Weigh In: Infertility
 

If a couple is unable to conceive "naturally" (without medical intervention), should they pursue the issue by asking science to intervene? Should these couples be seeking alternative ways of having a family (adoption, foster parenthood)? Are they being selfish or are they merely exercising their right to have a child together? When is enough enough?


Let's discuss without flaming...

It's my belief that adoption is an option for some folks. For others, it isn't. This is simply a personal decision. If you could never be happy without your own DNA in your child then adoption really can't be the answer.

Do I think the world would be a better place if more qualified families adopted? Yup.

I think the argument of when "science shouldn't intervene" well, then I also feel then that heart transplants, antibiotics, etc falls under that category.

I think it's a fine line of when science shouldn't be used. Just because we CAN clone humans, does it mean we SHOULD clone humans?

Personally, I think invitro conception, help with conceiving through science is fine. However, I have more of a problem with 70 year old men fathering a child naturally. I think that is very selfish. Most likely that child will be fatherless much earlier and younger than most other children and don't think that is right. But that's just me.

Before I post my full post, I'd like to say I am going to be a family lawyer. Clearing this out of the way, I feel that adoption is a wonderful experience. I also believe that one shouldn't bring another child into this world because there are so many in the "system" waiting to be adopted. Some of these adoption candidates are babies and some are older kids. Either way, they're in need of being adopted. I feel that if we take these kids into our homes, our arms, and our hearts, it'll cut down on jail overcrowding (this is where a lot end up for committing some petty or major crime), etc.

These kids haven't known the love of good parents and family so they act out for attention and end up in juvenile detention centers and/or jail. I know that there are kids that were never adoption candidates and get into trouble, but that's life. I am just saying this would cut down a lot of overcrowding in jail and juvenile detention centers.

I have always felt that having a child is a very selfish act. Parents bring children into this world because THEY want one (or not...but that's another thread entirely). No child asks to be brought into this world. They are here because the parent(s) wanted the joy (or pain) of having and raising a child.

Now, I'm not saying, if you can't conceive naturally then you can't have a child. I feel that, if having a child is what you really want and you feel that you are ready to take on the responsibilites of having a child, then go for it. 2 of my cousins were conceived through in vitro. My aunt and uncle are wonderful parents, and their 2 boys are beautiful, healthy children.
I think useing artificial conception methods are fine if you really want to have your own children.
I would actually love to see more people adopt.

snaps to you Lady Pi Phi

Once we are married, and we decide to start planning our family, I will be in for a *lot* of fertility treatments.

Warning: TMI factor

I was severely anorexic for many, many years. As a result, I didn't go through puberty like most girls, and my uterus didn't fully develop.

Nonetheless, I became pregnant accidentally a little over 2 years ago, and miscarried because my body wasn't able to sustain the pregnancy. I was told then that if I ever wanted to carry a child to full-term, I would need a LOT of help.

My fiance and I have talked a lot about this, and about what our options are. We've talked about adoption, but both feel it isn't for us. We're not really even sure right now when we are going to want a child.... but I am going to go through the treatments in case we do get a suprise before we plan for it! I want to give that child an opportunity to be born, whereas my other child was not.

So, the short of it is... I am VERY much in favour of it.

My sister is a social worker for the Adopt-Ohio program. She has told menumeous times that many adults come in wanting to adopt due to they can not concieve naturally or they would love to adopt. However, there is such a large amount of red tape to adopt that many people give up due to monetary costs and ect. I personally would love to have at least 2 of my own and then only adopt older children after that.

Wow! I'm speechless. So you don't believe that a lot of children in this world are accidents or unplanned? On top of that, some people don't have the money for an abortion.


Personally, I don't think it's selfish at all. It's our duty to create offspring. Once you get down to it all, thats why we're here. We're supposed to make more of our species. And in a religious sense, we're created to create and want children. Thats why people end up having a longing for children. Whether you're 20 or 40, eventually you'll want children.

I can't agree that having and raising a child is a selfish act. If anything, it's one of the most selfless things you can do. You spend 9 months preparing the baby for the world. You spend the next 2 years or so wiping up poop and dealing with a squalling infant who won't sleep through the night. Then it's chase-the-toddler time. You have to make sure they learn what they need to learn, both in school and at home, and that they're prepared for their lives as adults. You also have to pony up a lot of money, for everything from cribs and car seats to college. And a mom has to choose whether to give up her career and become a SAHM, or put the child in day care or hire a babysitter and be labeled an unfit mother for not raising her child herself.

My husband and I hope to have two children of our own some day. If it doesn't happen - I would want to adopt. There are so many unwanted babies in this world. I have no problem with those who choose fertility treatments, but if I couldn't have children of my own without taking extreme measures, I'd want to adopt.

Ditto. It all comes down to retention/survival of the human species. It is only natural that we want our DNA to carry on from generation to generation.

