My advice for brides-to-be
 

ELOPE!!!

Just kidding :)

Since I just had my wedding, I thought that I would share some of what I learned with those of you who are engaged or one day will be.

1. Take everything you read in bridal magazines with a grain of salt or better yet - Throw them away!!!!
-Most of the stuff in there is unrealistic, expensive, and unnecessary. They are good for flower, dresses, and cake ideas, but the timelines are made for people who do not have a job and spend all of their time thinking about their wedding.

2. Do not stress out over stuff like table centerpieces, flowers for the church, or favors.
-Seriously, no one will remember this stuff. People do not pay attention to anything in the church or on the tables. They steal the centerpieces. And the favors are probably thrown in a junk drawer once they get home. Yes, a little sachet or CD sounds nice to give away, but do you really think that anyone looks at that and fondly remembers your wedding day? No. Get all of this stuff as cheaply as you can. Even better, find someone to it for you.

3. Let your bridesmaids choose their own dresses.
-Tell them what color you would like and whether you want long or short. But as for style, let them fight it out amongst themselves. I asked my bridesmaids to pick out something in a lilac or mint green and long. Also, I asked for silver strappy shoes bought wherever and to have their hair up. This way, if they do not like what is done, it isn't something you have to stress about. Also, they can better pick something more affordable and have a little more flexability.

4. EAT!!
-For the two weeks before your wedding, you will be stressed out and sick to your stomach. If you do not eat, you will get crazy. Trust me on this one.

5. Do not be afraid to hold the phone away from your ear when talking to your mom/his mom about the wedding.
-Everyone has an opinion and they will voice it. Loudly and repeatedly. Parents may be chipping in money, but it is YOUR wedding! Just say, "Uh huh" a lot and do what you want anyway.

6. Spend some quality time with your fiance where you do not talk about your wedding.
-Wedding planning will take over your life and dominate all of your conversations if you are not careful. That is very boring.

7. In the end.....it doesn't matter!!!!
-So things might not be perfect or the way you wanted it. WHO CARES! You are just as married as the person who had the fairy tale wedding. What is important is that you are surrounded by your family and friends and have said your vows to the man that you love. Have more fun at your wedding than anyone else. The day goes by so quickly, so you should enjoy every minute. Besides, if things go wrong, they will be an amusing story later. :)

(For the record, we didn't have enough tables when setting up the hall, it was extremely crowded during the reception, the priest accidentally gave one of my readers the wrong verse - instead of I Corinthians, it was the one about the wife being subserviant to her husband :rolleyes:, they gave my dad someone else's tux, my dress ended up being stained with lipstick, champagne, cabbage roll, and dirt by the end of the night, I lost my flowers, and everyone got really drunk at the reception. It was the best day of my life.)

It's been a few years, and the ink is dry on the divorce papers, but except for MoxieGirl's last statement (in my case, anyhow), it's Truth Personified.

Congratulations, MoxieGirl & Mr. Moxie!!!

congrats to you both!

I also agree with everything you already posted Moxie :D

Take the $$$ and RUN! Save money on your wedding and get the rock of a ring your friends will awww and oooooo over for the rest of your life :D Weddings are one day, but Diamonds DO last forever tee hee

My mother said she would give me the money that she would've put into the wedding if me and Mr.ZTAngel just go ahead and elope instead. Hmmm....it's tempting but I've always wanted my fairy tale wedding....even if it doesn't go 100% perfect.

The biggest problem with weddings is that you end up paying more for each guest than you receive in gifts. :(

I agree with most of what you said, except for the part about letting the bridesmaids pick their own dresses. I've been to weddings where the bride gave everyone a swatch of material and told them to match the color, and they all came back with dresses that (a) were wildly different styles, and (b) didn't even remotely match each other in color. The result is usually pretty awful.

I picked out a nice dress and shoes for my BMs and told them to go order it. But I picked out something nice, that they could wear again. I was very flattered when I went to a wedding last fall to which my MOH was also invited, and she wore the dress I picked out! :)

Oh, and the one and only time I joked about eloping, my MIL threw a temper tantrum. :rolleyes:

Last time I checked you don't have to give a gift when you go to a wedding. Yes it is appropriate but not required as to etiquette standards. When a couple gets married and sends out an invite to someone, it should be because they want to share their special day with their family and friends, NOT because they want to get a gift- that is extremely cheesey and inappropriate.

