, everyone knows your friend will be hurt.....personally I think that guy and the girl from the wedding have something going on and very few people know about it, not including you. Still, it wasnt right for that girl to ask her freinds ex-boyfriend of a # of yrs to go on a date to a wedding. Unless those two are REALLY REALLY good friends, there should no reason for him and her to go to a wedding together unless they have something going on that most people don't know about.

You just need to comfort your friend and help her through this time. Its pretty rough when you see someone you were in love with and spent yrs together be with another person...regardless whether or not you see them walking together on campus or at a bar having drinks. It just hurts period. Help her move on and find the greener pastures. Her going through this will only make her stronger and more independent. For some reason I get this feeling like she is not very independent, like maybe she's the type of girl who latches on to a guy and is always by his side. Am I right? I also have a feeling she can bent out of shape over a guy pretty easy, am I right? If I am, just do what I said and help her find better things.


Craig

L.P.P.-


Your situation has a easy remedy. You just need to stop having sex with this guy if you want a relationship. A lot of peopel don't realise that you can get your point across without actually saying it. I'm really good at that. Obviously he doesnt want to date you. If he's having sex with you and the two of you arent dating he's using you for sex. Now thats fine if you're using him for sex as well. But, just talk to him and tell him that you want more than just sex. And if he can't deal with that, tell him you guys can't have sex anymore. believe me, when a girl says that to me I think she's a good girl deep donw and respects herself. The whole "I can't make a commitment" or the not calling you by being wierded out can be translated into " I don't want to date you, but we can have sex." The reason why he doenst call for a couple of days or weeks is because he feels shitty about not dating you and having sex while you're hoping for something more. He knows you want more. And the reason why he does call you back is because he hasnt had any since the last time you two had sex. Are you seeing the pattern? Plain and simple, if you want a relationship you need to stop giving it up to him all the time and tell him no more unless you guys start dating. Keep in mind, this is based on the assumption that you two have been doing your thing for a little while now. I'm assuming he's not some new guy that you've been talking for 2 or 3 weeks. Even so, you need to lay the issue on the line and see where he's gonna take it. Tell him the balls in his court, he needs to decide what he's gonna do. And if you don't hear from him after that, then you know you did yourself a favor. The longer you stay with someone who doesnt want to date you.....you're only hurting yourself all the more. You'll be much happier finding someone who really likes you rather than someone whos just having sex with you. For a lot of people sex is just that, sex. It doesnt mean they have feelings for you. Do you understand the point that I'm trying to get across to you? Then again I do know girls that just like having sex with someone and are cool with just having sex. The problem is, whether you realise it or not, sex is an intimate deal. If you keep doing it with the same person all the time you'll soon have feelings for them. You can't help it.


Hope I helped.


Cashmoney-

oooh I wanna play too.

so I went to this church service which is geared towards the college/just out crowd. I went by myself and ended up sitting with a 22 yr old guy, out of school, real job, seems sweet. One of the first things he said to me, though, was, "The Washington Post rated this the Best Place to Meet Your Mate." This was Wed... Thurs night he called to ask if I wanted to go bowling (bowling, I hate bowling) with his friends. I went and had an OK time. He didn't make any effort to overtly flirt, but asked if I wanted to go to church wtih him next week.

He also made an offhanded comment about the reason he works such long hours is he'd rather do that than be idle -- he doesn't have anything else to fill his time with.

I'm starting to get suspicious this guy is just shopping for a girlfriend, NOT for me. Do guys DO that?

Wow, you are good, really good. Thanks a lot for your suggestions. :)

I also think that the other girl has feelings for my friend's ex. I am certain that he doesn't like her, but I might be wrong. There is a lot of drama in this circle which makes me glad that I only hang with my friend. I know her friends, but they aren't my friends.

Everything you wrote is on target except this part:

She is really independent, and he is the first real relationship that she has had in a long time. Plus she loves him and had hoped that they would settle down. I think that is why it has been so hard for her to let him go.

I have tried to be there for her which I will continue to do. She has been focusing on other things like work and decorating her home which is occupying her time and taking her mind off this. I guess that it will just take time. Thanks again.

