The Kid Next Door - Is this Weird?
 

As I'm writing this, my daughters, ages 8 and 6 are out back playing with four of their friends who are all in the 6-8 year age range. The reason I'm posting, though, is because the brother of one of their friends, who recently turned 13, is out there playing as well.

This boy is nice enough; he seems a bit on the "slow" side and doesn't appear to have many friends his own age. Also, he is not involved in any outside activities (i.e. Boy Scouts, sports, etc.). So, often he tags along with his 7 year-old brother when he is playing with other younger kids.

For some reason that I can't quite put my finger on, this unnerves me. There's just something menacing about looking out the window and seeing this kid who's almost as tall as me playing with a bunch of first through third graders.

The younger kids don't seem to mind having him around, but is this sort of behavior "normal" for a 13 year-old? Should I be concerned?

Thanks!

I guess it's how you defined slow. Is he "slow" as in simply beating to his own drum or being airheaded? Or, "slow" as in actually being mentally retarded?

If he's not retarded, yeah, I find that pretty disturbing too and I don't think that is normal.

I agree with Dionysus.

When I was volunteering at camp we had a problem with a 16 year old boy hanging out with the 11 and 12 year old girls all the time.

Sadly, I got sick and left before that issue was resolved.

Our general plan was to ask his counselor to encourage him to spend more time with his own cabin group or the girls his age.

I would say to ask the parents and see what they say.

i think a lot of it depends on how many kids are in the neighborhood that are his age. is it an issue of there not being anybody else to play with or is it an issue of whose company he is choosing to keep?

i think that you should only be mildly concerned. perhaps the best thing to do is encourage this boy to get involved with a club or activity that gets him away from the neighborhood. soon enough, he'll be in high school and be pushed more towards acting his age. middle school can be a rather daunting challenge. some kids react by pushing forward; it appears that perhaps he is holding back. i certainly wouldn't call it "normal" behavior, but i would say that it shouldn't be terribly disconcerting.

if he still continues to hang out with the other kids, encourage him to hang out more with the 8 yr old children and not the younger ones. a five year gap isn't that bad. (my sister and i are five years apart and we only had each other and the girl next door who is 10 years older than me to play with)

i hope that you can work this out happily!

I'd say he's slow as in he's not social adept and he's kind of awkward.

Yeah, I can see how you would think it's weird since he's the ONLY 13 year-old. When I was growing up, there were a lot of kids on my block-- all different ages, and we all pretty much hung out together... I hung out with guys who were 5 or 6 years older (brothers of girls who were 1 year older than me who I hung out with), but then again there were a group of them who hung out with us, and some guys who were 1 year younger than me even. We all played neighborhood games like manhunt and stuff like that. I never thought it was weird, but cool because we all could hang out even though we were all different ages. BUT being that he's the only 13 year-old, I'd be wondering if he had any other friends to hang out with, and if not I guess he's just latching onto his brother.

Well then perhaps he is shy around kids his own age and feels more comfortable with younger kids. I'm not saying that's normal, but maybe that's the reason he hangs out with the younger kids.

I would discourage it.

Well, I'm kind of overly skeptical due to the fact that I've worked with juvenile sex offenders, but I would definitely be cautious. The average 13 year old would not be interested in hanging out with 6-8 year olds.

When I was 14, I babysat for my 2 and 4 year old neighbors. I was getting paid, but it was also fun.

One of the girls on my block was a little on the slow side - just not as smart as her sister who was around the same age as her - and she would come down and play kickball and stuff with us when we were 7-8-9 and she was 15 or so. She just had a really hard time relating to kids her age. It was odd, but not creepy odd.

I can understand though, where an older boy might give you a bit more pause than a girl.

I agree totally! I have also worked with juvenile sex offenders, and all I can say is to be on the safe side (until you know can discuss with his parents why he has no friends) make sure he not left alone with any of your children!

13 year old boy in your backyard? Maybe's he checking you out.

i think its normal. kids are weird. some kids are slow developers. when i was little, and my brother was around 8, his best friends were 12 and 13. this is especially true for boys-- boys always make younger friends, and its especially true with younger females, cuz the younger girls are at the older guys mental development stage. and hes innocent until proven guilty. so unless you see him doing something wrong, give the kid a break. after all, he is just a kid, and he is just PLAYING, which is what kids do.

Be cautious but don't judge too harshly yet....

KillarneyRose,

May I send you a PM? I have a son who is slow and hangs out with younger kids.

I don't really think its "normal" and I would be worried, but not so much for my own kids as for the 13-year old. I would wonder why he's socially adept and awkward, and would be trying to help him "catch up" with his peers. (Not that I would rule out other concerns for my own kids -- I would keep my eyes and ears open.)

It can be painful being 13 in for the most normal kid in the world. If one is a little "odd" or "slow," the pain can magnify exponentially. I know of a couple of boys, sons of friends, around that age who have been diagnozed with Asberger's Syndrome -- a syndrome akin to autism that can make social interaction very difficult. Of course, I'm not suggesting at all that that's what's going on in your case. But I can't help but wonder if the kid is just looking for friends, and younger kids are the only ones willing to hang with him.

yeah being 13 sucked I'm glad that was seven years ago.

trust your insticts- that is the greatest gift god gave mothers- you know if something is amiss.

The sex offender idea is a bit over the top lol . . . Nice way to scare KillarneyRose to death.

Are you saying that a such a high percentage of 13 year old kids are sexual predators that you have to fear them around yours? And that each of the above scenarios presented where they had mixed aged neighborhoods harbored these sexual predators just ready to pounce?

As for the rest.

Just consider the context, he might not have other VIABLE social options. As you said he is not in clubs, maybe he doesn't have many same age friends or they are far away.

I too remember neighborhoods where the kids playing together ranged greatly in age.

If they were at a rec center the ages would differ as greatly.

They are playing outside games, maybe board games or whatever, normal stuff.

Now sleep overs or something might be a bit awkward but if your kids are not wierded out things should be fine.

I have to disagree James, I think it is better to be cautious than to disregard her thoughts that there may be something wrong with this situation.

I am not saying that there aren't a million reasons that this kid could want to hang out with younger kids, but it isn't a bad idea for her to be weary of it.

Wouldn't you rather be cautious and your children be safe, rather than have your 6 year old come to you and tell you that they did something bad to them?