Would you let your father's mistress....
 

OK, last night, I was watching the series Soul Food on Showtime. The Joseph sisters discovered that when their father was living, he had a mistress and a child. The child (Tyra Banks) came to town to honor her mother's dying wish... to be buried next to the man she loved. After much bickering and threats, the sisters decided to allow Tyra's character to bury her mother next to their father... so at the grave site, he was between his mistress and his wife. I don't think I could have done it! What about you guys? Would you have accepted this, and would you accept this outside child as your sister?

I think I would be able to accept the child as my sister...but as far as burying the lady next to my father and mother...that is another story!

I was just thinking the same thing http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif.

The episode was a major trip. What really took me out was when the "sister" asked them why they finally looked her up.

I think that I would definitely have problems with that situation. Especially if I had no idea that this sibling existed.

I agree with Catwoman. My sister is my sister but unless I knew that my father wanted to be buried next to that woman, it wouldn't happen.

I would not accept her as my sister, nor would I allow her to bury some homewrecker next to my parents.

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I'm not conceited, just convinced.

[This message has been edited by mizzkes (edited January 04, 2001).]

i would accept her as my sister by birth, but her adulterous mama would not be buried near my mother.

I know that is real! I would NEVER DISRESPECT MY MOTHER LIKE THAT!

First of all, who is the adulterer to have any wants FROM SOMEONE ELSE'S HUSBAND!

I know that is real! I would NEVER DISRESPECT MY MOTHER LIKE THAT!

First of all, who is the adulterer to have any wants?

She had best been buried some other place!


THE NERVE! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/eek.gif

Well I guess I have it kind of easy because my mother and my father are separated so therefore If my dad had another child by another woman would be alright with me. I'm the only child and would love a sister. So therefore I would accept her into my life with open arms praying that it would be returned. So if her mother's wish was to be buried next to my dad I don't see why not.

I, too, saw the episode last night and I must agree with the general concensus. I would (eventually) accept the woman as my sister; I was no fault of hers that she was born into an adulterous relationship. But let some other woman I never knew about rest next to my father--not gon' be able to do it! (even though HE cheated) because I do believe that would disrespect my mother. Especially in that situation, cuz y'all know she knew about the relationship--the man was never home on Christmas? You know back then, wives didn't leave like they do nowadays. And she forgave his a** and stayed? No way. No disrespect, but she'd have to be buried over yonder some where. Sister would just have to deal.

I would definitely accept her as my sister, but she probably wouldn't accept me. There is absolutely NO WAY I would have allowed that woman to be buried next to MY daddy. I would have had to tell her that, unfortunately, I don't feel as strongly about her mother's dying wish as she does. It would be enough to find out after my father's passing that he even had a mistress! Can you even imagine the havoc that would wreak on you mentally?? To find out that much of what you thought you knew was a lie? There are very few things that I feel super strongly about, and marriage is one of them. It's too sacred. To allow her to be buried next to my father, especially with my mother right next to him, would not only be totally disrespectful to her (mommy), but it would be like I was cool with all that went down, and I would not be cool with that at all.

As a man, I'd have to say that I would accept this person as my brother/sister. However out of deep love and respect for my mother, I'd never let their mother be buried next to my father and my mother. What kind of dying wish was that?

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KAPPA ALPHA PSI FRATERNITY, INC.
SPR 97
XI LAMBDA

Exactly.

I agree with the majority. I could accept her as my sister (I've been in that situation before, but that is another story and thread), but I wouldn't allow the mother to be buried next to my parents. The husband has already disrespected his wife, and I wouldn't allow it to happen again.

Hello everyone. I would not let some child from my father's mistress bury HER mother next to my parents. I would not understand that while she the mistres was alive she wasn't trying to make it a known fact that she wanted to be my father's partner she wasn't fighting to stand by his side. She was willing to remain a secret. So why then in death is it that now she wants to defame my family publicly but still not fight her own battle....she is using her daughther. I think she should remain in the role she accepted while she was living......a mistress! And as for accepting the daughter as a sister....I'd really have to think on that one.

[This message has been edited by affinity8 (edited January 05, 2001).]