Ok, I have something for you.

Why do guys claim that they want a woman who "knows what she wants" but when said woman goes after what she wants (usually the guy) they totally FREAK out and run away?

i would also like to know why guys freak out and run away!!

And for those of you still in college, they don't get better as they age.

i agree! considering the one i'm referring to is out of school with a masters degree...

the christina aguilera song 'cant hold us down' comes to mind:p

I'm not cashmoney, but I'd say this happens because the guy knows what he wants and it's not that particular woman. When a guy freaks out and runs away, 95% of the time it's because he's not into the woman.

Then why'd he come back after I left him alone for about a week? lol And no, it wasn't sex.........

Well, if it wasn't the sex I'd say that he was part of the 5% that gets freaked out for a second but then realizes how awesome you are. :)

Cashmoney,

Thanks!

That was really great advice, and you're absoloutely right.
I've even tried some of the things you have suggested (obviously not hard enough).
So I have another question, why am I having such a hard time letting go? If it was any other guy I know I would have dumped his a$$ a long time ago. I can't seem to figure it out. Maybe you can shed some light onto it.
Having a neutral persepctive is good. You don't know me, so you're not afraid to be honest.

This is true usually. Or he could be insecure or you caught him really off guard. I don't know the situation.

Coming back isn't abnormal at all. Lets just see if he stays.

Ok so I feel like a loser asking for advice, but yea, I really need some so here goes.

Since my freshman year I have had a crush on this one guy, S. We've hooked up on and off for the last two years but this semester it's become like a regular thing. He doesn't want a relationship and I don't want one with HIM but I do want a relationship. However something about him to me is just really like hard to let go of and I don't know why. He is an asshole a lot of the time, but the times when he's sweet seem to make up for it. Now I know the smart thing is to say, I'm too good for him blah blah just move on but I am trying so hard and I feel like I can't b/c I want him to be in my life in at least some little way. The thought of like never kissing him ever again though scares me b/c I just can't fathom that.

So now enter my ex boyfriend, D. He and I broke up b/c of a lot of reasons but mainly b/c it was moving too fast and neither of us was ready for that at the time. Now we both are and we want to be together but he has a HUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGEEEE dillema going on right now. I want to be there for him and help him through it, but it's a seriously complicated scary situation. I'm the only person he has told outside of his fraternity and he expected me to freak out and like run away I guess, and no part of me wants to do that, I just don't know how we're going to get through this.

So what do I do? I want to be with both guys. S doesn't want a relationship but as soon as I mention anything about any other guy he becomes so jealous and possessive. And I know I'm dumb for thinking this, but I see that as his way of showing me that he cares. STUPID I know.

Ok so yea, advice...please. :(

I can't believe I just typed all this out on here. Sorry guys. :D :p

and here is mine.

Ok I am finally getting used to living in GA. I have been here for a year but never really adventured out more then I needed to.
So now I am in class and there is the guy named "BOB" there who I thought he was really cute since about June. I started to talk to him after class and what not, but then that class ended and now a new quarter started, and picture that, he is in this one too. Now while in class we would have group discusions and when I would talk he would say something that he rememered that I said or did. Like day one I said my name is Christia and he put in "she is from AZ" Now about two weeks ago we got out of class early and we talked at our cars from like 50 minutes. Then last week the same thing happened, we chatted at our cars again. I told him that I am Roman Catholic, and he shocked because he is too. (this is the South, were Roman Catholic is an endangered religion) He then told me about his church and I told him how little I know about the churches here. Then he invited me to go to his church. I thought it was like a "hey, came to my church, its the best" and then he was asking me which service I was going to so he can meet me there. I told him which one it will be (I have to wait till next week to go, but he knows this). Then we was telling me about the store his family owns and its past and how to get there. I was not sure if he was just proud of it or wanting me to see it, but then he told me when he is usually there to I know when to come by.

I don't know if this is southern hospitally or if he likes me. I gave his friend me number (for a project) so he can get my number easily.