I for one, am glad that my parents weren't selfish. :cool:

All I can say is, if you bring a child into the world, please do a good job of raising it. No wonder my friends and I are having such a hard time meeting someone decent to date....yeesh :rolleyes:
Lousy kids grow up to be lousy adults.....


Jacqueline Kennedy once made a statement that was along the lines of "Raising your children properly is one of the most important jobs that you can do".... Amen is all I have to say about that.

That woman had all sorts of problems.

And...your point?

I know she had a very hard time conceiving (had two miscarriages, a stillbirth, and a child that died a few days after birth), but that was because of all of the pelvic infections Jack brought home.

Many insurance companies don't cover fertility treatments. Adoption can be very expensive. So, it seems that poor infertile couples really don't have too much of a chance if they can't conceive.

Good point, she was dirty butt.

Random Thoughts:

I think the choice is a personal one; up to the couple to decide for themselves.

I've never figured out if A) there are more children out there waiting to be adopted than there are prospective parents to adopt them or if B) there are not enough children in need of adoption to meet the demand. I've heard both ways.

Anyone remember Bobbi and Kenny McCaugney (sp?), the parents of septuptlets? They had one daughter and decided they wanted more and when Bobbi didn't get pregnant they had fertility treatments. When reporters asked them why they didn't selectively abort some of the fetuses to lessen the risk that the ones who remained would be born without disabilities, they replied that God wanted them to have all seven of them and that is why He allowed her to conceive them. I, on the other hand, think that if God had wanted to have more than one child He would have allowed them to conceive without fertility treatments. But that's just me.

Its both. There aren't enough children out there for adoption who fit the critieria of most prospective parents. A lot of them are holding out for a perfectly healthy newborn boy or girl of the same ethinic background. There are many wonderful people who look past a disablility, different race, or age and adopt children into loving homes, but not nearly enough of those people. So children sit in the system getting older, and not getting adopted, because they didn't mesh into someones mental picture of the perfect family.

If you actually read my post you would see that I also said that some pregancies were unplanned...but that belonged in a different thread because it's an issue unto itself, and I wanted to keep this thread on topic.
Of course some pregnancies aren't planned, and I am not saying that people should have an abortion.
It's NOT our duty to have children. Many people do not want children so they choose not to have them. You're telling me their wrong and they're not doing their duty? Now I am speechless.
Call me a cynic, but we're not exactly living in a utopia here. You're not doing the kid any favours by bringing him or her into this world.
But what I am saying, if you truely want to have children, and natural conception doesn't work, then by all means use whatever options are available to you.

Also, that's a load of crap. Not everyone wants children. I know there are some women on this board that do not want children. I also know that I'm not sure that I want children. And quite frankly if I decide at 40 I want children, then I'll adopt.

Once again, thanks Lady Pi Phi! I am one of those people that don't want children. If I wanted a child, I'd adopt and I know I can naturally conceive. I don't have to have the perfect family because we live in an imperfect world. I agree that the amount of children in the adoption system works both ways: (1) there's too few so-called "perfect children" in the system and (2) there's way too many children in the system. We all need to learn that no one is perfect and you have to live in an imperfect world. There's no way anyone can have perfection in an imperfect world. You can't create perfection. Also, if you naturally conceive, you run the risk of birth defects, learning disabilities, etc. There was no way that my parents could have known both me and my brother would have a math learning disability. :rolleyes: If they had known prior to our births, would they have had us? I am pretty sure that I can say yes because they are realists just like me and know that this is an imperfect life but they can love me perfectly. The only perfect thing in this life is true love.

back in the ol'den days we women had all of our babies by like 25, and if we didn't die in childbirth, then we died shortly afterwards. Now that women are waiting longer to start families, thats why infertility seems to be on the rise. After 35, lets just say things don't exactly work like they should :D You also have an increased risk for Down's Syndrome, Cerebal Palsy, and PIH (Pregnancy Induced Hypertension) that usually more times that not, leads to an early delivery.


I actually think women over 40 having babies is just insane - but thats because of all the medical issues involved. There are also different types of infertility issues. Something like Endometriosis effects women of all ages and is usually a barrier to women under 35 conceiving naturally.


I'm actually split about the whole thing -

on one hand, I think its amazing that medical science has given us the ability to do things like invitro fertilization etc....., but at the same time, I think have anything over triplets or quads (un-naturally of course) is a bit much, especially at an advanced maternal age. Actually we had a girl here in Dallas give birth to 2 sets of identical twins - like 1 in 36 million chance of that happening. I also think about the medical issues involved with carrying that many children at once. Anyway thats another topic.


Adoption is great if you can survive the 2-3 year process (sometimes longer). I have been seeing many more couples go over seas and bring home children that way. Yay I'm glad you have your child now, but if you wanted a child that badly then why didn't you go through the process and adopt any of the thousands upon thousands of children here? I dunno, just my opinion.



Thank God, I've never had any of these problems and my husband and I have never had to make any of these decisions. My opinions mainly stem from medical knowledge. After having children though, I can understand why people go through so much to have their own.

