Hugging During Rush - A No-No at Your School?
 

This is an offshoot of another thread where a poster expressed surprise that a sister of a UCLA sorority was photographed hugging a PNM at a pref party. Some replied that physical contact was allowed at their schools, some said that handshakes were okay, some said they were allowed to hug if the PNM initiated it, etc. So to avoid completely hijacking that thread, I thought I'd start this one :)

When I was at Pitt, we were definitely allowed to hug the PNMs but since that was so long ago that we actually called those girls "rushees", things might have changed since then!

Pitt's rules
 

This year, they started out by not being allowed to touch the girls in any way, shape or form- hugging, touching on the arm (like for pref or something), even SHAKING HANDS!!!!!!!!!!

When myself and some other alum did a mock rush with the newer members, one of the things we "tested" them on was whether or not they'd shake our hand.

Right before rush they changed the rules and said that a sister was allowed to shake a PNM's hand IF the PNM initiated it. Thank god someone had some common sense.....

BTW, the PNMs were going to be told about the rule, so they wouldn't think you were crazy if you didn't shake their hand.

I think it was my senior year, we were told that rush was hands off, as in no touching. Some rushees were uncomfortable with touching. It was hard because sometimes friends were rushing, and they would come in hugging or kissing the sisters. I personally think that no hugging is a good idea because it would avoid confusion on the part of the rushees. Some people don't like to be hugged.

At UGA we don't have formal rules about physical contact, but I remember my rush chair discouraging contact bc some girls are not "touchy-feely" and it could potentially scare them off. I do remember as a pnm cutting a chapter I had originally really liked (and invited back to the following round) bc I saw another pnm being hugged by her "hostess" sorority girl as if they were best friends. As someone who did not know many other girls already in sororities, it made me feel uncomfortable, like "Why was I not greeted like that? Do they not want me as much?" even though I can now understand that I probably read too far into the situation. You have to be careful not to give the girls the wrong impression or make them feel uncomfortable, at all costs.

There is absolutely no touching allowed up until Pref, and even then hugging and things like that aren't allowed. However, you won't be punished for accidentally touching someone or shaking a PNM's hand if she initiates it -- Panhel understands that things like that do happen.

While I think the "no touch" rule is unnatural in many ways, I can surely see how it happened. Too many women have hugged & sobbed on a PNM - especially during Pref - and it just makes a lot of people uncomfortable. But a handshake, or a touch on the shoulder? That's only good manners!

Yet again, a rule must be made because some people just don't know when to quit! :rolleyes:

::::::::::::::::::::shaking head::::::::::::::::::::::::

nope, not at muhlenberg. it has been that way for at least the last 9 years that i know of. we were told as rushees that sisters wouldn't be able to hug us EVEN if we were their biological sisters. i think if a pnm threw herself on a sister then no one would get upset, but they are told not to touch too! i definately think it is a good idea. what if you were really uncomfortable at a house and the sister starts hugging you? that would be scary!

I can tell you from the PNM's perspective it can hurt.

At a party, myself and another PNM were being shown the house by a sister. At the end, as we were leaving, the sister hugged the other PNM and just said goodbye to me. I felt kinda hurt but shrugged it off a few seconds later. I didn't take it personally at all.

In a sister's position I think I'd either hug everyone I talked to, or no one. Just to be equal.

At my school.. I dont think this has ever really been a problem or been addressed..

we have always been told to just see how the rushee feels.. people are very different on this.. if they are touchy person then fine, but if they are into their own space.. respect that..

what you would do in a normal conversation outside of rush anyways.. i wouldnt hug a random person thats just not me.. but i would shake their hand if i was just introduced to them..

Ditto! Well said, angelic1. Thank you. I'm too floored by this whole topic to voice my feelings again.

ditto

Hugging
 

In the South, hugging is just so essential to rush! We call it mushing and it happens at every round, not just at pref. In fact, we are so close to the girls when they enter the house and walk through the lines of members, they can barely move at all because we are just lovin on them so much. Girls don't seem to mind it really, and if they do at first, well they just get used to it in a jiffy and pretty soon they are all mushing back!

We have the no touch rule, unless the PNM initiates it. It mostly applies to the beginning of the week, by the end, the ladies are more comfortable, and causual touching, like patting an arm or something is allowed. We were all taugh to "push the bubble" when bringing a PNM into the House. Since we can't touch them to lead them anywhere, you put your hand behind their back on their "bubble" and push them in the directiony you need to go. Works every time. By pref, you can tell if it's ok for you to touch a PNM, but they pretty much still have to initiate hugs, or at the least, a mutual thing.

We all thought the rule was strange, but there are people out there who don't like to be touched by strangers, so this is the easiest way to fix that. People who want to touch will, so it all works out.

Re: Hugging
 

mushing? That is such a darlin' term for hugging. I know hugging makes some people uncomfortable. I remember, in high school, transferring from a Arizona school to a Texas School. In Arizona, no one touched unless it was a relative or someone you had not seen in awhile. Here in the south, everyone hugs everyone!! Even if you just saw each other or just met yesterday!! Southern gals love to hug and I eventually got used to it-took me about a month to adjust. :) :D

<slight hijack>

Arizona isn't part of the south??