Should I ask him out, or what? I don't know what to do, I never dealt with a southern guy before.

Christia

Sorry about the length and the type-o's

Christia

cashmoney, where are you! Everyone needs your advice!!

I'm in Orlando right now, I've been bouncin around the state since wednesday. I went back to Jax but had to come back to Orlando early evening on sunday. I should be back in Jax this evening, I'll get to it later tonight.

Christia,

First off, I'm glad that you're getting use to living in Georgia! :) Secondly, I got a kick out of reading your story about "BOB". Reminds me of when my husband and I first started seeing each other. He's from Ohio, and I'm a native Georgian. We were so excited when we discovered that we were both Catholic. You're right, it is somewhat of a rarity down here. :D

From what you've said "BOB" sounds interested in you. He obviously wants to see you at church, so I'd suggest taking him up on his offer to meet you there. After Mass has ended, if you're feeling comfortable around him, then invite him to go out to lunch with you (or breakfast -- I don't know what time the Mass is). A lunch date is pretty casual, so there shouldn't be much pressure on either of you to feel as if you're on a big "date." I think it would be a great opportunity to get to know each other better and find out what other things you have in common.

Good luck! :)

g
FAB! No sadness/confusion for you! Here's my take, whether you want it or not-

S. is a fuck buddy. You know that, b/c you said you don't want a relationship with him. He's not that quality guy...he's Mr. Right now. Which is fine, except that you have history w/D. and you guys both want to be together. Of course there's a part of S. that cares about you....but regardless, he's an ass who is kind of a hobby for you. You're not dumb for thinking anything....in some weird way that IS his way of showing he cares- he cares that he's not going to be getting your attention, even though he hasn't done the same for you. And it will be hard to stop kicking it with him b/c old habits die hard...but until you do, D. isn't going to happen.

Don't freak out about the situation with D. You care about him a lot, he cares about you, and I don't know if you believe in fate but I DO and the night you and I met ( :D) was fate for that and more importantly, for the 2 of you. Something threw him in front of you. He was put there b/c he needs you now....unfortunately any romance is going to have to wait between you guys until he gets his shit straightened around. That doesn't mean it won't happen, it just means he needs you as a friend, first.

Good luck, and I'm always here to talk to!

PhD's in tha house
 

You guys are good with this advice stuff. I guess you have your Doctorate:D . I wouldn't say that I am the best when it comes to giving advice...but I'm pretty good I think:rolleyes: . But my problen is I just cannot take myown advice:(

Re: PhD's in tha house
 

Wow if that didn't echo my own thoughts :(

Here is my issue.

I AM EVERY MAN'S BEST FRIEND! I have tons of guy friends. I love hanging out with them. Most of my co workers are guys and I go out to lunch with a few of them almost every day (and i am generally the only girl to go with them). When I go to bars and clubs, I have my girls there, but I will also have a few guy friends there and tend to enjoy hanging out with them more. Some of my guy friends know secrets my girl friends don't know. Basically, I am the girl friend, but never the girlfriend. My guy friends don't see me more than that. I have had small crushes on friends but they never worked out. Some I stayed friends with and others I don't speak to. But I need help. I haven't been on a date in almost a year and I am always scared of going into the dating situation only to give off a friends/lil sister vibe. What am I doing wrong?
A lil background on me: my last LT relationship ended almost 2 years ago. My ex was emotionally abusive and probably cheated on me. (Still TBD but i honestly wouldn't want to know.) Most of the guys I have dated since then have turned sour. Either I don't speak to them or something like that.

HDIPM-


There are guys out there who do that, they go to church to shop for a GF. From what I understand they don't want to look for girls out at the bar/club, they are not in school anymore and have a hard time finding decent women who share some of the same views. If you ask me this guy is wierd in the sense like some idle time. That means he doesnt have that much of a life outside of work and church. So basically, yes....guys do that. I guess they want a real christian girl or something.


Cash-

SBGPHB-


The guy just doesnt want to make a commitment. Maybe the guy said woman is asking doesn't feel the same way about the girl. A lot of guys talk a lot of crap.