Interracial Dating...For the Holidays?????
 

Please help me.

Let me begin by saying, even though I not against most interracial dating, I am against a black man dating a white woman.

Why do I make two different statements that don't match? Because, to me a white woman dating a black man reinforces all of the negative stereotypes of why black men don't date black woman(fat, lazy, loud, ignorant, ghetto glued in weave with bright orange nails.) Basically, that black woman are not wanted, not even by their own race. Ok, I just put myself out in the spotlight to get hammered from all sides.

Now, let me make things more complicated. My uncle will be bringing over his fiance' for Christmas and yes she is white. Unfortunetly, my uncle was one of those men that went to college loving a black woman and leaning on a black woman for support but now, is making lots of money and you know the rest. He claims that he loves this woman and he is worried about how our family is going to act.

Let's just say, I know I am going to be the mediator but I don't want to be. I wish I could talk to my family before they show up. I know this is weird, but please help me keep my family from stepping out of line and hurting their feelings.

This is actually bothering me. Regardless of my personal feelings, I don't want my family to act ignorant. Was anyone in a similiar situation? What did you do? Even if not, what do you suggest?

I must say that I don't agree with your post at all. How can you be accepting of most interracial dating, but not black men and white women? That's oxymoronic to me. I have dated a white girl in the past. That doesn't mean that I don't love my sistas. I LOVE MY SISTAS!! For you to assume that all black men date white women because they feel that black women are inadequate for whatever reason, is propersterous. Also, for you to suggest that your uncle is dating this white woman now because of status reason's is also wrong. Has he come out and said that now that he's making major figgas that a sista ain't good enough for him? But to sort of agree with you, black men who solely date white women peturbs me. I mean, there I can say they might have some unresolved issue. But on a whole, interracial dating doesn't mean that either party has abandoned their race. But let's get to why you are really posting.

Hopefully your family has the sense not to be rude in front of your uncle and his fiance, not matter how they feel. There is really nothing you can do as the mediator. Does your family know that he is now engaged to a white woman? If they do and they have a problem with it, they should have said something about it to your uncle before he comes home and gets put before the firing squad. Does your family have a general problem with white people? Well let them know they've been here and are not going anywhere. Even if they disagree with the interracial dating, they should support your uncle if he's truly happy with this woman. That's my advice.

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KAPPA ALPHA PSI FRATERNITY, INC.
SPR 97
XI LAMBDA

Thanks 4 your reply, NUPE4LIFE. I'm actually going to talked to my uncle today, to see if he can arrive at an earlier date. Yes, I do realize that their is nothing I can do as a "mediator". And no, my family really doesn't know about his future plans but, my question about him loving this woman still remains. But I shall soon find out.

As far as the attitude of my family-CONSERVATIVE. Interracial dating is a no,no.

However, I do feel that I need to clear a few things up about you understanding my statement.
You stated,
"For you to assume that all black men date white women because they feel that black women are inadequate for whatever reason, is propersterous. Also, for you to suggest that your uncle is dating this white woman now because of status reason's is also wrong. Has he come out and said that now that he's making major figgas that a sista ain't good enough for him?"

Let me first say, I don't assume that all black men date white woman because they "are inadequate for whatever reason", YOU said that.

As you are aware, many black men, white women, and others of different ethnic backgrounds see the surge of black men dating white women a cause of the stereotypes I previously mentioned. And unfortunately, I have had one or two white woman tell me this. Or at least try to anyway.

Of course my view is oxymoronic-contradictory, acutely silly, and does not match, that was my first or second statement I made. But, I'm being honest and that is how I truly feel and regardless of how many black women deny it, I'm sure in some way they agree.

Anyhow, thanks for your opinion and don't think I haven't given your post serious thought. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif

My brother just married himself a caucasian woman this past summer... I had a huge problem with that and I caused myself much distress over that, especially since I attended a HBCU. I prayed to God to show me why He was allowing this marriage to "happen", since I truly believed and somewhat still believe, my brother wasn't and isn't ready for a long term committed, maritial relationship. His mentality, I believe as the older sister, is a bit premature for handling all the impact that a serious marriage, based on God would take--but I could not and still cannot be the judge of that...

All I can suggest inorder for you to get through this, as I somehow did because of my love for Christ, is if you are seriously close to your uncle and you truly love him as your brother in Christ, or in spirit or whatever you believe, ask yourself, like I had to ask myself, is it worth all the bitterness and resentment you have to ruin you uncle's and your relationship for the rest of your lives, just for ~4 hours of a meal when all you have to do is "smile"? Can't you just smile for 4 hours??? You'd be amazed with yourself by taking on that attitude...

Ironically, if you find yourself kind a liking the girl he's bring "home" and he talks outta turn on her (like O.J.) and you call him on it in front of her and she's smart enuf to start defending her beliefs, then it might drive him away from her... This could backfire on you though. But most of the time, it's about control and domination that a brotha must feel over any woman. I've had to put my brotha in check when he talks outta turn to his wife. He may resent that, but as a woman, it's wrong for a man to publicly belittle you in front of family and friends. That is the very beginning of a domestically violent dysfunctional relationship and folks would want to seriously seek psychological help for themselves...