</hijack>

As per hugging... we tend to let the PNM guide us. We don't go out of our way to be touchyfeelly, but we don't really have any rules about it ... it's just uw and our common sense I guess

I don't think we had a formal rule one way or the other about hugging. It was a "let the PNM guide you" sort of thing.

I find it bizarre that some schools' recruitment rules say no touching whatsoever, even for a handshake. When I meet someone new, my right hand goes out automatically, and rejecting the handshake comes across as rude.

As one of those hug-free kind of people, I'd be glad going through rush if that rule was in place. I really don't like physical contact (shaking hands, hugging, anything) unless I know a person very, very well.

Being hugged at rush would probably have sent me screaming for the exit!! It took me at least a year before I hugged any of my sisters... and those were only the closest ones to me.

Here's my recommendation: If you don't want to shake hands or hug, just stand there with your arms crossed. I promise no one will attempt to hug you.

Because that will make a GREAT impression :rolleyes:

I think that's what she was getting at...

Anyway, we too had the "let the PNM guide you rule" but I don't know if it was schoolwide or just what our chapter did. I remember hearing some stories from girls who preffed at other houses who were given shoulder massages and had their hair played with while they were sitting in the circle in front of the sister who was standing behind them. Kinda strange if you ask me.

Hee hee, to continue the slight hijack: kappaloo, Arizona *is* south, but it is NOT southern. If anything, Arizona has a "Wild, Wild West" atmosphere. Heck, Tucson still gives their schoolchildren two days off when the Rodeo comes to town!

Think more along the lines of "Gunfight at the OK Corral" than "Gone With The Wind." :)

The hair-playing and massanging would have FREAKED ME OUT like no other. I'm not a huggy person but I can understand hugging at pref. However, I think I ended up offending some of our PNMs this year when I went back to help - I didn't know any of the freshmen (obviously) but there were a bunch of SigEp girlfriends there that I'm friendly with, so naturally I hugged them as soon as I saw them and I think the new girls felt bad that I didn't hug them.

Personally, if I'd been hugged during rush, I think I would have gotten over it - it's not like the girl was going to hug me every time she sees me. And I think mushing is kind of like door songs in that it's just ingrained down there. ;)

Likewise. I'm not a touchy-feely person - I probably would have jumped up and fled from the room.

Plus, if I had another pref party still to go, the hair-playing would make me wonder if they were trying to sabotage my hairdo and therefore my chances with the other sorority. :p

I'd hope that by pref, the sisters would have a good idea which PNMs are touchy-feely and which aren't.

I was thinking that too, LOL!! See, that's what's wierd, though... having my hair played with wouldn't bother me near as much as a stranger hugging me.... I guess I just have "personal space" issues, hehe!!

Informal and COB have different rules from formal rush, though.

Texasgrl,

I also went to UT. I am curious as to which sorority you are a member of, if you don't mind revealing that info. I was a member of the big red house on Pearl St., aka, "The Gepper."

Hook em'

our rules are if the PNM initiates it
we always have girls that have friends who are in rush
and they end up huggng us before they leave

last year, one girl hugged almost everyone

This year we were told (by our Recruitment Director) no touching...but all the other sororites rubbed girls backs and hugged them and all that. I think thiis next year coming up we will change that. It seems a lot better and more friendly to me. I cant say that I am a huggy person, but it cant hurt to be a little more open with the pnm's.

I hugged my rusher at the third day of rush, and at Pref. She is now my big sis!!

No hugging unless the PM initiates it... and I don't remember anyone ever hugging me, so it hasn't been an issue.

I have a different perspective about the no hugging/hugging rule (question). I pledged and am active in a LGLO. When I went to Rush week eventhough I hardly knew any of the actives, we were all hugged or shoke hands with them. I wasn't freaked out about it , I guess it's just a part of our culture to hug and kiss each other on the cheek everytime we see each other. Even our non-Hispanic members, i.e. White and Black, do it now.

Everytime us sisters see each other whether in private or on our way to classes we always stop and hug/kiss each other and most of the time we get "THOSE" kind of looks from GDI's and other Greeks. So having a no touching rule for my sorority would really be hard. :)

Truly, I think what most are saying is a "rule" is really a warning/suggestion from their chapter -- I dare say few (if any) Panhellenics dictate "no hugging!"

Ya know...what continues to amaze me is the fact that many collegians break federal & state laws every night of the week, but for some reason, are petrified to break a "Panhellenic Rule" on "no touching" the rushee/PNM!!!

Amazing.

There are plenty of campuses where this is a real rule. Last yer one of my chapters got an infraction b/c the PNM initiated a hug (she even told the Rho Gamma before she did it that she was initiating it). Rho Gammas are in the recruitment rooms on this campus and wrote it up. The VP of morals and ethics ruled that it didn't matter that the PNM initiated it and we had to go to a hearing on it. It's ridiculous. We got another infraction for illegal touching this year. It's just silly, but don't think it doesn't exist.

LD

This is a new one to me!

The only times I remember hugging during rush was at the end of the preference ceremony...which of course, was at the end of the week, and you usually had a good idea of who you were the most comfortable with anyways.

We did take the rushees by the arms when they would come onto the hall...like, linking arms with them. Does that make sense? I guess that would be considered touching, although I see more of a problem with hugging than with linking arms.

I think it depends on where you go to school....if you have a larger school with like 150 members per chapter, I think you'd tend to have more strict recruitment rules than at a smaller school where the chapter totals are about 100 members lower.