I think people should do what they think is right. A lot of what they do (like IVF) is stuff I wouldn't do. But it's really none of my business...these decisions are so personal, there's no rule that can be applied to everyone or every situation.

Word.

It's a very personal decision. I'm nearly 40, unmarried and not a parent and don't plan to become one unless I'm married. I grew up in a two-parent household.

If I do marry, I may consider both IVF and adoption. But all options would have to be discussed with my husbandperson.

they need to make adoption a lot cheaper. i think the process should continue to be thorough and in depth, but the fees for adoption are ridiculous and many middle and lower class families cannot afford to adopt even if they want to.

If I couldn't get pregnant the natural way, I'd love to adopt. There are so many children out there in need of good homes!

Never had Kids!

But lived with a Lady, Had Her Daughthers. along with Her Daughter Who I fired!

Da Drugs. Was Good to her!

She got Pissed,. Took Kids back to Ca.

Her Husband, Ex, was suppling Her !

VCalled and wanted us to Take them, said NO unless we had Custody!

Finaly said yes, flew out in a moments notice to get them!

Lot of shit flew, COPS were There, and We gotthe Kids

Had them, drug babys, Loved them like my Own, Not Grand Kids!

Had them for a Year:) What a Great Year! Told bring the kids back or Mama was going to jail! Should have told them to f-Off!

Paid both ways, lost Kids, Court Battle! LOST, Cried Like Hell!

Still hate that decision especiall when this Ass Said I molested them!:mad:

Went nuts with the counselour! There!

Not! Messing with them!

what a sad piss o shit was this clown was:(

I was an adopted child myself. I was adopted when I was born, and proud of that fact. :)

If I were not able to have a child naturally, though I hope to, then I would certainly look into adoption. If i'm unsuccessful here, I'll try overseas, like others that I've known. I also agree there are too many older children in the system. Having said that I dont know that I myself would adopt an older child, but I have always had the desire to be a foster parent to an older child--who knows, I may end up adopting the child that I foster :)

Exactly. If any of you are really interested in adoption, check out The Kid by Dan Savage, it's all about how he and his boyfriend went through the process of adopting a child. Bascially, they went into the process as the only ones in their group who weren't obsessed with having the Perfect White Male Baby--and they were the first ones picked to adopt. They were selected by a "gutter punk" who hadn't received prenatal care until her second trimester--a concept which scared most of the suburban white couples who demanded a birth mother who was college educated, extremely healthy, and who had prenatal care from the moment she found out she was pregnant. I mean, how rare is that? So, a lot of people are sadly disappointed due to super-high expectations in the adoption world.

As for myself, I don't know. I guess it all depends on my situation when it's baby time.

We have never once regretted adopting internationally and would do it again. However, there are some people (other than psychos and druggies and so forth) who absolutely should not adopt. They're the ones who really really wanted to conceive and are only trying to adopt because they think they're expected to have a kid.

We've known several families like this--they treat their adopted kids like poop, especially if a biological kid should come along because they never really wanted a nonbiological child.

I'm older than most of you and I do not want children. I've never wanted them. Ever.

I'm sure that most if not all of you would disagree with this, but oh well. I am not in favor of fertility treatments or anything along those lines. I think that if you can't conceive "naturally" there is a reason and it should be left at that. At that point, nature is saying that perhaps there are other roads to travel in life -- either adopt or do something else that doesn't involve having kids. Besides, there are too many people on this planet already.

I think this is from the perspective of having seen "Soylent Green" far too many times, but I would feel downright guilty if I brought a child into the world without taking care of one who is already here. (that is, adopting one child for every child you conceive) Overpopulation and overuse of the world's resources are very real problems.

If/when I do adopt, I would definitely adopt an older child. Most people want babies, but I don't do the things that most people do, plus I'm not a baby nut - when I see a couple with a baby and a dog walking down the street, I ooh and ahh over the dog, not the baby.

Would I ever do IVF, the whole bit? I say now I wouldn't, but I honestly have no idea how I would feel when the time came up. You never do. The one time I did have a pregnancy scare, I was terrified, but at the same time a little sad that I wasn't. I would have NEVER thought I would have any reaction other than relief.

This is so true Carnation. I once worked with a family that had adopted a girl of six. The girl was about 11 once she came into the delinquency side of the court. She was a wonderful girl, but her parents were NUTS! They would lock the cabinets and refridgerator because they did not want her to have snacks after school. They had totally unrealistic expectations of this girl, and treated her horribly. They ended up having two children on their own after they adopted her, and she really got the short end of the stick. They finally came back and told the courts they did not want her anymore. We happily obliged, put her back in DSS custody and found a foster home for the girl. She ended up thriving there, and turned out to be a pretty good kid! I just hope the poor thing is not scarred for life.

I hate to say it, but sometimes I think people do the adoption/foster care thing for the federal/state aid they get by doing it.