Ania,

So far as your role as the mediator goes, you may want to talk with your family before the holiday gathering gets started and (gently) remind them that the uncle and girlfriend deserve respect simply as people. Race doesn't have anything to do with it, really. Even if she were Black and they didn't like her, they should try to be cordial and not make this woman your uncle has chosen uncomfortable, right? The same applies even though she is White. As long as she is respectful, she should be respected. Now, if she steps in there and doesn't act right...all bets are off!

My brother has a White girlfriend. I ummmmm let me make it clean and simple, I am not one that really agrees with the white and black thing, and like Ania i have no problem with interracial as far as like a black and hispanic.......maybe it is silly but thats how i feel. At the same time I am not so against it that it causes me to act ignorantly. I love my brother and I have grown to love his girlfriend. I know that his reason for dating her is not because he thinks the Black woman is not adequate nor is it status (she has more money than him). Its really because he loves her and I am mature enough to accept that. They have been together for along time now. I also have a female cousin who has only been with the White man that she is with, thats the only man she has known. She is 31 and they have been together since they were in highschool. He is apart of the family. I would never date a White man and I would hope my children do not, but if they do I am understanding enough to accept it as long as its true love and as long as they are not dating one of those White people that come from racist families and they have to hide and shyt.

Aka_Monet, Epitone, and prettygyrl,
You both are absolutely right. I just prayed about about it and I will treat her with respect and expect that she will treat us the same. If I turn bitter or petty about her not being a sister, I will smile and just bear it, for my uncle. Regardless of how I feel about interracial dating.

I do love my uncle and he knows that we do not play that game of disrespecting women. He will be called out or at the most called into the kitchen to be told about his behavior by his brothers and sisters.

I would be all over Kevin Spacey, I don't know there's just something about those dimples.....

LOL - For real though, Matthew is fine. :cool:

Hey Soror!
Yeah, he's a lil something. :o

I am a huge fan of Nick Lachey, would be all over him. I also looooove Adam Levine (Maroon 5) and I think the drummer is cute too.

Ania,

I pretty much agree with what was said here about playing mediator. You really dont have to do it. Let your uncle do it.

My family is was extremely racist. I say was because my cousin married a woman named Julia about 10- 15 years ago. My cousin was soooo out there on drugs, the family was terrified. He lost his mom and still didnt get off the drugs. I dont know what Julia did, but he is a sold out, holy ghost filled, on fire drug free-Christian. Now, when he first married her, some family was saying some really whack stuff and would say that they didnt care if she heard. But once my cousin set them straight, even the biggest offenders fell in line. I know one thing, Julia had to get a thick skin with the quickness. But things really did work themselves out. Keep praying.

^

I love it when peeps fail to pay attentions.

Werd.

but if i decided to go down that road...

Lawd, Matthew McConaughey...OoOOHHH WEEEE!!! Also put George Clooney and Julian McMahon (from Nip/Tuck) on the list as well.

...and the guy that plays Clark Kent on Smallville. :cool: YUM!

John Cena is on my list. He is huge.

I guess I'm really blessed
 

My husband is white. His family not only accepted me with open arms; his father (who is a minister) married us (and recently baptized our son, his grandson). And my parents adore him.

So I consider myself extremely fortunate.

Oh, and he reminds me of Dylan McDermott (from "The Practice") with glasses :)

Re: I guess I'm really blessed
 

Sounds like hubby is cute! ;)

I've always had a thing for Nicholas Cage, ever since "Peggy Sue Got Married". *sigh*

I've dated interracially: 2 white and 1 Indian (from India). We're all the same in our spirits, we're all human, and we're all the same color in the dark. teeheehee

Matthew, Johnny(Depp, that is), MARK WALHBERG, pre/post divorce Brad and oh yes John Cena can all get the business. :p

Oh, hunny, HUSH! :D I'm a big fan as well...looks and talent.

And, co-sign with all the other picks previously posted (except Nicolas Cage, even though he's Italian and I'm part). I'll also add Wentworth Miller (Prison Break, Mariah Carey's videos for "It's Like That" and "We Belong Together", The Human Stain, etc.). Those eyes...those eyes... :)

Re: the topic at hand...

Interracial dating is not my personal cup of tea. I believe in Black families, plain and simple. I honestly can't see myself dating and/or marrying anyone else. As much as I don't want to sit around "waiting to exhale" for a decent Black man to come in my life, I'm not going to give up hope that easy, either. And, I, too, don't like it when other people exclusively date outside their race based on stereotypical reasons. When I see a brutha with "someone else" (esp. White), paranoia kicks in and I usually automatically think the worse (esp. if he has status). With that said, though, love is love and that can't really be helped. We're all individuals; you can't live your life to accomodate other people's opinions. It's just that the feelings, reasons, etc., for interracial dating/marriages should be genuine and not based on stereotypes, a one-time bad experience, etc.

my list is long and varied...but some highlights

Brendan Fraser, #1 on my list...."liquid hips" oh man.....
Russell Wong (Kai in Romeo Must Die)
All 4 men in a little group from Ireland that you may have heard of, U2....
Benjamin Bratt

I keep on saying that my dream man would be an Afo/Irish/Asian man...as to make everyone happy!