And ladies/gents take it from me, even if people who show up don't give a gift you are supposed to send a thank you for the people who come anyhow. It's very tasteless not to.

Along those lines, you also shouldn't wait forever to send out a thank you...Very rude.

AMEN! I don;t have a bf, let alone a finace. but my big sis does. Her wedding is in June and all I hear about it the house, the wedding, the dresses, the cake topper.

I tiold her not to stress about this kind of stuff. Save yourself some friends and some stress and don't sweat it.

Thanks so much for that advice, MoxieGrrl!!! *Hopefully* I can use it in a few years, which is when I want to be married by ideally, though I'm single.

Awww, Moxie. The last statement made me make the "awww" face. :-)

I just got engaged in August to my favorite TKE:) And this is definatly some of the best advice I think I've gotten so far about getting married. Thanks :cool:
Stephanie

Hey! I want to add some advice( in my long long 3 weeks of marriage-we just got back from the honeymoon!!:D )

1) Definately spend time with your fiance where the wedding is NOT mentioned. Sometimes I would come home from a 12 hour at the hospital and we would immediately have 5 items to discuss, and it made me crazy!!

2) Pick a nice, yet inexpensive bridesmaids dress!! Seriously, who wants to spend a couple of hundred on a dress they aren't crazy about that they'll never wear again??

3) Set limits with parents. When my husbands mother called 5 times in one day with stuff about the wedding, we started to let people know that it was not ok to do that.

4) Remember it's YOUR wedding. Not your mom's, or his mom's, or your grandmothers-just yours. You should have your wedding any way you want it!! Even if others hate your ideas, or are chipping in money-the day is yours!! So if you want goldfish as centerpieces, do it!! (Which I did, by the way ;) )

5) Bridal magazines are the devil's playground. They will make you feel bad and unorganized and behind schedule. Burn them immediately.

6) At the reception, don't feel like you have to make the "meet and greet" rounds-people will come to you, so if you want to dance to every song, do it!!

And the most important-during the day, take breathes and REMEMBER EVERYTHING. It's so easy to get caught up in the excitement, and later you don't remember what happened. At the reception, my husband and I sat down to eat, and we stopped for a minute and looked around the reception, and at the people and the cakes and decorations-and how perfect it was. And have a sense of humor about the day!! The head fell off of my husbands cake right before the reception(his cake was in the shape of a horned frog) and the bakers had to come back and fix it-but by that time I was married and didn't care!!:D

Ok, now I'll stop because I could go on and on!!

Thanks for the advice girls - I especially like the one about how you should spend QT with the FI where there's no wedding talk.

I feel like I sound like this lately "Blah blah blah wedding blah dress blah caterer blah blah blah wedding wedding blah."

A little less than 8 months to go for me!

I'll have to remember that... I'm actually dreading my reception a little bit because of all these people I don't know (mostly extended family and FH's family) that I'll have to make nice with. I'll let them come to me ;)

Word on what the other girls have said. It's nearly impossible for me to talk about anything other than the wedding... and it's still almost a year away! I think I've officially become dull.

I'm not married, but it seems like ALL of my friends are doing the wedding/baby thing lately. I now consider myself an expert on wedding shower/baby shower games.

anyway...two tips I can give from watching all these festivities:

1. Make sure whereever you're going to live is set up and ready and clean BEFORE the wedding. You do not want to have to deal with unpacking after all that chaos. My friends came home from a honeymoon to Boxville. Spent a very stressed out week trying to find things.

2. WRITE THE DARN THANK YOU NOTES ASAP. One girl who I grew up with at my church didn't send them - for the wedding or the shower. She got married over 5 years ago and people are STILL talking about it. The little old church ladies bring it up all the time, even when it's not relevant. "Oh, I saw Mr. Smith the other day - you know he's at such-and-such Presbyterian now. His daughter never sent thankyou notes after her wedding!!!" And then they all sigh, and "tsk tsk tsk!" Trust me, if you don't do it you (and your poor mother) will never hear the end of it.

Do what my friend did: write the same note for everyone:

Dear _____: Thank you so much for the _________. It is really lovely/matches our new house/useful. We enjoyed seeing you at the wedding/We wish you could have been at the wedding but we were thinking of you. Thank you again and Merry Christmas.

