WEDDING ETIQUETTE?
 

I have an etiquette question in reguards to weddings. This is the scenario:
My friend is having a small wedding,50-75 people including the wedd party. Is it wrong of her to allow some of the wedd party to bring a guest (people that she knows, or married, engaged) and not let others in the party (her sister) who is not in a serious relationship to bring a guest. The bride theory is that they will probably pay $50 per person because they are having the ceremony and reception on a boat and want to have close family and friends ONLY!
Tell me what yout think......

I personally think that's pretty foul, especially since it's her sister. Either everyone can bring a guest or no one brings a guest. So the married and engaged people in the wedding party will be all coupled off on the boat, and her sister will be by herself?! That doesn't sound right to me.

I agree and I'm sure I saw this question in one of my wedding planner books also.

Since I'm getting married in May, I've done a lot of reading and research. From what I have read, the bride is not wrong. The bride and groom are under no obligation to allow their single guests (even wedding party members) to bring a date unless their guests or wedding party members are married or engaged. If they are in a serious, long-term relationship they should use their own discretion.

I also meant to add that I would allow members of my wedding party to bring a guest (and include the person's name on the invitation), but I guess it also depends on their budget. Maybe the extra people would put them over their limit.

But I will check a couple of my favorite websites to be certain.



[This message has been edited by AKAtude (edited January 02, 2001).]

AKATUDE, I LOVE THEKNOT.COM!!!!!
Thanks everyone, I have sent her the link to this thread, so keep the responses coming!!!!! I am having a big wedding, so I don't have this problem!

not to seem like I am drinking haterade...LOL, I am only joking when I say....

YA'LL BRIDES-TO-BE make me sick LOL! "let me check my favorite planner etc."

YUCK!

JUST A LITTLE HUMOR! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif

naw, just make sure you take excellent notes and keep everything (ideas, samples, etc) in a binder...you know...I might need some assistance when it's my turn. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif

CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL THE BRIDES for the year 2K1!

*SMOOCHES*

Oohlala, THEKNOT.COM is my favorite! My only problem has been folks asking if their children can be in the wedding! Whatever happened to waiting to be asked?! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/mad.gif

According to some bridal experts that I have read, a wedding should not be looked at as a 'social event' i.e. a place to have/bring dates, etc. I think it is perfectly acceptable for the bride to INVITE (not designate as guests) the significant others of those closest to her. If the sister has a boyfriend that she would like to come to the wedding then by all means the bride should invite him. If the sister just wants to invite some one so she should have a date, no offense, but the sister should realize it's not about her. None of my wedding invitations went out as guest. For those good friends that had a boyfriend/girlfriend (even if I didn't know the person) I got the name/address of that person and sent them an inviation personally.

I hear ya! I guess that means you have not had GROWN FOLKS telling you "they know they are going to be in the wedding!"

LOL...that was funny.

Oh my...I had that happen. I had a DISTANT cousin come up to me and my mom and say "I didn't get an invitation, it must have gotten lost in the mail, He's my new address. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/eek.gif You know how the reply cards have a line where you are supposed to fill in the name of the guest you are bringing? I had an aunt ADD four more lines and fill them in with folks names!!! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/eek.gif My mom flipped. I have tons of wedding planning stories. If you ladies have any questions...email or post away!!!! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

I'm with AKA2D'91 on ya'll wedding planners..... you all make me sickkkkkkkkkk!!

Hey I'm on THEKNOT, but I am not getting married until November http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif. For those on the knot, are you using the planner. I am. I think that it is great. I gave my matron of honor the code so that she can plan the shower and other bridesmaids activities without me having to find out. It is weird but I was not nervous until 2001 hit then I thought "my God I am getting married". Good luck ladies http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif

I have more of a horror story that goes along with wedding etiquette. One of my friends (now more of an associate)was getting married and included me in her bridal party. Mind you, I'd just been invited by my company to attend a huge all expense paid for conference & gala of events in Minneapolis (they only chose a few of thier top performers to invite for free, so it was an honor to get invited) during this time. With a month's notice, I cancelled my trip and planned for this shot gun wedding. The bridesmaids had to put their initial deposits down for their gowns, but 2 wks before the wedding, she & the groom (they were notoriuos for doing the break up make up thing) got into this HUGE fight and the whole thing was called off! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/eek.gif When my "friend" told us about it we all cried and hugged and did the sympathy (male-bashing) thing with her, but days later, we started to ask about the deposits. She was very nonchalant about the matter and was just like ~you guys need to discuss that with Mrs. So & So (just like that). So I did. Needless to say, the lady had cancelled the order for the gowns when my "friend" told her that the wedding was off & refused to give the $$ back. I even inquired about having her just order mine (the gown was beautiful ~ it was a neutral color, straight designed with no frumpy bows or anything. Trust me, it wasn't like the ones that I've cracked on people for wearing to formal events) but she wouldn't do it! I called my company and thankfully was able to go on the trip anyway, but that left a sour taste in my mouth. And my "friend" just laughed it all off and was like "oh well". Hmph. I was just in shock because even though they always "broke up", I never thought they'd pull this crap before their wedding. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/confused.gif AND the icing on the proverbial cake......... she and the boyfriend ended up eloping, went to the Justice of the Peace and didn't invite one of us. How's that for inconsiderate?

------------------
"Things that make you go hmmmmm..."

-Arsenio Hall

tickledpink, lady I have two words for you:

Beat Down!

Nuff said.

MN

LOL!!!!! I was thinking the same thing but was going to be lady like and not post it. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif

**LOL at MN!**

Beat down!

AND

JUDGE JUDY, IF YOU DIDN'T GET YOUR MONEY BACK!

I agree with AKAtude on this one as well. Brides-to-be are under no obligation to invite so and so's boyfriend or so and so's girlfriend just so they aren't lonely. Weddings are about meeting people and having fun. Since my fiance and I are paying for our wedding we see each person as a dollar sign. This way we keep things in perspective. If any of you brides-to-be have family 'inviting' themselves just kindly tell them that you aren't sure, you will have to see. DON'T FALL TO THE PRESSURE..LOL. HEY AKA2D....what's with the hatorade...lol http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif

btw akatude my wedding is may 25th, when is yours????

I am unfortunatley in a wedding where eveything is just so poor quality. She has three different kinds of Hallmark wedding invitations and thats just for her side of the family her groom hasn't picked out his yet. She has no real color scheme or anything that ties everything toegether to make it classy. Some woman who they know can cook is making the food not catering it and she wants to have all plastic and paper for her wedding reception. And on top of all this they have no money and they are ages 20 and 22 coming out of thier parents house. I want to voice all of my concerns but I don't know how she will take them. My concerns are basicaly that they should find some independance first and save so they can have a "nice" wedding and start a life together securley and not just a thrown together cheap affair and no real plans for the future. Together they have had six diffrent jobs in the past year so they have zero job security. And are planning to buy a house, again with no money saved up.

Does anyone have any advice on what I should do? The plans are already set in motion and I don't want to ruin her excitement but I think she is just moving way to fast with out enough of a saftey net and forethought. And we used to have all these dreams when we were younger and we would sy that "we are not going to have some tacky thrown together wedding" we both said that we would have "classy" weddings that we could be proud of. That just doesn't seem to be happening on her side.

(SORRY FOR THE LONG POST THIS HAS BEEN ON MY MIND FOR A WHILE) http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

My wedding is May 26th!

AKAtude that is to cool sisterfriend!!!!! How are the plans?? For some reason I am not stressed. We start our christian counseling next week. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif.

I don't know the answer for this one. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/frown.gif I do agree with PositivelyAKA that you should do what you want to do, but discussing it with your mother is not such a bad idea. Even though she may be against it, she may tell you to invite them because she recognizes that it is your day. You may not have a sisterly bond/relationship with them right now, but you don't know what the future could bring.

i don't know if there is a right or wrong answer for this one, but here's my spin on it. since its your wedding you should do what you want to do http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif however know that if you do decide not to invite them to a traditionally family/close friend/even associate event then they may be offended and any relationship they thought they had with you may be forever ruined. it would probably hurt them to know that you invited a coworker over them (blood). so perhaps you should discuss it with your mother and see what she thinks, you may be susprised at her answer. the bottom line is if you don't want them their then you probably shouldn't invite them because you will make yourself,mom and them very uncomfortable, believe me it will show if you are not sincere. just be willing to accept the consequences of whatever you choose to do. good luck.

LOL @ MN as well.