All my involvement have been with Black men, but I am very attracted to Asian and Latin guys.

Re: Re: I guess I'm really blessed
 

Oh no you didn't just go there! :p ;) Heh.

After watching the Grammy's, I need to add the lead singer of Linkin Park to my list of cuties.

People should date who they want to. Personally withme though. Ihave no problem with Blackmen dating whie women. Ido however have an issue with Blackwomen dating white men. I know. Iknow. Its a double standard and I am working through it. Living down south you dont see that combination too often.

Here is my reasoning.
In any relationship (black or white) the woman is "usually" going to do what the man ddoes. SHe goes wher ethe man takes her and gets into whatever the man is into. So, in a White man, blck women relationship, I dont see him enhancing her African American culture. I dont see him taking her to the KIng Center or to see Black culture events. I could be wrong, but I am just aying what I see.

LOL....I forgot about Russell Wong...;)

:eek:

So is the black man going to take his white Irish girlfriend to the St. Patrick's Day Parade? In other words, would a black man enhance a white woman's culture any more than a white man enhance a black woman's? Who's to say that the white woman's culture is any less important to her?

:eek: is right.

I guess Asiaphiles don't exist in pilot06's world...I find that a lot of non-Asian guys who date Asian women are REALLY into Asian culture...so much so that they only date foreign born Asian women.

You're not crossing the line too much with Wentworth since he is multiracial (his father has African-American ancestry). Good choice!
Bless your lil' heart. How old are you chile? :)

Exactly. I know only a few people who dates interracially (or even interculturally), that has zero interest in the background of the people they are dating.

I think this often applies to close platonic friendships also.

*dayum* All I asked for was who would you date? :p

(longggggggggg sigh)

It's my fault. I should have deleted the posts from 2000. :D

I hear what yu are sayong, but inthis country, we already know much about European culture. Its taught inthe school system. Unfortunantly, we are not taught very much about african american culture. CAse in point, I knew a black girl that dated nothing but upper class white guys. We were talking about Black history monthm and I was appauled at the lack of knowledge she had about her own people. She told me she was never exposed to those things.

Thas why I came to the conclusion I did. Like I said, my views are steadily changing. And, again, livinginthe south, until lately, the only races I mainly come into contact with are blacks and whites. Dont see many asians. But now a days you do.

*fanning myself*

I would add Benjamin Bratt (E-Ring, L&O)...whew I gotta sit down :D

Add Russell Wong, Marcus Chong (even though he went crazy after the whole Matrix fiasco)Benjamin Bratt and Esai Morales (La Bamba and NYPD Blue). Grrrrrrrr!

Back to topic:

Brad Pitt
Triple H :o
Matthew McConaughey
Marc Wahlberg

There's more. I can't think right now.

People know a lot about AMERICANIZED European culture. Do Americans who are NOT of Dutch (or other European descent) descent know much about the Festival of St. Nicolas? What about the Festival of St. Lucia? Did you learn much about that in school? How about Eastern Orthodox cultures? Does the typical American know much about that (other than, perhaps, having different days for Christmas and Easter)? You can't group all European cultures into one and say that they are one and the same. You can't even group American culture together and say that they're one and the same. What's "tradition" in say, the northeast, doesn't mean that it is in the west.

I know many brothers (that only date white girls) that are just as clueless when it comes to things such as the topic of BHM or other things that affect us. They only date non-black girls and really don't have a thing to be with our neighborhood or communities either.

But at the same time, just because Leroy is comfortable bringing Becky to the local black restaurant or to the black club doesn't automatically make her an expert on black culture either. :D

In your first example, don't you think the sista would probably be the one to expose him more (ex. Understanding of black hair, take him to church with her, bring him around family, cooking , etc.)?

Ok, let me stop hijacking....:)

Mullaatogyrl...did you say Triple H? Go 'on girl. :p

I know you said 'usually'....
 

I know you said usually....I just wanted to share an exception. I met my white husband in a black church! He was the only white guy in the church (there was one other white lady). And he had a leadership position, too.

I figure when he married me he knew what he was getting into, so to speak. And he clearly has an appreciation for black culture, else he wouldn't have been attending the church he was going to, and he certainly wouldn't have married me!

And he's not one of these 'trying to be black' kind of white guys, either. He's from small town New England, where there are hardly any of 'us' there. I think he's a product of his environment, where his minister father truly taught him that all people are created equal and are to be respected and appreciated. And that's rare. He's comfortable enough with my blackness, he actually encourages me to cut off all my permed hair and start over with a natural! Why? Because "that's the way God made you and you are beautiful as you are," he said. :)