Love, Mr. and Mrs. _____

Make sure you don't let yourselves go and become really ugly after the marriage.

-Rudey
--That's what guys everywhere want to tell their wives to be.

but totally true.

I'd hate it if my hot new husband gained 230 lbs in the first two months. Even if it was due to my fabulous cooking.

I'd be like, HONEYMOON PERIOD, baby. What happened?

A good way to let them pick their own but not be too terribly different or be all different colors, is to pick something like the styles at David's Bridal. That's what I did... I picked a color from the separates line and told them all the color. They ended up picking the same dress anyway, but the point is, it WOULD have worked if they had all wanted different styles.

great advice girls! I hope to use it someday.

and a tip from the single girl: for the sake of your friends, think of things to talk about besides your wedding and your gifts. I know its a big day but so many of my friends become "me me me" machines for their entire engagement periods.

Maybe y'all could help me...

Last spring I got engaged to a Wonderful DTD I met at school when we were both mascots for the university. We have both graduated, and he is now in the Air Force, and stationed in Japan, while I am back in my hometown, Colorado Springs. He is the Most Amazing man, and I Can't Wait to marry him.

My problem? My fiance and I have Always planned on paying for the wedding ourselves, and having a party-type atmosphere, which will include All of his fraternity boys, and all of my sorority girls. We budgeted it out to be under $6,000. I've always wanted to pay for my own wedding, because, this isn't a Dowry, for Crying Out Loud. My parents, however, feel that it is Wrong and Bad for us to pay for it, and Insist that they will be Mad if we don't let them pay. However, they say that my family isn't the type to have a Big Party, and that they will only pay for a Cake and Champagne Reception. All the plans I wanted are Shattered.

I can't find a happy medium. My parents Refuse to compromise, even on splitting the costs. I feel like that their insistence is Partriarchal, and Demeaning, but they are my parents (and we are Very Close under Normal circumstances), and I don't want to Let Them Down.

Is Eloping my Only Way Out? It's too bad media makes weddings out to be such a Big Deal. I'm at the point where I don't even want one, I just want to Be Married.

Any advice?

So, let me see if I get this right...

Your parents are demanding that they pay, but won't pay for the type of reception you want.

That seems... odd? Why are they against it? Why are they so adamant you don't contribute?

I posted my "bit" before, but we are actually having two receptions. The first one my parents are paying for, and it will be a cocktail and hors d'oeurves reception (sounds similar to cake and champagne that your parents want). It will be calm, serene, and fancy. It'll be mostly family and some close friends. My parents certainly didn't demand it be this way, but it seemed to make the most sense within our budget and wanting to keep it semi-small (Family + Close friends... about 130)

Saturday night, FH and I have having a PAR-TAY.... so that all of my sisters and his brothers and all of our other friends can come and just have a good time. We're paying for that one, since neither our parents nor us felt it was fair to have them pay for two receptions. This one will be more like... who knows... 300 people? More? But it will be casual and fun and probably rather rowdy. We're not doing anything fancy, just renting a park pavillion or something and serving burgers, subs, and beer, etc.

Could an option like that work for you?

Thanks for the imput, Ginger.

I don't know why my parents are doing this. All of the Sudden, out of Nowhere, they have become Traditional. It just kills me, as I am a very Non-Traditional kind of Girl (i.e., I have picked a Tea-Length wedding dress).

You know, it's funny, but I Never thought of having Two Seperate Events. We had talked about having something after what my parents want, but felt it was Strange to have Cake early, and the Party later. Maybe doing it on Two Different Evenings is a Better way to go.

Keep the suggestions coming! I appreciate Any input, about Any aspect of weddings!

Just out of curiosity, has anyone had/been to a Theme wedding?

I went to a wedding where there were two receptions on the same day. The first was the cake and more of a formal affair. It was held at the bride's parents' house (these people are freaking rich so they have a huge house and a lot of land... the ceremony was held on their land, and a horse-drawn carriage brought the bride and groom from the ceremony site up to the house). The second reception was a PARTY. I didn't think it was weird to have both on the same day, and you have to consider that people who are close to you and may want to come to both may not be ABLE to spend all that time there. I know we couldn't have gone to the second reception if it had been the next day. But it is a good idea, and either way would definitely be something to think about so that you can have the wedding that you really want :)

ETA: The wedding I'm talking about was fairly early in the day... about 1 pm I think, and the first reception was right after. The second reception started at 6 or 7 and was held at a nearby hotel.