GREETINGS EVERYONE!
I AM KINDA CONFUSED. I SAW SOUL FOOD THE OTHER NIGHT, TOO, AND MY UNDERSTANDING IS THAT NINA WAS BORN BEFORE PAPA AND MAMA JOSEPH EVEN GOT TOGETHER. DID I MISS SOMETHING?? :CONFUSED:

I have a question for you all...

What difference would it make to all the dead folks of who's buried next to whom? What can the dead folks do about it anyway? Then why would the child outta an adulturous liason would go and ask the sisters anyway? Guess I'd havta see the show to know for myself.

But as for me personally, I don't think I would have SO much claim to my father's life to dictate who he's buried next to or not. Just as long as he had an appropriate burial would be more important to me. And as far as my mother's feelings, well, if she's dead, then how she gonna feel anything? And you cannot say that it's spiritually foul because who's to say what goes on up in Heaven or down in Hell... Think about what King David did with Bathsheba... I'm not a Mormon so I don't believe we will be with "families" when we get to Heaven if we are so fortunate. I think we will be a new creature unto Christ if we are allowed into Heaven. I dunno, but things do happen to folks for a reason.

In fact, the wives, concubines and mistresses of the "king" Raja of India have to jump down to their death when their husband dies. So in other cultures, it isn't a big deal about what happens after somebody's dead. I think it's what you do while you're living that most important... But that's just my personal philosophy.

She was born before Terri, but he was still married to Mama Joseph and Papa Joseph still spent time with Nina and her mom, so he and the mother were still together. Remember when they were remembering how he left that Christmas and was gone for an hour or two? He had a whole 'nother family. (excuse my Mississippi slang)

i would accept the sister of course...

the dying wish thing...whew http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/eek.gif

i am sappy person when it comes to dying wishes, so probably would.

personally i would want to kick my father's butt for creeping outside his relationship, but he would be dead already, right!

Hey All:

Well. I would probably accept the girl as my sister. As stated before, it's not her fault that she was born from an adulterous union.

I don't know about the burying next to my dad and all. Someone stated how do we know that that would be what my father wanted...to be buried next to her.

I will say that it seems like no one is holding him accountable for his actions. Yeah, she is a homewrecker but without knowing the circumstances, it's hard to say how I'd feel.

OH YEAHHHH!!
THANKS CONVINCED FOR SETTIN' ME SKRAIGHT!(THAT'S MY HOMEGIRL ACCENT)

Finally Saw the Episode on Sunday. I have to agree with most. I felt the sisters were to hard on Tyra but as far as burying the Other woman let me ask the question if your mother had passed in a similar situation would you not fight just as hard to fufill her last dying request as you would to keep her away if you were the other family? I think she was wrong to do that but emotion takes the moment and the fact she was attacked by Terri and the rest did not help either.

SPhinxpoet
Finally the SPhinxpoet has come back to the PYRAMIDS!!!!!!!

Well, looking at it from that standpoint (if it were my mother's dying wish), I'd have to make an adult decision. Yes, I'd want to be accepted as a sister (esp being an only child), but I could never fix my mouth to ask this family to bury my mother next to their father. Oh, and when I take my children to see her site, what am I supposed to say? **"mommy, who's that man next to grandma?"** ---"oh, that's my father, your granddaddy."---"and mommy, who is that lady, one of our cousins?"---- "oh no dear, that's his WIFE." Uh uh, no way.

On the other side, I haven't seen the episode (now I'm dying to see it), but I would've told her no, among a few other things.

TickledPink brought up a good point.

Yes tickledpink did bring up a very good point. What would she say to her children.

Tickledpink said:
mommy, who's that man next to grandma?"**
---"oh, that's my father, your granddaddy."---"and mommy, who is that lady, one of our cousins?"---- "oh no dear, that's his WIFE."

It may go like this.

KID: "Who dat is?"
MOM/TYRA: "That's yo' grandmama baby daddy/my mama baby daddy (sans ebonics read: my father and your grandfather) and that other woman is his wife and other babies' mama."

I am sooo sorry for that.

[This message has been edited by DELTABRAT (edited January 08, 2001).]