Ginger, can I come to the Sat. party?

THAT sounds like fun.

And cheap. Make them bring their own beer.

If I had to do it all again, I'd elope!!

ThetaGrrl, remember the Golden Rule: "Whoever has the gold, makes the rules." If you're paying for the reception yourself, you should be able to have the reception you want!

I've heard that cake-and-punch or cake-and-champagne receptions are traditional in the South, so I'm guessing this is your family's background - correct me if I'm wrong.

How about something like this? A morning ceremony followed by cake and champagne in your church's social hall, then everyone's invited to a gala evening reception hosted (and paid for) by you and your fiance. If your parents don't like it - they don't have to go. :p

Hey, all of GreekChat can come!

Now THAT could get rowdy :D

AMEN!! It's one day...

Why do women do this and not men????

I don't want to deny it is a big deal, but you are a woman with many other dimensions/goals besides "bride"...

I have seen many women get so wrapped up in the one day that, after the wedding and honeymoon are over and done with, they face post-wedding day depression because there's nothing else like it to occupy their time/energy anymore! (This is one reason why I won't live with the man I'm going to marry before we get married...I'll still have "newness" to brighten my day: developing life as a married couple!)

Please maintain your identity and interests....

ZTAngel - your parents must know mine because they told me the same thing. If I elope they will put the money that they would have spent on a HUGE wedding into a down payment on our first home. You better believe I'm taking that offer. When my boyfriend and I finally do get married we're just going to go elope to Vegas and come back and my parents - and probably his too - are going to throw us a party with food and LOTS of alcohol! :) It's the best thing, especially for us, because I don't want to put up with my family during the wedding planning process and I know he will NEVER wear a tux! We'll get the best of both worlds - a new home and a great celebration of the beginning of our lives truly together.

Jaggergirl: I'm with you 100%! To be honest, it was Mr. Mox who gossiped to his friends about the wedding. LOL He actually said, "Gee, now that the wedding is over, what am I going to talk about with them?" It was so bizarre to hear that come out of his mouth. :p

From someone who got married almost 2 years ago:

1. Great book: Bridal Bargains by Alan and Denise Fields. Tells a lot of the ins and outs about the bridal industry and how to save lots of money!
2. Have the wedding YOU TWO want, not the wedding mom and dad want
3. Do not depend on the parents to pay for it unless they SHOW YOU DA MONEY! Plan your wedding as if you two are going to pay for it yourselves. Better yet, pay for it yourselves.
4. If you are paying yourself, YOU are the top dog. My motto: Our wedding OUR WAY...you want, then dammit YOU PAY!
5. Bridal gowns run hella small so be prepared for that! :eek:
6. More book recommendations: "What no one tells the bride" by Marg Stark.

Also there is a book called "The Conscious Bride"

We had a destination wedding in Las Vegas and sure it was a semi elopement, but I would not have it any other way!

Oh yes, Vegas wedding does not always mean, Elvis or a drive thru cheesy wedding chapel!
Case in point (a story about our wedding was profiled):
http://www.getawayweddings.com/artic...ils.asp?ID=132

Pictures
http://community.webshots.com/user/cameroncrazy
(some of them have crappy scanning...I was just learning to use a scanner)

Ladies for some light reading and how NOT to act....

go to www.etiquettehell.com

Some of the stories will make you :eek: and some are plain funny

Definitely!!!! I actually read this book shortly before I got engaged, and I plan on reading it again soon... it's the most matter of fact, but enjoyable, book I've read on surviving engagement and the beginnings of married life.

Get it now!!!

I totally agree with you all are saying abuot spending time with your fiance and not talking about the wedding. By the end he was so happy he would not have to hear abot the guest list, dinner seating, etc.

But it is true....people remember the ceremony.

And it is your day - so do with it what you want.

Also, my wedding was at 6:30 and it was 10:30 before we knew it. So if you plan on spending time with guests, maybe having a littel earlier or fewer guests would help!

Does anyone miss the planning??

I do miss the planning! :)
I had a 6PM wedding. I wanted the last slot of the day so no one would follow me! :D Diva-ish huh?

Jill - Yeah great plan. I had the place all to myself that day.